In Honor of the New Censor Chief

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While there are many who swear by Govind Nihalni, I am more a fan of his brother Pahlaj Nihalni. This doyen of 90s movies, produced many of the most iconic films of my teenage-hood, like “Shola aur Shabnam” and “Aankhen” and “Andaaz” , giving me hours of pleasure that the boys of today, fed on an anti-cultural diet of “Baby Doll” and Honey Singh will not understand.

Thus it was with nothing but un-alloyed joy that I welcome his becoming the Supremo of the Censor Board. It’s like an old friend that has made it big, not that Mr. Pahlaj Nihalni was not big before.

Of course I am not a teenager any more. Now as a parent, I am extremely happy that the job of “maintaining the sanctity of Indian culture and values” and “preventing vulgarity” has now fallen on Mr. Nihalni, because I don’t know of many men, other than the director of the above movies( one Mr. David Dhawan) who is a bigger expert on the topic.

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Leaked Table of Contents

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Leaked table of content of  book “2014 The Election That Changed India”

Forward by Ms. Ghose: How the Internet Hindus Became The Nazi Stormtroopers of Modi And Some Other Ruminations On My General Awesomeness.

1. Morning Maalish: The Relationship Between The Media And Congress Before Modi

2. Where I Put Tough Questions To Modi

3. Blow To Modi

4. Yet Another Blow To Modi 

5. Truffault’s 400 Blows To Modi

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Ice Bucket Challenge

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The first time I heard about the “Ice Bucket Challenge” was when a video of Satya Nadella, the Great Indian Whose Achievement We Have Appropriated, showed up on my Facebook News Feed. I first thought  seniors from college who had missed ragging him had finally managed to catch hold of Nadella or perhaps the people who had paid for Windows ME had. Anyways I soon found out that this so-called ice bucket challenge was the new viral sensation, the Macarena of 2014, though I am still not sure if dunking yourself with ice gets you out of a contribution to ALS (the Wikipedia entry seems to suggest so and so does Charlie Sheen’s video) or that you are supposed to do both. Anyways, it is a most worthy cause,  millions of dollars have been raised and everyone from Justin Bieber to Sonakshi Sinha have done it but not Modi and there, Arnab Goswami and Caravan magazine and Kafila, you have an idea for your latest outrage.

This post is though isn’t about the ice bucket challenge per se. It is about icy baths in Hindi films, the mechanics and the implications.

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Story Board For Most Outrageous Ad Ever

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So here is the storyboard for the most “guaranteed to outrage on Twitter” ad ever.

—–*—–

Wife is lathering fairness cream on her face.

Internal monologue  “Hope he won’t abandon me like my last husband”. [Shot of her in bridal jewelry standing with a glass of milk and a tube of vaginal tightening cream, while a man walks out, sprays Deo and drives away on a  bike]

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The Battle Clouds Loometh

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[Read first part here] {Continued from an old post “The Boy Prince Holdeth the Great Sword”}

Little Girl: Dadu, tell me more of the story of the Boy Prince from the House of Gandhars.

Grandpa: Be off, little girl, I am watching MTV Roadies.

Little Girl: Aww Dadu, tell tell. Else I will tell Dadi of the jalebis you have at the store down the corner, while pretending to be out on your morning walk.

Grandpa: Pesky twerp. So where was I?

Little Girl: The Boy Prince had been given the Great Sword. Was he made the King now? Did he lead his forces into battle against the Orange Knights?

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NRI Desi Facts

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1. If you see an NRI (Non-Resident Indian-Immigrant) Desi smiling at you at Sabzi Mandi, be sure he is either an insurance agent or selling Amway.

2. The sophisticated NRI Desi shops at Target and sneers at desis who shop at Walmart. The uber-sophisticated NRI Desi shops clearance at Macy’s and sneers at desis who shop at Target and Walmart.

3. The NRI Desi buys a ticket for a movie at AMC. Treats it as an all-day pass.

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Some Presidential Candidates I Would Like To See

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[With new updates]

1. Rajanikanth: Eternal favorite. Here is one person who everyone in India, North or South, can agree is awesome. With Rajani, we won’t need Inter continental Ballistic Missiles. He will point his finger and Helsinki will be obliterated in a second. Why just Helsinki? If he twirls his goggles, the shock waves of that act will travel light-years and rip off the testicles  of the Klingon commander in Argelius V. Only he can tell China “I will do what I say. I will also do what I don’t say”, which is guaranteed to put  the fear of God in those Godless Commies. The fear of Rajani more precisely.

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