The JawaniPur Fest

Published on January 25, 2012 in Silly. 27 Comments

Reporting live from the Jawanipur Cliterature Fest—- Into its sixty-ninth edition, this the largest convention of adult media lovers, has had its biggest year yet. And no I am not referring to the orgasmic frenzy triggered by the arrival of Oooh-aaah, one of the biggest adult stars of the world who spectacularly announced at the fest grounds that his life has been like the Qutb Minar. Nor am I referring to the massive numbers who have thronged and thong-ed the venue. I am talking instead about the huge controversy that has blown everyone away—what the press are calling now  L’affair Savita Bhabhi.

Trouble started once it was announced that Savita Bhabhi, has been asked to deliver the event keynote.

Viewers may remember that Savita Bhabhi is officially banned in the republic of Offendia.

[Cut to shot of person from “Protection of Pubic Morality And Phemily Values”]  “This lady has destroyed the moral fabric of our nation. Saali hoti hai aadhi gharwaali, bhabhi ke saath kare kharabi—– when will the dirtyfication of our pavitra rishtas stop? Is there nothing sacred any more?”]

A few days ago, the government of Offendia declared that they had intelligence that four gang-bangers, essentially killers for money-shots, were coming to the festival site to gag the Bhabhi. The response to this threat (which some quarters have suggested is very very silicon-fake) from the festival organizers has been mixed—they had told Ms. Bhabhi to come, stop, come again and then stop leading to speculation whether pressure is being brought to bear from various quarters, some of them quite high-up.

A festival spokesman said “This is an event where adult media lovers from all over the world, common men and women like the pizza-delivery man, mailman, nurse, cop, come and share whatever it is they want to share with similar-minded people.  We do not want controversy but honestly do not mind the free press it gives us.”

Speaking exclusively to our channel, a critic of the Fest said “Hah ! Don’t let the egalitarian claptrap fool you. This fest is what is known as the velvet room in an orgy…the elite sanctum where you can look in but cannot enter. It’s all mutual back-patting and la-dee-daa-ing inside. A bunch of swollen heads trying to get a head. And this Bhabhi thing—-fashionable champagne activism from the velvet room. Hah again!”

Speaking also exclusively to our channel, a critic of the critic of the Fest  stuck his head out from the velvet room “That man is just jealous he was not invited. What a troll. Incidentally, all of us here appreciate the fact that Bhabhi has taken a position and is not kneeling down.”

And if all the drama was not enough, the very popular author of “Point Five Something” and “One Night At Call Girl Center”, in one of the sessions, opined that one must not make heroines out of people who give too much attention to lingerie-salesmen or boys playing cricket near her home. This statement was greeted with shocked gasps by the Fest crowd, most of whom revere Bhabhi as an iconic figure, one who has stood for freedom of speech and action for decades.

In protest against what they perceived as a hardening of stances, four courageous authors performed acts from some of her most famous works (like the very Kafkaian “Interview” ) in public. The festival authorities have gone on record saying that they would like to keep their hands-off from this though they have been watching from a distance. Some of the courageous authors then took planes and left the country, once it became public knowledge that law enforcement have been playing their tapes again and again with sound-off.

There was talk that Bhabhi might do a live webcam performance but even that the authorities shot down. Instead she put out an oral statement where she said that the top of the country has not been with her but the bottom has always been with her. “A woman of the people I am” she said her voice dripping with emotion to which the Fest critic merely gave a light tremor of disapproval.

(Some ideas based on discussion on Twitter)

[Note: My book "The Mine" has its launch event on the 27th at India International Center, 40 Max Mueller Marg from 6:30 pm. I will be in conversation with noted critic Jaiarjun Singh. If in Delhi, please plan to be there.]

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