Monthly Archive for April, 2007

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Namesake —the Review

Whether you appreciate or feel indifferent towards “The Namesake” depends solely on how much empathy you feel towards its protagonists and how much of your life’s own dilemmas you find reflected in its narrative. This is indeed the key to the appreciation of most non-fantasy, non-escapist films but it holds especially true for “The Namesake” dependent as it on the believability of its characters: if you cannot connect with them, you will just feel as if you are watching a slow mini-series built around a wafer-thin premise (that of an American Bengali coming to terms with the name ‘Gogol’ that his dad gave him) [As an aside: For Karl Kal Penn, playing a character with the name Gogol is many steps up (or down) from his character in "The Rise of Taj" whose last name was Bada-Lund-a-bad) ]

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Rush The Floor

Ravi Shastri walks into the Indian dressing room. India’s World Cup squad is sitting there; a few of them more than a bit nervous about the pep talk to come and the heads that shall roll, financially committed as many are to playing the game till they are 37.

Ravi Shastri: “Now look here boys. I am a no-nonsense guy and will cut straight to the chase. Many of you may be asking why I have been chosen to be coach. After all, I was an unexceptional batsman, a mediocre bowler and while fielding would go down on my knees and wait for the ball to roll into my hands.

However there is one thing I was the undisputed king of, and still am.

That being the art of seduction. The art of the fling.

That art is what, my dear boys, I, Shastri or “Sahasra Stri” (the one with thousand women), the king of the Mumbai party circuit, have come to teach you.

And lest I forget, if there are any doubts about my legendary chick-magnetness, let me remind you that I am the only Indian cricketer to have had a movie named after him (Still from movie: Ravi Shastri to the top left)”.

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Coach Class

Flopping back into his “chief selectorial” couch, Dilip Vengsarkar lets out a sigh of relief. Looking at BCCI supremo, Sharad the Powerful he whines:

“This is going to be a tough day of interviews. The entire building is crawling with ex-Indian cricketers, each claiming to be the ideal person to be the next Indian coach. Just now, I was in the loo letting fly when I saw a hand trying to push in a resume underneath the cubicle from the adjoining potty enclosure. And judging from how slowly the hand moved, I am positive that was Venkatesh Prasad. On the way to this room, I accidentally bumped into Raghuram Bhatt, Bharati Arun and several other Indian ex-cricketers who I didn’t know even existed, each with a Vision 2011, hand-written on the back of old movie posters.”

Sharad Pawar opens one eye. “Are they from Mumbai?”

Vengsarkar nods. No they are not.

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Education Crisis

It was three years ago, when the DPS Dhamaka tapes finally opened our eyes to the licentiousness among today’s kids, that I wrote:

When I sing “Nanhe Munhe Bacche Teri Mutthi Main Kya Hain?” (Innocent Kiddie, what’s in your hand?”) and our innocent kiddies wink back and show us contraceptives (thanks to what they have learnt in school)………….well that my friends would be the end of civilization as I know it.

Well now it is time to take back our heritage from these titillated tykes. In a development that gladdens my heart, the governments of Maharashtra and Karnataka and Madhya Pradesh have disallowed sex education in their schools thus taking a stance against the tide of decadence that seeks to sweep the nation.

Sex education in schools ! What is the world coming to? Soon children will definitively know that little brother was not picked up from a temple, that auto-manipulation will not make them go blind and that they should not get close to that uncle who insists on exploring them as they sit on his knee.

Needless to say, such knowledge cannot be allowed.

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Post Mortem Part 2: The Politicians

When the blame for India’s debacle at the World Cup is being apportioned, the easiest and most obvious targets are of course the players themselves. After all it’s ultimately they who dropped the ball. A few of them have their careers on the line, sponsors have dropped them from their payrolls, and no matter how much money the eunuchs may collect for Sachin Tendulkar’s pension, it won’t be enough to help Sachin, far less the other players who do not have the privilege of such universal adulation. The players are afraid of being seen in public. They have had their property damaged. Hell even their “duplicates” are afraid of being lynched.

The lookalikes of Sachin Tendulkar, Virender Sehwag and Mohinder Dhoni have been watching their backs in recent days. In the past, they made frequent appearances on television and were cheered by spectators during cricket matches.

“When Sehwag plays well, I am treated well by people. But when he scores badly, even the lives of my wife and child are in jeopardy as people threaten to beat me up for Sehwag’s bad performance,” The Times Of India quoted Yogendra Shah as saying.

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