Spilling Rice On Your Shirt

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Another spectacular foreign policy failure of The Mushy Man to get a few more F-16s and dollar bills to fight his bogus war of terror through the attempted seduction of Condoleezza Rice by his stud-muffin Foreign Minister, Shaukat Aziz is now reported to have met with stunning failure.

Twice as Good: Condoleezza Rice and Her Path to Power, by Newsweek chief of correspondents and senior editor Marcus Mabry, says the incident happened during Rice’s first trip to Pakistan in 2005.

“When Rice sat down with Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz, who fancied himself a ladies’ man, Aziz puffed himself up and held forth in what he obviously thought was his seductive baritone. He bragged — to western diplomats, no less – that he could conquer any woman in two minutes,”the author writes.

“(He tried) this Savile Row-suited gigolo kind of charm: ‘Pakistan is a country of rich traditions’, staring in (Rice’s) eyes…. There was this test of wills where he was trying to use all his charms on her as a woman, and she just basically stared him down. By the end of the meeting, he was babbling.

“The Pakistanis were shifting uncomfortably. And his (Aziz’s) voice visibly changed,” the author wrote.

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When A Kiss Isn't Just a Kiss

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Two new stars were born in the Mallu porn industry today as pictures of BJP MLA (MLA as in Married Lecherous Aadmi) Renukacharya , a sinister genetic cross between Renuka Chowdhury and Govindacharya, paying lip service to a buxom constituent was released to the public, sending a clear message to Shakeela and her army of moustachioed, undie-clad male consorts that there is a new show in town.

A few PILs may be filed for obscenity and demands for issuance of non-bailable warrants made by our moral guardians.

For once, I am with them.

BlogMeet May 16

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Tough as it is to say anything that has not been said in Swati’s marvelously evocative account of the May 16th blogmeet, here now I present my impressions.

Alighting at the gates of T3, the same place where we had been refused service two years ago at my last blogmeet, I was introduced to Pritam (sweetie-pie according to Swati and not to be confused with the bearded copycat with the mock intellectual look) who has to be the most unthreatening dentist I have ever met. A word about the shirt that swathed my “hefty” frame which seemed to have attracted some notice. It’s a blue beachshirt with pictures of dogs in sunglasses riding bikes: an apposite sartorial choice for a blogmeet I felt. I originally planned to wear knee length shorts to go with it but decided not to because 1) T3 with its anality may find me inappropriately dressed 2) I did not want people ogling my legs and make me feel like a sex object.

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Visiting Calcutta

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[Update: My phone number in Calcutta is 9883250233, in case anyone wants to confirm anything]

I will be in Calcutta from May 13 to May 28, 2007 and it would be a great opportunity to meet new people and renew old acquiantances. So I propose we have a blogmeet (anyone who has an interest in blogs is welcome to attend) on Saturday, May 19th Wednesday 16th, 2007 at 5:00 pm. I leave the location open to suggestion at T3, opposite Park Street Flurry’s. The conversation can be carried out by mail or in the comments section.

Maya Memsahab

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Mulayam Singh and his cohorts sing Bloodhound Gang’s “The Roof is on Fire”(we don’t need no water let the motherfuckers burn) while the records of their sterling efforts to convert Uttar Pradesh into what BigB called Uttam Pradesh (Amitabh Bachchan would be well advised to drop all prints of Toofan and Ajooba in the bonfire also) go up in smoke. Amar Singh’s phone calls are met with a “This number does not exist”, Jaya Prada comes to the realization that she just may have had the last of her 35 lacs a pop dance performances  paid for by the government of UP. Jaya Bachchan understands that the people of UP do not really see her as an Aishwaryan daughter-in-law who is quiet, listens and stands behind which is why her vote-grub: that of being a bahu, who had “rarely asked them for anything” fell on cold ears. Celina Jaitley learns a life lesson that it is one thing to push up her assets and quite another thing to keep upthrust the Congress’s flagging fortunes.

And amidst all the smoke and introspection, Mayawati, is crowned the empress to cheers of “Huzoor Waah Taaj boliye” bringing to a spectacular climax the Kumbh mela for criminals otherwise known as the Uttar Pradesh elections and starting off yet another series of manic transfers within a few hours of her ascension.

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Rasia Tailor House Haw

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“Dhartiputra” Radheshyam Rasia is in the house.

The undisputed king of Bhojpuri music, he is not just a great singer, entertainer and a total ladies man but the voice of the marginalized, those who when they hear a tune on radio can never say “They are playing our song”.

People like tailors—those misunderstood people forever berated for getting the measurements wrong, delivering months after delivery dates and sometimes of even letting their fingers linger for a second too long while taking measurements.

Well not any more. In “Rasia Tailor” , Radheshyam Rasia paints an evocative picture of the tailor’s life through a ballad highlighting the difficulties that he has to surmount every day in the performance of his duty. [Watch the video here]

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Spiderman 3 —the Review

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Sometime during splurging 250 million, Sam Raimi possibly realized that he had little money left for the script and story.

And so he did what Dell, GE and many other “exporters of America”, using the words of the formidable Lou Dobbs, have done. He outsourced the scripting to India where a company that had Kunal Kolhi and Sanjay Gadhvi on its payroll did a “How may I help you” and converted “Spiderman 3″ into a classic Bollywood formula movie of the first order.

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Jumma Chumma: Iran Thrashes India

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Here’s the deal, the conscience keepers of India. No matter how hard you try to beat the loonies in the obsessively offended category, you will lose.

Hands down.

To be fair, you played a good game. Here was Richard Gere, washed out has-been from Hollywood, who gets carried away by lust at an AIDS rally and kisses Shilpa Shetty with as much romantic grace as a bear pawing at a bee-hive. Quick on the draw and eager to show the world that we can beat the other loony countries with our desi looniness, a Jaipur court issues an arrest warrant taking into account what the judge perceived was the “highly sexually erotic” nature of the kiss.

The magistrate, who viewed the video footage of the programme, observed that the attitude of the two film personalities was “highly sexually erotic” which had “transgressed all limits of vulgarity and have the tendency to corrupt the society”. He said Shetty’s attitude was “cooperative” and she never restrained herself, but kept inviting Gere for the kissing episode which stretched on for a good while.

Needless to say, so erotic was the scene that the upright conscience-keepers came to a very quick decision.

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