Don’t blame Karan Johar (KJO) for not warning you.
As the credits roll and Karan Johar’s name comes up as the director, the voice-over says, prophetically:
“Waqt ke saath kuch zakhm aur bhi gehra ho jata hain” [Some wounds get deeper, as time goes by]
“Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna” is one such, inflicting increasing doses of pain and grief on the audience and sinking into deeper morasses of banality with every passing scene.
Now here’s the tragedy. It need not have been this way. Unlike Karan Johar’s previous movies which, no matter how he cooked it, would still be aesthetic turkeys since they were devoid of plot and characterization in the first place, “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna” had the potential to be different. At least on paper.
What could have been an interesting movie about a middle-aged man, morbidly bitter at the fact that he ‘never made it in life’ , engaging in an extramarital affair so that he can feel successful, wanted and young again is reduced to an endless nightmare of contrived situations, convenient resolutions, copious tears, cornucopian cleavages, clichéd climax and corny comedy.
There are two reasons for that.
First is KJo himself. This man is incapable of seeing the world of real men and women—-he always seems to wear rose-tinted, soft-focussed, Mills and Boon and Harlequin-romance- speckled glasses. Which is why believability is the first thing that gets defenestrated in his movies.
And I am not talking about the Amitabh Bachchan character giving Red Ferrarris as ‘gifts’. After all, having watched the Scottish castles and the shuttle helicopters in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam, I wasn’t even considering the designer clothes, the obscene opulence of these supposedly ‘ordinary’ people—after all this is a Karan Johar movie and not Mrinal Sen’s.
I am talking about the believability of the characters and the situations they land themselves in. Consider the situation where Shahrukh Khan (Dev) and Rani Mukherjee (Maya), trapped in problematic marriages decide to help each other in solving their respective marital problems by sitting on a bed in a furniture store and making out so that they could go home, repeat the acts with their spouses and save their marriages.
And you thought Shane Warne’s attempts to get his failing marriage on track by asking his mistress to seduce his wife and do a threesome as perhaps slightly crazy.
Then of course, there is the sex scene between Shahrukh Khan (Dev) and Rani Mukherjee (Maya), where each of them look like grumpy poodles caught in the rain. (Incidentally the characters in this movie may have Ferraris but they don’t’ have umbrellas. For which they are always wet). That scene with the rustling of the bedsheets and the fireplace in the background was the nadir of the clichés that are strewn all over the movie. You can almost hear a “romance novel’ commentary going on:
Dev stretched his hand out in the dark. His fingers sought out Maya’s as they snaked towards him. Their bodies intertwined. With each touch, they tried to heal the other’s pain by giving a part of themselves away, ultimately melting into each other as they together attained a crescendo of sadness, soldered by the white-hot passion of their tear-drenched caresses.
Yes it’s that bad.
As Shahrukh Khan says (albeit in a different context)
I was embarrassed doing some scenes of this film, I felt shy doing them.
Yes Mr. Khan. We felt equally embarrassed watching them.
Talking of bad, it would be a crime not to mention the pathetic attempts at comedy as manifested through the character of Amitabh Bachchan, an Indian Hugh Hefner whose cringe-inducing, sexual ‘her’-'ass’ment-bordering joke of calling Kiron Kher’s ample posterior as ‘Chandigarh‘ (presumably a pun on the “garh” part) should have sent Le Corbusier twisting in his grave.
Not to speak of the ridiculous side-plot of the ‘Black Beast’—-a child-kidnapper who is introduced as someone who could be either a man or a woman. Which I presumed was the context for Karan Johar to make a guest appearance.
Evidently not.
Which brings me to the second reason why the movie fails.
Shahrukh Khan.
With the inevitability of old Faithful Geyser, he comes up with yet another lip-snarling, voice-quivering, eye-closing, head-shaking, scenery-chewing performance which is so overwrought that it brings down the entire cast with him. As in almost all his movies (except ‘Swadesh’) SRK is SRK, the hero, and not the character he is supposed to be playing. [Watch the opening sequence of the movie where as a soccer star taking a penalty kick, we see the stadium huge-screen TV just showing SRK’s eyes. If this isn’t the super-heroization of a character, then tell me what is]
Which is more the pity because the other actors do try their best. Rani Mukherjee has a very poorly defined character but still does a decent job. Preity has very little screen-time and mercifully underplays her character. Abhishek Bachchan does no harm to his reputation as the best actor of the post-Khan generation and is the only person in the whole mess who looks really believable.
However each of them is caught in cinematic quicksand—-the more they try, the more they get dragged in.
There are other smaller issues—for a director who prides himself on originality and opposes the Hindi film industry from being referred to as “Bollywood”, KJo sure does copy sorry internalize many sequences from other movies—-like the first meeting of Shahrukh with Rani (Meet Joe Black), the ” I am taking this bed” line in the furniture-store make-out scene (paraphrased from ‘ I will have what they are having” from “When Harry Met Sally”) and Abhishek Bachchan asking Rani Mukherjee about her love-making with Shahrukh Khan( “Closer”).
But then again, compared to the basic flaws of the movie, such gripes are indeed petty.
In conclusion, despite having its moments (few and far between) and despite holding some amount of promise, “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna” totally fails to be anything more than yet another money-spinning product from the dream machines of the Yashraj-Johar factory—vacuous, body-beautiful, bookishly sentimental, full of sound and fury.
And yet, as Shakespeare would say—– signifying nothing.
[”Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind” turns two today. Yep. It’s two years to the day I wrote my first post.
My ! How time flies when you are not watching a Karan Johar movie.]
Brilliant.I had anyways told my wife that I would not be seeing this movie.
One complaint though.You are wasting too much of my time. cannot help but read and read and read…. and read….
“…Karan Johar to make a guest appearance. Evidently not”.. is still making me smile as i am typing…
cheers!
Hmmm… why cant this guy act like the way he did in swades…
happy birthday…. many more random thoughts, many more demented minds
“…Which I presumed was the context for Karan Johar to make a guest appearance. Evidently not…”
Karan did make a guest appearance, but a fleeting one. In the climax just before SRK takes his seat in the train, you could see Karan, in a monkeycap, taking a seat behind. Maybe you could catch him in a DVD version…
I got two free tickets for this movie - fortunately some friends saw it the previous day and I escaped this torture session.
“a child-kidnapper who is introduced as someone who could be either a man or a woman. Which I presumed was the context for Karan Johar to make a guest appearance.”
Priceless! Thanks for the review. I guess I will wait for the DVD then.
Congratulations on the second anniversary! Looking forward to many more.
I was planning on writing a review of the movie myself, but everytime I started.. it would degenerate into the fact that I can’t really say anything for the movie. At some level, I knew that if I expect nothing from KJo, I’ll get even less.
And so.
I have to give him some akin to credit for a coupla scenes, but the fact that the rest of the movie was drawn out enough to ensure I cannot remember them at this minute says enough.
And happy anniversary. Mine comes in a coupla months too
Thank goodness I found this review. Otherwise I had seriously started doubting my sanity reading the reviews that came out on rediff and ibnlive. I have the dubious distinction of making it to the first day first show, and no I am no SRK fan or anything — I just like watching movies which have, or like in this case, claim to have some storyline. I was wrong, and how. What irks me is that none of the popular media/portals gave an honest review.
Brilliant review!!!!
ROTFL - Waqt ke saath kuch zakhm aur bhi gehra ho jata hain
Thank God I dint go for KANK and thank God that such a thought never even came to mind. I was even offered free tickets. Thank God I was sane enuff to decline d offer.
“cornucopian cleavages, clichéd climax and corny comedy” - hmm, looks like you caught the KJo bug
Nicely done!!
A question for you: How many real film-makers can you name who have this letter fixation?
Kabhi Alvida Na Dekhna [:)]..and happy 2nd anniversary..
Great review. Just am sad that an intelligent mind like yours had to endure the mind-numbing 3 odd hours of another of these kind of movies.
Good that you are married though, girls these days are hating guys who do not like KJo’s movies. Oh! The things we Indian bachelors have to do to get married…
Congrats on two years of great posts.
Oh, finally! Thank you. And may I begin by saying, that last pre-parenthesis sentence is brilliant!
About the ’super-heroization’, as you put it, glad you brought it up. That sequence made me snort in disbelief. Oddly, few other people seemed to notice the absurdity. We’re a culture steeped in such absolute hero-worship, apparantly.
It could be a nice film, that’s what hurts the most. This Johar kid, he gets the best bits of everything, and promptly messes them up. And the trade analysts have the nerve to suggest it is a ‘bold and mature film’ that’s not getting it’s just deserts because the ‘public’ finds the dissolution of the ‘institution of marriage’ unpalatable. I mean, we know they cannot afford to cheese off the big guns, but that sort of excuse for such a pathetic failure of a movie is a bit much.
1) Congratulations buddy!
2) By watching KANK, and more than that writing such a review, you have a proved that you do have demented mind hehe
3) But we love all these random thoughts of this demented soul. They are a joy to read!
I am dying to see this movie - the problem is no one is ready to accompany me - mayhaps I will see it on DVD itself. Last week at Loehmanns, ppl were queued for the night 12.15 show - I was like - jeez - the movie is 4 hours long, and ppl are actually going to see it from 12.15 in the morning???? That probably explains why the biguy johar is still in business.
Suyog
Finally the KANK review from GreatBong!
I am not disappointed. All expectations were met in this post!
P.S: Congrats!
congrats on turning two.
nice review, but i’m going to go on another cinematic tangent here.
What are your thoughts on “Snakes on a Plane”?
Everyone’s referring to it as a “so bad, its good” movie.
Which to me is pretty much what every Mithun film is.
It would be cool if you could draw some Mithun paralells to “Snakes.”
Hope to see that up soon.
Congratulations Great Bong! I’ve been reading your posts for quite sometime now but this is the first time I am writing in .
God bless you and here’s to many more years of such lucid random thoughts of a not-so demented mind .
Bingo! exactly my thots on the movie, srk and what could’ve been. No great fan of KJo anyhow, this convinced me to never go see any of his movies ever again.
SRK, he should stick to stuff like Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani - I thot that was nicely done - and he pairs well with Juhi Chawla. This lip-quivering stuff is just not done!
Nice one sir ! And congrats on the second anniversary of RTDM…..
hey amazing popularity for a 2 year old!! Keep writing, it makes for the most entertaining reading. Love your blog! Happy birthday and all that
hahaha… LOL… minced well
congrats on the second birthday of blog. Regarding the movie, I found the scene of SRK spreading his arms like wings and the camera moving in 360 degrees around him gave me a sense of deja vu (DDLJ, KHNH..etc.)
I never watched KANK, but did see the trailer. The best part of the trailer was that old man Bachchan lying on a bed with tubes in his nose, uttering something like “Mohabbat…aur maut…dono bin bulaye mehmaan hote hai..”
Congratulations on your 2nd anniversary. Keep up the good job!
By the way, a technical point about blogging: true to a blog there is much personal (blogger’s) opinion present in the movie review (this is, I’d guess, true in general for any blog review), which is ok for me because it makes a blog review more enjoyable than a “dry” technical one.
However, in that case (i.e., given that one opinion is as good as another), can subjectivity of opinion (unless perhaps statistically validated) be justifiably used in critique towards lack of objectivity of an art expression (however over-the-top the latter may be)?
Just wondering…
thats closure for me on another KJo non-epic. bring on the next one for some more trashing n bashing!!
GB - Congratulations on turning 2 !!
And some people had to stand in line and suffer the torture of “So so cutteeeeee” when for a brief fleeting moment, John Abraham comes on screen…
Apart from your terrific review, have a look at http://www.rediff.com/movies/2006/aug/11kank.htm?q=mbp&file=.htm
Poor Raja Sen warned everyone not to watch the movie, but alass….
Nice one Greatbong…sufficiently caustic! KANK is a very bad copy of a sublime movie called “Falling In Love” (1984)starring Robert De Niro and Meryl Streep. The film sweet and sentimental, packed with powerful performances not only by De Niro and Streep, but wonderful character artistes like Harvey Keitel, Dianne Wiest and Jane Kaczmarek (of Malcolm in the Middle fame). Unfortunately the movie went largely unnoticed when it was made, but watching it now, one gets a glimpse of the amazing talents both De Niro and Streep, before they started selling out to uninspiring, sleep-walking roles in mundane films. Their ability to get under the skin of the characters is absolutely incredible… so much is communicated between them in so few words! Falling In Love does not make light of the subject matter of having an affair but instead is a film about finding love itself. In keeping with that theme, the romantic feelings of the two leads are never allowed to reach their natural conclusion.
While watching Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, I was cringing every two minutes. How on earth did KJ manage to completely massacre the beautiful screenplay of Falling In Love and fill it with so much of inane crap? While Frank (Robert De Niro) and Molly (Meryl Streep) in Falling In Love were people caught in a predicament who you genuinely liked and rooted for, KANK’s Dev (SRK) and Maya (Rani Mukherjee) turned out to be these two obtuse, selfish and insensitive characters you feel like shaking really hard so that they snap out of their senselessness! Not only does one not feel any sympathy for these two for being trapped in their so-called “loveless†marriages, but actually start wishing that their spouses come to about their sordid affair and dump them like hot potatoes so that the movie can come to an end!
A sheer waste of 3 hour 24 minutes and $20!
I hate to say this, but your M&B take-off is even better than mine. How, how?
And i also hate to admit, but possibly because my expectations were super-low, I didn’t dislike the film all that much. In spite of conceding all the points you make here. Yes, it is too picturesque and too weepy and basically too everything, but I think the film has its moments (though one wishes there were fewer). Basically, underneath all the gloss, I feel there’s nothing really wrong with the film that some good editing and de-glamourisation wouldn’t cure.
And I don’t know why I am wasting all this insight on someone else’s blog. I shall now proceed to write that in mine.
Shrabonti, don’t forget some major rewriting of dialouges also. No?
….trapped in problematic marriages decide to help each other in solving their respective marital problems by sitting on a bed in a furniture store and making out so that they could go home, repeat the acts with their spouses ….
This scene also appears to me (my guess and I havent seen KANK) from “In the mood for love” by wong kar-wai but I am not sure that KJo knows the Hongkong auteur.
Sympathies for having to write about KANK on your anniversary…
Happy Anniversary
Hopefully no one here slaughters me for saying this, but I didn’t hate the movie that much and found it quite tolerable. I agree with all that you say Greatbong so the reasons for my hatelessness are probably:
1. Too busy drooling over AB to notice how bad the film was
2. Too busy drooling over the clothes to notice how bad the film was
3. Too busy drooling over houses to notice how bad the film was
All in all, I would quite like to live in a KJo movie - minus the endless tears and broken marriages, of course…
Dada,I truly feel for you.I couldn’t even sleep through this movie as i’d guzzled down an obscene amount of pesticide,caffeine and sugar loaded Coke which kept me awake through the 2nd half.One long night it was.Without Abhishek Bachchan,this movie wouldn’t have had any redeeming features.If i ever find KJo,i’m gonna turn him into KJo kathli
YOURFAN writes:
@GB:Wish you a happy second anniversary of your blog and many many happy anniversaries to come. You have given us a lot to laugh about, a lot to think about and a lot to fight among ourselves with our sometimes rigid ideas. In other words you have kept us busy, happy and sometimes sad. Thanks a ton.
My thoughts on KANK will convince those who are certain that I am you in disguise to the contrary because I don’t agree with you. I don’t get the time to watch movies be it in the multiplex or TV. So all your movie reviews go over my head although I must admit that I enjoy reading them specially your one liners. But this time I got two free passes and got the chance to see KANK. Yes, I think the movie could have been made in a shorter span especially if one deletes Amitabh Bachchan’s scenes all together. I did not understand what is the significance of his role to the movie which deals with EMA. There are plenty of flaws that one can point out in KANK but just the fact that KJ tackled a topic like EMA on this line is truly commendable. Not that I am commending EMA but all these time in Indian cinema it has been shown that EMA happens for a very clear cut reason – either because the wife is very neglected and thus feels lonely (Charulata) or she is greedy to grab a few freebees from her paramour or the man has a mean wife who does not ‘understand’ him and the ‘clear reasons’ keep mounting. But this time KJ pointed out that EMA happens and that is the reality. And the reason behind EMA is not so ‘clear cut’ and it does not definitely mean losing emotional attachment with respective spouses. So in spite of all the flaws I and many of my female friends and only a handful of my male friends (any specific reason behind that?) liked the movie – namely the theme of the movie. I am not a fan of KJ as I have pointed out I don’t get the time to watch a movie let alone KJ’s. I didn’t have the time to read all the comments on this post so I have no idea how many readers liked or disliked the movie. But I have a gut feeling that this topic will not arouse the passion that did take place on your article on Independence Day – that is patriotism – right?
I moved out of the theatre after this scene -
Rani: Mujhe bahut taqleef huyi Rishi ki haalat dekh kar…
SRK: Taqleef huyi raat ko? Phir kya kiya taqleef mitaane ke liye…usse chune diya? Where did he touch you? here..here..here..
Rani: Stop it Dev! Tumhe kya lagta hai..mujhe taqleef nahin hoti ki mera pyaar kisi aur ke saath sota hai!!
Just could not take it anymore…
Amazing review, kudos!
Watching the movie was like looking at a painting by a mentally challenged kid. You know the painting is really bad, but you cannot blame the painter coz that is the best he can come up with.
For those who haven’t seen KANK:Take my advice, go watch them motherf**in snakes on a motherf**in plane.
P.S: Happy second anniversary.
As an RTDM fan, I take this opportunity to write a few words about my favorite blogger on this great occasion. I wont like to mince words on that bullshit film- the only way I could have sat through that movie is if I had been in a tremendously inebriated state. But nevertheless, a fantastic review, one which many other fans of this great blog were looking forward to.
It was a day in late summer 2005 that I first got introduced to RTDM. Till then the kind of blogs that I had encountered were-
* The chick-let blogs which had a tremendous fan following- a bit like the film reviewed above.
*The look-at-me kind of blogs which tried to gain petty attention by fighting with and criticizing other blogs- extremely tunnel visioned and narrow minded.
*The shrewd blogs- The ones which used to have billions of hyperlinks and lots of short bullshit posts. By making the reader read all the links, these bloggers tried to create an artifical body of work which kinda conned the reader when he retrospected about those links …that as if….those were not the views of the person who wrote the linked featured, but of the blogger himself (this was accomplished by 2 cents - read 2 sentences like ‘ quite’, ‘very well said’ and ‘beautifully put’ etc etc.). These kind of blogs generally had several axes to grind and most importantly tried to use their blogs to promote themselves- who would have read them otherwise?- they were not fit for the mainstream media due to their lack of originality (reflected by their time- to- time potshots against the mainstream media- grapes are sour and all that).
*The smokescreen blogs- the ones which shot their views ensconsed behind the safety of ‘no comments’. Any attempt to thereby contradict their views were stifled and thus saved these thin-skinned persons from severe embarrasment.
There were of course truly great blogs like Acorn and Sepia Mutiny and JA Singh. Then..and then…I found GB. He was already an accomplished but not famous blogger - but rocked what the self- indulgent bloggers call as the blogosphere like a shooting star sometime in September 2005 with that Mithun post. I read it and loved it and forgot him. Then while randomly surfing , I found a post titled ‘worst indian blogger’, and in the comment section of that blog I found a conservative bitch nominating GB due to his mature themes , bold language and not toeing the ‘Im a good boy who drinks Horlicks in the morning and doesnt watch porn’ line. I wondered who this person was who has the temerity of calling himself as Greatbong and came to this already-visited-once blog. This time I read some past posts and it was a mind- blowing experience that I had hitherto not experienced since tasting acid. I realised 2 things- this was no ordinary writer, he had a potential to become a great great writer and that the person behind this blog was a affable and lovable genius.The name GB fit him to a T. Slowly after a few more posts - I also realised that this was the best indian blog- a cut above the rest - always.
GB’s posts are timeless and poignant, he is bold and intrepid. If you bowl a bouncer to him the comments section, he pulls it on the front foot to the square leg boundary with ridiculous ease- all in a inimitable humourous style. You experince the whole spectrum of emotions in his posts- humour, joy, sadness, bittnerness, sarcasm, anger, resentment, love, lust and many more intangible complex emotions. Sometimes you feel as if a dimly lit corner of your mind has suddenly been illuminated by a mystical beam of light. Some posts are so apparently simple and yet so deceptively multi-layered that I am pretty sure that they will be analyzed long after our deaths. He does not have any motives behind his blogs, no hidden desire to use his blog as a manipulative tool to con the readers for personal fame. All this makes reading him an unforgettable psychadellic experience.
The proof of the fact that GB aint no ‘look- at- me’ blogger is manifested in his comments section. This kind of engaging discussion is seldom found on any other blog (Im a firm beleiver in the fact that a blog without comments aint a blog). Indeed our generation is lucky to be one when GB blogged.
But exactly how good is GB? If you ask me the question now, I would not be able to answer it as its been only 2 years. Theres the Gb which we havent seen - who knows- if he unravels himself- RTDM may turn out to be an even richer experience. All I can say is that GB is to the world of blogging what Stanley Kubrick is to the world of movies. Kubrick made very few films but almost all of them were great ones. Similarly, GB may not turn out posts everyday - but they are very touching and most importantly bring immense joy into the lives of millions of people. Long may it continue.
Its time KJo has to call “Alvida” to his formulae, or else we have to call him “Alvida”. Happy b’day GB.
That was a good one!
(As always!!)
And congrats!
Here is one which I saw, it is shorter, so short infact, that there is only one word in it
http://thebangaloretorpedo.blogspot.com/2006/08/movie-review-kank.html
GB: ” we see the stadium huge-screen TV just showing SRK’s eyes. If this isn’t the super-heroization of a character, then tell me what is”
This is
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypGI3NecLc0
Balayya trumps shahrukh any given day
GreatBong,
Congrats for turning two.
1) Does your “gora” colleagues know how popular you are in cyber space ?
2) Given a chance of working in K Jo movie,having two heroines Priety Zinta and Rani M also Shahrukh Khan as sidekick, will you agree ?
3)Your previous two blogs about Independence Day Jingoism and now about “Whats wrong with KANK”.
When will we see
“What should we do on Independence Day and What K Jo should have done to make KANK better !
okay when some one cynically asked last time why you went to see Fanaa and ‘those type’ movies the last time, you said you go cos you don’t go thinking they would be crap.
You are an intellegent person and i do know you went for this one for the cheap thrills despite the promise in the story. Couldn’t resist it?
Some of the comments Johar made in an interview I read before the movie were ridiculous.
Who cares though. More important is the blog birthday of RtoDm. Keep up and all the best for the future.
Priceless Great Bong, was waiting for your review after reading the KJo worshipping reviews by IndiaFm and Ibnlive . Is it a coincidence that these two websites were the fulcrum of the Movie’s publicity on the web, boasting of many “exclusive” .
The movie made me want to take a pee break every 5 minutes or so . It just laboured on and on. In retrospect, I have devloped a sneaking admiration for “Fanaa” and “Kal ho na Ho” . Actually fell asleep for the last 20 minutes if the movie, which ranks as a first for me in 17 years of movie watching . Someone please lock KJo in a castle from where he never comes back .
and GB, congrats for completing 2 years
Congrats GB
Hey Arnab !!!
A very very happy birthday (belated) to RTDM.
Wish you and your DM(Demented Mind) millions of more suchRT(Random Thoughts).:D
Nice photograph with that cute b’day cake, too.
And, about the KANK review - JUST PRICELESS !!! Couldn’t have agreed more…
@ Aravind: Stop griping. I know girls who have rejected guys coz they liked KANK.
@ Great Bong: May I add a coupla other small ‘lifts’? SRK dropped his ice-cream cone before in Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa… and the “Doin’ a lil dance, makin’ a little love, and generally getting down tonight” reply to the “What are you doing” question has been done before in an episode of Friends.
A good review. And congratulations on completing 2 years.
Congradulations on turning two.
Congratulations for completing 2 years of fun filled rants.
And one more thing about the train sequence when SRK leaves and returns. Just when did he pull the chain and stop the train cuz if he had done so won’t Rani have seen the train stop and break into a run. I guess we are missing the point here….its actually a horror story.
Congratulations on the completion of 2 yrs!! Keep it going!
Also, I haven’t met a single soul so far who has liked Kank and that’s why I didn’t bother watching it. :p
congrats from me 2 , 2 u on turning 2
while hubby was whispering doubts abt the ‘affair’ in KANK my daughter announced tv was more liberal that way, considering 4 marriages and 2 affairs were the norm.so somehow my kid had grown up before KJO thanx to her classmates’ animated reviews at lunchtime and ofcourse Ekta kapoor.
but KANK does have a plot- after a one night stand and infidelities of several cups of coffees together a 3 year seperation was required to rinse that guilt and make the pair ovenfresh for a K3G type of romance.
btw a cool caring rich husband is no comparison to a cranky grumpy shahrukh to inspire love in Rani.
WHOlESOME ENTERTAINMENT…..ur post
I wonder why KJo was pissed when Ram Gopal Varma ridiculed KJo type of movies….After the “MATURE” handling of KANK and the media blitz of publicity, including a discussion on marriage with Shobha De… I think KJo has proved his point….Ram Gopal Varma was right!!!
Dear Bukku,
It is so nice to know that your blog has completed two years. I remember the days when you started the blog and used to complain that nobody reads your writing. Things have changed. Now you have got a large number of regular readers. Irrespective of whether they agree or disagree with your views, they come back to read your posts. It is no mean achievement. Congratulations! Keep writing.
Love,
Baba.
Cant wait for KINK.
Congrats on completion of 2yrs. Have been a regular reader for quite some time now…though commenting for the first time.It is always a pleasure to read your blog. Keep it going!!!
GB,
I can understand watching Prabhuji’s films. I can understand watching Snakes on a Plane and raving about it. I can even understand watching Spongebob Squarepants.
But what I dont understand is that a padha likha insaan like you watching a KJ film!!!
Happy Birthday, dude.
Happy Blogday to you!!
Arnab, cannot comment anything on the post, not having seen the movie yet.
But it’s great you have completed 2 years. Hopefully it’s still just the beginning…
Firstly, a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY sir… KANK or (as I prefer to call it) (S)K(U)ANK stinks.. and it sux bigtime.. its been a long tim I’ve seen any movie and my GF had come back to mumbai for the week.. she and my friends insisted on watching a Hindi movie in a theatre(which I totally against, most of the time…) and I agreed (no idea wot made me do so!).. it was one of the worst decisions i had EVER made.. total 3.5 hrs of paid torture.. overrated and pathetic.. ny1 who hasn’t seen the movie.. GOOD 4 U…PLS DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (read being paid to watch it or being telecasted on cable.)
resplendent review, gr8 one….and the mention of SRK’s GF trying to make a guest appearance…lol…
thank god i didnt have to move my bum and see another balderdash from the super(nincompoop)star’s GF’s tearjerker….
Dear Phuchiburo,
Happy 2nd blog anniversary!
Your blog is almost like my grandson. I feel so proud. God bless you.
Ma
GB, I see you have now achieved the K-Jo level of superstardom with people referring to your blog variously as RTDM, RToDM etc. Ah the price of fame.
Anyhow, what did you expect from Johar? Sad but true, BigB is just a clown now.
Hi GB,
Great Review! Congrats on completing 2 years, I’ve been a regular reader. Thanks for all the laughs!!
dare i forget ur M&B description of the love scene surpasses evrything
Congratulations on second year of RTDM…..
I enjoy reading your random thoughts very much may be it makes me a little demented too…..
@greatbong: you just saved me 20 odd bucks.. My wife was insisting on watching the movie at amc-s. Now i can convince her of getting a DVD and let her watch at home while i snooze…
Honestly, KJo should stick to Mills and Boons and candy floss stuff. He is not cut out, as yet, to handle *matured* topics… neither are our actors..
Give me a Farhan Akhtar, Madhur Bhandarkar any day.
Arnab,
C’mon you’re being too harsh on an entire genre of our very own country fodder movies which draw their strength from opulence of mush, extravagance of ad-hoc props (read song and dance sequences), aesthetics of designer-everything (from cars, homes, clothings, locale-s and what not), borrowed plots (or lack of them, mostly) and acting debacles, inter alia. Expression doesn’t have a singular conduit, so minimalism isn’t the only school of thought. You could have a Fibonacci sequence of eye-straining polychromes to give vent to a small thought (for people like us, from middle class mediocre backgrounds and steeped in utilitarian approaches, “High Society” clubs have shut doors justifiably enough).
This is selling dreams (hardsell, anyone?) at its best, dreams that you and I would want to die for (won’t you want to be owning a building of the stature of Buckingham Palace and land on the porch on your own helicopter? Won’t you want to drive to your local grocery on your Limo? Won’t you want to feel like being welcomed by 500-1000 people everytime you return to your hometown, conquering some educational institution by playing cricket/football at their home ground which would resemble a Wembley or Lords? Won’t you feel like being seen on CNN while but spending not more than 1 hour in your office everyday?…….)
Let’s try and understand the social setting here. It’s much more than Mills and Boons or rose tinted glasses. Its the monstrous beauty of expressions, dreams, achievements,relationships, frustrations and all those other words which constitute the lexicon of life of the teeming millions of Indians.
We won’t understand. We are armchair critics. We understood the post-independence trauma needed some amelioration from a school of movie-makers who went into an overdrive to make us smile in the end even when we couldn’t outside those movie theatres. But even then those dreams were woven within the frameworks of sanity, sobriety, contextual aptness and humane tastes.
Times have changed. We have not.
That’s too long, isn’t it?
Btw, I liked Omkara after Apaharan (the only two movies this year perhaps which got me thinking).
So much for intellectually impoverished admirers (like us) of the Ritwik Ghataks, Satyajit Rays, Mrinal Sens, Bimal Roys, Tapan Sinhas……….
Btw, imagine what Anjan Babu (there’s only one Anjan Babu….) would have said if he’d have risked a viewing….
Greatbong..was eagerly waiting for ur review on this one…and as usual ur review is right on money. i think i agree with you on every aspect of the analysis..
“yet another lip-snarling, voice-quivering, eye-closing, head-shaking, scenery-chewing performance..” –hilarious
you forgot “Arm Spreading”
Arnab,
A really good one for aniversary edition.
Do you think KJo is stuck with Ekkktta KKKapoor syndrome. “K” series subjects and overdoing everything. or do you think he is stuck with Manoj Kumar syndrome that is to repeating himself again again and again. or probably Dev Anand syndrome by thinking his lifestyle is something everyone else in this universe follows and cares to hoot what real world is made up off.
Hi, I’ve not commented a lot before, but have to say, awesome review, one could not have put it better, and even if I do not agree with your point of view at all times it is always a pleasure to read your take on events - it never fails to make me think, so thanks and CONGRATULATIONS!!!
I was watching a much better movie at Oval Yesterday. I cant stand Karan Johar/Yash Chopra genre of Hindi movies. Oh and I will never forgive KJ for ripping off Anand and making it a GAY movie.
you watched the credits. was there an edit or was it greyed out.
Happy anniversary greatbong!
and I was supposed to travel to Atlanta which is like 200 miles away to watch this movie, but I decided not to, and later my friends who went, told me what a good thing I did!
What surprises me most is that how come Indian Audiences still love this movie and it becomes a superhit while movies like Swades are turned down after a few days!
Happy Anniversary…do keep up with the good stuff. Is there a way for you to simply print all these great blogs into a book and sell it off. I think Amazon does that for you. I’d definitely buy. Congratulations!!
Please make sure that these writings are never lost. Hope you have backed them up sufficiently.
Even the comments in your blog makes up an interesting read so hats off to all those that comment regularly out here.
Karan Johar believes that cinema has a lasting audience on audience.
KrANK case
http://www.mumbaimirror.com/nmirror/mmpaper.asp?sectid=2&articleid=821200602937687821200602922218
Man seeking second marriage shoots wife after taking her to watch Karan Johar’s movie that touches upon extra-marital affairs
………
WHAT HAPPENED
In her statement to the police, Reshma said, “On Saturday evening, Shadaf came to my place along with his friends Raju and Sanjay. He convinced me that he had dropped the idea of getting married to that bar girl. He had brought movie tickets for the late night show of KANK at Cinemax mall in Thane. He asked me to leave the children at home.â€
Thrilled at the change in her husband, Reshma happily agreed.
“After the movie, Shadaf and his friends were driving me back to Kalyan in a rickshaw. Near Diva village, Shadaf suddenly stopped his auto and pulled me out. Before I could understand what was happening, he attacked me with some sharp weapon,†said Reshma.
She sustained injuries on her face and chest, and also took a bullet in her stomach.
……….
Police suspect Sadaf wanted Reshma to watch KANK so she would allow him to marry his girlfriend. “We will be able to verify this only after arresting him,†Kengaje said.
I am shocked. KANK only teaches love’
http://www.mumbaimirror.com/nmirror/mmpaper.asp?sectid=2&articleid=82120060312831821200603021812
Karan Johar is appalled at the incident, says his film does not show negativity or hatred
I am shocked to hear about this incidence of violence seemingly instigated by my movie. Believe me, it was never meant to be that way. KANK tells you to seek love. It does not perpetrate negativity or hatred. When I made the film, I never thought it would incite such strong emotions.
“Of course, I’m happy that it has triggered many questions in the audiences’ minds about the institution of marriage. But crime and violence? No way!I’d rather not even think of this incident as something triggered by my film.
“I’d rather believe that the man who committed this heinous crime went to my film by chance. It could have been any other film. He chose mine because it’s the most visible film of the moment.
“I know cinema has a lasting effect on the audiences’ mind. But to even imagine that a man would get aggressive and violent against another human being is unthinkable for me.
Arnab,
but hey! we love you anyways!
Congratulations on your second anniversary! Am still an avid reader of your blog. Your parents’ notes were specially heart warming. Congratulations to them too! Must be wonderful (any word is an understatement, Mr/Mrs senior Ray’s!) for your parents to see you flourish so well!
You do not only write well (21st Aug is the “understatement day”), you allow others to respond to their heart’s content. Sometimes they come across mean, though I am sure, it is their passion for their argument. Sometimes you do (my humble opinion… guilty, me Lord!) but you seem to me as a person who is in favor of freedom of expression in his own space (and time). That, to me, is the ultimate display of character.
We (at least, some of us) love you lots, man! At times we may not show it
Congrats once again!
Later bud!
@ Rajeev: Wow! Now we can put KJo along with Stephen King in the annals of horror meisters and ban KANK along the lines of “Rage”!
(1) KJo will feel flattered to be compared with King.
(2) The movie will gain enormous publicity.
(3) Law abiding citizens will not be exposed to KANK.
It’s a win-win situation every way!
Aranb,
Flimfare is looking for a creative titles for trophies that they would be handing out SRK and KJo for there contribution to cinema.
My nomination “Ham King” for overacting and “Drag Queen” for making a long movie.
Any other suggestions?
Turning TWO!
May the number and the readership only keep increasing!
So far, it has only been the Karan haters and Shahrukh scoffers who have written in.
Where is the ALL CAPS brigade?
I thought that it was the dream of every Indian male to be married to Preity and be making out with Rani.
Evidently not. You people are demanding scintillating dialogues, believable circumstances and a whole lot of things which are simply not in the syllabus.
Anandabazaar is simply happy that the ‘wrong-doers’ were allowed to live. A small step for Bollywood but a giant leap for our Karan.
After watching this this movie, one of my friends commented, “Yeh SRK, agar chavanni pay karo to 2 rupiye ki acting karta hai.” It was an interesting way of summarising SRK overacting in the movie.
Many congrats on turning 2 with this post.
haha the ususal brilliance…but have u seen this http://www.indiafm.com/trade/business_talk/index.html , according to the great taran adarsh u have an eye only for ahem “fake appreciation”…it makes an interesting read…
The great demented mind has turned two! Long live the demented mind!
And a brilliant summing up of the film, its director, and SRK. Now I know what to expect if I’m forced at gunpoint to watch this movie. 
Congratulations on your 2nd anniversary. I am sure that the third one would be a charm too. Though I am a regular reader of your blog, this is the first time I am acknowledging my presence on your blog. Please consider this as an appreciation for you past blogs and do keep up the good work.
Congratulations on your blog turning 2 years old.And what a great job of it.
Happy Birthday, Greatbong. This again is a review only you could have written. As you have turned two, let me take this occasion to appeal to you to continue writing- Kabhi alvida na kehna.
As for the movie, though I agree with you on the contrived situation bit, by the standards of a commercial film, it was a good movie. There did not seem a strong enough reason to show what was shown in the movie.
My review pales in comparison but in case you are interested in Osho’s views in the context of the movie, the link is this.
Happy second anniversary Greatbong! I came to know about your blog only one year ago though… from a link you had posted in the Satyajit Ray community in Orkut. And on reading that review of Pather Panchali I instantly became your fan.
One year has passed. I have become a blogger (mainly inspired by you) and I read a lot of blogs these days. But your blog remains like my daily dose of opium… I can’t live without reading this and the comments here everyday.
May you have many more such anniversaries. All the best!
Hey Greatbong,
Have been a regular reader of your blog(5-8 times a day:-)) and have cherished your posts and the debates that follow them.
Congratulations on the blog turning two and here’s wishing it a long life!
Keep blogging
Nilesh
Congrats on your secnod blog brithday:-))
Congrats arnab for turning your collective wits so popular in these two years.
I think you should turn your attention to the bad reviews of KANK by taran adarsh on indiafm,rajeev masand on ibn and other rediff reviews.
A great post as always!! Keep it up And yes many many happy returns of the day!! We sure wish to see more of such stuff.
GREATBONG, to consistently write such engaging peices of satire and wit is definitely an acheivement.and u did it for 2 years. congrats.
“He comes up with yet another lip-snarling, voice-quivering, eye-closing, head-shaking, scenery-chewing performance which is so overwrought that….”
For years i have been seaching for the words to describe the tamasha Shah Khan does in movies.every time i’ve failed. there u just said it so beautifully and iam overcome.
anyway if i were u i’d go easy on the cake. no u are not very fat just a little too chubby:).
Arnab - comgratulations the 2nd anniversary of your blog. I am sure you remember fondly the first few months when you knew you had a great product and yet very few actually read what you said.
We at http://indiannotion.com/ are going through a similar phase. I would really appreciate it if you and your readers here would take a look at our interactive website based on user news distribution , modelled after the popular digg.com….
So guys, just pay us a visit once in a while. We could do with some traffic.
Remember : http://www.indiannotion.com
How about a post about the Vande Mataram controversy. I know you must have strong feelings.
Many many happy returns of the day…
and more and more random thoughts from the demented mind.
When you watch Shah Rukh Khan as filtered through Karan Johar’s gaze, it’s hard not to be quietly respectful, even if the film is inherently crappy. Here is one of the purest of all love stories, and we are privileged to be alive to see it unfolding before our eyes, in air-conditioned multiplexes. Johar’s adoration of Shah Rukh, the way he lovingly places him at the centre of every frame and gives him God-like status, is truly marvelous to behold. There’s something at work here that far transcends the usual ways we are expected to respond to a movie.
I don’t know if there’s any truth to the rumours about Johar and SRK – I tend to take celebrity gossip (especially the type where people smugly claim to know something “for a factâ€) with a large tub of salt. But I’m now convinced that KJ is in love with SRK. I don’t know what kind of love this is – platonic, sexual, unrequited, whatever – but there’s no mistaking it. Among the great director-actor synergies, it’s more potent than Raj Kapoor and Nargis, Hitchcock and Ingrid Bergman, Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich. The only other relationship I can think of that matches it is the one between Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski. (Herzog once said of Kinski, “From the moment I first saw him, I knew it was my destiny to make films and his to act in them.†I don’t know if young KJ had the sophistication to think such thoughts, but I’m guessing he at least went “Woo hoo Bollywood, here I come!â€)
Karan Johar’s last three films have been gorgeous love letters penned to SRK, even though at least two of them have been mediocre films. As studies of adulation, of the immortalizing of one person by another, they will live forever, longer perhaps than all those sonnets Shakespeare addressed to his Muse. We may now reasonably refer to them as great art.
Young boys in my row burst into orgasmic yelps each time there was anything resembling an innuendo in the dialogue, or if a woman appeared in a low-cut blouse. At one point Rani tells Shah Rukh, “Sorry, galti se dab gaya.†(She made an unintended cellphone call.) “Galti se dab gaya!!!!†screamed the lads ecstatically, and the collective outburst reminded me of Arthur Clarke’s short story “Love that Universeâ€, wherein billions of people are asked to synchronize their love-making so that the combined orgasms send out a crucial energy signal to a distant civilisation. Which is fitting enough, because when you’re sitting in a PVR hall, you’re very far from any sort of civilisation.
Courtesy - Jabberwock
Hi GreatBong,
Hearty Congratulations to you for completing two years ..
Dayanand
Ahh congrats GB for turning TWO! man i wonder what wud happen when the toddler will turn into an adult one. lol.
you must read Rajeev Masand’s review on IBNlive.com boasting about how gr8 this movie is by giving a 4 star rating and then came out again (under huge pressure from the angry readers) to justify his ratings by saying that KANK is among the rarest of the rare b’wood movies that deal with an unusual and serious issue… (Rays and Ghataks must be twitching in pain in their graves). such a tamasha is going on there as readers are mocking IBN for ‘masand ki pasand’ and suggesting that his reviews be read in reverse manner here on - 1 being the best and 5 the lowest, in that order!! i hope that unscrupulous self-styled critic guru read this review and rot in shame.
i always doubted KJo for his serious film-making capabilites only to be proved otherwise by his commercial success. but this time (however cash is still ringing for him) he showed his true limitations by attempting to lay his hands on complex stuff.
KANK is such KALANK.
@ALL: Firstly apologies for not replying to you individually as I usually do. I am overwhelmed by all the wishes. From the bottom of my heart, “Thank you”. All these wishes and kind words do mean a lot. And I am trying not to be sentimental here—-so bear with me.
As a generic reply to the KANK comments, KANK could have been much better if they had replaced SRK with an actor, taken out the fantastic KJO effects (camera caressing SRK) and the overwrought emotions which always seem to be one octave too high. The reason I watch movies like KANK I myself do not understand. Conditioned reflex perhaps. Its one thing you have to see in order to be “in the loop”. Whatever it be, I am drawn towards such movies like moths to the flame.
Again I apologize for not replying to each of you individually. Your comments throughout the year are greatly appreciated. And that also goes for the Himesh fans who type in ALL CAPS. Hope to see you all coming back here and commenting for many more years to come.