What’s the definition of a crisis?
Is it when the city that never sleeps is submerged in water after being lashed with rains even Cherrapunji (once the wettest place in the world) cannot emulate?
Is it when more than 650 (and counting) people die?
Nope. Crisis is when you go to the loo, in need for a desperate dump and find that there is no TOIlet paper anywhere in the house.
In other words, crisis is defined as the day you do not get your Times of India…..your daily fix of July babes, celebrity shenanigans, call girls in Delhi, wife-swapping in Calcutta, and some other miscellaneous tit-bits of news.
Yes Times of India—the most read English daily in India.
Crisis is also defined as the day the high-and-mighty need to walk.
Crisis is when people show what they are made of. Courage in adversity.
No I am not talking about this , this and this.
I am talking about real bravery.
I am talking about Rani Mukherjee who went out of her way to offer her trailer to her hairdresser’s helpers so that they could rest. And that too despite her traumatic experience.
Mukerji was caught in the torrential rain that hit Mumbai. “It was traumatic. I couldn’t do anything except sit and wait,”she says.
And she had to survive along with John Abraham on Parle G, biscuits and chai and I think to myself–depredations wrought by nature are indeed unimaginable.
I am talking about Bipasha Basu who was unable to locate her John ( if only she could read Indian Express, she would have known that he was having Parle G with Rani).
There’s no electricity in my house since last night. No drinking water, or toilet water either.
Bipasha without toilet water. A stinking crisis if there ever was one.
However I have to question Bipasha’s promotion skills—–she should have mentioned that her next release is going to be a movie called “Barsaat” which will make rain sexy once again.
I am talking about Kareena Kapoor who despite being in Bangkok tried so hard to use her mobile phone to get in touch with everyone. Which meant that it was not being used to record her French kissing Shahid Kapur. Now that’s courage.
I am talking about Monisha Koirala who was glad she was not outdoors and did Mumbai the greatest possible service by not walking outside into the submerged town. Because considering Archimedes Principle, the volume of water she would have displaced could have caused a Tsunami and then we would be looking at 65,000 dead and not 650.
Think about the lives she saved.
I am talking about Celina Jaitley’s puppy dog.
I was about to go to town for some work, somehow, thanks to my puppy dog – who started crying – I had to stay back. I called in the vet to come and check in on my puppy, and in half hour I heard Mumbai was submerged. I just got saved!
Dan Rather, the legendary CBS newscaster used to have a sign-off phrase—“Courage”.
We saw a lot of it these past few days coming from the Mumbaikars who really matter—-celebrities.
The Greatbong Blog & Podcast 
ROFL ROFL…..Amazing…..
Great bong, there isn’t another like you. ROTFL!
Did you see the one from Rani’s mom, Krishna in IE?!
we haven’t been able to get in touch with her.. blah bah..blah.
Makes you wonder, if all the lines were really down (they weren’t, not all) how did she get a quote in the paper?
@Fads, 🙂
I wondered how that happened too…it seems the reporters are omnipresent
@Samit 🙂
I’ve linked to this on my blog……..thanks for telling us how mumbai was saved 🙂
Hi Greatbong
You have a remarkable talent for satire.
@Sunil and Michael….thanks 🙂
yes these are the stories that got the most popularity…
But I have indeed heard people offering food and water for free to those stranded in the roads in the flood..
You focussed on the glamour stories as did others who are not denizens of Mumbai.
However, you will be surprised to know that none of Mumbaites actually read such things … or r concerned.
I have been in touch with all my friends and we ourselves have so much stories to tell rather than the stories you read.
What shivaji said is true
@Shivaji….The links marked “here”, ‘here” and “here” are links to people who actually showed heroism….so yes I do know that there were people out there genuinely helping and genuinely inconvenienced.
@Kausum….I am sorry if it was not obvious—I was criticizing the focus on glam stories not endorsing them.
Agh…this is like having to explain a joke.
Am in splits reading “I am talking about Bipasha Basu who was unable to locate her John ( if only she could read Indian Express, she would have known that he was having Parle G with Rani).”
Really neat post 🙂
Looks like Indian Express, HT too are going down the TOI-let…
Super!
This is actually quite irritating and not entirely funny as you I am sure must have felt too.
@Pratyush, No I did not feel it. And by the looks of things, at least some other people did not feel it too.
And if it irritates you (I do not know what does but I am presuming something does), then mmm not much I can do about it really.
greatbong you rock…i m reading ur blog since few months and awestruck by ur satire sense almost everytime,but this was a killer.
kudos bangali 😉
Most awesome!!
@Debanjan, Great to have you as a visitor..
@Suhail 🙂 Thanks…
Hi Greatbong – my first time here!!
Great post.
Rahul
Luv the placement of pictures on ur blog.Mayawati on her “Gaddi” is a Scream!!Keep writing pal
rotfl. you forgot to add the biggest of them all – the big B – who could not have a bath for three days – and the little B who had to walk from the gorund floor to the first floor carrying food for his grandmother. imagine that.
read about it on my blog -http://indsight.org/blog/archives/2005/07/30/kyunki-celebrities-face-trauma-too/
as for Bips, maybe she did not get the Indian Express that day like others who did not get their ToI – more trauma 🙂
@Rahul and Dushyant…:-)…Thanks.. BTW Mayawati is hot !
@Charu…didnt see that bit of news when I wrote my blog. Yes courage again from Jaya Bachchan. Putting up with the unwashed Bachchan…..as if tolerating the affair her husband had with Rekha was not bad enough…..
Aiyeeeeeee…..
I did see the part of Marc Robinson coming back after the manicure and pedicure but I dont consider him a celeb…maybe in the mid 90s but not now.
You are the babaji of Satire!
I’ve:
1. Forwarded this link to my friends who have a quotient for understanding Sarci. Others don’t have a quotient for understanding. Anything.
2. Fed you! (I just love the animation). An RSS (oops!) representative from my computer will come and “feed you”, everyday .
3. Linked you to my blog.
Way to go! You must give it a thought of writing articles ala Rahul Phondke (http://server1.msn.co.in/funnybone/funnyindex.asp).
Would be back, commenting.
Best,
Rahul
another good piece bangabandhu
the great toi suppliment carried front page news today that amitabh bacchans memorobilia was lost as his bunglows hit the floods & how sad he was.
Hundreds of people dead in remote areas in maharashtra dont matter. There are places in raigad where the water has receded & left hundreds of corpses out in the sun & no one to dispose off the bodies & no food droppings to the people left who are sustaining on god knows what. , still ab gets first page.
anon
ROTFL!! Truely hilarious. Came across your blog via the Parnab link but have been reading it ever since
~Rohit
ROTFL!! Truely hilarious. Came across your blog via the Parnab link but have been reading it ever since
~Rohit
well said mate i got the link to ur blog via indiauncut amazing spirit amazing “COURAGE” to what extent journos and celebs to get quotes vooooowww
kudos greatbong, feel you’ve got the talent for satire very few people posses.
cheers,
arjun