In a landmark legal strike, the Aurangabad bench of the Mumbai High Court has “directed the Maharashtra government to issue notice to Google for the alleged spread of hatred about India by its social network service â€˜Orkut’. [Times of India]
Laying aside useless litigation on issues like murders, rapes, property disputes (which some say take decades to resolve due to court backlog), the wise men in black coats seem to have at last gotten their priorities right by spending their time taking action on an issue of the greatest national importance: the “Down with India” communities that flourish on Orkut like flies on cowdung.
Because frankly, I am enraged when in Orkut discussions, Indians are called “dark, ugly men” by people who ironically put pictures of Shahrukh Khan and John Abraham on their profiles. And when Hindus, Sita-maiyya and all our idols are abused on these communities using language that the famous milk-seller Dulu of Santoshpur would baulk at, a line is crossed. It is then that I stop sending “friend requests” to hot girls and dedicate myself to mass-mailing everyone on my contacts list to “report as bogus” the said communities (For those sensible people not on Orkut, “reporting a community as bogus” by a certain number of people –say 100—-leads to its removal. Of course nothing prevents it from popping up the next day with a new name and the same content)
I know it—some wise alecs, are going to ask me to ignore these affronts to our national dignity and try to convince me of the the technical/moral futility of attempting to stifle the voices that hate us. Ignore these “jallads” and “chandals”? Are you crazy? Have I worn bangles on my hand? Shall I tolerate insults to my Gods and to my motherland? Has there ever been a movie where Prabhuji Mithun-da has not avenged the rape of his sister?
No there has not. Which is why I am compelled to not IGNORE. Instead I shall entreat the wise men with the hammers to put the “Ban” back into “Ban”dra, “Ban”galore and “Ban”dopadhyay if Google does not satisfactorily reply to the Honourable Court’s “notice”. Make no mistake. Those men at Google HAVE to take appropriate action: like employ an army of auditors whose job it will be to scan the gazillions of Orkut communities created every minute for any anti-India content and immediately remove anything offensive (This includes anti-Mallika Sherawat speech).
And while we are at it, I request the Honourable members of the Bench to also bring to the notice of Google several other highly objectionable “things” that are being allowed to persist due to the lax standards imposed by the Orkut people.
1) Water Babies: Indian mid 20s males on an office outing to a water park, come back and then post their skimpy-suited, bare-torsoed pictures on Orkut. Me Lord, kindly ask Google to put in appropriate aesthetics filters such that we do not have to endure such affronts to civil society.
2) Forward Or Die: Well-meaning dolts who mass-mail everyone on their friends list with messages like a) forward this message else Orkut will delete your account b) there is a virus on orkut that eats your genitalia before you know it c) stand up against RESERVATION…
3) Rapists of the Queen: The Queen’s English that is. That means those wHo tAK iN SMS-ese (not Assamese), type in multiple colours (or should I say colorz) and those who cannot spell “friendship” correctly.
4) Open relationship: Google needs to tell desis what “open relationship” means. It does not mean “open for relationship”. The number of times I have seen men (and women) put “Open Relationship” in their status and then talk about how he/she loves commitment above anything else and is of “varry jealous type” shows that their concept of an “open” relationship is akin to Sitaram Yechruy’s idea of an “open market”.
5) Offensive Communities: The law may not know this but there are other several offensive communities that Google has to take action against for the sake of common decency and the Indian way of life.
Examples: “Must Boys and Cute Girls” (description: a community for must boys and cute girls who want to do masti on the Net) , “Unsatisfied Aunties” (paradoxically made up of only men–psst the female profiles are most probably all fake), “orKuT cute Boys n Girls” (description: is only 4 girlz and boyz…..lerke or lerkiyon k liye or wo bhi khobsorat), Desi Sex Styles (description: To Promote desi sex styles amongst youngster Pakistani) and “BackStreet Boys 4 Bengali Fans” (don’t ask)
So dear bench, kindly step in —notify Google of these abuses and spank them on their naughty BackStreets if they do not take action.
And if you can squeeze out some time from your obviously busy jurisprudent schedules, may I suggest becoming members of Orkut and spending some time “social networking” i.e. —–meeting a few jobless, lifeless dudes and dudettes and engaging in debates of national import like “Who is India’s sexiest cricketer?” and “Last Person to post in this thread is Sachin’s biggest fan”.
How about it?
Update: Breaking News !
Orkut also hosts a few anti-Pakistan and Indo-Pak friendship communities. The â€œWe Hate Indiaâ€ community says one Miraslov Stankovic, who claims to be located in Russia, has created it. He has also created communities such as â€œIsrael Must be Destroyedâ€ and â€œI Hate Himesh Reshammiya.â€
The guy who started the “We Hate Community” is also the brains behind “I Hate Himesh Reshammiya” ! What a co-incidence. Obviously, this “hateful” man has no taste. Where are the mad Himesh fans with their capital letters when you need them?