RaGa’s Viva

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Before entering the exam-hall

Madamji: Beta, remember, don’t get nervous. You have been preparing for this viva a long time. Just don’t make any silly mistakes.

RaGa: (clean smile, hair parted to the side): No Mamma, I am well prepared this time. SaJa-uncle has given me plenty of suggestions and practice tests. I did great in them, did I not SaJa-uncle?

SaJa: Great? You were marvelous, superb, mind-blowing, extra-ordinary.

RaGa (grinning from ear to ear): See Mamma. I have also been having my Maltova and Horlicks, down to the bottom sip, have I not MaTi-uncle?

MaTi: Yes, yes you have been drinking it whole. Very holistic. Like a good little boy. But listen to me, if the examiner asks you a tough question, just raise your hand and say “Number one”. Then come out, and go to the bathroom. We have people standing there in every cubicle, waiting to give you an answer. Remember, cheats are written on the bottom of the pencil-box and your compass has a false bottom, with other cheats scrolled in.

RaGa: Yes, yes I remember

MaTi: Be careful. Last time, you told everyone that the political science chits were in your shirts and pants.

RaGa: I won’t any more. I am an youth leader now am I not Mama?

Madamji: Yes, so you are.

SaJa: You are youth. And that other boy is uncouth.

[Fifty people at same time tweet this exact message---"RaGa is youth. Other one is uncouth".]

In the exam-hall

ArGo:  Put away your exercise books. The viva will start now.

RaGa (slightly tense): I am ready

ArGo: You have been an youth for ages now. Why is this your first test?

RaGa: I have tested before. I have tasted pasta, lasagna, and one time I was at a hut of a Dalit friend, I tasted chapatti too.

ArGo: I meant….oh forget it. Anyways here is your first question. If I have two fair die and I roll them on a table, what is the probability that both of them show the face with six dots?

RaGa: [deep sigh] Let me give you an insight into how RaGa approaches the problem. I have seen two of my loved ones die…

ArGo: I do have empathy for your loss and so does everyone else. But my question was regarding “die”, as in the ones you roll to play board games, like ludo? You have played ludo right?

RaGa: Probability, I have

ArGo [slight exasperation]: Do you know what probability means?

RaGa: RaGa is not interested in probability but in possibility of every Indian. Of women, Dalits, minorities, sycophants….

ArGo : Why do you refer to yourself in the third person?

RaGa: Because only my opponent thinks of himself as the first person. I am no one, merely a third person.

ArGo: Anyways, you are avoiding my question. Okay let’s get more basic. What is probability? How would you define probability?

RaGa: How would you define probability?

ArGo: Me?

RaGa (beatific smile): Yes you.

ArGo: I am asking the questions here, I am the examiner

RaGa: But it’s called a viva voce. You are asking viva, I am doing voce.

ArGo: Okay then. It is a measure or estimation of likelihood of occurrence of an event. And no I am not telling you the formula for it.

RaGa subtly turns the back of his pencil box and is shocked to see that the definition scribblings are in Japanese. He quietly whimpers “Dentsoooo”

ArGo: What?

RaGa: Oh I sneezed. Atichoo…

ArGo (getting angry): Have you read any book on this? Ever?

RaGa: Of course I have. I have many favorite books. My Pet Goat. Goodbye Moon. Bank pass book.

ArGo: I meant books on probability. On statistics. Give me a straight answer.

RaGa (sweating): One-twos are twos. Two twos are four. Three twos are six. Four twos are eight. Five twos are ten.

ArGo: RaGa, do you know the definition of probability? Yes or no?

RaGa: I might. One never knows what one doesn’t know.

ArGo: Let me try another way. If I ask you a question like what is the sum of the first ten natural numbers, will you be able to answer it?

RaGa: I cannot determine whether you will be able to answer it.

ArGo: I didn’t ask you if I would be able to answer it. I asked if you….you RaGa…will be able to answer it.

RaGa: RaGa believes all numbers are natural. My opponent likes to think some are real and that some are imaginary but RaGa is not like that.

ArgGo: Do you understand anything about the mathematical system?

RaGa: I am against the system. I don’t understand the system. They are afraid of me because I am trying to change the system. Because women are the backbone of the country.

ArGo (holding his head): Enough. Uff. Koi leke jaao isse.

RaGa: I have won. NREGA. RTI. Reservations. Growth rate. Five to the Pawar of two is twenty five. Three plus two is five. Yay !

After the exam

RaGa: Mamma, I answered all the questions. Full attempt.

MaTi: By the holiest of holistics, that was a brilliant performance. You have cracked the secret of the viva. No matter what question the examiner asks, just barf out what you mugged up. That way the examiner gets confused and wonders if he is explaining the question right. Shabaash. And smart to stop at five twos are ten, one more and you would have had to take off your shoes to count from ten to twenty.

Madamji: Very good beta. I am very proud of you. [Handing him a bowl full of yogurt] You were as brilliant as I thought.

SaJa: 10/10 for RaGa. Courageous, honest and perfect answers. Even Einstein would applaud.

[Fifty people at same time tweet this exact message]

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53 thoughts on “RaGa’s Viva

  1. Lol……I am no fan of ArGo but I am surprised how ArGo actually maintained his calm during the interview.I was reminded of the serial “neem ka ped”.where pankaj kapur as a planted witness repeats the same line forever…”Hum huan se jaat rahin to kya dekha…..”….lol…. the core issue is frankly that the women need to be empowered.

  2. Bit misleading title – I read it as RaGa’s विवा(ह).

    Also, a reminder of sad reality that I have been out of engineering college since two decades

  3. Your funniest post ever!! “And smart to stop at five twos are ten, one more and you would have had to take off your shoes to count from ten to twenty”….fantastic!!

  4. It reminds me of Sarah Palin, her sheer stupidity, and how the Republicans had to keep her away from most media outlets except Fox News to ensure she didn’t reveal her ignorance to the electorate. Sonia used the same ploy all these years, and now, her son is doing the same.

  5. “Last time, you told everyone that the political science chits were in your shirts and pants.”

    This is an epic of a line. Absolutely sensational stuff. One of the most hilarious and well-written pieces I came across in recent times.

    Keep them coming Arnab. The coming general election will be absolutely entertaining.

    • Awesome Post GB. He didn’t answer any questions, infact repeated women empowerment, bringing youth and opening the closed system so many times that he himself got confused with what he meant with those objectives. Surprisingly ArGo was not in his usual avatar but relatively more calm and articulated.

    • Was that sarcasm? If I said your mom was a SLUT. And kept insisting she was ONE. Though, there was no proof of anything of that sort. I can assure you, you would have not just walked out, but AFTER strangling my neck. So, don’t try to be too smart here. :)

    • The people of Gujarat have been giving their opinion on that interview over the past 5 years. They gave him complete support in leading Gujarat, and that interview played a big part in helping people understand the “secular” media.

      There has overwhelmingly supporting for him to lead BJP’s endevor to bring a positive change in the way India’s walks into the future, and that speaks volumes about where this non-interview took Modi.

      • CPM’s non-performance did not matter when it came to their election prospects, because Bengal is severely indoctrinated. Similar is the case of Gujarat. As long as Modi keeps killing Muslims and does not damage Gujarati businesses, he will have the devotion of Gujaratis. That does not make him desirable for India nor does that cover up for his failings in front of Karan Thapar.

  6. Pingback: RaGa’s Viva | Jena's Blog

  7. This post made me realize arnab goswami abbreviates to Argo – so arnab for all the times you have tested my patience trying to find out what the nation wants to know – i have one thing to say – Argo – **** yourself!!

  8. Pingback: Frankly Speaking with Rahul Gandhi – Full Episode | Jena's Blog

  9. Brilliant post!!

    However hilarious the interview was, it is damn scary to realize that a number of people want RaGa to be PM of this country!

  10. The progression and acceptability of Narendra Modi’s vision and capabilities can be very cogently documented in Greatbong’s blogposts over the past 6 years.
    If one goes through the comments here over the past six years the progression goes as-
    From being a hated pariah of the ‘secularists’, baying for his jugular despite case after case being ruled in Modi’s favor by the judiciary; to being most popular candidate for the post of Prime Minister of India.
    From being the bete-noire of American led “Western world” for challenging their set notions of India as a service sector, third world consumer economy; to finding acceptance atleast among some world leaders, as a visionary who would lead India’s foot forward in innovation and sustainable growth, in the 21st century.

    Very happy to see a simple man with unique abilities rise to find his place as the leader that India always deserved. Hope India’s collective karma gets him there.

  11. Either I am growing older, or maybe your posts are turning distinctly unfunny. Quite sad to see the deterioration in quality over the years, greatbong.
    And no, I am no RG supporter
    – a former blog regular giving some honest feedback

    • As an old-timer on the blog, I would agree with your opinion on quality of blog overall.
      However I would say we all are growing older including GB. Over time interest, taste and opportunity changes, the blog probably is a reflection of that than any loss of form or class. My guess is GB is not as enthused by this media to express himself as he once upon a time was. Lets not forget he is a new father as well. If the idea is to connect with audience or express creative urge then may be he has better or alternate avenues than this. I have seen many authors letting their blogsite die natural death over a period of time, I would give credit to GB for holding on so long which in itself commendable.

  12. Nice one, Arnab Ray ! Your hilarious review needs to be added to the other gems at:

    http://www.Pappupedia.com/

    Pappu wanted to act in the sequel to the Hollywood movie “Dumb and Dumber”, but the director turned him down because he wasn’t interested in changing the title to “Dumber and Dumbest”. :)

    The last I heard, someone in Bollywood is making a C-grade comedy movie called: “Pappu Can’t Talk Saala” as a consolation to his failed ambitions.

    In any case, Pappu is the dumb blonde of Indian politics who would even give the other bimbo (Sarah Palin) a complex. Either that, or Pappu is as disoriented – as Dr.Subramanian Swamy famously tweeted – as an “addict of hallucinating chemicals”.

    This interview only leads many Indians to conclude that one can be born with a golden spoon in his mouth into 3 generations of Indo-Italian politico-scamster-royalty (with an untold fortune stashed away in Swiss bank accounts), but it still can’t make you smart.

    Contrast that against the real “common man” who grew from his humble origins (hawking “garma garam chai” in trains at his father’s tea-stall as a young boy) to becoming the odds-on favourite to become India’s 14th Prime Minister.

    The only obstacle I perceive is what I read of the latest IB alerts – after the failed assassination bid at the Patna rally, it is amply clear that there are definitely many agencies who are planning to “target” him at any costs and alter India’s Meteoric Rise – viz. the ISI, the Lashkar, SIMI/Indian Mujahideen, his political opponents, Chinese Intelligence and Western Intelligence Agencies , who are either acting separately or maybe in tandem with each other. After all, all of them have a common enemy – India.

  13. Lol Rotfl…This is classic. That interview is pure gold…..)
    IMO India has the best possible future. We have three candidates :
    NaMo – Will bring progress and prosperity
    Kejri – Good governance & honesty
    RaGa – pure TV comedy magic…the people of India will laugh day in day out solving all issues…)
    Life does not get better

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