Another spectacular foreign policy failure of The Mushy Man to get a few more F-16s and dollar bills to fight his bogus war of terror through the attempted seduction of Condoleezza Rice by his stud-muffin Foreign Minister, Shaukat Aziz is now reported to have met with stunning failure.

Twice as Good: Condoleezza Rice and Her Path to Power, by Newsweek chief of correspondents and senior editor Marcus Mabry, says the incident happened during Rice’s first trip to Pakistan in 2005.

“When Rice sat down with Prime Minister Shaukat Aziz, who fancied himself a ladies’ man, Aziz puffed himself up and held forth in what he obviously thought was his seductive baritone. He bragged — to western diplomats, no less – that he could conquer any woman in two minutes,”the author writes.

“(He tried) this Savile Row-suited gigolo kind of charm: ‘Pakistan is a country of rich traditions’, staring in (Rice’s) eyes…. There was this test of wills where he was trying to use all his charms on her as a woman, and she just basically stared him down. By the end of the meeting, he was babbling.

“The Pakistanis were shifting uncomfortably. And his (Aziz’s) voice visibly changed,” the author wrote.

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Mulayam Singh and his cohorts sing Bloodhound Gang’s “The Roof is on Fire”(we don’t need no water let the motherfuckers burn) while the records of their sterling efforts to convert Uttar Pradesh into what BigB called Uttam Pradesh (Amitabh Bachchan would be well advised to drop all prints of Toofan and Ajooba in the bonfire also) go up in smoke. Amar Singh’s phone calls are met with a “This number does not exist”, Jaya Prada comes to the realization that she just may have had the last of her 35 lacs a pop dance performances  paid for by the government of UP. Jaya Bachchan understands that the people of UP do not really see her as an Aishwaryan daughter-in-law who is quiet, listens and stands behind which is why her vote-grub: that of being a bahu, who had “rarely asked them for anything” fell on cold ears. Celina Jaitley learns a life lesson that it is one thing to push up her assets and quite another thing to keep upthrust the Congress’s flagging fortunes.

And amidst all the smoke and introspection, Mayawati, is crowned the empress to cheers of “Huzoor Waah Taaj boliye” bringing to a spectacular climax the Kumbh mela for criminals otherwise known as the Uttar Pradesh elections and starting off yet another series of manic transfers within a few hours of her ascension.

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