u said it! quite a lotta times i had this argument with female friends that hypocracy works both ways. u say men are stereotype that they will always rape u with their eyes. then doesnt it work the other way round too that women will generalize everyman this way? i get it that sexual harrasment is common place and pretty insulting to the girl, but u cant set a common limit here as to what amounts to it. what a girl from a village or conservative background considers offensive, may not necessarily torment a metro girl. and as u said, if u say u got it, so u’ll flaunt it, then same thing here..i got the eyes, n i will look with it. makes no sense saying that women will wear a revealing dress just for the sake of it. it is after all to feel good(sexy). and that comes from the number of people who will hold their breath when u walk into the room. this form of extreme feminism is outta place specially today, when women are empowered (at least the urban are) and character is not NECESSARILY equated with virginity….

u said it! quite a lotta times i had this argument with female friends that hypocracy works both ways. u say men are stereotype that they will always rape u with their eyes. then doesnt it work the other way round too that women will generalize everyman this way? i get it that sexual harrasment is common place and pretty insulting to the girl, but u cant set a common limit here as to what amounts to it. what a girl from a village or conservative background considers offensive, may not necessarily torment a metro girl. and as u said, if u say u got it, so u’ll flaunt it, then same thing here..i got the eyes, n i will look with it. makes no sense saying that women will wear a revealing dress just for the sake of it. it is after all to feel good(sexy). and that comes from the number of people who will hold their breath when u walk into the room. this form of extreme feminism is outta place specially today, when women are empowered (at least the urban are) and character is not NECESSARILY equated with virginity….

I have generally been uncomfortable about this attitude of targetting branding men as “evil”, “enemy” etc., in the name of either “feminism” or “helping” women to overcome misfortune. (Just like I’m…

What a fascinating post! How come did I miss this?
Firstly the comments about Bongobodhu, poo lingo, etc almost killed me. I will never drink water while reading your blog again.

Also you gave the perfect reply to the girl who said:

“You make chauvinistic comments like this — and you are even married? Oh my God! My heartiest sympathies for your wife!”

Perfect! As perfect as any of Ricky Ponting or Herschcelle Gibb’s sixes in Johannesberg today. This is kind of a character who had said what you quoted in your post.

All I can say is that all this hullaballo is due to the fact that we are in a transitional society. Neither here nor there. The women are modern and yet will talk about traditions. The men act as metrosexual but carry lots of baggages. The only thing why there is so much shouting is because there is insecurity in the minds of women – and they construe a gaze as a premonition for something worse to come. This has been ingrained in their subconsious minds as a child by their moms via stories of big bad wolf etc.

Akash Sen has an interesting point. He says that he has seen several women dressing scantily and yet being comfortable with their bodies in Oz etc. Indeed I still remember Kris Srikanth blushing when a female streaker ran on the ground to him at MCG. Who was more uncomfortable- the naked streaker or Srikanth? The reason is the strong rule of the law there coupled with lesser inhiitions (due to lesser baggage imbibed during childhood years) is the reason the girls behave differently.While I empathize with cases of rape etc. and condemn them strongly , I found the reason of gaze being an offence (as someone above said) very very immature. And same about the gaze of the legth of the gaze. Its my eyes. I decide where I look and how long I do so as long its in public place.

It is in the male tendency to visualize. You cant help it. Why dont girls realize that? All other factors remaining the same, the girl should in fact be happy that all that the guy can do is meausure her up. Groping etc is quite a different thing altogether. This is more the problem in a society in India where many guys dont have sex before marriage. So say during the Sushma Swaraj era, he cant see any flesh either in real life or on telly. Now you will not let him look at the legs of a shorts clad girl also.!! Amazing! But the situation will change. Say in my teen years , that borrowed copy of Debonair or that choti boi used to be such a big thing. Todays teenager has 30 out of 40 gb of his hard disk filled with porn. I think hes growing up more naturally than me.

The fundamental rule governing here the one of familiarity breeding contempt. Before coming to US, I had never seen/touched any naked woman in real life. So back then in India, say in late 90’s early 2000, I still remember the days when girls started wearing jeans. I was at this management entrance test when this girl before me wore low cut jeans and exposed her lingerie. The fact that she wore a short top meant that no matter how much she adjusted, the line and length was anything but straight and good length. It was immensely uncomfortable for both of us. i tried my level best not to look but whenever I did I found my blood pumping and forehead sweating. To compound matters, my eraser flew off my desk and into her jeans . I assure you that this was absolutely inadevertent. When the exam ended, the girl (yes that kind of tumhare ghar me….) told me that “Look you were making me feel really uncomfortable. ” I just said to her ” You are solely responsible for your own discomfort”. I mean you are inciting me to look and when I take the bait, you get disappointed! I mean you have bowled 3 consecutive maidens to me , maintaining a tantalizing line and length outside off and when you drop one fractionally short, you sledge me as to why I rock back and pull!! But now I probably even wont look. Why ??…..the same case of familiarity breeding contempt. I remember one of my friends in India watching one after another 2 x movie before one of his exams. I asked him why and he replied that “See the teacher always wears extremely low cut blouses and hence I am doing this to avoid distraction during exam time. Otherwise dirty thoughts will creep into my mind. ” What hes trying to do is induce some familiarity of the future event so that hes at ease when the real match starts. Why 2x and not 3x I asked? He said, 2x leaves scope for imagination…3x doesnt. You get the picture.

It is why when i read that in TOI that young women in India are swearing by low cut jeans, i feel happy. If you dont want to expose, cover yourself up. If you wanna expose, why should a stare , how deep it may be bother you? Playing half cock to Anil Kumble is always dangerous. Either go completely back or stretch that front foot forward!

Marvellous post with lots of sound arguments and deft logic. You being stalked by that girl was scary. Of course South Point girls are a class by themselves!

1. When there is no protest against looking, it becomes an invitation to get more adventurous

2. Often it’s not just looking…it also gets into gesticulating when gazes meet…then just to make the girl aware, the guy does a top-to-bottom scan…all of which is ridiculous…