The 25 Things About Me You Were Better Off Not Knowing

106 Comments

In the spirit of this silly day dedicated to St. Valentine, I copy the viral “25 random things about me” note from Facebook.

1. I do not like driving. My official “oh ho” reason for that is when I was 8 years old, I was involved in a bus accident that killed the people I was with and I escaped death by falling between dead bodies. For which I have an excessive fear of dying on the road. Now you are free to believe that reason. Or just call it an excuse.

2. I studied in Presidency College for one day in the Economics department. I guess I was trying to follow my father’s footsteps. Didn’t last long.


3. I love cricket. I forget very little about any game I watch. For instance, if I see the highlights of a match I watched sixteen years ago, I can still say things like “This ball he is going to edge to third slip.” This is strange because my memory is in general horrible.

4. I wanted to learn to play the synthesizer when I was a kid. My mother wanted me to learn to play the harmonium. I, needless to say, learnt neither.

5. I also wanted to learn how to break dance. My dad decided it was not something good Bangali kids, with a solid foundation in “kulture”, should be doing. He wanted me to learn swimming. Which I actually did.

6.I find it much easier to make friendships online than in real life.

7. I am always afraid I have offended people. In real life that is. I fear losing friends. I also fear driving. But I think I told you that before.

8.I love Bollywood B and C grade movies. I miss the old tacky Bollywood where the villain (Amrish Puri) would actually be making faces at the hero in the climactic denouement while they would dance together. Mainstream Bollywood has lost that charm of yore, that honesty and the endearing amateurishness.

9. One of the things I want to do is to tie a red bandana around my head and dance the Bachchan shuffle on the road to the tune of “Ami Kolkattar Rosogolla” in front of my shocked “community” (para in Bengali)

10. I suck at small talk in a party with strangers/casual acquaintances. Sometimes when I am in the midst of such a “small talk” session, I just want to shout out loud “Mere naam hain Bullah rakhta hoon main khulla” just to spice things up a bit.

11. I am an agnostic. I do not accept nor do I reject the presence of God.

12. I love Shyamasangeet. Not for religious reasons. I just find them immensely moving.

13. Overtly public displays of affection make me queasy. I am also romantically challenged.

14. My favorite subject in school was History. Least favorite was Geography.

15. If I did not have middle-class anxieties about an assured livelihood, I would have gone into the Liberal Arts—Political Science or English Literature. But I did have anxieties. So I did engineering.
[When I was struggling whether to go to Economics or Engineering, a gentleman of our locality, a very very nice man, asked me “What do you want? A beautiful wife, a secure life or satisfaction?” This made my choice easy.]

16. I loved my school. With the same intensity, I disliked my undergraduate experience.

17. I frequently conduct free concerts in the shower.The water droplets are ,needless to say, my audience. The soap, the shampoo and the towel silently shout in song requests and I mostly oblige.

18. My first attempts at writing anything was a red diary I used to keep when I was about seven. It was in Bangla and now I realize it resembled Twitter feeds.

19. I am hypersensitive to certain types of noise. And to even the slightest of vibrations. This makes living in an apartment with almost cardboard walls and roof (like the one I stay in right now) quite a bad one.

20. I have always wanted to be a published author.

21. Should God exist and if He/She/Amar Singhji encounters me at heaven’s door and asks me my biggest regret I would say “Why did you not make me a better batsman?”

22. A glass of tequila, some good music and politically incorrect talk, without the fear of offending people, amidst a small group of trusted friends. That is good. But alas so rare. So rare.

23. I am sentimental in many ways and rather cold-hearted in many others.

24. I want to go to Egypt before I die.

25. If there is one motto I have, it is this. Go through life by hurting the least amount of people possible.

106 thoughts on “The 25 Things About Me You Were Better Off Not Knowing

  1. Wow…so many things in common….esp small talk thing & “Mere naam hain Bullah rakhta hoon main khulla”…and red bandana…lol….awesome

  2. 21. Should God exist and if He/She/Amar Singhji encounters me at heaven’s door and asks me my biggest regret I would say “Why did you not make me a better batsman?”

    Would ask God the same question!

    why aren’t you writing about cricket nowadays ?
    nothing about the Chennai test, India’s “So called” status of world no 1 (the way they chase huge targets baffles me! ) and Australia’s decline

    looking forward for more cricket based articles from you!

  3. 16. I loved my school. With the same intensity, I disliked my undergraduate experience.

    Ditto here .. the majority of SPHS passouts into JUCS hold the same view

  4. “I frequently conduct free concerts in the shower.The water droplets are ,needless to say, my audience. The soap, the shampoo and the towel silently shout in song requests and I mostly oblige. ” – awesome one.

    Are you married Arnab, and Why are you settled abroad. :-)

  5. Really Arnabda, yours is one of the few “25 Random things about Me” post on blogosphere that makes feel ” Why only 25? Go on! Make that a 50 random things!”

    What say you to that ??
    25 more ?

    P.S – You like random Shyamasangeet or are you a “Pannalal loyal laal ” sort ?

  6. I just want to shout out loud “Mere naam hain Bullah rakhta hoon main khulla” just to spice things up a bit.

    LOL ..i feel the same .

  7. “5. If I did not have middle-class anxieties about an assured livelihood, I would have gone into the Liberal Arts—Political Science or English Literature. But I did have anxieties. So I did engineering.
    [When I was struggling whether to go to Economics or Engineering, a gentleman of our locality, a very very nice man, asked me “What do you want? A beautiful wife, a secure life or satisfaction?” This made my choice easy.]”
    The gentleman must be very nice and understand the psyche of a youth with unparallel potential.Really,we owe him this fundoo blog.
    Great to know that engineers are not just technocrats but a very creative side like this blogger exist in them.

    I have just completed my engineering.I was in same dilemma to go for philosophy or engineering.I prefer engineering because it was stable route.I did not walk the path less traveled due to uncertain future and typical middle-class anxieties of assured livelihood.
    You have just put few points which coincise with my life.Reading this autobigraphical article is like feeling the voice of unheard sound of heart.Thanks GreatBong.

  8. 25 things about me is the biggest ponzi scheme ever with more than 40,000 results on google for it now. Alas, I also fell prey to it. I was secretely hoping to get tagged and then write :-)

    Agree with #8. I think the last stage of a bad actor playing against bad villains was Suni(e)l Shetty kinda movies. I can sit for hours with numb limbs watching these movies. They mentally nurture me and do not agitate the state of mind like the new movies do.

  9. You maybe an agnostic but you certainly do have strong undertones favoring Hindus in quite a few of your posts. Not least of all in the Arundhati roy paradigm post. That was a post that disappointed me a lot since you’re my favorite writer on the net, and Arundhati is an icon for me coz she seems to have the same spite for the nation as I do.

  10. @whatisinaname: Well caught. I am a Pannalal fan and I equate Shyamasangeet with him.

    @Gamesmaster G9: That was never discussed. But I am sure you can tell us more about that fork on the road.

    @Rohit: Without accepting your contention that I am biased towards Hindus, I would point out that I can be a Hindu AND be an agonstic. For more, please go here for the atheist tradition in Hinduism[link]. And I am merely an agnostic which may be considered to be a weaker form of atheism.

    @Deepak Iyer: I think I made the point that silliness is the unifying characteristic in both.

  11. Rohit,

    ”and Arundhati is an icon for me coz she seems to have the same spite for the nation as I do.”

    If that is the reason she is an icon for you, then I hope you see the problem right there!

  12. GB @Rohit: Without accepting your contention that I am biased towards Hindus, I would point out that I can be a Hindu AND be an agonstic. For more, please go here.[link]GB

    i Wish the IBN and NDTV people got themselves as educated over the past few years as much as you did.

    Knowledge changes everything…. doesnt it?

  13. good thing you are only romantically challenged, i am socially challenged around girls. how come you haven’t given your porn preferences, or is that too personal a question?

  14. One of the most sensible additions to an otherwise meaningless meme. Thank you, AR – but why would we be better off NOT knowing these things about you? That part of the title is wrong. (Besides, you owed this to your fan following)

    As for the “nice gentleman of your locality”, you can tell him you now have all three. If there’s any satisfaction lacking, publication of the book should take care of that.

    J.A.P.

  15. @greatbong
    “No there are no screens that are showing DevD anywhere nearby.”
    What? You actually pay to watch these movies? There are tons of websites which would show these movie for free.

  16. I feel now I know Arnab Da instead of GreatBong. And for some reason I feel that I had unknowingly hurt your sentiments with an act of mere childishness a few months back, and over time it had become a burden to carry on with. More so after reading about you, knowing about you. And what would be a better day to apologize than today, when I came to know a different you. I guess you don’t even remember what I am talking about, but still, I am sorry for my childish behavior. Hope you had a great Valentine’s Day. I did too. Thanks for gifting us this great post.

  17. arundhati roy and “spite for the nation “????…whoha….whoha…or may be i am too semantically challenged….

    ===============================

    @ Savita He meant China

  18. ” 20. I have always wanted to be a published author.”

    And you are going to be one soon! Then you can say – I always wanted… and now I am.

    You have no clue wat some of us wud do to be able to say that sometime in life!

  19. 3. Same with me..But not cricket. But I remember even the most insignificant events from age 1. But I am horrible at remembering phone numbers, birthdays etc.

    4 & 5 – I too wanted to learn the synthesizer and Dance, but money was an issue for my dad then. Now all that I have are a lot of youtube
    downloads of dance videos (some of them are like some school dance at a local chineese school!!)

    7. Same again.

    8. True..I like movies and that is how I happened to chance upon your site.

    9.Yes..All my day dreaming is about doing such larger than life things.

    10. I too suck at small talk. Finally I have rationalized it by believing that if people want to know me, then they have to come to me and cajole me into talking. Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to work.

    11.Me Too.

    12. I love listening to all kinds of music if the tune appeals to me. I do not care for the lyrics nor even remember the first line of any
    song.

    13. I was also romantically challenged, but somehow took it as a challenge and I think I am doing better now.

    15. True

    16. True.

    18. I write, but still do not have the courage to show it to the outside world lest they consider it amateurish.

    21. There’s just one and only regret and I know this is going to haunt me till the end of my life after which I will ask God for the answer
    (in case he exists and I happen to meet Him/Her/It)

    22. True

    25. My Motto is -: PAUSE AND THINK. –> In the toughest and toughest of situations in life where the only choice it seems to me is to take a short cut/fraudulent means/illegal route, Just “Pause and Think” “There should be another way definitely, another better way, a different solution and I am sure we would find the best approach” No one would be hurt and most of the times it would even be a win-win. Only because you did not take a hasty decision without pausing and thinking.

    6. None of the above mentioned things have been said to any of my friends in real life before. Even here I could it because I am Invincible.

    Most of your characters that you mentioned are of a typical Capricorn..I am also a Capricorn. Is Linda Goodman’s research true ? I am still not sure.

  20. 3. Same with me..But not cricket. But I remember even the most insignificant events from childhood. But I am horrible at remembering phone numbers, birthdays etc.

  21. Sorry…somehow the first time, when i posted, it showed me point 3 incompletely..hence reposted…if possible please delete the last msg and this current one..

  22. Sniff. Sigh.

    Moi loved school very very very very much. 13 years. Sausage Only…. i.e. Boys School. Still, those were the greatest days of my life. No tie/discipline/cane/dry nun bullsh1t…. overall wonderful experience.
    Then I went into undergrad engineering where by some freak luck there were a LOT of pretty wimmen in my batch. Not just my branch, but the whole fr1ggin’ branch. Usually we had studious, four eyed mustached girls with white sneakers and orange churidars but our batch was a “disturbing loose-morale fashion parade” as a shrieking teacher once put it. Heh Heh, I saw my first camel toe right in 1st Sem….
    Still, college sucked. A DPS-esque scandal from my own class, sporadic political violence, Day Scholar-Hosteler clashes (but mostly it was a painful heartbreak on the personal front) vagera vagera made undergrad a rather unsavory experience. Our class email group must be the deadest ever….

    Sorry for boring you all, seeing that GB disliked college as well bought this all out. Lemme slink off and get a drink….

  23. Arundhati Roy is here too. The publicity that she gets!

    Nice, GB. Concur with B-grade Bollywood, published author and Middle-class anxieties the most.

  24. Great posts thus far!
    What happened with the grammar here? Posted in a hurry? It slightly reminded me of the Doordarshan’s indifference towards it too. :)

  25. I can understand No.7. I have the same issue. It is a nightmare. While the other person might not have even noticed it, while I bend over backwards to soothe things, again and again ,similar to OCD. This trait is so tiring. Sorry mate, but nice to see it is an issue with somebody else too.

  26. Random :P
    how random can random actually be ???
    and about 10 why the bulla dialogue and why not the prabhuji Klassik
    “Do Char Che Aath Dus BAS” or “Bhiigi hui cigarette jal nahi sakti Tumhare Maut ki tareekh Tal Nahi sakti”

  27. Wow – didn’t know you were a fellow Pannalal Bharchaj admirer. This is completely my Mom’s doing – she played a lot of Pannalal when I was growing up and it stayed with me.

  28. @Dipanjan: Add a “DS” to that stream of letters….honestly it wasn’t just the “letters” that were a problem with JU but just the political culture, the ramshackle facilities and the overall air of frustration that turned me off. It was hardly the ‘college life’ I had imagined. I understand many people had the times of their lives in JU Engg. I just was not one of them.

  29. Hi GB
    Flippant as it seems, I guess that’s straight from the heart. Somehow it just confirms what we all have suspected for a long time: there is a special You within that mundane You.

    Needless to say, a terrific post. Needs a lot of maturity and spontaneity to come up with this. I really wish all of us had this for a motto: “If there is one motto I have, it is this. Go through life by hurting the least amount of people possible”
    Cheers

  30. Gb My lost brother! Now I know why Im a regualr reader here – we have quite a few things in common! I think similarly, if not exactly on the following!

    3/7/8/10/11/13/14/17/19/21/22/23/25

  31. Oh Great One

    u’ve inspired me to delve deep into the recesses of my mind, reach for the unstable areas, and splatter the incoherence emanating from there onto blogspot. in short, u’re the reason i committed this crime against humanity, a.k.a. my blog. just thought u shud know.

    btw, this was quite a personal post. not much like ur usual stuff, and i’ve read quite a lot of it(i’m too new on the blogging scene to say, “i’v been following u” w/t feeling like a stalker!) and i cud say “same here” on way too many points there. got goosebumps cuz u c, u’re kind of a role model for me :)

  32. I am nodding vigorously on no.22

    On a different note, you should do a review of Billu. Has a lot of potential for a long post.

  33. Frankly, this is the most boring post you have written!

    Give me your usual reviews, rants and general trivia anyday but don’t bore me about your mundane life as its quite similar to mine.

    But I can forgive you for this one time ;-)

  34. why 25, even 14 were enough for V Day, too much wastage.
    That clarifies why you didn’t last long.

    2. I studied in Presidency College for one day in the Economics department. I guess I was trying to follow my father’s footsteps. Didn’t last long

  35. I agree with MrComplainIsMyMiddelName. Why bore us with such moronic posts? We do not care a rat’s ass about the person behind Greatbong. Write posts on politics, movies and cricket. Remember your primary purpose is to entertain us and your secondary purpose is to 1) let link-whores like Unpretentious_Diva, who in the past has shown a tendency for providing links to his/her blog with each comment, promote their posts 2) allow assorted fundie Saffron nutlesses ask for money so that they can sponsor their re-conversion projects and make the payments on their houses in Edison and 3)facilitate femi-Nazis taking a number 2. By the way where is Ramesh Srivats? See GB has so bored the sweet Jesus out of us that even that dear fellow has forgotten to post a “For more, visit my blog”.

    I am removing you from my feed-reader and subscribing to Unpretentious_Diva who never ever talks about himself/herself and yet whose entire blog is waste.

  36. @anonymous
    ” allow assorted fundie Saffron nutlesses ask for money so that they can sponsor their re-conversion projects and make the payments on their houses in Edison”

    That was good.
    you guys dont donate enough to even do the first.

  37. No saffronite. We do donate. It’s just that you guys siphon off too much money. Stop obsessively crapping over this very nice blog and instead get a job. That might help your re-conversion drives. I feel bad at how GB has to spend time repeatedly editing your hate-speech and your “Please give us money” begging.

    By the way, you forgot to enquire about my Imam or my Father. Since you guys assume all Hindus share your hates and paranoias.

  38. @ Anonymous : By the way, you forgot to enquire about my Imam or my Father

    Why? Is your imam your father? Or is your father your imam?

    Baap re baap !!

  39. Hard Hard Boobs Boobs

    You forgot the meaning of the word “or”. What you mean is “and”. Now go back to your RSS sakhas and get re-trained. If you need money for that do inform and I shall send some spare quarters.

  40. @ anonymous
    Since you just offered…Do send some money for a RSS shakha.
    Here click on my link and donate some.

    Might earn you some good karma at the least.

  41. @ GB : Out of the letters that dipanjan posted … RDG ??? – he was cool … we even have a fan community (107 member strong) …
    Just wanted to know ur opinion …

  42. @ anonymous
    No my friend. Syphoning off money is the last thing you and your like can accuse RSS of.

    You may hate the RSS for their ideological diversity from that of yours. You may hate them for a host of other things. But dont call them corrupt. That quality is reserved for your lot.

  43. What “lot” would I belong to? I am sure saffron loonies are not corrupt. After all you say so. If I do not accept, I shall see several khaki-shorts walas with lathis coming after me or Muthalik-senas trying to pull down skirts or worse Modi-senas coming with swords. Yes yes you are not corrupt.

    By the way I never accused RSS of being corrupt. I accused the right-wing loons on this board of being corrupt. There is a difference. Of course the typical Hindu loon (like you) is too dumb to understand such small technicalities.

  44. Ditto on Egypt. There is something about Egypt that makes me get Goosebumps. Maybe I was an Pharaoh in an earlier life (Yes, I believe in rebirth).

  45. I guess I am not demented enough to share the rest ! I actually love driving/riding, especially on the freeways and socializing face to face especially over a few pegs :-)

  46. @ Anonymous “Hard Hard Boobs Boobs”

    Why are you interested in my boobs? Hard or flaccid? This preoccupation in men’s boobs is unhealthy.

    “You forgot the meaning of the word “or”.”
    I did not forget anything. It was a joke. As you are daydreaming about man-boobs, you must have missed it.

    “If you need money for that do inform and I shall send some spare quarters”.
    Keep your quarters. You obviously need them more than I do.

    So. Is your imam your father?

    (From he of the rock-solid moobs)

  47. @ Anonymous : “Muthalik-senas trying to pull down skirts”

    Were they actually doing that? Pulling down skits? Or is this more ‘anonymous” fantasising?

    Phwarr. Hard boobs AND shed apparel!! Better than those long and lonely nights Anonymous spends in front of the internet !!

  48. “I loved my school. With the same intensity, I disliked my undergraduate experience.”…you pretty much voiced my feelings. Though undergraduate days were not all that bad, they were nothing compared to the schooldays. Suggestion: do give us a post on “25 things I loved about my school”. You can even make it 50 or 100. We, especially your friends from school, will not mind.

  49. point 3 – its not just you. even mr driftwood who’s otherwise perfectly incapable of remembering to put out the towel to dry or even switch off the lights when he leaves the room, is ready with statistics & assorted details of matches that took place eons ago. must be something abt being a man.
    for someone who’s rarely written any personal posts, thsi was long due. also, unlike many others i’ve come across, u werent trying to be deliberately ‘clever’. that was refreshing.

  50. What a way to spoil this charming-next-door-kid type of post with stupid rants. MynameisMRcomplain or whoever had a genuine point that his intellectually challenged brain couldn’t ‘get’ this kinda posts. After all he thought since he was spending hard earned money surfing the net, he might as well get a b**wj*b each time he is out.

    I think anonymous was absolutely right in being impatient with this gentleman. But then what followed was completely not on…Batul, HHBB, saffronite c’mon guys, take your grouses atleast to a different post even if on the same blog. After all this one is Rajshri productions type post…phamily-vamily wale aajaa rahe hain

    And even after GB says ‘stop it guys’…sheesh

  51. Please re-read the posts Laborer.
    It was anonymous that started the rant on this particular post.

    As usual the saffron brigade was ready to respond at the first provocation.

  52. Jessup, your potentially libelous comment has been removed. Thank you Anonymous for the support but since Jessup’s comment has been removed, your reply to it has also been.

  53. You seem like a bright sweet thing, however socially inept. You need a road-trip (sorry for the unfortunate term) a project and some serious fun, do it while you are young and can take risks. Go for it dude!

  54. Oh Great One,

    Aap to antaryami hain.

    The 25 things you wrote are me to the T.

    Only in my case when I sing in the shower I imagine the shower to be tears of joy from Kishore da’s eyes!

  55. “Go through life by hurting the least amount of people possible.” Guess this is your best post in a while- taking the bandages off, as someone once said.

  56. 12.’I love Shyamasangeet. Not for religious reasons. I just find them immensely moving.’

    We had a group of Bong Engineering students who, after a heavy drinking session used to listen to Shyamasangeet inside hostel room. Pannalal is my favourite. Who’s yours ?

    Love for Bollywood subgrades, breakdance, learning to swim compels me to ask this random question, were you born in north Kolkata around ’73 ?

    ullas!
    ~uh~

  57. Good collection, not that I like all of them, but hey.

    history and geography can be interchanged as far as I am concerned but who in this world has a glass of tequila!!

    strongly disagree that agnosticism is inferior to atheism.

    your words

    “And I am merely an agnostic which may be considered to be a weaker form of atheism.”

    theism/atheism is a self belief system. you either believe in it or do not. damn the proof.

    agnosticism is different… it does not garner belief without evidence nor does it dispel belief when hard core evidence is not available.

    it is an open ended belief system, superior in my view.

    each to his own however and no with no intentions to hurt.

  58. I just had to de-lurk today!
    I agree with you on #7 and #10 and #16 and #23. I’m currently an undergraduate student, and college sucks! I recently offended a good friend of mine. I cannot make up my mind whether I’m sentimental or not, and I cannot talk. Period.
    I just write! :P

  59. You gave us the reasons as to why you chose to study engineering…. but if we could have gone back to the past,
    what would your choice be this time?

  60. @ the 12th response by Anonymous:

    I am also from JUCS and I dont agree with you. I quite loved my under-graduate experience @ JUCS..

    A pointer: This post was written on Feb 14 (Valentine’s day), and I know the condition of most pointers entering JUCS on Feb 14th.. ( Dnt mind, no hard feelings )..

    Though, its your view and you are entitled to that :)

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