A Cricket Rant

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Okay you nincompoops and asinine asses who call yourself the “Lok Janashakti” ( English translation: lynch mob) Party. Lay off. And get a life. Seriously.

A group of people, claiming to be supporters of the Lok Janshakti Party, on Monday vandalised the house of cricketer Mohammad Kaif after his poor show in the ongoing One-day series against South Africa.

Kaif scored 8 and 10 in the two One-dayers against South Africa who drubbed India in both the matches, leading to strong criticism back home.

“A number of them tried to storm the house, broke some electric bulbs and plastered the name plate with mud,” police said.

[Times of India]

If there is anything worse than watching Ajit Agarkar bowling short-and-wide or Dinesh Mongia at the crease flapping about like a pomfret fish out of water, it has to be the sheer imbecility of the “passionate Indian fan”—–specifically the ones who think that the physical safety and personal property of the player and his family are fair targets for their so-called anguish.

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The Bond Walks Again

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Last time, in “Die Another Day” [2002] we saw the Bond franchise speeding towards certain demise, descending from its characteristic “over-the-topness” into the murky swamps of undiluted camp with lesbian sword-fighters, castles made of ice, invisible cars, a satellite emitting death rays, a villain with diamonds embedded in his cheek and dialogues so full of double entrendes, you would think that Dada Kondke was ghosting the script from the great beyond. There was talk of spinning a Modesty Blaise-type “female Bond’ series based on the Hale Berry character from “Die Another Day” because the men in suits with the cheques had figured it out: the Bond mystique was gone and the cold-war warrior had outlived his times (just like CPM’s Harkishen Surjeet). There were unconfirmed rumours that the Bond franchise would shift to Ooty and Gunmaster G9 (the secret agent who fights mad locust armies, calculator-wielding bionic men and who can hit any G-spot within 9 attempts–hence the G9) would take over the mantle of the man with the license to chill.

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The Concept of Equality—Once Again

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On October 27 2006, a new law titled The Protection of Women From Domestic Violence came into effect.

The law defines two concepts fairly clearly: [bold font mine]

2(a) “aggrieved person” means any woman who is, or has been, in a domestic relationship with the respondent and who alleges to have been subjected to any act of domestic violence by the respondent.

2 (q) “respondent” means any adult male person who is, or has been, in a domestic relationship with the aggrieved person and against whom the aggrieved person has sought any relief under this Act.

That is, I presume (and I am no legal expert) that the gender of the victim and the perpetrator of domestic violence has been hard-coded into the law. The title of the law also makes it pretty clear—it concernes itself only with the protection of women (a fact that is repeated a few times in the document in different contexts e.g. “Provided that no order under clause (b) shall be passed against any person who is a woman.”)

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Ding Dong

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Somehow, and I do not realize why, this picture triggered memories of an old advertisement jingle for Vics:

“Bheriye ne memne se kaha ki main tumhe kha jayoonga, *** ki goli lo khich khich door karo”

Wonder what he is saying though.

Could it be something as helpful as:

“I seriously think you need some professional help for your MMS clips next time…”

[Picture courtesy: Rediff]

Don—the Review

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‘Tis the season of remakes. Taking a break from its well-established habit of cannibalizing Hollywood for plot ideas and sequences, the Hindi film industry has decided, almost en masse, to seek inspiration from its own rich celluloid heritage: with a remake of “Don” and “Umrao Jaan” playing in the theatres and a remake of “Sholay” in the works.

Remakes aren’t necessarily a bad idea (as long as proper acknowledgement is being given and copyrights being respected ) especially for movies from earlier eras that have “aged” thematically and/or technically and could do with an effective re-packaging for a new generation of movie-goers.

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