This is not something I really wanted to do—being in temporary exile in Kolkata. But an inexorable chain of events has forced me to announce to the blogosphere my new endeavor—-a new management school called Indian Institute of International Dreamers (I3D).
IIM teaches you management. Hah—old hat ! There are so many managers from IIMs out there. What do they make? 12 lacs–15 lacs? How have they changed the world? Keep thinking…cause they have not.
IIPM takes you beyond IIMs. A great start no doubt. But do you dare to go even beyond IIPM ? Do you dare? Punk? Do ya?
I mean come on face it what’s there to learn in management? Nothing much—but yes there is a lot to learn about dreaming. Isaac Newton saw an apple fall…like so many others before him. But unlike everyone else, Newton dreamt. Big. The world changed.That’s vision.
Bill Gates had a dream, Martin Luther King had a dream, Mungeri Lal had a dream.
Normal people like you only have wet dreams.
Which means that you shall amount to nothing. Nyet, nada, zilch,zero.Even with your fancy PGDMs and MBAs.
That’s where I3D steps in—we shall teach you how to dream big—to dream about your future and to keep dreaming forever.
I3D understands 
that dreams can only be dreamt..mmm…internationally. That is why we plan to open campuses all over the world—-in London, Paris, Agra, Timbuctoo, Shangri-La, and Atlantis. A few proposed buildings where I3D will be housed are shown here.
Our faculty will be chosen from the world’s best management institutes—-Hass (UCLA, sorry Berkeley), Fuckyou (Dukey Univ), Whaton (the Pen), Luck (Foulmouth) and many others. However for matters of confidentiality, I cannot mention the names of the professors who shall be conducting the courses simply because the revolutionary material they shall be using in these courses will not be available to students of their own universities.
After faculty comes facilities. Each student shall be given a calculator (floating point, graphs)—for him/her to keep. Yes let me repeat that. A calculator with one set of batteries for the student to keep. Forever. Now how many management schools provide this facility? How many eh? Of course the cost of the calculator shall be included in your course fee—-after all as any economist who has a recognized degree shall tell you: there is nothing known as a free lunch.
And that’s just for starters. Each student gets a free, all-expenses-paid trip to Bangladesh. Yes sirrie Bob. And that too in the rainy season when we get massive group discounts. Why Bangladesh you ask? Well you dont have to go there—we have other attractive tour packages—North Korea, Afghanistan, Burma, Pakistan Occupied Kashmir. Right now, we are negotiating with the city of New Orleans which is lobbying hard to be designated as an”active learning” site. Needless to say, the cost also comes from your course fees.
Placement you ask? Firstly let me stress, we at I3D believe that the best employment is self-employment. We follow the principle :” God help them who help themselves”. And dreamers are people who do not work for others—on the contrary our aim is to teach you how to make others live your dream. In other words, our aim is to make you a JenifferLopez or a Auto Shankar rather than one of the faceless penpushers produced off the assemblyline by the IIMs.
I3D has already, yes already, been ranked among the world’s top 10 management institutes by international magazines like Timepass and Nudeweek based on data we have provided them —an amazing achievment for an institute this new. Consider this: No 2 in “best swimming pools”, No 1 in “best architectural design”, No 1 in “most comfortable air conditioning”. Mind boggling.
The institute’s founder-dean is yours truly—the author of bestselling self-help management books like “Abort Your Eggs Before They Hatch” and ” Do Managers Dream of Electric Sheep?” and producer of blockbuster Hindi movies like “Thokh Sako To Thokh Lo” (Murder Me If You Can) starring Bollywood sensations–Milind Gunaji and Varsha Usgaonkar and a Indo-Bangla production ” The Return of Beder Meye Jochna”.
Described by New York Times as one of the world’s premier dreamers, the director of I3D (who is also its first graduate ) has been called at various times—”visionary” , “management guru extraordinaire”, “supercalifragilisticespialidocious” and “Rapunzel-man” (because of his long, luxuriant, dreamy hair).
Motivational speaker and venture capitalist, the director (ie I) has to his credit ebusinesses like desidadu.com and FamilyPlanningMan and is an “aloo matar” of MIT (Madhyamgram Institute of Technology) where he graduated “Sabse Bada Laude“.
Great ideas have great enemies. I expect resistance to this new institute from the IIM losers who must be shitting in their undies at the thought of joining dole. We at I3D shall hasten them on their way. Starting November 1, we shall start calling up companies and threaten to immolate their products in public bonfires if they do not fire every IIM in their payroll. We shall be burning everything we can get our hands on–cellphones, detergent, toilet cleaners, computers and of course bras. Most burn those.
I am well aware of the dirty underhanded tricks that some of our competitors shall engage in. Hence I have hired a high profile team of legal eagles (Barely Legal Inc) and media managers (RealBloggers and Sons) who shall aggressively pursue those who seek to defame our noble institution. This they shall do by sending duly notarized emails and SMS-ses and suing pesky bloggers and magazines for amounts no less than 250 crores each—the details shall of course be worked out once our lawyers finish their current project—collecting “voluntary subscriptions” for Kali Pujo.
In conclusion, the people who change the world dream big. You have the power inside you. Inside your wallets. Give them to me. Empty them. In return I3D shall give you dreams—in full technicolor.
And to the IIMs: “Thokh Sako To Thokh Lo”
(Small print: I3D is not recognized as a degree granting institute by the AICTE but really who cares….after all who needs a license to dream? )
Nice one Arnab ! I now have the courage to think beyond IIPM even.
After reading all those anti - eye eye Pee Em blogs, yours was a rather delightful change. Cheers.
I knew you are only one to comeup with a fitting reply to IIPM. I visiting upteen sites supporting Gaurav…….for what is supposed to be “stand”, when he meekly cowed. I don’t give a shit to principled stand and the bakwas. If it was so he should have confronted IIPM, rather than surrender.
zulfi
awesome greatbong!
err… so do i get an admission?!
@Supriyo:…Good. Your future is now in safe hands.
@DJK: Thanks…
@Anon: I dont think he surrendered. He did not want to cause his company financial harm and Gaurav’s selfless gesture is something that needs to be applauded. (unlike the Mediaah guy who “meekly” gave in and removed the offending posts when bullied ) Personally I think IBM should not have accepted the resignation and really thrown in their full weight (after all IBM can take on 100s of IIPMs) behind Gaurav.
@Aparna: Oh of course you get admission. Just pay all the course fees in advance, and we can all dream on.
Still Laughing!
That was masterful!
We welcome you as our overlord.
Um, did you consider Haiti and Peru and Kosovo and Cuba for your international ‘exposure’ program? They must be ‘in’ in every such list, no?
Great one, Greatbong!
RBC president, now I3D president! Certainly come a long way!
Laughed my head off at this one.. very appropriate and a breath of fresh humor on such a disgusting episode.
I bow to you, great master.
Since i can’t afford your blogshares, let me invest in I3D at least…:-)
Loved the Thokh sako to Thokh Lo! This deserves its own update on DesiPundit..LOL! I don’t believed I laughed aloud at work reading this.
Wonderful as usual. Shubho Bijoya!
Hi Greatbong,
Can you please get me a recommendation letter for admission into Fuckyou (Dukey Univ)and one copy of Thok sako to thok lo.
Do tell me the other criterias at Fuckyou (Dukey Univ){like the course fees, accomodation and very important, do they take or give}.
Waiting in anticipation desperately,
Yours very sincerely,
Pankaj
You should also have courses like GOAT and what they dont teach you anywhere but in I3D….
Bi Gad…thish waj 2 good.
Seriously, that one is hilarious!
=)) amazing!!!
This is too good …
I think Dreamz unlimited will be more than willing for campus select at your institute..
Midas
Too good!! ROTFL..
Greatbong… good one!!
In reference to your comments, I fully agree that Gaurav’s actions need to be applauded greatly, but at the same time, I would not criticize Mediaah, because in my opinion, not everyone is blessed with such courage and passion to not take the more practical route. That’s why I am all praise for Gaurav and his decision
Do visit http://mehtanirav.blogspot.com/2005/10/lord-of-wrongs.html for a similar kind of an article!
Sir, where do I submit the application form?
*attempting to maintain a serious look before breaking out into a guffaw and falling off my chair laughing*
This was one amazing post and a much needed reprieve.
Free calculator WITH batteries! You guys at I3D think of everything.
Great stuff. Enjoyed reading it.
I was missing your take on this entire episode badly. You are great, really really!!
I wonder how Newspaper like HT is still perplexed about who’s the real Gaurav - one who is posting for last 3 years or so or one who has barely a week passed in Blogosphere. He was in my college. He inspires and now he is much beyond that.
Good past.:D
greatbong, I think i hurt a few stomach muscles laughing. BTW, where do i get the application forms for I3D?
Abbe, Sabse Bade Laude to main hoon! Khabardar jo mera title chheen lega!
bong dada - darun khub bhaalo. btw, subho bijoya.
This is a notarized blogpost comment and we have got the no of hair you have on your head from google. You have tried to defame our instituition (I3D) by conveying to the general public that you are the Director. We are suing you for 750 million guatmalian currency in cash to be dumped in the big swimming pool of IIPM delhi campus when there is a red bikini clad girl working out in the gym. We have sent your mugshot to the local gundas, bhais, bhaiyas, and behens to house arrest you.
If you dont want any of these, then there is an easier way out. Just say in your post that I am the director of I3D and you mistakenly put your name there.
I will count to 3 and if this is not done by then, you can expect serious illegal actions to be taken against you.
@Neha,Vulturo,Patrix, SD, Oz, Sriram, Shrek, Sumit,Midas Kaushik-Bidisha, Prerona: Thank you thank you…
and thanks for the link on desipundit
@all: Subho Bijoya to everyone.
@Abi: Oh yes sure….especially Haiti…I have head that vodoo helps in hallucinations sorry dreams….
@Nirav: True. Gaurav has shown courage few of us would.
@Sunil: Aha an investor ! Guaranteed profit—wait till that BMW vrooms to your doorstep.
@Pankaj, Of course….but only after you pay our initial advance of 3 lacs. Fuckyou is also known to take a little but it gives a lot.Just like us. And oh we also give hair braids as bonus.
@Anon: Of course we have courses like that…..our aim *is* to teach you things noone else would even dream of teaching
@Rajesh and Ambar:Application forms can be found at any theatre screening Thokh Sako To Thok Lo. Dont forget to attach 5 ticket stubs for the movie. And a MO for Rs 20,000.
@Leela: Of course we think of everything. Otherwise how could we be ranked so high?
@Ritzy: Its obvious. HT wants to take this as ambivalently as possible—after all they have to consider the advertising clout of the great institute. At least they are better than the other “sold” media outlets in that they ran something.
@Dilip:
@What a story: What director? I am just that red bikini clad girl. (Quaking in my shoes as water droplets cascade down by curvy figure)
Damn, man! Reading your posts at work is hazardous to one’s career!
Thank goodness, no one was nearby when I reached the “sabse bada laude” point!
OK, so the GOD himself is back?
can i be the founder-president of the greatbong fan club? pls
this is my ‘Dream’
billie armstrong and steven tyler also dreamed, where there is a dream, there must be I3D
Maaaan!! I’m red in the face with all the laffing.
When is your next book “Counting your sheep before they jump the fence” coming out? Will advance book a copy now!
Little late to comment, but it needs to be said - Totally awesome! Priceless! One is still picking herself off the floor from all the laughing!
Dude…you are a god…..and no mistake…u rock buddy…have known a lot of people with great wit and humour…who write really well too….and you do rank amongst the best that i’ve known.
Best part is, i actually stopped reading ur post in the middle and sat down to post this comment instead….i can always resume reading ur post…but couldnt wait to avail of the opportunity to salute the guy who wrote this.
Damn impressive. Keep it up.
Rolling on the floor. Literally, physically.
Only a true potential student of I3D could have been lost in this description.
Bong Dada: Creative juices flowing at the best.
A li’l late, but DAMN, that was funny, especially the RealBloggers and Sons, bit.
Bring out the writer in you! Weave a story! Watch your story unfold with your fellow bloggers.New twists, new turns while this absurd fiction goes places. See your story through virtual eyes.
Visit my blog for more details.
http://www.bachelorblues.blogspot.com
Story so far…
Bachelor:
It was a crowded raliway platform. Manav looked around in apprehension at the other students bustling around him with their luggage in tow. He weaved around them and looked at anxious mothers kissing their children goodbye and worrying fathers giving out last minute advices. He dragged his torn suitcase behind him and searched for any empty seat. The train was to leave to in fifteen minutes. Finding an empty seat in a compartment, Manav tried to put his suitcase on it and occupy it, but one look at his tattered clothes and the girl sitting there moved to occupy the empty seat. Nobody would let him sit near them and Manav was left standing all alone struggling to stop the tears streaming down his face. And then he saw….
Kay Yes said…
… a woman who looked like his mother! At a closer look, he found it was not his mother! His tears did not move any of the fellow passengers. They looked at him with disgust.
Just a month back, his life too was as cozy as theirs was! His family had gone on a vacation to Kashmir! And just when they were about to leave Uri, the earth quake struck! Everyone of his family was lost in it! He went to Delhi by an Army van. None of his relatives were ready to accomodate him. With no one to support him, whatever little wealth his family had, was split among the relatives! Finally, it was decided that he should stop his studies & get back to Delhi to work in his Uncle’s kiraana dukhan!
So he is, in the station, on the way to Trivandrum,with his tattered clothes & torn suitcase, that he has been wearing since last week. He would go to the Sainik school in Trivandram and get back his belongings to join the prestigious job in his Uncle’s petty shop!
Suddenly, something struck him! He hit the girl who did not give him the seat, snatched her gold chain, jumped out of the train and ran like a mad fellow, until he was stopped by….
LOL :))
Jesus! That was really great..
All the poeple sitting around me looked at me like i am a really mad person.. i laughed for 3 continuous minutes..
BTW, can you please send me the appication kit of I3D..
Dada out of captaincy!!!! this is just too much. and as I hear the board is preparing a grassy wicket for dada in rajkot.
sotrur mukhe chhai diye dada fire asuk.
dada deserves a post, arnabda.
sourav
Really Funny!!
ROTFL!!
Countless times, mind it countless times people have came to me asking why shouldnt they join a college like IIPM. Its funny, they never ask me “if they should join it” but instead “why not”. This is the effect that gibberish on the X-rated newspapers generate. So much so that people had almost questioned the appropriateness of my graduate degree knowing that i neither belong to IIM (great places) nor IIPM (Words shall not suffice)
Phenomenal blog to have been written. kudos to you!
i just read this post - very late i know, but i have to say: you’re brilliant! and the puns! the puns! i’m going to be hysterical forever, i think
@VC,almost_useless,megha,lallan singh,animesh,kapil,jasmine, rk, anons,jithu and teleute: Thanks !
Incidentally I3D is also looking for murgas sorry investors.
@Bachelor: Shall add in my para when time permits…looks interesting.
am looking forward to a Bangladesh trip…. Divine Learnings is the Goal.
hopefully the Dean considers my application. man, ur offices look too good.
Oh.. Had u started I3D a year back, I would have definitely chosen I3d ahead of IIMB…
:D
Good one Dude!!!
In the face
Good one! :))
awesome!
~Shubho
HAHAHAHHAHA!!
Really nice one dude.
I am not sure of the current state of affairs at IIPM. As far as their ad goes in the media declaring to think above the IIM`s. I guess they have the right to say what they feel about their institution. As far as issues regarding the accrediation of IIPM is concerned. The states where IIPM is operating have their own laws governing the educational institutions operating in the state.
I also empathize with the fact that the students of IIPM strongly for their institute.
What is not acceptable is the manner in which the mail was sent to gaurav and rashmi. Its tone was less a legal notice and more of a threat to cause incovenience mentally or financially.
If Arindam wants to repudiate the comments made on him. He should do so by bringing a white paper on the matter. If he can issue front page ad`s in national dailies about his institute. And that if the blog of Gaurav can cause losses of the tune of 125 crores, then i am sure Arindam has the necessary urgency and the resources to protect his and IIPM`s reputation.
So i am waiting for Arindam to ward off the claims in the blog and come clean. The cheap theatrics of trying to intimidate someone airing his views is not acceptable and tolerable.
Redeem yourself and your students faith in you arindam the right way if you feel so strongly about the whole issue. And personally i believe you have done an incalculable damage to IIPM`s reputation yourself by serving these silly kiddy notices.
oops!! wat a post!
the best one I hav read among all those IIPM blogs
the style of your writing… too good… I simply adore it
osadharon!
superb,the coolest blog yet
Superb blog! Loved every bit of it.
humsafar (gultani.blogspot.com)
Ha ha ha.
RapunzelMan and his Chickens sitting on a tree,
S H I T T I N G.
Damn GB, this article has such rich sic. comments , I was guffawing so hard that I ruptured my spleen.
(hehe )
If anyone had any questions regarding Sarcasm being the highest form of wit, their doubts would be put to rest after this.
Way to go, Bong-o.
“Clappin’ Out Loude”.
this was a good one
IIPM is a raging shame. It ranks along with so-called-univs which provide degree based on “life experiences”.
BTW: I noticed you have used my “Greg ‘underarm’ Chappel” bit in your cricinfo article. I don’t mind
In fact it would fun if it gets blog-bombed.
I wonder if Sambit “Sourav Hater” Bal read your article.
It was fun today watching Kiran More justifying Sourav’s inclusion.
Frankly with all the weaknesses and arrogance of Ganguly, I admire him for his fighting spirit.
Now if only Chappal tones down and bit.
Cheers,
Angsuman
PS. Just a thought. Why not move away from blogspot to a better blogging media like wordpress/mt?
man, you rock!!!
:)
too good!
This post has been removed by the author.
Hi Gaurav,
You may like to know how the I3D pass-outs are doing in the Consultancy business, all credit toyour institute.
Check out my post “Con-sessions of a Blogerous Behind”, advices of your own college (I3D) pass-out,as he provides consulting over how to increase your blog viewership. Who knows, you may benefit from it urself (Guru guru reh gaya, chela shakkar ban gaya ;)).
“Sabse Bada Laude“ - fell out of my chair laughing!!!!maan u have the gift of the gab.
Hi Arnab,
please do publish a book with your articles. You will do the world a favour.
regards,
Charu
I read this post and refreshed my memory all over again. I am now ROFL - your writing simply rocks!
Haw ji ki pauji !!!
“Sabse Bada Laude”
GB , I am not finding your review of Prof Chaudhuri’s directorial ventures. His films are as follows
Saanjhbathir (Bangla)
Rok sako to rok lo (Hindi)
Faltu (Bangla)
Dosor (Bangla)
Sunglass (Hindi)
VK ki kahani (Hindi )
Refer to http://www.arindamchaudhuri.com/
Regards
SR
Planman Motion Picture’s plans to produce 30 movies over the next five years makes it India’s largest production house…
http://www.planmanconsulting.com/film-production.html
Professor Chaudhuri’s toys..
http://www.the-week.com/25oct23/lifestyle_article7.htm
Prof GB…….
One admission for me too
I am sick of my job
I would join i3d as faculty
I would grow my hair long too
Please sir….
Ei na hole Bong?
D.L. Roy’- er “Nando Lal” -er upojukto sutrodhar.
GB……….I DARE you to write about this
http://www.iipm.edu/IIPM-Rankings.html
Unbelievable horse shit.
KOTHAI GELEY HEY GREATBONG ????
Mahabharater katha Amrita saman,
Judate Gouder trisha,,,
Na ki bolbe… “They also serve those, who stand and wait” ?
I ve read a lot of your post.. laughed my butts out… but this is the first time that I am posting a comment. I had to, I was complelled. Dude, you posses a rare quality, I know a lot of ppl have already said this but that doesnt mean I cant
And “Aloo Mutter”…..that was a master stroke!!!!!!!
I have been following this blog for last few weeks - almost daily - (and am now addicted to it) - in the process of going through all the posts (including the comments sections). I read this masterpiece couple of weeks ago and just saw this new item in yesterday’s Telegraph
http://www.telegraphindia.com/1080624/jsp/nation/story_9455087.jsp
Frankly, I would not know what has happened to all those who stood up for something they thought was improper to let pass by. This news surely vindicates the stand-point highlighted in this blog and some other related ones.