Archive for the 'Creative Writing' Category

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“No More” Machaye Shor

An extract from Natwarlal ‘s blog “Mere paas aao mere doston ek kissa suno” somewhere in the blogosphere.
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I miss the good old days. Siyaram Kasturi used to do the groceries, R Dhanbaan used to cut the onions , Moonekay Gandhi was a model in a towel, and Indura was India. Television was under our control, the PM used to be the RJ-in-chief on Akashvani and I used to sit, legs curled up behind me thinking of 20 points for the latest garibi jamboree program.

There were two superpowers in the world, the people who took money from both of them called themselves the “Non Aligned Movement” and all our conversations consisted of the “North South dialogue”, “the have and the have nots” and ” Get rid of poverty”.

Committees were called Politburos and “Gimme Red” meant another suitcase full of cash had arrived from the Kasturba Gandhi Briddhashram (which the world used to know as the KGB).

You needed a license to scratch your balls and red tape held the country together. And most of all, there was respect.

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My 55 word story

[Noone tagged me....but here goes]

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Punch drunk with lust, she moves away the sheets and invites him wordlessly to join her on the bed. He is sculpted like a Greek God. She shivers and opens herself up to him. He however quivers and smiles embarrassedly.

“Finished soo soon?” She complains.

“It’s just a 55 word story. What do you expect?”

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The Oscar Committee Minutes

Scene: Four men sit around a table. In front is a Orson color TV from 1988 and a DVD/VCD player from Santosh Electronics.

Cast: Harmesh Malhotra (Hammy),
Vinod Pandey (Vindie),
Jagdish Sharma(Juggie),
Vikas Mohan (Vics)

Context: 4 of India’s movie giants are deciding which movie to send to the Oscars.

Hammy: Ok gentlemen please let’s finish this please— I am not feeling particularly well. Frankly, if you ask me none of these movies are worth sending to the Oscars. (Looking wistfully)….My great works of art–Nagina and its sequel Nigahen were path breaking movies——-a buxom lady who turns into a python err cobra …if that’s not an original story idea then tell me what is. Even today snakecharmers play the “Pa pa pa pa pa…. Main teri dushman dushman tu mera, main nagin tu sapera” song on their daily rounds. And not one bastard thought these movies were worth sending to the Oscars….

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Hum Apke Dil Main Baithke Aag Laga Diye

Diamond merchant, Brat Shah takes a bite out of his Dhokla.

Bollywood’s most successful director Rabid Ravan (also known an Formula 1) continues—-”Yass sirrrjee…..this porject cannot fail. Ekdom damdar cheez hain….total hatke.”

Vicky Shah, the Columbia filmschool-returned-son of Brat Shah moans: ” Gimme a break yo. Dad let me do this new movie….these people are so desi…oooh.”

Rabid Ravan looks ahead, totally ignoring Vicky’s vitriol.

“Sirjee the movie’s name is superhit…certified by numerologists…..it is “Hum Aapke Dil Main Baithke Aag Laga Diye”. And not just name—-the concept is mindblowing sir. Totally mindblowing.

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It Hurts

I cannot pretend it did not hurt. No I am not talking about the 4-2 drubbing from Pakistan in the recently concluded ODI series. That hurt too. But what I am referring here is to not being shortlisted among the top 60 (yes 60 !) in the India Smiles contest organized by Sulekha.

I did not think my entry was that bad. But oh well…..

In any case, here is my entry—-since now it has been kicked out from the competition.

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