Ultimate Google Geek

In our school days, we used to have a lot of “height of” jokes (not to speak of Pedro jokes)—-our first forays into adult humor. Or as we in India call it—- “non veg” humor.

Now I am not going to blog about these jokes. I could have though but I have seen that my readers, (the 4 or 5 who visit the blog for the blog’ sake and not because they are searching for something else) do not particularly fancy my musings on salacious topics.

Case in point: the post about the changing chest of Bengali cinema. (2 posts down) As of today, noone has commented on that post. As far as my readers are concerned, that post just does not exist. If you care to browse through my archives, you shall find that my ramblings on the explosive “DPS Dhamaka”or nude dances in Bihari cattle fairs have gone uncommented upon.

And yet the casual surfer who visits my blog through google is frequently looking only for sleaze. “DPS Dhamaka” is the number 1 search term for my blog with “Kamasutra”, “wife swapping in Delhi”, “Shakti Kapoor sex”(yuck yuck and yuck) and “Silk Smitha” following close behind.

Even these people never leave back comments because, very naturally, they are mighty pissed at not having been able to find the video clip they crave or the addresses of “broad-minded” couples in Delhi or pictures of Shakti Kapoor in the buff.

But I have digressed. My topic was : ” Who is the ultimate google geek?”

Google has given birth to a new generation of geeks for whom the world begins and ends with Google. Any question you have—let’s Google it. Get into an argument—if it’s not there on Google you are lying.

But you know you have crossed the line over to the Dark Side of the force, when on your marriage night, with your newly married spouse ensconced in the nuptial bed you reach for your computer, go to Google and type:

“suhagraat, what to do first?”

Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is what a visitor from Pakistan typed into Google and Google, in its infinite wisdom, directed him/her to my humble blog.

This is also why I am becoming reticent in posting on hot, sleazy topics ( for example the Ria Sen Ashmit Patel video tape) it’s a no win situation—-those who crave for spicy stuff do not find what they seek on my blog (and no doubt curse me no end for wasting their time) and those who seek my blog do not like spice of that kind.

What a pity !

(PS: Now that I have used the word “Ria Sen Ashmit Patel” twice , my Google hits are going to go through the roof with people coming to my page and finding out, to their frustration, that they have reached the page of the wrong Bong, one whose tapes, if they should exist, would have sent the viewer into severe traumatic shock)

(PS 2: For my Pakistani friend, I am sorry I could not be of help at a time when you really needed it . I hope you had a pleasant night.)

9 thoughts on “Ultimate Google Geek

  1. Tooooooooooo gooood man just toooo goood. No no please do keep posting on whatever you want—I absolutely love your “non veg posts”—as an example your 1900 Hotties is a masterpiece.

    I hope you can also understand why I posted anonymous


  2. You think that was bad. My blog came up when some perv was looking for “Telegu vagina”! And note, the misspelling of the word Telugu.

    Needless to say, the two words appeared in completely unrelated sentences and in harmless contexts (I had mentioned something about the Vagina Monologues).

  3. LOL. I’m sure if you send this post to Google, they’ll turn it into “Hall of Shame(Fame?) searches”. Serious.

  4. :-))))

    yeah….some of the hits I get on mine have rather embarrassing search queries, and absolutely nothing to do with my blog. Just momentarily flatters my ego (sitemeter shoots up!) only to deflate it instantly.

  5. So true… people with really wierd search queries do end up on my blog as well.. but there has been nothing to compare with the poor pakistani guy 🙂 , i sincerely hope he found something other than your blog 🙂

  6. This ‘suhaag raat’ thing is some form of spam that’s affecting a lot of blogs. I get variants on it regularly in my Google search results, and a couple of days ago I got the folowing comment on one of my earlier posts, from a certain ‘seXy gAL 23’:

    Im a virgin and i am engaged to be married in october. im really nervous about my suhaag raat in paticular. wil it hurt or bleed is my main qu. i hope ladies dont ask about it because they seem 2 hav exceptation when really it should be the couple who have exceptation not auntieji’s. If u have a reply. reply to xmwah_mwahx@hotmail.co.uk

  7. Dear Jabberwock,

    I am lucky only to get searches on such topics—while you have been designated as an agony uncle ! Fortunately noone comment spams me yet…

  8. bull shit…everyone who has basic knowledge of web knows that internet is used for 3 key things
    1. e-mail 2.Sex 3. Google Search No one can use your blog for email and second best thing to divert people to your blogger is sex,. Bloggers like you and many organsiations are misusing and putting the latest sex related stuff as comment in there web sites to drive visitors. What is wrong with trying to find a sex clip…but people like you have made it impossible as there are millions of sites without clip and pain for people doing search….Sick, yuck yuck

  9. I just read your article about ‘Ultimate Google Geek | Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind’ with interest. In cases where we stop just for a moment in time to contemplate the consequence of your article I truly do think this just effects only a tiny proportion and therefore the risks will be negligible.

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