It’s tough being a MLA in Bihar.
While members of most state legislative assemblies engage in mutual kung-fu fighting, the MLAs of Bihar are a different breed altogether, ceaselessly toiling and travelling with nary a thought for their individual gratification, gathering information and gainfully spending tax money on constructive causes.
Consider the case of this mammoth contingent of Bihari MLAs who were sent by Bihar CM Nitish Kumar on an all-expense-paid 10-day “study tour” of Thailand to investigate ways and means to control AIDs. After all, for one of the poorest states in India, what could be a better use of money than to send 15 MLAs to Thailand—-a lesser leader would have spent that money on providing better facilities to health officials inside the state. But not Nitish. He knows that when you send a group of 15 Bihari MLAs into a den of prostitutes, seminal ideas come spurting out.
Well at least the seminal part is guaranteed.
Barely able to hide their excitement over the experiences on a foreign jaunt, the members of the 15-member Bihar Legislative Forum on HIV/AIDS, including some MLAs were left fending and scurrying for cover after a woman member of the team, Gyanti Devi (member, District Board, Gaya) revealed before the media that most of the legislators “were more interested in massaging”.
Her revelation sent the alarm bells ringing and a quite a few MLAs were seen explaining, “No, I didn’t. Some others enjoyed.”
Barely minutes after Chief Minister Nitish Kumar met the Bihar Legislative Forum members who called on him to apprise him of the tour, Gyanti Devi, while explaining her experience, said that all the MLAs indulged in merry-making. “Massage karate they. Aur kya karte the hum nahi janate (They used to go for massaging. What else they used to do, I don’t know).â€
But ‘hum janate’ what they did…right dear RTDM readers?
Bhudeo Chaudhary, the JD (U) MLA, was quick to deny that he ever went for massaging during the trip. However, he accepted that some MLAs did go to massage parlours. “Kuchh massage karaye, kuchh nahi (Some got the massage done, some did not). While narrating his experiences of Thailand, Chaudhary said that the country was open to sex.
What surprised everybody was his knowledge about types of massage prevalent in Thailand. “Wahan tarah-tarah ka massages hota hai (There are various types of massages). Foot massage, half- massage, oil massage, and the whole-body massage.… foot massage was indeed good for foot,†he went on narrating.â€
Of course he declined to add, for which foot.
But the most important piece of knowledge has been conveyed clearly: ” the country is open to sex”.
Which means a follow-up visit by 15 other devoted MLAs is in order—with care being taken to avoid “rang main bhang” “kabab me haddi” people like Gyanti Devi who fail to see the larger picture.
In conclusion, like most of his colleagues, Bhudeo Chaudhary’s attention to pure fact-finding (the corpus of massage knowledge he has brought back) combined with supreme abnegation (he did not enjoy any of these pleasures) is, one must accept, highly touching.
[Link courtesy Saumyadipta Pyne]
The Greatbong Blog & Podcast 
Well, the massage… er the message is clear. Our MLAs need to gain first hand knowledge of open sex to understand how to prevent AIDS. And isn’t that natural, too? Like those police officers who formed a committee and watched Carol Garcia’s wardrobe malfunction again and again to find out whether it was suitable for public viewing. And obviously, our representatives can’t go to the low down red light areas of Patna to do that… so that justifies the thigh-lund trip.:P
I agree with Joy Forever that our MLAs need to gain first hand knowledge of open sex to understand how to prevent AIDS.
However, being a Patna guy, I can safely say that there is no red light area in the city though there is prostitution as you might expect. So Joy Forever is wrong here.
This is reminiscent of our favourite Chief Minister’s – the honourable Mr Jyoti Basu – London trips every year to attract foreign investment!
On a connected note, how do the MLAs ask for sanction of the trip?
Do they say, we need to stop AIDS but are not getting any ideas from other Indian states. I think Thailand has done an excellent job of managing the disease, so we should go there? (Without bursting into laughter, that is!)
Or do they say, you bloody hell send me to Bangkok or else I am going to join RJD!
As an Indian living in Bangkok for the last 3 years, its not surprising at all – it is de rigeur to sample the seamier side of the city for all visitors, with very few exceptions. Of course its different when your tax-rupiahs are funding it – not so funny then!
And its not just limited to the western tourist, the Indians are right in there with the rest – you can usually spot them by the loud voices asking for a discount at the entrance of the go-go bar:-))
@ Dipta, on your comment, Thailand really has done some good work around AIDS prevention – so the choice of destination is not surprising.
Check out this
GB, sorry my weblink was quite long – hope it hasn’t screwed up the formatting of your page
@Beau Peep: My apologies. I do not have a first hand knowledge of Patna, so I made that mistake.
“Of course he declined to add, for which foot.”
hill–friggin- llarious!! 🙂
Did the open experience lead to infection in any of the MLAs?
Let send all Bihar MLAs on study tours to Africa with some extra pocket-money so that they don’t have to haggle with discounts.
This could be the cheapest method of getting rid of them.
“Kuchh (massage) karaye, kuchh nahi” … “coming” soon
to a B’wood screen near you … couch casting call?
@ Arnab :
“when you send a group of 15 Bihari MLAs into a den of prostitutes, seminal ideas come spurting out” ….
AND
“Of course he declined to add, for which foot.”
Priceless 😉
highly touching!!
Where??
“Well at least the seminal part is guaranteed.”
Man you are too good.
Only in Bihar. Sigh. When will the rest of the world catch up! 😀
S
YOURFAN writes:
@GB: After all those serious talks, points, counter points it felt very nice and relaxing to read this post. Thank you for making us laugh again. Diptakirti mentioned about Joyti Basu’s foreign trip using tax payers’ money. His loyalists claim that is the reason why now we have some investments in WB but where is the ‘foreign’ factor?
On another note, did anybody know that our beloved JB also has masseurs for his well being? With the state taking care of all his needs as he has done so much for WB, I am sure that bill also comes out of our tax money. As JB is too old to go to Thailand, local thai is coming to rescue his thigh!!! The state should take care of our leaders in which ever way it is needed – don’t you agree?
You’re hell a lot funnier and meaner than any government in India. (Though a few ministers, individually, would surpass your sense of humor. But pity they choose to use it only inside the parliament). I think we should send them to Korowai . A Diplomatic gift from India. Now that would be a sweet thing to do for a foreign country.
The moot question: why was Gyanti Devi left unhappy? Wasn’t the Thai package comprehensive enough? Or is it her own lack of seminal ideas?
I wonder if those ministers who went on an AIDS awareness programme were first trying to get AIDS so that they can empathize with the patients and thus garner more votes. It would be interesting to have a blood test of those MLAs.
GB, inside news from the policy-makers: the various massages were actually MOUs for research collaboration to tackle AIDS, as advised by a Washington think tank, by “creating *an institution* [which] is perhaps the best way *to engage* the Indian government”. Cool!
Ref. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/30/AR2006113001170.html
seminal ideas come spurting out
Ok, this is where I finally recommend that your blog come with a PG rating!
Honestly GB, tomar mukhey kichhui atkaye na?
Why isn’t anything being done about these trips? If I was the Chief Minister, I would insist upon having every one of my ministers and their underlings post their expenses electronically so that there’s no scope for misuse of government funds.
@Sue: Many years ago I read in a Bengali novelist called Syed Mujtaba Ali’s brilliant chronicles of his travels abroad of this story:
A judge in France is pondering which painting is more vulgar – a half naked woman or a fully naked one. The judge rules that the half naked one is more vulgar as sells sexuality while the full naked one is in its natural pristine form.
The moral of the story : Sometimes…struggled use of euphemisms is more vulgar than ‘said-its-straight”. Plus its been a while that GBs been outside a stepped-in-Victorian-morals society. So this accusation of yours may come as a total surprise to him.
There is fine line between slang and sexual humour which GB has never crossed..and well if that kinda humour aint your cup of tea…sorry. A child would have no clue as to what hes reading while the adult would appreciate the humour. So there is absolutely no need of PG.
Look around the blogosphere….many blogs say…wont use this word…that word…yet link to sexual stories very subtly to increase hits. I find the use of euphemisms used there..words like “ummm..you know which place…” to be in a way more blatantly suggestive. But as the saying goes “One man’s pudding is another’s poison.”
1) Sky is not falling !
If I go to Paris for official work and in the evening go to see Eiffel tower, is anything wrong ?
If that MLA spends his own pocket money then whats wrong in that ?
2) I am wondering, why did Nitish Kumar send group of MLA’s instead of group of bureaucrats ( from health department perhaps).
Few months back, its was my turn to take a bureaucrat from Delhi for site seeing and dinner :-), it happened that this gentleman had just come from an official “study” visit from China, whole day he was gaga over how good Chinese system is, policy implementation, working hours, discipline etc. , reason being he was the “nuts and bolts” guy, he had worked in same department ( industry/field) for more than 20 years, he understood the system better, was visibly motivated and flabbergasted by his contemporaries in China.
I feel Nitish Kumars intentions were not in right place for reasons.
* 15 MLA !
* Choosing MLA’s instead of government officials.
* If he had previously send officials, than no reason to send MLA’s, spend the money wisely !
* Have these MLA filed their report yet, is this report made public to people of Bihar/India – as we all have to do it after a field trip if not than I will again blame the boss ( CM ).
I am touched by Nitish’s plans. So much passion for solving the problem of AIDS in his state. Poor man has to dig deep into the state’s half empty coffers to send 15 MLAs to a faaaaarrrr off country like thailand! And his poor MLAs work ssssoooooo hard that they have no option but to take massages to heal their aching bodies. This gyanti devi – must be a kaamchor. Bet she did not work hard like her male counterparts and thats why she was never tired.
My only suggestion is that next time they should be sent to a country which has faced AIDS on a bigger scale…hmmmm…lets say Sudan or Somalia or Nigeria etc. I can see the honest MLAs figthing amongst themselves to go there…
I hope Nitish Kumar now sets up a 9 member commission to investigate what the MLAs were up to. The commision should be sent on a fifteen day fact finding trip which will include visits to all the places frequented by the MLAs.
Maybe they want to make use of the money left from their annual budget, before 2007 starts.I mean, who would say no to a trip to Thai-ya Land.
However, the “study tour” made it sound -obviously- dodgy. I mean, Mr. CM of Bihar what were you thinking?
The Arthashastra actively promotes sex tourism.
Kautilya thought that having famous courtesans attracted the traders, diplomats and bureaucrats and the ladies were to be trained, at state expence, to be extract sensitive information from them.
So, now Thailand knows how to engineer a fodder scandal and cook up other Bihari delights.
To all Bihari readers– please don’t scowl.
If the CPM had gone, the Thai generals would have learnt how to rig elections, issue false rationcards, manufacture a democratic and ineffectual opposition like Mamata Banerjee and embrace Marx-Mao-McKinsey in ONE BIG HUG!
@Joy Forever: Yes those police officers…what a job. Uff…
@Beau Peep: No wonder these people need to go to Thailand.
@Diptakirti: Indeed it does. When JB used to go to Las Vegas and the like to study capitalist decadence.
@Nisha: Priceless…the desi bargaining for entry into Gogo bar.
@Abhishek: 🙂
@Akash: You send them to Africa. They join RJD. Simple.
@Psb: Old Shakti Kapoor line. Freezes the blood of starlets: old jungle proverb.
@deBoLiN::-)
@Nikhil: Exactly 😉
@Ram: Thank you
@Suyog: Hopefully they won’t.
@Yourfan: Yes indeed it should. Especially for those “sorboharar neta”s.
@CSM: Bihari politicians in cannibal country? heh. They would eat the cannibals up and pick their pockets.
@S.Pyne: The last perhaps.
@Sharique: Indeed it would.
@S.Pyne: Mm..
@Sue: Erm. This blog is not for General audiences….it is more mature adults.
@Sam: I dont think they were spending their own money but the per diem they got which incidentally is something that is typically obtained after you produce “bills”.
@Sophocles: Yes they would be fighting to join RJD.
@Rajeev: Good idea.
@Sang.Froid: Bihar chief minister? Thinking? Simply appeasing.
@Swati: Interesting funda…did not know that.
this is the best way of self realization , sponsor the MLA’s to thailand to have unprotect sex with thai whores and pray that they catch HIV during that act and then you will truly see a great honest effort being concentrated on HIV prevention and management. I think Nitish Kumar is a genius and played a master stoke , all now remains is to get all the MLA’s excluding Gayatri Devi tested for HIV and hope atleast 2 of them catch it and then you’ll have a great episode of ‘Jaag Utha Insaan’.
Nosirree… I appreciate your writing, more than I admit, but occasionally, I wonder if you ought to be let loose on an unsuspecting web. Then again, you might argue I’m asking to close the gates after the Random Mind has already run amock.
Oh well, Carry On.