Seven Reasons Why Knight Riders Totally Rock

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Of late there has been an obscene rush in writing the most astringent of articles railing against the Knight Riders, a state of affairs no doubt triggered by their not-so-perfect performances. A leading media outlet even had a piece citing seven reasons why Buchanan should go.  Amidst this tidal wave of vicious criticism, let me stand apart from the crowd and give you seven good reasons why the Knight Riders rock.

1. The IPL is a circus. And no circus is complete without a clown. A clown typically performs each of the acts commonly seen in a circus— cycling,  jumping through hoops, antics with animals. But they bungle ceaselessly while doing each of them. Similarly the KKR goes through the motions of batting, fielding and bowling but in each of these activities manages to embarrass itself so thoroughly that the audience is left howling with laughter. In a world where there is so much sadness and grief, what can beat the pristine delight of watching the King’s Men bumbling along, falling down, ripping their trousers and soiling themselves? And if there was any doubt as to how seriously the KKR team treats its role as the tournament’s clown, they even communicate among themselves using sign language in the same way that clowns connect with their audience noiselessly through pantomime.

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IPL 2.0 Snippet II

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Just when you thought you had seen the last of Buchanan’s magic, he pulls out yet another rabbit from his golden helmet.  [Link]

Kolkata have now devised a new sign language to communicate with each other on the field, in order to negate the language problem that players of different backgrounds have to contend with in the IPL, and at the same time, to keep the opponents guessing about their strategies.

An adaptation from baseball, the Knight Riders team have learnt these new signs to get their field-placings right, and to guide the bowlers about what line and length to bowl against particular batsmen. According to sources, the elevation of wicketkeeper Brendon McCullum to captaincy is also seen as an extension of the baseball logic, where the catcher behind the plate discusses the next throw with the pitcher using sign language.

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Sidhuism Number 73

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In an interview on Samay, the Patiala Pegg-head says:

Visa provision should be made easier. The bus services between India and Pakistan should be continued. And Sikhs should be harassed unnecessarily on suspicious ground.

Now normally I would have put this down as a typo but then again since this is Sidhu we are talking about, I withhold my judgment.

[Link: Courtesy Abhik Bhattacharya]

The Curtain Rises

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We are back. With the team round-ups. Arranged in order of the GB-factor. The best comes first. And the worse—we don’t care if they come or not.

Deccan Chargers: In IPL 2008, Deccan Chargers were the Air Deccan of the franchises, finishing at the very bottom and finding it nigh impossible to take off on time. Since then they have gotten their act together and identified their shortcomings.

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Dhoni Bhajji Hai Hai

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Bhajji was lucky to escape criminal action after he racially insulted a monkey and then slapped another.

He then further pushed his luck by dancing dressed as Ravana with Mona Singh as Sita. This greatly insulted people who found the fact that Ravana and Sita could dance together outside the VVS Laxman Rekha to be despicable.

Dhoni too had been pushing the envelope by his acts of random sexiness which were also pretty offensive, like him allowing his name to be used in songs like “Set kara di life he Baba Dhoni sang hamaar ho” which single (and married) women all over India were singing.

It was only going to be a matter of time before the law would catch up with this duo. And it finally has. A law-suit has been filed against Dhoni and Harbhajan for “defamation, criminal intimidation and intentional insult with intent to provoke breach of peace”.

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IPL 2.0 Snippet I

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Mohammed Kaif [Image: Tribune],  Rajasthan Royal (the only team whose owner is a PhD)’s most expensive recruit, is taken to South Africa. He then plays one match against the Cape Cobras, scratches around as he has done for the most part of his career, hits one lofted shot to the boundary and then gets a leading edge to the spinner and walks back.

Next thing he knows he is on the flight back to India, his services no longer needed.

This is even the more shocking because an astrologer had said that Kaif will “rock” this year in the IPL. I presume that means he will be listening to rock music while the IPL is on.

At least it is good to know that while one Kaif is going out, another Kaif, who will definitely provide more entertainment to all, will fly in.

Of course it would be most inappropriate to say that Kaif has been fired. Not at all. Using the euphemistic vocabulary perfected by Indian IT majors none more than this company with whom the Royals have a tie-up, it should be said that Kaifu has most possibly been sun-setted/deprecated and will no longer be maintained.