By now all of you must have heard of the vibrating condom ring scandal that rocked Madhya Pradesh. For those who did not : Hindustan Latex had created a battery-operated vibrating condom (Crezendo) which offended the moral police in Madhya Pradesh because they felt it was a “sex toy” and since adults should never play with toys, they wanted it , predictably banned. What particularly piqued my demented mind was how this problem was brought to the attention of the minister who campaigned passionately against Crezendo. From his words on CNN-IBN
yeh prasn is liye utha hain kyon ki ek vidyarthi mere paas aaaya aur kaha ki yeh vibrating ring lekar hostel ke andar vidyarthi iske upayog kar rahe hain aur iske marketing ho rahee hain. vidyarthi agar parne ke samay main is prakar ki vibrating ring ka upyog karta hain to main samajhta hoon ki yeh kisi ke liye chinta ki vishaaye ho sakti hain.
Which means that one day, our honourable minister, in the course of his peregrinations, was accosted by a student whose complaint was not the unavailability of books in the library, or of placement opportunities or the need to upgrade campus facilities. No. His complaint was that some students had vibrating condoms on their walking sticks. Displaying sagacity of the highest form, the minister realized that if “vidyarthis” are racked with repeated eruptions from battery-operated enhancements while studying (parne ke samay), a generation of young men will be created solely dependent on automation for even the simplest of tasks, unable to use their hands.
Moved deeply by this vulgarity, this minister demanded an all-party meeting to be convened by the Prime Minister to discuss this matter of urgent national import. No more G8 summits. Just G-spot.
I have always been thrilled by our erected sorry elected representatives protecting us from vulgarity. People like Priya Praneshwari Das Munshi, our I&B chief and the saviour of Indian football who tirelessly led India’s unsuccessful bids for hosting the football world cup through ceaseless criscrossing of Europe and the Americas on the taxpayer’s account and has since brought to his job as the country’s moral supremo the same selfless and punishing work-ethic.
From the Telegraph:
A monitoring process (for vulgarity on TV) does exist, besides Das Munshi himself, who has said he sometimes stays up late to monitor television content.
So while his constituents sleep in the comfort of their bed, the minister is up at night, lights turned off, surfing the channels to watch the level of debauchery being shown, sometimes perhaps even with the sound off.
Don’t get me wrong here. I really love being protected from flashing breasts at 1 o’clock and that college kid who walks funny. But what really gets my goat is the vulgarity that assails me each day I open the newspaper.
Like Mayawati “revealing her assets” (the headline from TOI). And what assets those are ! Add up Pam Anderson, Anna Nicole Smith and Sushmita Sen and you still get a puny fraction of her 52 crore bounty (and these are the assets she “chooses” to reveal: what she keeps “choli ke peeche” must be many times that). All of which she claims she earned through “voluntary donations” from the downtrodden members of the BSP.
Like the fact that Pratibha Tai, who disbursed crores of government money as “bad loans” to her relatives, thus bankrupting a cooperative bank, is soon going to be the next President of India. That she makes statements which would make Dada Kondke go red in the face— like “Dadiji ke shareer mein baba aye” and “He also made me very lucky” only adds insult to injury.
Someone somewhere really needs to put a stop to this shameless obscenity. But what to do? As long as mammaries jiggle and organs wriggle, the best and brightest of the land are otherwise occupied.