Monthly Archive for September, 2009

Dil Bole Hadippa—the Review

Stardate 2009.10. This is Captain James T Kirk of the Starship Enterprise. Caught in an ion storm, we have been thrown off coordinates in a remote corner of the galaxy and are currently orbiting a M-class planet…

[Bridge of the Enterprise]

Spock: Captain, I have been able to get some information from the archives about this planet. It is in an Earth-like planet with an nitrogen-oxygen atmosphere called Yashrajton. In this planet, there is always bright sunshine, most of it consists of green fields with yellow flowers everywhere , happy people with nary a worry in sight sing and dance about, the dhol plays always, background dancers magically arrive every twenty minutes, one elaborate family function gives way to another, India and Pakistan exist as brothers and play cricket together for a cup called the “Aaman Cup”, the education system consist of Gurukuls where teachers instruct students in the ways of love,  whenever people break into song (and that’s as often as a man with loose motion taking a dump) they sing in the voices of Sonu Nigam or Sunidhi Chauhan, there is a very limited set of names for people (Veer, Veera, Rohan, Rahul), everyone talks with exaggerated facial expressions and gestures, where a woman will be mistaken to be a man the moment she puts on a beard and a man will be rendered unrecognizable if he shaves off his mustache and most importantly, everything is lovey-dovey.

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Wanted—the Review

“Wanted” is not so much a movie but a rip in the space-time continuum, a relativistic worm-hole through which the Bollywood of the 80s has crashed into the 2009s bringing back the glory days of single-screen chawanni-flying and CT-marooing dhisoom dhashoom action and chakoom chukum “abhe chamiya ek chummi de ke ja” romancing into the Rs 500 nacho-selling world of fancy multiplexes.

Take that Sanjay Gupta and all you Tarantino- Leone worshipers who think its cool to take inspiration from Spaghetti Westerns and pulp fiction while neglecting our glorious heritage of Garam Halawa—”Wanted” is a box-office cracker raking in so much green that will make you turn wannabes green.

And take that Aamir Khan— “Wanted” is as non-nonsensical as your “Ghajini” but with none of the six-pack “inspired by Memento” pretentiousness that characterized that pile of hot steaming turd.

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That Time Of The Year

It’s that time of the year.

Durga Pujo.

Jostling amidst insane crowds. Craning necks trying to catch a glimpse of the protima (the idol). Getting my feet trampled by 200 lb mashima from Titagarh. Having my behind worked over by the pickpocket expecting his pujo bonus. Consuming boiled rice sold as “biriyani” and canine meat as mutton roll. Being awash in the bleary-eyed punch-drunkenness that comes not from good old bubbly but from the positive energy that pervades the air.

Not for me.Not any more.

Settled across the Atlantic in Obamaland, a “family man” no less, things are very different.

Very much so.

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Mad Cow Disease

BJP spokesperson Rajiv Pratap Rudy said: “Tharoor has termed economy class in airlines as cattle class. (This reflects) the insensitivity of the minister. This tantamounts to (causing) deep injury to the self-respect and esteem of millions who travel economy class,” Rudy said in a statement here. [Link]

Yes Rudy sahab. Shashi Tharoor definitely deserves to be hung by his udders. But before that is done pahele us aadmi ke sign leke aao who named “second class” in trains as”second class” in the process hurting the self-respect and esteem of billions of people who travel “second class” everyday, people who go home and weep copiously and wonder whether they are “first class” citizens of the country.

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Lassie Come Home

I had tweeted this yesterday after Rajnish, a reader, sent me a reference to this Punjab Kesari story which I am sure you shall all agree can definitely be called disturbing.

Titled descriptively as “Nirlajj Ne Nashe Main Luti Kutiya Ki Izzat” this piece informed us of a horrific act of man-beast interaction that cannot be described in English, an act that led to the dog refusing to eat or drink and ending with the police assuring concerned citizens that the said kutiya will not be produced in court.

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