Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna—the Review

Don’t blame Karan Johar (KJO) for not warning you.

As the credits roll and Karan Johar’s name comes up as the director, the voice-over says, prophetically:

“Waqt ke saath kuch zakhm aur bhi gehra ho jata hain” [Some wounds get deeper, as time goes by]

“Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna” is one such, inflicting increasing doses of pain and grief on the audience and sinking into deeper morasses of banality with every passing scene.

Now here’s the tragedy. It need not have been this way. Unlike Karan Johar’s previous movies which, no matter how he cooked it, would still be aesthetic turkeys since they were devoid of plot and characterization in the first place, “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna” had the potential to be different. At least on paper.

What could have been an interesting movie about a middle-aged man, morbidly bitter at the fact that he ‘never made it in life’ , engaging in an extramarital affair so that he can feel successful, wanted and young again is reduced to an endless nightmare of contrived situations, convenient resolutions, copious tears, cornucopian cleavages, clichéd climax and corny comedy.

There are two reasons for that.

First is KJo himself. This man is incapable of seeing the world of real men and women—-he always seems to wear rose-tinted, soft-focussed, Mills and Boon and Harlequin-romance– speckled glasses. Which is why believability is the first thing that gets defenestrated in his movies.

And I am not talking about the Amitabh Bachchan character giving Red Ferrarris as ‘gifts’. After all, having watched the Scottish castles and the shuttle helicopters in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam, I wasn’t even considering the designer clothes, the obscene opulence of these supposedly ‘ordinary’ people—after all this is a Karan Johar movie and not Mrinal Sen’s.

I am talking about the believability of the characters and the situations they land themselves in. Consider the situation where Shahrukh Khan (Dev) and Rani Mukherjee (Maya), trapped in problematic marriages decide to help each other in solving their respective marital problems by sitting on a bed in a furniture store and making out so that they could go home, repeat the acts with their spouses and save their marriages.

And you thought Shane Warne’s attempts to get his failing marriage on track by asking his mistress to seduce his wife and do a threesome as perhaps slightly crazy.

Then of course, there is the sex scene between Shahrukh Khan (Dev) and Rani Mukherjee (Maya), where each of them look like grumpy poodles caught in the rain. (Incidentally the characters in this movie may have Ferraris but they don’t’ have umbrellas. For which they are always wet). That scene with the rustling of the bedsheets and the fireplace in the background was the nadir of the clichés that are strewn all over the movie. You can almost hear a “romance novel’ commentary going on:

Dev stretched his hand out in the dark. His fingers sought out Maya’s as they snaked towards him. Their bodies intertwined. With each touch, they tried to heal the other’s pain by giving a part of themselves away, ultimately melting into each other as they together attained a crescendo of sadness, soldered by the white-hot passion of their tear-drenched caresses.

Yes it’s that bad.

As Shahrukh Khan says (albeit in a different context)

I was embarrassed doing some scenes of this film, I felt shy doing them.

Yes Mr. Khan. We felt equally embarrassed watching them.

Talking of bad, it would be a crime not to mention the pathetic attempts at comedy as manifested through the character of Amitabh Bachchan, an Indian Hugh Hefner whose cringe-inducing, sexual ‘her’-‘ass’ment-bordering joke of calling Kiron Kher’s ample posterior as ‘Chandigarh‘ (presumably a pun on the “garh” part) should have sent Le Corbusier twisting in his grave.

Not to speak of the ridiculous side-plot of the ‘Black Beast’—-a child-kidnapper who is introduced as someone who could be either a man or a woman. Which I presumed was the context for Karan Johar to make a guest appearance.

Evidently not.

Which brings me to the second reason why the movie fails.

Shahrukh Khan.

With the inevitability of old Faithful Geyser, he comes up with yet another lip-snarling, voice-quivering, eye-closing, head-shaking, scenery-chewing performance which is so overwrought that it brings down the entire cast with him. As in almost all his movies (except ‘Swadesh’) SRK is SRK, the hero, and not the character he is supposed to be playing. [Watch the opening sequence of the movie where as a soccer star taking a penalty kick, we see the stadium huge-screen TV just showing SRK’s eyes. If this isn’t the super-heroization of a character, then tell me what is]

Which is more the pity because the other actors do try their best. Rani Mukherjee has a very poorly defined character but still does a decent job. Preity has very little screen-time and mercifully underplays her character. Abhishek Bachchan does no harm to his reputation as the best actor of the post-Khan generation and is the only person in the whole mess who looks really believable.

However each of them is caught in cinematic quicksand—-the more they try, the more they get dragged in.

There are other smaller issues—for a director who prides himself on originality and opposes the Hindi film industry from being referred to as “Bollywood”, KJo sure does copy sorry internalize many sequences from other movies—-like the first meeting of Shahrukh with Rani (Meet Joe Black), the ” I am taking this bed” line in the furniture-store make-out scene (paraphrased from ‘ I will have what they are having” from “When Harry Met Sally”) and Abhishek Bachchan asking Rani Mukherjee about her love-making with Shahrukh Khan( “Closer”).

But then again, compared to the basic flaws of the movie, such gripes are indeed petty.

In conclusion, despite having its moments (few and far between) and despite holding some amount of promise, “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna” totally fails to be anything more than yet another money-spinning product from the dream machines of the Yashraj-Johar factory—vacuous, body-beautiful, bookishly sentimental, full of sound and fury.

And yet, as Shakespeare would say—– signifying nothing.

[“Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind” turns two today. Yep. It’s two years to the day I wrote my first post.

My ! How time flies when you are not watching a Karan Johar movie.]

154 thoughts on “Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna—the Review

  1. Brilliant.I had anyways told my wife that I would not be seeing this movie.
    One complaint though.You are wasting too much of my time. cannot help but read and read and read…. and read….

    “…Karan Johar to make a guest appearance. Evidently not”.. is still making me smile as i am typing…


  2. Hmmm… why cant this guy act like the way he did in swades…

    1. srk at its best in swades and at its worst in kank and a some reason because of reason less story

  3. happy birthday…. many more random thoughts, many more demented minds 🙂

  4. “…Which I presumed was the context for Karan Johar to make a guest appearance. Evidently not…”

    Karan did make a guest appearance, but a fleeting one. In the climax just before SRK takes his seat in the train, you could see Karan, in a monkeycap, taking a seat behind. Maybe you could catch him in a DVD version…

  5. I got two free tickets for this movie – fortunately some friends saw it the previous day and I escaped this torture session.

  6. “a child-kidnapper who is introduced as someone who could be either a man or a woman. Which I presumed was the context for Karan Johar to make a guest appearance.”

    Priceless! Thanks for the review. I guess I will wait for the DVD then.

    Congratulations on the second anniversary! Looking forward to many more.

  7. I was planning on writing a review of the movie myself, but everytime I started.. it would degenerate into the fact that I can’t really say anything for the movie. At some level, I knew that if I expect nothing from KJo, I’ll get even less.
    And so.
    I have to give him some akin to credit for a coupla scenes, but the fact that the rest of the movie was drawn out enough to ensure I cannot remember them at this minute says enough.

    And happy anniversary. Mine comes in a coupla months too 🙂

  8. Thank goodness I found this review. Otherwise I had seriously started doubting my sanity reading the reviews that came out on rediff and ibnlive. I have the dubious distinction of making it to the first day first show, and no I am no SRK fan or anything — I just like watching movies which have, or like in this case, claim to have some storyline. I was wrong, and how. What irks me is that none of the popular media/portals gave an honest review.

  9. Brilliant review!!!!

    ROTFL – Waqt ke saath kuch zakhm aur bhi gehra ho jata hain

    Thank God I dint go for KANK and thank God that such a thought never even came to mind. I was even offered free tickets. Thank God I was sane enuff to decline d offer.

  10. “cornucopian cleavages, clichéd climax and corny comedy” – hmm, looks like you caught the KJo bug 🙂 Nicely done!!

    A question for you: How many real film-makers can you name who have this letter fixation?

  11. Kabhi Alvida Na Dekhna [:)]..and happy 2nd anniversary..

  12. Great review. Just am sad that an intelligent mind like yours had to endure the mind-numbing 3 odd hours of another of these kind of movies.

    Good that you are married though, girls these days are hating guys who do not like KJo’s movies. Oh! The things we Indian bachelors have to do to get married…

    Congrats on two years of great posts.

  13. Oh, finally! Thank you. And may I begin by saying, that last pre-parenthesis sentence is brilliant!

    About the ‘super-heroization’, as you put it, glad you brought it up. That sequence made me snort in disbelief. Oddly, few other people seemed to notice the absurdity. We’re a culture steeped in such absolute hero-worship, apparantly.

    It could be a nice film, that’s what hurts the most. This Johar kid, he gets the best bits of everything, and promptly messes them up. And the trade analysts have the nerve to suggest it is a ‘bold and mature film’ that’s not getting it’s just deserts because the ‘public’ finds the dissolution of the ‘institution of marriage’ unpalatable. I mean, we know they cannot afford to cheese off the big guns, but that sort of excuse for such a pathetic failure of a movie is a bit much.

  14. 1) Congratulations buddy!

    2) By watching KANK, and more than that writing such a review, you have a proved that you do have demented mind hehe 🙂

    3) But we love all these random thoughts of this demented soul. They are a joy to read!

    I am dying to see this movie – the problem is no one is ready to accompany me – mayhaps I will see it on DVD itself. Last week at Loehmanns, ppl were queued for the night 12.15 show – I was like – jeez – the movie is 4 hours long, and ppl are actually going to see it from 12.15 in the morning???? That probably explains why the biguy johar is still in business.


  15. Finally the KANK review from GreatBong!

    I am not disappointed. All expectations were met in this post! 🙂

    P.S: Congrats!

  16. congrats on turning two.
    nice review, but i’m going to go on another cinematic tangent here.

    What are your thoughts on “Snakes on a Plane”?
    Everyone’s referring to it as a “so bad, its good” movie.
    Which to me is pretty much what every Mithun film is.
    It would be cool if you could draw some Mithun paralells to “Snakes.”
    Hope to see that up soon.

  17. Congratulations Great Bong! I’ve been reading your posts for quite sometime now but this is the first time I am writing in .
    God bless you and here’s to many more years of such lucid random thoughts of a not-so demented mind . 🙂

  18. Bingo! exactly my thots on the movie, srk and what could’ve been. No great fan of KJo anyhow, this convinced me to never go see any of his movies ever again.

    SRK, he should stick to stuff like Phir bhi dil hai Hindustani – I thot that was nicely done – and he pairs well with Juhi Chawla. This lip-quivering stuff is just not done!

  19. Nice one sir ! And congrats on the second anniversary of RTDM…..

  20. hey amazing popularity for a 2 year old!! Keep writing, it makes for the most entertaining reading. Love your blog! Happy birthday and all that 🙂

  21. hahaha… LOL… minced well 🙂

  22. congrats on the second birthday of blog. Regarding the movie, I found the scene of SRK spreading his arms like wings and the camera moving in 360 degrees around him gave me a sense of deja vu (DDLJ, KHNH..etc.)

  23. I never watched KANK, but did see the trailer. The best part of the trailer was that old man Bachchan lying on a bed with tubes in his nose, uttering something like “Mohabbat…aur maut…dono bin bulaye mehmaan hote hai..

  24. Congratulations on your 2nd anniversary. Keep up the good job!

    By the way, a technical point about blogging: true to a blog there is much personal (blogger’s) opinion present in the movie review (this is, I’d guess, true in general for any blog review), which is ok for me because it makes a blog review more enjoyable than a “dry” technical one.

    However, in that case (i.e., given that one opinion is as good as another), can subjectivity of opinion (unless perhaps statistically validated) be justifiably used in critique towards lack of objectivity of an art expression (however over-the-top the latter may be)?

    Just wondering…

  25. thats closure for me on another KJo non-epic. bring on the next one for some more trashing n bashing!!

  26. GB – Congratulations on turning 2 !!

    And some people had to stand in line and suffer the torture of “So so cutteeeeee” when for a brief fleeting moment, John Abraham comes on screen…

    Apart from your terrific review, have a look at http://www.rediff.com/movies/2006/aug/11kank.htm?q=mbp&file=.htm

    Poor Raja Sen warned everyone not to watch the movie, but alass….

  27. Nice one Greatbong…sufficiently caustic! KANK is a very bad copy of a sublime movie called “Falling In Love” (1984)starring Robert De Niro and Meryl Streep. The film sweet and sentimental, packed with powerful performances not only by De Niro and Streep, but wonderful character artistes like Harvey Keitel, Dianne Wiest and Jane Kaczmarek (of Malcolm in the Middle fame). Unfortunately the movie went largely unnoticed when it was made, but watching it now, one gets a glimpse of the amazing talents both De Niro and Streep, before they started selling out to uninspiring, sleep-walking roles in mundane films. Their ability to get under the skin of the characters is absolutely incredible… so much is communicated between them in so few words! Falling In Love does not make light of the subject matter of having an affair but instead is a film about finding love itself. In keeping with that theme, the romantic feelings of the two leads are never allowed to reach their natural conclusion.

    While watching Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna, I was cringing every two minutes. How on earth did KJ manage to completely massacre the beautiful screenplay of Falling In Love and fill it with so much of inane crap? While Frank (Robert De Niro) and Molly (Meryl Streep) in Falling In Love were people caught in a predicament who you genuinely liked and rooted for, KANK’s Dev (SRK) and Maya (Rani Mukherjee) turned out to be these two obtuse, selfish and insensitive characters you feel like shaking really hard so that they snap out of their senselessness! Not only does one not feel any sympathy for these two for being trapped in their so-called “loveless” marriages, but actually start wishing that their spouses come to about their sordid affair and dump them like hot potatoes so that the movie can come to an end!

    A sheer waste of 3 hour 24 minutes and $20!

  28. I hate to say this, but your M&B take-off is even better than mine. How, how?

    And i also hate to admit, but possibly because my expectations were super-low, I didn’t dislike the film all that much. In spite of conceding all the points you make here. Yes, it is too picturesque and too weepy and basically too everything, but I think the film has its moments (though one wishes there were fewer). Basically, underneath all the gloss, I feel there’s nothing really wrong with the film that some good editing and de-glamourisation wouldn’t cure.

    And I don’t know why I am wasting all this insight on someone else’s blog. I shall now proceed to write that in mine.

  29. Shrabonti, don’t forget some major rewriting of dialouges also. No?

  30. ….trapped in problematic marriages decide to help each other in solving their respective marital problems by sitting on a bed in a furniture store and making out so that they could go home, repeat the acts with their spouses ….

    This scene also appears to me (my guess and I havent seen KANK) from “In the mood for love” by wong kar-wai but I am not sure that KJo knows the Hongkong auteur.

  31. Sympathies for having to write about KANK on your anniversary…

    Happy Anniversary

  32. Hopefully no one here slaughters me for saying this, but I didn’t hate the movie that much and found it quite tolerable. I agree with all that you say Greatbong so the reasons for my hatelessness are probably:
    1. Too busy drooling over AB to notice how bad the film was
    2. Too busy drooling over the clothes to notice how bad the film was
    3. Too busy drooling over houses to notice how bad the film was

    All in all, I would quite like to live in a KJo movie – minus the endless tears and broken marriages, of course…

  33. Dada,I truly feel for you.I couldn’t even sleep through this movie as i’d guzzled down an obscene amount of pesticide,caffeine and sugar loaded Coke which kept me awake through the 2nd half.One long night it was.Without Abhishek Bachchan,this movie wouldn’t have had any redeeming features.If i ever find KJo,i’m gonna turn him into KJo kathli

  34. YOURFAN writes:
    @GB:Wish you a happy second anniversary of your blog and many many happy anniversaries to come. You have given us a lot to laugh about, a lot to think about and a lot to fight among ourselves with our sometimes rigid ideas. In other words you have kept us busy, happy and sometimes sad. Thanks a ton.

    My thoughts on KANK will convince those who are certain that I am you in disguise to the contrary because I don’t agree with you. I don’t get the time to watch movies be it in the multiplex or TV. So all your movie reviews go over my head although I must admit that I enjoy reading them specially your one liners. But this time I got two free passes and got the chance to see KANK. Yes, I think the movie could have been made in a shorter span especially if one deletes Amitabh Bachchan’s scenes all together. I did not understand what is the significance of his role to the movie which deals with EMA. There are plenty of flaws that one can point out in KANK but just the fact that KJ tackled a topic like EMA on this line is truly commendable. Not that I am commending EMA but all these time in Indian cinema it has been shown that EMA happens for a very clear cut reason – either because the wife is very neglected and thus feels lonely (Charulata) or she is greedy to grab a few freebees from her paramour or the man has a mean wife who does not ‘understand’ him and the ‘clear reasons’ keep mounting. But this time KJ pointed out that EMA happens and that is the reality. And the reason behind EMA is not so ‘clear cut’ and it does not definitely mean losing emotional attachment with respective spouses. So in spite of all the flaws I and many of my female friends and only a handful of my male friends (any specific reason behind that?) liked the movie – namely the theme of the movie. I am not a fan of KJ as I have pointed out I don’t get the time to watch a movie let alone KJ’s. I didn’t have the time to read all the comments on this post so I have no idea how many readers liked or disliked the movie. But I have a gut feeling that this topic will not arouse the passion that did take place on your article on Independence Day – that is patriotism – right?

  35. I moved out of the theatre after this scene –

    Rani: Mujhe bahut taqleef huyi Rishi ki haalat dekh kar…
    SRK: Taqleef huyi raat ko? Phir kya kiya taqleef mitaane ke liye…usse chune diya? Where did he touch you? here..here..here..
    Rani: Stop it Dev! Tumhe kya lagta hai..mujhe taqleef nahin hoti ki mera pyaar kisi aur ke saath sota hai!!

    Just could not take it anymore…

    Amazing review, kudos!

  36. Watching the movie was like looking at a painting by a mentally challenged kid. You know the painting is really bad, but you cannot blame the painter coz that is the best he can come up with.

    For those who haven’t seen KANK:Take my advice, go watch them motherf**in snakes on a motherf**in plane.

    P.S: Happy second anniversary.

  37. As an RTDM fan, I take this opportunity to write a few words about my favorite blogger on this great occasion. I wont like to mince words on that bullshit film- the only way I could have sat through that movie is if I had been in a tremendously inebriated state. But nevertheless, a fantastic review, one which many other fans of this great blog were looking forward to.

    It was a day in late summer 2005 that I first got introduced to RTDM. Till then the kind of blogs that I had encountered were-

    * The chick-let blogs which had a tremendous fan following- a bit like the film reviewed above.

    *The look-at-me kind of blogs which tried to gain petty attention by fighting with and criticizing other blogs- extremely tunnel visioned and narrow minded.

    *The shrewd blogs- The ones which used to have billions of hyperlinks and lots of short bullshit posts. By making the reader read all the links, these bloggers tried to create an artifical body of work which kinda conned the reader when he retrospected about those links …that as if….those were not the views of the person who wrote the linked featured, but of the blogger himself (this was accomplished by 2 cents – read 2 sentences like ‘ quite’, ‘very well said’ and ‘beautifully put’ etc etc.). These kind of blogs generally had several axes to grind and most importantly tried to use their blogs to promote themselves- who would have read them otherwise?- they were not fit for the mainstream media due to their lack of originality (reflected by their time- to- time potshots against the mainstream media- grapes are sour and all that).

    *The smokescreen blogs- the ones which shot their views ensconsed behind the safety of ‘no comments’. Any attempt to thereby contradict their views were stifled and thus saved these thin-skinned persons from severe embarrasment.

    There were of course truly great blogs like Acorn and Sepia Mutiny and JA Singh. Then..and then…I found GB. He was already an accomplished but not famous blogger – but rocked what the self- indulgent bloggers call as the blogosphere like a shooting star sometime in September 2005 with that Mithun post. I read it and loved it and forgot him. Then while randomly surfing , I found a post titled ‘worst indian blogger’, and in the comment section of that blog I found a conservative bitch nominating GB due to his mature themes , bold language and not toeing the ‘Im a good boy who drinks Horlicks in the morning and doesnt watch porn’ line. I wondered who this person was who has the temerity of calling himself as Greatbong and came to this already-visited-once blog. This time I read some past posts and it was a mind- blowing experience that I had hitherto not experienced since tasting acid. I realised 2 things- this was no ordinary writer, he had a potential to become a great great writer and that the person behind this blog was a affable and lovable genius.The name GB fit him to a T. Slowly after a few more posts – I also realised that this was the best indian blog- a cut above the rest – always.

    GB’s posts are timeless and poignant, he is bold and intrepid. If you bowl a bouncer to him the comments section, he pulls it on the front foot to the square leg boundary with ridiculous ease- all in a inimitable humourous style. You experince the whole spectrum of emotions in his posts- humour, joy, sadness, bittnerness, sarcasm, anger, resentment, love, lust and many more intangible complex emotions. Sometimes you feel as if a dimly lit corner of your mind has suddenly been illuminated by a mystical beam of light. Some posts are so apparently simple and yet so deceptively multi-layered that I am pretty sure that they will be analyzed long after our deaths. He does not have any motives behind his blogs, no hidden desire to use his blog as a manipulative tool to con the readers for personal fame. All this makes reading him an unforgettable psychadellic experience.

    The proof of the fact that GB aint no ‘look- at- me’ blogger is manifested in his comments section. This kind of engaging discussion is seldom found on any other blog (Im a firm beleiver in the fact that a blog without comments aint a blog). Indeed our generation is lucky to be one when GB blogged.

    But exactly how good is GB? If you ask me the question now, I would not be able to answer it as its been only 2 years. Theres the Gb which we havent seen – who knows- if he unravels himself- RTDM may turn out to be an even richer experience. All I can say is that GB is to the world of blogging what Stanley Kubrick is to the world of movies. Kubrick made very few films but almost all of them were great ones. Similarly, GB may not turn out posts everyday – but they are very touching and most importantly bring immense joy into the lives of millions of people. Long may it continue.

  38. Its time KJo has to call “Alvida” to his formulae, or else we have to call him “Alvida”. Happy b’day GB.

  39. That was a good one! 🙂 (As always!!)
    And congrats!

    Here is one which I saw, it is shorter, so short infact, that there is only one word in it 😀

  40. GB: ” we see the stadium huge-screen TV just showing SRK’s eyes. If this isn’t the super-heroization of a character, then tell me what is”
    This is

    Balayya trumps shahrukh any given day 🙂

  41. GreatBong,

    Congrats for turning two.

    1) Does your “gora” colleagues know how popular you are in cyber space ?

    2) Given a chance of working in K Jo movie,having two heroines Priety Zinta and Rani M also Shahrukh Khan as sidekick, will you agree ?

    3)Your previous two blogs about Independence Day Jingoism and now about “Whats wrong with KANK”.

    When will we see

    “What should we do on Independence Day and What K Jo should have done to make KANK better !

  42. okay when some one cynically asked last time why you went to see Fanaa and ‘those type’ movies the last time, you said you go cos you don’t go thinking they would be crap.

    You are an intellegent person and i do know you went for this one for the cheap thrills despite the promise in the story. Couldn’t resist it? 😀

    Some of the comments Johar made in an interview I read before the movie were ridiculous.

    Who cares though. More important is the blog birthday of RtoDm. Keep up and all the best for the future.

  43. Priceless Great Bong, was waiting for your review after reading the KJo worshipping reviews by IndiaFm and Ibnlive . Is it a coincidence that these two websites were the fulcrum of the Movie’s publicity on the web, boasting of many “exclusive” .

    The movie made me want to take a pee break every 5 minutes or so . It just laboured on and on. In retrospect, I have devloped a sneaking admiration for “Fanaa” and “Kal ho na Ho” . Actually fell asleep for the last 20 minutes if the movie, which ranks as a first for me in 17 years of movie watching . Someone please lock KJo in a castle from where he never comes back .

    and GB, congrats for completing 2 years 🙂

  44. Congrats GB 🙂

  45. Hey Arnab !!!
    A very very happy birthday (belated) to RTDM. 🙂
    Wish you and your DM(Demented Mind) millions of more suchRT(Random Thoughts).:D

    Nice photograph with that cute b’day cake, too. 🙂

    And, about the KANK review – JUST PRICELESS !!! Couldn’t have agreed more…

  46. @ Aravind: Stop griping. I know girls who have rejected guys coz they liked KANK.

    @ Great Bong: May I add a coupla other small ‘lifts’? SRK dropped his ice-cream cone before in Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa… and the “Doin’ a lil dance, makin’ a little love, and generally getting down tonight” reply to the “What are you doing” question has been done before in an episode of Friends.

  47. A good review. And congratulations on completing 2 years.

  48. Congradulations on turning two.

  49. Congratulations for completing 2 years of fun filled rants.

    And one more thing about the train sequence when SRK leaves and returns. Just when did he pull the chain and stop the train cuz if he had done so won’t Rani have seen the train stop and break into a run. I guess we are missing the point here….its actually a horror story.

  50. Congratulations on the completion of 2 yrs!! Keep it going!

    Also, I haven’t met a single soul so far who has liked Kank and that’s why I didn’t bother watching it. :p

  51. congrats from me 2 , 2 u on turning 2
    while hubby was whispering doubts abt the ‘affair’ in KANK my daughter announced tv was more liberal that way, considering 4 marriages and 2 affairs were the norm.so somehow my kid had grown up before KJO thanx to her classmates’ animated reviews at lunchtime and ofcourse Ekta kapoor.
    but KANK does have a plot- after a one night stand and infidelities of several cups of coffees together a 3 year seperation was required to rinse that guilt and make the pair ovenfresh for a K3G type of romance.
    btw a cool caring rich husband is no comparison to a cranky grumpy shahrukh to inspire love in Rani.

  52. I wonder why KJo was pissed when Ram Gopal Varma ridiculed KJo type of movies….After the “MATURE” handling of KANK and the media blitz of publicity, including a discussion on marriage with Shobha De… I think KJo has proved his point….Ram Gopal Varma was right!!!

  53. Dear Bukku,
    It is so nice to know that your blog has completed two years. I remember the days when you started the blog and used to complain that nobody reads your writing. Things have changed. Now you have got a large number of regular readers. Irrespective of whether they agree or disagree with your views, they come back to read your posts. It is no mean achievement. Congratulations! Keep writing.

  54. Cant wait for KINK.

  55. Congrats on completion of 2yrs. Have been a regular reader for quite some time now…though commenting for the first time.It is always a pleasure to read your blog. Keep it going!!!

  56. GB,
    I can understand watching Prabhuji’s films. I can understand watching Snakes on a Plane and raving about it. I can even understand watching Spongebob Squarepants.
    But what I dont understand is that a padha likha insaan like you watching a KJ film!!!
    Happy Birthday, dude.

  57. Happy Blogday to you!!

  58. Arnab, cannot comment anything on the post, not having seen the movie yet.

    But it’s great you have completed 2 years. Hopefully it’s still just the beginning…

  59. Firstly, a BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY sir… KANK or (as I prefer to call it) (S)K(U)ANK stinks.. and it sux bigtime.. its been a long tim I’ve seen any movie and my GF had come back to mumbai for the week.. she and my friends insisted on watching a Hindi movie in a theatre(which I totally against, most of the time…) and I agreed (no idea wot made me do so!).. it was one of the worst decisions i had EVER made.. total 3.5 hrs of paid torture.. overrated and pathetic.. ny1 who hasn’t seen the movie.. GOOD 4 U…PLS DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES (read being paid to watch it or being telecasted on cable.)

  60. resplendent review, gr8 one….and the mention of SRK’s GF trying to make a guest appearance…lol…
    thank god i didnt have to move my bum and see another balderdash from the super(nincompoop)star’s GF’s tearjerker….

  61. Dear Phuchiburo,
    Happy 2nd blog anniversary!
    Your blog is almost like my grandson. I feel so proud. God bless you.

  62. GB, I see you have now achieved the K-Jo level of superstardom with people referring to your blog variously as RTDM, RToDM etc. Ah the price of fame.

    Anyhow, what did you expect from Johar? Sad but true, BigB is just a clown now.

  63. Hi GB,

    Great Review! Congrats on completing 2 years, I’ve been a regular reader. Thanks for all the laughs!!

  64. dare i forget ur M&B description of the love scene surpasses evrything

  65. Congratulations on second year of RTDM…..

    I enjoy reading your random thoughts very much may be it makes me a little demented too…..

  66. @greatbong: you just saved me 20 odd bucks.. My wife was insisting on watching the movie at amc-s. Now i can convince her of getting a DVD and let her watch at home while i snooze…
    Honestly, KJo should stick to Mills and Boons and candy floss stuff. He is not cut out, as yet, to handle *matured* topics… neither are our actors..
    Give me a Farhan Akhtar, Madhur Bhandarkar any day.

  67. Arnab,

    C’mon you’re being too harsh on an entire genre of our very own country fodder movies which draw their strength from opulence of mush, extravagance of ad-hoc props (read song and dance sequences), aesthetics of designer-everything (from cars, homes, clothings, locale-s and what not), borrowed plots (or lack of them, mostly) and acting debacles, inter alia. Expression doesn’t have a singular conduit, so minimalism isn’t the only school of thought. You could have a Fibonacci sequence of eye-straining polychromes to give vent to a small thought (for people like us, from middle class mediocre backgrounds and steeped in utilitarian approaches, “High Society” clubs have shut doors justifiably enough).

    This is selling dreams (hardsell, anyone?) at its best, dreams that you and I would want to die for (won’t you want to be owning a building of the stature of Buckingham Palace and land on the porch on your own helicopter? Won’t you want to drive to your local grocery on your Limo? Won’t you want to feel like being welcomed by 500-1000 people everytime you return to your hometown, conquering some educational institution by playing cricket/football at their home ground which would resemble a Wembley or Lords? Won’t you feel like being seen on CNN while but spending not more than 1 hour in your office everyday?…….)

    Let’s try and understand the social setting here. It’s much more than Mills and Boons or rose tinted glasses. Its the monstrous beauty of expressions, dreams, achievements,relationships, frustrations and all those other words which constitute the lexicon of life of the teeming millions of Indians.

    We won’t understand. We are armchair critics. We understood the post-independence trauma needed some amelioration from a school of movie-makers who went into an overdrive to make us smile in the end even when we couldn’t outside those movie theatres. But even then those dreams were woven within the frameworks of sanity, sobriety, contextual aptness and humane tastes.

    Times have changed. We have not.

    That’s too long, isn’t it?

    Btw, I liked Omkara after Apaharan (the only two movies this year perhaps which got me thinking).

    So much for intellectually impoverished admirers (like us) of the Ritwik Ghataks, Satyajit Rays, Mrinal Sens, Bimal Roys, Tapan Sinhas……….

    Btw, imagine what Anjan Babu (there’s only one Anjan Babu….) would have said if he’d have risked a viewing….

  68. Greatbong..was eagerly waiting for ur review on this one…and as usual ur review is right on money. i think i agree with you on every aspect of the analysis..
    “yet another lip-snarling, voice-quivering, eye-closing, head-shaking, scenery-chewing performance..” –hilarious
    you forgot “Arm Spreading” 🙂

  69. Arnab,

    A really good one for aniversary edition.

    Do you think KJo is stuck with Ekkktta KKKapoor syndrome. “K” series subjects and overdoing everything. or do you think he is stuck with Manoj Kumar syndrome that is to repeating himself again again and again. or probably Dev Anand syndrome by thinking his lifestyle is something everyone else in this universe follows and cares to hoot what real world is made up off.

  70. Hi, I’ve not commented a lot before, but have to say, awesome review, one could not have put it better, and even if I do not agree with your point of view at all times it is always a pleasure to read your take on events – it never fails to make me think, so thanks and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

  71. I was watching a much better movie at Oval Yesterday. I cant stand Karan Johar/Yash Chopra genre of Hindi movies. Oh and I will never forgive KJ for ripping off Anand and making it a GAY movie.

  72. you watched the credits. was there an edit or was it greyed out. 🙂

  73. Happy anniversary greatbong!

    and I was supposed to travel to Atlanta which is like 200 miles away to watch this movie, but I decided not to, and later my friends who went, told me what a good thing I did!

    What surprises me most is that how come Indian Audiences still love this movie and it becomes a superhit while movies like Swades are turned down after a few days!

  74. Happy Anniversary…do keep up with the good stuff. Is there a way for you to simply print all these great blogs into a book and sell it off. I think Amazon does that for you. I’d definitely buy. Congratulations!!
    Please make sure that these writings are never lost. Hope you have backed them up sufficiently.
    Even the comments in your blog makes up an interesting read so hats off to all those that comment regularly out here.

  75. Karan Johar believes that cinema has a lasting audience on audience.
    KrANK case
    Man seeking second marriage shoots wife after taking her to watch Karan Johar’s movie that touches upon extra-marital affairs
    In her statement to the police, Reshma said, “On Saturday evening, Shadaf came to my place along with his friends Raju and Sanjay. He convinced me that he had dropped the idea of getting married to that bar girl. He had brought movie tickets for the late night show of KANK at Cinemax mall in Thane. He asked me to leave the children at home.”
    Thrilled at the change in her husband, Reshma happily agreed.
    “After the movie, Shadaf and his friends were driving me back to Kalyan in a rickshaw. Near Diva village, Shadaf suddenly stopped his auto and pulled me out. Before I could understand what was happening, he attacked me with some sharp weapon,” said Reshma.
    She sustained injuries on her face and chest, and also took a bullet in her stomach.
    Police suspect Sadaf wanted Reshma to watch KANK so she would allow him to marry his girlfriend. “We will be able to verify this only after arresting him,” Kengaje said.

    I am shocked. KANK only teaches love’
    Karan Johar is appalled at the incident, says his film does not show negativity or hatred
    I am shocked to hear about this incidence of violence seemingly instigated by my movie. Believe me, it was never meant to be that way. KANK tells you to seek love. It does not perpetrate negativity or hatred. When I made the film, I never thought it would incite such strong emotions.
    “Of course, I’m happy that it has triggered many questions in the audiences’ minds about the institution of marriage. But crime and violence? No way!I’d rather not even think of this incident as something triggered by my film.
    “I’d rather believe that the man who committed this heinous crime went to my film by chance. It could have been any other film. He chose mine because it’s the most visible film of the moment.
    “I know cinema has a lasting effect on the audiences’ mind. But to even imagine that a man would get aggressive and violent against another human being is unthinkable for me.

  76. Arnab,
    Congratulations on your second anniversary! Am still an avid reader of your blog. Your parents’ notes were specially heart warming. Congratulations to them too! Must be wonderful (any word is an understatement, Mr/Mrs senior Ray’s!) for your parents to see you flourish so well!
    You do not only write well (21st Aug is the “understatement day”), you allow others to respond to their heart’s content. Sometimes they come across mean, though I am sure, it is their passion for their argument. Sometimes you do (my humble opinion… guilty, me Lord!) but you seem to me as a person who is in favor of freedom of expression in his own space (and time). That, to me, is the ultimate display of character.
    We (at least, some of us) love you lots, man! At times we may not show it 🙂 but hey! we love you anyways!
    Congrats once again!
    Later bud!

  77. @ Rajeev: Wow! Now we can put KJo along with Stephen King in the annals of horror meisters and ban KANK along the lines of “Rage”!

    (1) KJo will feel flattered to be compared with King.
    (2) The movie will gain enormous publicity.
    (3) Law abiding citizens will not be exposed to KANK.

    It’s a win-win situation every way!

  78. Aranb,

    Flimfare is looking for a creative titles for trophies that they would be handing out SRK and KJo for there contribution to cinema.

    My nomination “Ham King” for overacting and “Drag Queen” for making a long movie.

    Any other suggestions?

  79. Turning TWO!
    May the number and the readership only keep increasing!

    So far, it has only been the Karan haters and Shahrukh scoffers who have written in.

    Where is the ALL CAPS brigade?

    I thought that it was the dream of every Indian male to be married to Preity and be making out with Rani.

    Evidently not. You people are demanding scintillating dialogues, believable circumstances and a whole lot of things which are simply not in the syllabus.

    Anandabazaar is simply happy that the ‘wrong-doers’ were allowed to live. A small step for Bollywood but a giant leap for our Karan.

  80. After watching this this movie, one of my friends commented, “Yeh SRK, agar chavanni pay karo to 2 rupiye ki acting karta hai.” It was an interesting way of summarising SRK overacting in the movie.

    Many congrats on turning 2 with this post.

  81. haha the ususal brilliance…but have u seen this http://www.indiafm.com/trade/business_talk/index.html , according to the great taran adarsh u have an eye only for ahem “fake appreciation”…it makes an interesting read…

  82. Mystic Margarita August 21, 2006 — 8:15 pm

    The great demented mind has turned two! Long live the demented mind! 🙂 And a brilliant summing up of the film, its director, and SRK. Now I know what to expect if I’m forced at gunpoint to watch this movie. 🙂

  83. Congratulations on your 2nd anniversary. I am sure that the third one would be a charm too. Though I am a regular reader of your blog, this is the first time I am acknowledging my presence on your blog. Please consider this as an appreciation for you past blogs and do keep up the good work.

  84. Congratulations on your blog turning 2 years old.And what a great job of it.

  85. Happy Birthday, Greatbong. This again is a review only you could have written. As you have turned two, let me take this occasion to appeal to you to continue writing- Kabhi alvida na kehna.

    As for the movie, though I agree with you on the contrived situation bit, by the standards of a commercial film, it was a good movie. There did not seem a strong enough reason to show what was shown in the movie.

    My review pales in comparison but in case you are interested in Osho’s views in the context of the movie, the link is this.

  86. Happy second anniversary Greatbong! I came to know about your blog only one year ago though… from a link you had posted in the Satyajit Ray community in Orkut. And on reading that review of Pather Panchali I instantly became your fan.
    One year has passed. I have become a blogger (mainly inspired by you) and I read a lot of blogs these days. But your blog remains like my daily dose of opium… I can’t live without reading this and the comments here everyday.
    May you have many more such anniversaries. All the best!

  87. Hey Greatbong,

    Have been a regular reader of your blog(5-8 times a day:-)) and have cherished your posts and the debates that follow them.

    Congratulations on the blog turning two and here’s wishing it a long life!

    Keep blogging

  88. Congrats on your secnod blog brithday:-))

  89. Congrats arnab for turning your collective wits so popular in these two years.
    I think you should turn your attention to the bad reviews of KANK by taran adarsh on indiafm,rajeev masand on ibn and other rediff reviews.

  90. A great post as always!! Keep it up And yes many many happy returns of the day!! We sure wish to see more of such stuff.

  91. GREATBONG, to consistently write such engaging peices of satire and wit is definitely an acheivement.and u did it for 2 years. congrats.

    “He comes up with yet another lip-snarling, voice-quivering, eye-closing, head-shaking, scenery-chewing performance which is so overwrought that….”

    For years i have been seaching for the words to describe the tamasha Shah Khan does in movies.every time i’ve failed. there u just said it so beautifully and iam overcome.

    anyway if i were u i’d go easy on the cake. no u are not very fat just a little too chubby:).

  92. Arnab – comgratulations the 2nd anniversary of your blog. I am sure you remember fondly the first few months when you knew you had a great product and yet very few actually read what you said.

    We at http://indiannotion.com/ are going through a similar phase. I would really appreciate it if you and your readers here would take a look at our interactive website based on user news distribution , modelled after the popular digg.com….

    So guys, just pay us a visit once in a while. We could do with some traffic.

    Remember : http://www.indiannotion.com

  93. arunavo chatterji August 22, 2006 — 12:26 pm

    How about a post about the Vande Mataram controversy. I know you must have strong feelings.

  94. Many many happy returns of the day…
    and more and more random thoughts from the demented mind.

  95. ihatesharukh.com August 22, 2006 — 12:59 pm

    When you watch Shah Rukh Khan as filtered through Karan Johar’s gaze, it’s hard not to be quietly respectful, even if the film is inherently crappy. Here is one of the purest of all love stories, and we are privileged to be alive to see it unfolding before our eyes, in air-conditioned multiplexes. Johar’s adoration of Shah Rukh, the way he lovingly places him at the centre of every frame and gives him God-like status, is truly marvelous to behold. There’s something at work here that far transcends the usual ways we are expected to respond to a movie.

    I don’t know if there’s any truth to the rumours about Johar and SRK – I tend to take celebrity gossip (especially the type where people smugly claim to know something “for a fact”) with a large tub of salt. But I’m now convinced that KJ is in love with SRK. I don’t know what kind of love this is – platonic, sexual, unrequited, whatever – but there’s no mistaking it. Among the great director-actor synergies, it’s more potent than Raj Kapoor and Nargis, Hitchcock and Ingrid Bergman, Josef von Sternberg and Marlene Dietrich. The only other relationship I can think of that matches it is the one between Werner Herzog and Klaus Kinski. (Herzog once said of Kinski, “From the moment I first saw him, I knew it was my destiny to make films and his to act in them.” I don’t know if young KJ had the sophistication to think such thoughts, but I’m guessing he at least went “Woo hoo Bollywood, here I come!”)

    Karan Johar’s last three films have been gorgeous love letters penned to SRK, even though at least two of them have been mediocre films. As studies of adulation, of the immortalizing of one person by another, they will live forever, longer perhaps than all those sonnets Shakespeare addressed to his Muse. We may now reasonably refer to them as great art.

    Young boys in my row burst into orgasmic yelps each time there was anything resembling an innuendo in the dialogue, or if a woman appeared in a low-cut blouse. At one point Rani tells Shah Rukh, “Sorry, galti se dab gaya.” (She made an unintended cellphone call.) “Galti se dab gaya!!!!” screamed the lads ecstatically, and the collective outburst reminded me of Arthur Clarke’s short story “Love that Universe”, wherein billions of people are asked to synchronize their love-making so that the combined orgasms send out a crucial energy signal to a distant civilisation. Which is fitting enough, because when you’re sitting in a PVR hall, you’re very far from any sort of civilisation.
    Courtesy – Jabberwock

  96. Hi GreatBong,
    Hearty Congratulations to you for completing two years ..


  97. Ahh congrats GB for turning TWO! man i wonder what wud happen when the toddler will turn into an adult one. lol.

    you must read Rajeev Masand’s review on IBNlive.com boasting about how gr8 this movie is by giving a 4 star rating and then came out again (under huge pressure from the angry readers) to justify his ratings by saying that KANK is among the rarest of the rare b’wood movies that deal with an unusual and serious issue… (Rays and Ghataks must be twitching in pain in their graves). such a tamasha is going on there as readers are mocking IBN for ‘masand ki pasand’ and suggesting that his reviews be read in reverse manner here on – 1 being the best and 5 the lowest, in that order!! i hope that unscrupulous self-styled critic guru read this review and rot in shame.

    i always doubted KJo for his serious film-making capabilites only to be proved otherwise by his commercial success. but this time (however cash is still ringing for him) he showed his true limitations by attempting to lay his hands on complex stuff.

    KANK is such KALANK.

  98. @ALL: Firstly apologies for not replying to you individually as I usually do. I am overwhelmed by all the wishes. From the bottom of my heart, “Thank you”. All these wishes and kind words do mean a lot. And I am trying not to be sentimental here—-so bear with me. 🙂

    As a generic reply to the KANK comments, KANK could have been much better if they had replaced SRK with an actor, taken out the fantastic KJO effects (camera caressing SRK) and the overwrought emotions which always seem to be one octave too high. The reason I watch movies like KANK I myself do not understand. Conditioned reflex perhaps. Its one thing you have to see in order to be “in the loop”. Whatever it be, I am drawn towards such movies like moths to the flame.

    Again I apologize for not replying to each of you individually. Your comments throughout the year are greatly appreciated. And that also goes for the Himesh fans who type in ALL CAPS. Hope to see you all coming back here and commenting for many more years to come.

  99. Great review!! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it and in fact, was inspired to write a review of my own – only, this one is in praise of the movie at http://sachinsucks.spaces.live.com/blog/cns!DD7FB491207EDD0A!154.entry

    I enjoyed the other review too. Very nice blogs, by the way.

  100. hey congrats on ur completin 2yrs…this is an awsum piece…cant get over with the …”cornucopian cleavages….corny comedy” too good!!! waitin for some more…take care

  101. Brilliant…

  102. congrats on turning two….!

  103. Congratulations on the second anniversary Arnab 🙂 To many many more…

  104. I loved the little link to old faithful geyser…hehehehe….wicked 😉
    I havent watched the movie but I already love your review…now am hoping not to get prejudiced LOL

  105. kanta lage ya KANK err .. To top it all NDTV actually took the movie as a reference point for a debate on marriage today, and left me wondering whether NDTV got suicidal!!!

  106. Errr, since you talk so knowledgably about films, I was wondering if you have made any yourself? After all, for someone who has such a huge fan following, it must be very easy no, to break Bollywood stereotypes and make a film without SRK and Amitabh Bachchan and make it earn millions of dollars in profits worldwide? I’m sure it must be sooo easy for someone like you, after all you dont even live in India and the US is the preferred destination du jour for such film shoots?
    Okay, I understand you have greater issues to worry about. Like sitting and writng this blog where you criticise every single thing for living and breathing and being more noticeable than your blog… Why don’t you just write a screenplay instead? And try getting it accepted and then choose the director who’d make a film on it and nitpick your way to glory on the sets? And since yours would be such a brilliantly original script, i’m sure the pots of money you make on it won’t harm you either! Not to mention the awards…or maybe you dont care about them, do you? After all, you’d be beyond such mundane superficial things!
    So, give it a shot, seriously, and instead of ranting in your little corner here, get to work, do something REAL for once and show the world what else you’re capable of.
    And you could give free tickets to your loyal audience, who, i’m sure would love it even more then 🙂

  107. Great writing, greatbong. Totally agree with your comments on SRK being SRK in all movies other than Swades. In fact, this is more or less exactly what I said (“I think Ashutosh Gowariker was reasonably successful in repressing his personality in Swades, but in every other role, he is the same person on screen i.e. SRK.”) when I saw the KANK trailer. See http://notquiteimho.blogspot.com/2006/07/kank-trailer.html

  108. Yeah, i was surprised at the NDTV debate on failing marriages and circumstances in present day marriages using the movie as a referencing point and getting srk talk on the subject. Then yesterday i saw the movie and my surprise turned into disgust. The movie is a waste of efforts big time.

  109. Hi you all:

    I liked the movie. First of all, I think this movie is only for married couples who have been in marriage for at least 10-15 years. The things I like about the movie was depiction of gender psychology through this movie. The reaction of a male (Abhishek) and a female (Preity) upon knowing the affair. The difference in the strength of love by Abhishek and Preity, whereby both claimed to profoundly love their life partners. Abhishek gets married after sometime, but Preity decides not to.
    Have u guys ever thought why Amitabh died at a sudden unexpected shock of his daughter-in-law’s affair with Shahrukh Khan?
    Shahrukh Khan’s dialogue delivery at the dinner table was amazing. Amitabh speech after rock n roll song was amazing.
    The best thing shown in the movie was the honesty of two couples, after knowing the truth. The plot was set in America, but believe me these stories are happening nowadays even back home.

    Take care u all.

  110. The pun on Chandigarh I thought was on Chandi which in Northern India stands for ass…

  111. Whilst I agree that this movie has corny comedy etc., I empathise with Lyla’s comments. This movie is for couples who have or have had complex relationships and is an insight for those of you happily single.

    In today’s fast paced world let’s face it, being married or committed even is not what we independent, career-minded, opinionated people find easy.

    We are constantly juggling being good partners with being interesting and au fait people who are also btw great lovers. Rubbish!

    Although this film could have been much better, it’s not a terrible effort to cover this subject matter. Both men and women have strengths and weaknesses and you can never say why relationship fails or why one drifts or why one doesn’t have the will to sort it out.

    This movie covers escapism, egos, frivolities, inner loss and sadness, uptightness. That’s a good start – in Western countries we are increasingly faced with choices, unhappiness, loneliness – we have so much but are also empty people. This story is more relevant to countries like the US but modern couples in India should also be able to identify with it. A man still finds it hard in today’s modern world to be dependent on his wife, women also want careers, some women are also aware that marital sex is not doing it for them and they need a deeper bond with someone to enjoy the intimacy, etc..

    It’s quite sad to read a review like this. Yes the film is very tacky in many ways but it seems like the writer is after his own praise and is making the film a scapegoat for his scathing style.

  112. it was great going through the ur blog……….its a great work overall….carryon……wall wait 4 more

  113. this was a good movie overall- hope shahrukhan does not have any more problems with his back- lets go sha sha sha sha shahrukh

  114. congrats on the second year … hope to see u go great guns for many more years

  115. I would call it a movie which has open ends and audience can take it to anyway they want to. Any guesses, why Shahrukh khan and Rani slowly moved closer? It was not sexual attraction, that is for sure.
    One thing missing in the movie was why Rani had no kids? Rani’s character is more of a calm and sharing kind of a woman. She wants to be alone and needs someone to talk to, whereas her husband (Abhishek) is a lively and fast paced guy. He wants to rock n’roll and party all the time.
    On the other hand Shahrukh Khan loses his career after his accident resulting in his in-security, rudeness, and arrogance. His wife, though a strong charactered woman, is lost in her career. She is strong because she knows she is pretty and intelligent and can earn bread and butter for the family.
    So, Shahrukh’s and Rani’s inclination on one another is the result of their insecurities. Both are the victims of un-fortunate circumstances, therefore enjoys each other company .

  116. Great review, but I still gotta say, your greatest review of all time was the review of DUS, non-stop hilarity.

  117. welcome back ali! your face!

    srk beat his son too much. rani cried through the whole movie. i liked preity zinta slapping srk. and abishek did a good job. amithab was annoying.

    srk had no qualities that would make him appealing to rani mukerjhi i felt no empathy towards any of the characters.

    and what was with that gay joke? how was that even considered funny.

    how did a soccer coach get such an amazing apartment so quicly.

    you like blue? i like blue.

    dev, i like blue.

    ok i’ve satisfied myself. the end.

  118. kank by pseudobong

  119. Anonymous
    Sep 3rd, 2006 at 8:39 pm

    kank by pseudobong

    why do people use that word?(pseudo)
    stupid trendy “intellectuals”
    hows that feeling of superiority working for you?

  120. Hi.
    I’m sure you’ve heard it plenty of times now..but your “critique” had me in splits. Although I would still give poor Karan johar a break…coz after all he is candy fluff karan and not a roman polanski….have u seen bitter moon by the way…
    Anyway all said and done…you write well…and karan johar makes movies for starry eyed dimwits…

  121. I think this film will never be a hit in india.As the people are not open for this drama.Else where i live in amsterdam and i saw foreign poeple watching this film and clapping in the end.So what i mean to say is our culture is different and doesnt tell us to marry twice.Else where in abroad marry as much times you want who cares as long u are happy.

  122. For the people who hate the film.NOBODY HAS FORCED YOU TO WATCH IT.Just say it is bad or good but dont keep using bad language cause i dont blame Karan johar we make so many films a year what scripts are left now.After somedays we will see all remakes

  123. Just tempted to make a point …

    To all those people who say … if you don’t like the movie, don’t watch it or that no one forced you to watch it:

    Errr if you don’t like the review don’t read it … no one forced you to. Nor do you have to waste time commenting on it.

    And for the ones who go on with the oh so cliched argument of if you cannot make a movie, you have no right to comment on it … please get a life!! People have the right to have opinions. They don’t have to be movie makers to decide if they like or don’t like a movie or make comments on it. Are you saying that only a person who makes a movie or writes a screenplay can be a critic? Oh wow according to this person all movie critics should instantly shut up and lose their jobs.

  124. @EM: I second your opinion buddy. Besides, if GB stopped blogging about movies, where would we get our daily dose of entertainment? By watching KANK and reading TA’s reviews? God forbid!

  125. gb’s review of fillums are better than the articles under review and saves me the bother of renting or wasting time and money at my airless mofussil halls.

    i feel virtuous that i am so stingy that i refuse to shell out ENORMOUS amounts to eat popcorn in multiplex comfort.

    it’s janata like me that holds up a country’s progress to having a ‘multiplex ticket in every pocket and a packet o popcorn in every hand’.

  126. 111111

  127. Please forgive my ignorance in this blog. I am not of east indian descent, so please forgive me if i get the cultures mixed up (punjabi,hindi); I refer to movies produced by the Bollywood film industry as “East Indian movies”. Ladies and gentlman,these are the only movies that I can bare to watch these days,”yes, the movies with the brown,tanned and copper coloured people”. Yes,I do agree the movies are usually very long,and usually have a lot dance and musical sequences. I have read the reviews for “kank”, the east people are very hard on their directors and actors; you have to be the product of a disenfranchised minority community such as my own to appreciate how the east indian people are portrayed in your movies (professionals,executives,parents are always responsible,business people),The movie “Kabu Alvida Na kehna” deals with the issues of infidelity,,The characters Dev Saran & Maya Talwar were not blatant..They showed “shame”,,,The character Rishi talwar-handled himself like a man when dealing with his wife- who in the movie was very cold towards him-both in the bedroom & out…There is a part in the movie where he points out to his wife ” because i am a man i’m patient in dealing with you;if was a child,I would have broken down a long time ago”. I have read many reviews regarding this movie; there are critics that suggest that movies such as these will corrupt your culture. In my opinion, your culture is intact,the east indian people “know what time it is”

  128. Sorry to be long winded. The Bollywood movies always show an East-indian girl & and East-indian boy..They always look compatible. I know for a fact that in your culture if a man is well educated and of half decent standing he can find an east-indian girl of the same background..you are not forced to pick up garbage or marry it; and parents have a say in these marriages or unions, the couples always look compatible, what i respect about the east-indian culture..is that it is not an “anything goes type of culture”. I saw the movie “Sarkar”, yes the head of the family was a mobster; however ,there was a family structure there, he was not portrayed as smoking a crack pipe all day,neither was he portrayed as someone who was surrounded by scantilly clad women who look like prostitutes,neither was he portrayed as being married to one. Most east-indian people will not marry garbage from another culture when they can marry the “cream” of the crop from their own; with my culture,any fat uneducated person of european descent-individuals that no one would touch with a ten foot pole,can get the best looking,and most educated people from my culture. The east indian people know how to step out of their own culture briefly and step right back in ,they know what to embrace from other cultures and “what to discard”.You have strong cultural values that are intact. I am jealous of your culture,every time i watch the east indian movies,i am extremely envious .

  129. @global traveller – much as you have enjoyed KANK, and frankly so have many others in India as well, KANK does not represent our culture too well. We don’t live the five-star lives portrayed in the movies, our people have real life problems (did you ever see a Karan Johar movie character worry about the rent, or having to stay late in office to meet a deadline, and missing an anniversary, or waiting for a sale to buy the long sought after kitchen appliance? Even Indians do that, just like people do in the rest of the world, but you wouldn’t think so from a KJo movie), and try to muddle along the best they can, much like people in other parts of the world.
    Yes, we still have a lot of family values left in us, and Indian marriages are still more stable than that in the west. But KANK does not portray the way we live, and in trying to claim that it does, becomes pretentious.
    But obviously a large fan following wants an escape from reality during the 3 hours in the movie theatre – hence the exaggerated ambience. So admire India, for many things that we do consider admirable, but not from watching KANK. That would be sad!

  130. global traveler..the film kank is not an accurate representation of any third world culture;having lived on both sides of the ocean,very few people live the North American lifestyle in a third world country, and frankly the lifestyle portrayed in the movie that you enjoyed so much is not at all accurate,not even north americans live that way.i have to agree with sayon.life in a third world country is a continual struggle,you take nothing for granted,so yes-enjoy the film,but do not be misled,all cultures have their pros and cons

  131. This reply is for sayon. There is no doubt in my mind that east-indian people have their problems just like anybody else,I am not that naive to believe that their lives are Bollywood movies..that would be insulting.I am aware that India has it’s issues. The point that am trying to make is that an east-indian child will not leave the movie theater with a negative portrayal of his own people..they are always portrayed as successful,regardless of the social issues that are affecting their society. Ask any person of european ancestry what their impressions are of the east indian people (computer technician,doctor,business owner,their parents are very strict),,ask what their impressions are of the east-indian woman ..”prostitute never comes up”..”they study a lot”. Your culture is intact..the mediocre cannot put you down and make you feel less about yourselves. Here is an example, the “leading ladies” in the movie kank were of different colours ..maya was dark-her husband was lighter,maya fell in love with dev..who again was lighter;the leading ladies and the leading men can either be very dark in complexion or very light…another the example ,in the movie omkara (east indian version of the Shakespearan play Othello),the leading lady was very light and the leading man dark.The colour issue is a dirty little secret in my culture…people get very defensive when you mention it, in the past..in our movies-only the very light skinned people made it as stars,lighter people had a better chance of getting married,light people were considered as “front page material”…even today in my community..it is still not unsual to hear someone say “why is he/she so dark?”. Have you not seen the latest issues of Time Magazine? India is featured in a very positive light,no one denies that India has social issues..What impresses people is what you have done despite that. Is everybody rich and comfortable in North America (you’ll die working to pay off a mortgage for a shack,and pray that you will not be downsized…come 65 yrs ,your shack still is not paid for,neither is your car,your country house,);most people in the third world countries,own whatever they have in their homes,if you live in a 1 room wooden shack-you own it!. Your countrymen are not “brainwashed”

  132. @Global Traveller: Thank you for the kind words for our culture – naturally, I’m pleased to hear how you feel, even though I have a suspicion that we are a tad less admirable than you take us to be. Nevertheless, we plod on, and hopefully shall iron out the more unpleasant traits in our culture that we don’t feel too good about.

    It’s just that some of us feel that there could be good movies which still show us in a good light without the candy-floss from the Karan Johar stable. You mentioned Omkara and Sarkar – both commercially successful movies. See Mr & Mrs Iyer, or English August, Hyderabad Blues, or even an old favourite of mine – Manthan. All of them portray several of the good qualities in our culture without descending to candy floss.

    Mind you, a candy floss movie has its use – it’s a safe option to see these movies when out for an evening with your spouse/ boyfriend/ girlfriend (you can use only a part of your brain to see the movie and leave the rest to be attentive to spouse/ boyfriend/ girlfriend). But it’s not something you’d want to see a second time. And certainly not something you’d like to remember.

  133. dear global traveller,
    in india, ‘fairness creams’ are BIG BUSINESS.
    here too, most of the population try to look fairer/lighter skinned than they actually are.
    colonial hangover, maybe.

    so, i am fairly dark and i go bonkers trying to find bronze coloured face powder.

    yes, we do value family ties, education and hardwork and most of us feel that we carry better cultural baggage than the mcdonald-and-coke americans.

    yes, we do have prostitution and drugs. but even a poor prostitute tries to get her children educated– many organisations quietly work in the red light districts running schools.

    as for drugs, i dont know. an ordinary middle class family like mine tries its best to stay away from it all.

  134. Do you really think you are presenting the things in right perspecitve. I don’t say that I am writing from more than two year but …..

    Hoping that you have some time and patient to read my own review on the movie, although first thought to paste but as it was a six page long review so avoided to do so. Check it out on my own blog, which I am not sure, you will love to do but even then hoping that you do.

    My approach to consider this movie was different, i am not saying that this movie is giving you a right kind of message or even any kind of message, it is sure raising a question and if you are avoiding it then sure this movie is not for you as you will too come to be Rishi, Maya, Dev, Samarjeet, Kamaljeet or Riya some day.

    Check out my review on the same and it is for all viewers not only for the owner.

  135. I think is its one the pathetic/worst movies by Karan Johar…it cud have been better but with a very weak plot and pathetic acting by shahrukh khan and rani mukerjee. some wat a modern version of Silsila but it has no comparison…silsila was far far better than this movie…not worth watching in theatre at all…..that wud be a waste of money!!!

  136. Awesome review… the starting line made me go into peals of laughter… Yeah right we were warned!

  137. well i was not that impressed….. i use to be a great fan of all ur movies but every1 makes mistakes….but all the songs rocked….

  138. hiya i like this film and i think u should be lukey bcoz this is a big thing u r doing for everyone how wants to watch it so keep and doing nice films and love films too but not tht much love films thanx u bye n replay bck

  139. i would jus like to say tht ur film is sooo amazing and sad too.


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  143. this mvie was so gd yu ppl r nuts or wht i must say jealous, before judging other ppls work look at ur self loser

  144. Nishit
    Aug 20th, 2006 at 6:25 pm
    Sympathies for having to write about KANK on your anniversary…

    Happy Anniversary


  145. I watched kank for shahrukh,love is like a long sweet dream and if u fall in love then u forgot everything without lover,its a gorgeous exprience for a human.Bcoz’wo duniya k liye 1hai pr kisi k liye sari duniya’. If love broke ur heart to don’t mind bcoz waqt k 7 hr jakhm bhar jate hai..PAr mere dost kuch jakhm waqt k 7 aur b gehre hojate..Take care..And any love consults contact me on 9870653709

  146. great movie,thanks for sharing

  147. Thank God I found a review that exactly vents out all the frustration in the same way i felt..!! First of all I hate SRK..I double hate KJo. This films though they have a storyline or no, I believe can never click well on the Indian screen. If at all the story line works too, not atleast in Johar’s direction with those glossy looks and heavy unnecessary dialogues makes his films terrible to bare.

  148. Thank God I found a review that exactly vents out all the frustration in the same way i felt..!! First of all I hate SRK..I double hate KJo. Such films though they have a storyline, I believe can never click well on the Indian screen. And if at all they click too too, not atleast in Johar’s direction with those glossy looks and heavy unnecessary dialogues that make his films terrible to bare.

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