Archive for the 'Silly' Category

The JawaniPur Fest

Published on January 25, 2012 in Silly. 27 Comments

Reporting live from the Jawanipur Cliterature Fest—- Into its sixty-ninth edition, this the largest convention of adult media lovers, has had its biggest year yet. And no I am not referring to the orgasmic frenzy triggered by the arrival of Oooh-aaah, one of the biggest adult stars of the world who spectacularly announced at the fest grounds that his life has been like the Qutb Minar. Nor am I referring to the massive numbers who have thronged and thong-ed the venue. I am talking instead about the huge controversy that has blown everyone away—what the press are calling now L’affair Savita Bhabhi.

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The Wannabe Trends of 2011

Published on December 15, 2011 in Silly. 61 Comments

Like love, it is difficult to define wannabeness. You just know when you see it. Like when beefcake Akashdeep Saigal, of Big Boss, insists that he be called SkyWalkR. Like when Sreesanth speaks with an accent on Love2HateU but another, the real one, comes out from time to time, like a torn Lux baniyaan strap peeping out from behind that Louis Vuitton.

This brainless, thoughtless me-too-ness with aspersions of coolness—-ooh the humanity.

Yes I know I am sounding like one of those old men who sit on park benches and rail against the world.

I understand that perhaps wearing trousers in place of dhotis was considered wannabeness once upon a time.

I also remember that when I was in high school, the legendary Anjan-Babu of South Point High School made me rap in the staff-room, dubbing me “The Baba” because I had publicly announced my admiration for Baba Sehgal, something considered then to be the height of wannabeness.

And finally I consider myself a progressive person who understands the inevitability of the proverbial generation gap.

But despite it all, some things, some things, just still keep grating away at me like nails on chalk.

So here they are—the wannabe, most infuriating trends of the year. Agree with me. Or I will poke you in the eye with my Mahendra Lal Dutt black umbrella.

Cause you are in my corner of the park.

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The Boy Prince Holdeth the Great Sword

Published on August 6, 2011 in Silly. 103 Comments

[An abridged version of this post appeared in the Times of India, August 14th 2011 issue]

Grandpa: That the Boy Prince would ascend the throne and take his place in the Line of Gandhars had been prophesied ever since the Young King, his father, fell to an assassin from the Deep South Lands.

Little Girl: Ohh the Line of Gandhars? You told me about them before.

Grandpa: Yes I have little one. Remember The Rose Monarch who started the line of Gandhars and the Iron Empress, his daughter, in front of whom all enemies trembled, the mother of the Young King?

Little Girl: Yes yes I love their stories. But tell me, being the Prince, he should have ascended the throne right after his father’s death right?

Grandpa: Yes he should have. But the Wise Men of the Hand, a secret cabal of powerful nobles, were of the opinion that The Boy Prince was not yet ready to rule. He was too young and there were enemies all around. They decided to let the Queen Mother rule in his place, till he was able to take what was rightfully his. But there was a problem with her ascending the throne.

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Walking With The Men In Blue

Published on April 7, 2011 in Cricket and Silly. 240 Comments

I was expecting an article from my favorite Goddess of Overbloated Things, Ms. Roy on India’s triumph in the World Cup. Since I presume she has not written one yet, let me write it for her. This is *a parody* and does not purport to be written by Ms. Roy. It is also considerably shorter than her 25-page rantings.

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Rudyard Kipling, that endearing old-world colonialist, once called cricket a game of “flanneled fools”. They don’t wear flannels any longer though, favoring tacky, garish uniforms made glossy by shining droplets of sweat from the foreheads of those who made them, in Mexico or closer home in Dhaka. What still remains are fools, namely those who believe they are watching a gentle competition between bat and ball and not a few hours of vacuous manufactured reality, whose raison d’etre is to serve as an orgiastic assertion of India’s overwhelmingly Hindu middle class’s hyper-nationalistic vanity.

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Kya Sarah Sarah

Published on February 25, 2011 in Silly. 33 Comments

Sarah Palin: I am so glad to be in India meeting all of you newspaper-dudes. Thanks first of all to the India Today group for ponying up USD 100K for my speaker fees and for footing the bill for the 7 star treatment. It is truly a great testament to the intellectual riches available in your country that you had to invite good ole soccer mum me.

I am truly honored to be at a place where luminaries like General Musharaff have spoken before.

(Turning to her aide: “Was he the guy who tried to hit on me?” Whispering aide: No madam, that was another Pakistani– Zardari. Palin: Wait, who is that? Aide [giving up in exasperation]: Yes sorry, forget what I said—it was the same guy.)

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