A Few Things I Want To See on TV

10 Things I would love to see on Television.

1. On the Food channel, someone tastes the food cooked by the fast-talking chef and spits it out saying—“It’s horrible”.

2. Similarly on HGTV, someone whose dingy basement has been remodeled into a “trendy” den looks at the design magician and says ” I liked it it the way it was before.”

3. On American Idol, a long haired guy who is voted out shouts for a live TV audience—“This is all fixed. Simon, how could you do this to me ? I slept with you.”

4. In a beauty pageant, a Georgia peach , when on being asked who her inspiration woman is, flashes her pearly whites and says : “Heidi Fleiss”

5. A million dollars on the line in “Who Wants to be a Millionaire”. The last life line. Dial a friend. And the phone goes on voicemail—-“Please leave a message …I shall get back to you as soon as possible”

6. In “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” a guy who has had a wardrobe overhaul looks at the mirror and pronounces: ” God I look so gay”

7. Jerry Springer gets a kick on his head from a midget (who sleeps with his daughter) while Jerry is saying—” Take care of yourself and each other”

8. David Letterman’s top 10 list is “Top 10 reasons why I am not funny”

9. Lou Dobbs tells us that his wife has left him and his husbandly activities have thus been “outsourced.”

10. On the Factor, Bill O Reilly says “I am always a liar” to explain the Epimenides Paradox and in the process mutters the only true thing he has ever said.