A day in the life of Jalaluddin Akbar

5:00 am Woke up to the first rays of the sun. To my surprise, I found myself in bed with Abul Fazal. Don’t know how this happened –I distinctly remember asking for directions to Abu Begum’s quarters.

5:30 am Bare-chested sword play in front of the harem. What makes it totally cool is that I did not even have an actual steel sword. Yep I am naughty in the mornings.

6:30 am Nothing better than to start the day off by taming a wild elephant. And oh boy did this one shake its trunk and almost flatten me twice with its huge feet before I could grab it by the tusk. But then the page-boy tells me I have made yet another mistake. Instead of going to the pit, I had wandered into the courtyard of one of my most senior wives, who seems to have been pissed off with me for some reason.

Damn. Two mistakes and its not yet 7 am.

Note to self: No opium shots in the morning.

8 am Meeting with Raja Haldiram after refreshing bath. He wants the same damn thing: matrimonial alliance. To be honest, the girl looked very “Diwan-e-aam”. I of course like “Diwan-e-khaas”. Convinced him I have way too many wives already. Seemed a bit insulted. Gave him the honorary title of Bhujiawala.

10 am Threw some fool down from the roof head-first. Don’t even remember why. Must have lost my head or something. Will present the standard Mughal compensation package: petrol pump to son and harem-pass to widow. Yeah I know I have many wives. But what to do—the good of the subject is always the most important.

11 am Have to tell Birbal, for the zillionth time, not to send PJs as SMSs. This guy has the lamest sense of humor and keeps recycling jokes from Mullah Naseeruddin, Tenali Rama, Gopal Bhand and Sekhar Suman and passing them off as his own.

11: 15 am Lunch with wife No 296. Kept on nagging about how I do not give her any special attention. Nag nag nag.

12 pm Sleepy. Didnt help having a meeting with a bunch of hysteric Rajputs who kept saying I had married my son’s wife. That’s what I think they said, claiming that the whole clan has been insulted and that they would boycott something or the other.

Note to self: I do have too many wives.

2 pm Woke up after power nap. Music auditions for court musician. Today’s idols: Dilip Sen, Sameer Sen and Tan Sen. SMS voting has opened. Celebrity judge for today: living legend Dev Anand, my grandfather Babur’s favorite actor.

3 pm Announced budget. Jeziya tax has been repealed. However I have put a cess on kumkum and agarbatti, removed a 10% tax flat tax on corrugated roofing and put additional tariffs on cell phones and elephant manure. Why screw Hindus only when you can screw everybody ! I am sure the Ranathambore and Mewar guys will call my budget “anti-people” but then what’s new about that !

4 pm Trouble ! The ambassador of Bengal informed me that the entire state will rebel if Sourav Ganguly is not selected in the one day team. Got into a shouting match and at the end the Bengali ambassador said something that sounded like “Boka Jodhaa Akbar”. My advisors told me it’s just the ambassador wishing me and my wife good health.

5 pm Some new qawwal. What a heavenly voice. What lovely lyrics: “I love you Sayoni. Koi shaq? What’s up?” I think I can get rid of Faizi.

6 pm Problems. Seems there has been bird flu that has made chickens poisonous to eat. Demand for chickens down. I suggested we organize a grand feast, free of cost, serve exclusively chicken dishes and get demand up again. All my Navratans laughed at me saying that the idea was ridiculous, the “free feast” would set of alarm bells about the provenance of the free chickens and the whole event would be flop. Well guess who is laughing now.

7 pm Debriefing with Maham Anga. I am seriously getting sick of this lady being the actual power behind the throne and me being just a puppet. I pretend not to hear when some of the servant girls whisper “Manmohan Singh” as I pass by.

8 pm With wife No 264. The whole rigmarole of “Kya aap hume mohabbat kartein hain?” begins.

Married life I tell you.

[Disclaimer: No disrespect to any historic character, living or dead]

123 thoughts on “Akbar-Nama

  1. “Boka Jodha Akbar” – fantastic

  2. Bare-chested sword play in front of the harem. What makes it totally cool is that I did not even have an actual steel sword. Yep I am naughty in the mornings.

    Why screw Hindus only when you can screw everybody

    “Boka Jodha Akbar”

    Seems like Great Bong is truely frustrated at the movie 😉
    Another Gem of a post

  3. To be honest, the girl looked very “Diwan-e-aam”. I of course like “Diwan-e-khaas”.


  4. How come Akbar miss the IPL bidding ?

  5. Funny stuff…
    @anything: I think this was written the day before… wonder which franchise Akbar would have won.. Delhi?

  6. Maan, what do you have for food?

  7. Classic, GB! Historical perspective, humour, current references, too much… One of your best.

  8. Superb! Thanks for a good laugh.

  9. Wonderful!!!

    Royal Boka-Jodhaa to Akbar and everyone else 😉

  10. “boka jodha akbar” fatafati!!!!

  11. haha, love the way you change the perspective of looking at things. btw, will be watching JA this weekend……

  12. suddenly my plans to watch the movie this weekend look much more exciting than originally thot…

  13. GB,
    Hilarious.. Why not replace morning elephant-taming calisthenics with IPL practice with Kamran Akmal or badminton practice with Deepika.. am sure Yuvi wouldn’t mind. Neither would Kim 😉

  14. fantastic! 8am, 2pm and 4pm were the highlites!

  15. Sid...No More The Kid February 21, 2008 — 7:10 am

    I nice peek into the truly demented mind. You never cease to amaze me ..
    Oh! and you forgot one episode– The one where he paased the death sentence to the bar-dancer Anarkali for circulating lewd MMS of her and Prince Selim out on a date on valentines Day- an unpardonalble blow to the culture of “Sarzameen-e-Hindustan”

  16. ‘Boka Jodhaa …..’ ….. hahahahaha, brilliant! I can’t stop laughing.

  17. “Boka Jodha Akbar” — Priceless 😀

  18. GB too good man… where the hell did this come from..
    Man i’ll tell u, “boka Jodha Akbar’ it seemss.. hilarious..

  19. Congrats! You win the Super Viral Golden Catchphrase Award for Boka Jodha Akbar.

  20. Too good Arnab!

  21. I can’t resist anymore!! I must present myself to you now :). I’ve been following your posts, regularly, since a long time. But never came here to fill up this reader’s section, don’t know why. Your brillant write ups have always fascinated me. Today it bamboozled me!!!! Amasing play of the mind, fantastic composition. Simply great!

    Seriously, what do you eat Arnab..

  22. Too good 😀
    Maham Anga/ Manmohan Singh reference was simply brilliant.

  23. I say this as a loyal long term fan – you arent at peak form these days

  24. “living legend Dev Anand, my grandfather Babur’s favorite actor.” — worth a million bucks !!! 😀

    “Boka Jodha Akbar” — PRICELESS !!! 😀

    How can one’s mind be soooooooooo demented ???????? 😀

    I salute you, master !!!

  25. You are now a Hindu fundamentalist with a hidden agenda. 😉

  26. R-E-S-T-E-C-P to GB and Boka Jodha to all 🙂

    This was hilarious!

    Word of caution Jahanpana: Make sure that you DO take a STEEL sword for the fight with Jodha!

  27. seriously, what do you eat GB da?


  28. Amazing, GB!! Simply…. amazing.

  29. Funny as ever.
    You might want to consider moving the disclaimer to the head of the article. Else be prepared to fight your own communal wild elephants.

  30. “Boka Jodhaa Akbar”


    I mean those, it was like a surprise jab. Never saw it coming….

  31. I am hunting you down GB if I lose my job today due to excessive laughing.

  32. Damn…that was funny..

  33. “Boka Jodha Akbar” ….I was expecting you to use that in your previous post. Priceless.

    Watched the movie yesterday. What a total flop “Jatra”. Why can’t Bollywood get over this guy-loves-girl center plot. Gowarikar had the opportunity to make a great movie by taking the Jodha part out and instead portraying the life and reign of perhaps the most powerful man in Medieval Indian History. He totally called it wrong.

  34. holy cow!!!
    too hilarious….

  35. 7 pm was funny indeed…and sadly, also so true…

  36. I guess the part where Akbar is surprised to find himself converted from a short, fat guy to someone with washboard abs comes in an earlier entry? Not to mention a discourse or two about an extra finger?

  37. There are too many gems there to point out. Some queries though.

    6:30 am So the eldest wife has a trunk, or, err, a similar organ?

    7 pm You sure they didn’t say Mahamohan Singh?

  38. Shadhu…shadhu…

  39. Looks like you did not like the movie at all…

    “Boka Jodha Akbar” .. ha! ha!

  40. ROTFL….I am “planning” to see “Boka Jodha Akbar” today..wud be fun after having read ur last 2 posts.

  41. Now this is how one should start the day – reading something like this. Brilliant stuff!

    Especially loved the disclaimer. Dev Anand ought to sue you for this!


  42. LMAO @ “Boka Jodha Akbar”

  43. A truly hillarious post after a while.

    “Boka Jodha Akbar”, “Babur’s favorite actor”, “Manmohan Singh” were absolute touches of class 😀

    Great going GB!

  44. 🙂 very very funny.

  45. OH MY GOD, as janice will say..
    Arnab da, akdom chobi..

    thanks a ton for enlighting us the underlying history behind Haldiram Bhujiyawala. Now every bite of kaju barfi from HB will remind me of BOKA-JODHA-AKBAR

  46. hilarious…too good…the BJA is awesome…will add to my list

  47. U simply rock!!!!!!!!!

  48. Boka Jodha Akbar…..creative

  49. “Boka Jodhaa Akbar” – That was simply amazing….but you can always expect it from GB!!! Kudos…

  50. repeating for the Nth time …
    “Boka Jodhaa Akbar” – amazing 🙂

    another gem was
    “servant girls whisper “Manmohan Singh” as I pass by”

    wonderful post GB…. exxon bhalo aache…

  51. “Dilip sen, Samir Sen and Tan sen” – This takes the cake
    amusing writeup… must smoking some weed dude while writing this..


  52. Great post, one of the original GB…

    Can someone clarify the ‘BJA’ reference? Sorry, no bong friends around 🙂

  53. My rather generous sides are splitting. Excellent one.

  54. “Got into a shouting match and at the end the Bengali ambassador said something that sounded like “Boka Jodhaa Akbar”.”

    Ur place is on the oscar’s stage!

  55. @Pinak

    This might help you –

    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=boka choda

    Even I had no ‘askable’ Bong friends . .

  56. What’s the point of this?
    Is it supposed to be a commentary on the movie or just timepass?

  57. gem of a post …. brilliant

    dilip sen, samir sen and tansen … ha ha

  58. Shourideb Bhattacharyya February 25, 2008 — 6:24 am

    movie truly sucks…..not much doubt there..

    however GB this post will not make the top 5 GB posts though….

    all in all nice one carry on..

  59. LMAO. It’s Monday 9:30 AM EST. And I got this link as a fwd from one of my friends, the first thing in the morning. Now, I feel ready for the week ahead 😀

  60. Thank you to all those who liked this post. And thanks Shah for the link to the urban dictionary reference to the word that rhymes with Boka Jodhaa.

  61. Funny take on “Chodhaa Akbar” , Arnab. 😀

    BTW, these right-wing Hindus wanna boycott the “Jodhaa Akbar” movie.


    While strongly disagreeing with their reasoning above, I ultimately felt that I should have skipped the money anyway – for other reasons. I regret I wasted my money on pricey tickets.. I should have read your movie review first.

  62. @GB – Do you really think u need to code (or whatever u do breaking ur head over computer) to earn a living? How long my friend? Man u can give serious challenge for Salim-Javeds, Hiranis for writing a decent bollywood script that has humor and message. u can create magic beyond the munnabhai series. I believe GB fanclub would be willing to contribute whatever possible if u have no takers.

  63. hey u missed the following:

    4:30 PM- was playing the second life in the internet, minding people’s business and looking over my virtual territory. a hidden assasin shot at me. damn the opposable thumb got stuck to the joystick…cudn’t duck the attack. lost 3 bottles of virtual blood. good part though: get to lie down for long in the girls’ dorm.

    again note to self: must reduce real life doping


  64. Arnab, this is nothing to do with your Akbar Nama – I just thought I’d point out that there’s a typo in your header. It should be “slaughtering” not “slaugthering” 🙂

  65. “Boka Jodhaa Akbar” – priceless GB. Visiting your blog after a long time and your writing is as sharp as ever. Keep it up

  66. In your previous post, regarding Akbar you mentioned “his ideas on governance and equality of people of all faiths in the eyes of the State being centuries ahead of its time”. Unfortunately this so called secular image is as true as the lifestyle of Akbar portrayed by Gowarikar in the movie.

    You may want to refer to the following books to get a glimpse of how secular and peace-loving Akbar was.

    • Blochmann, H., “Ain-e-Akbari,” translation of Abul Fazal’s Persian text, 2nd Edition, Bibliotheca Indica Series, published by the Royal Asiatic Society of Bengal.
    • Akbar the Great Mogul 1542-1605 (Hardcover) by Vincent Smith (Author) ISBN-10: 0895634716
    • Briggs, John, “History of Mahomedan Power in India (till the year 1612 A.D),” Vol.2, Translated from the original Persian of Mahomad bin Ferishta, S. Dey Publication, Calcutta, 1966.
    • Monserrate S.J., “The Commentary,” translated from original Latin by J.S. Hoyland, annotated by S.Banerjee, Humphrey Milford, Oxford Univ. Press, London, 1922.

    Few points worth mentioning are:

    • The infamous Jiziya tax, which is special tax exaction from the Hindus, was never abolished by Akbar. Time and time again different people had approached seeking exemption from Jiziya. Everytime the exemption was ostensibly issued, but never was actually implemented.

    • Throughout Akbar’s reign, temples used to razed to the ground or misappropriated as mosques and cows were slaughtered in them, as happened in the battle at Nagarkot. No symbol of Hindu origin and design was spared from the iconoclastic wrath of Akbar.

    • Xavier, a Jesuit in Akbar’s court, gives a typical instance of Akbar’s perfidy in making people drink water in which his feet had been washed. Xavier writes, says Smith (p.189), Akbar posed ” as a Prophet, wishing it to be understood that he works miracles through healing the sick by means of the water in which he washed the feet.” Badauni says that this [the above] special type of humiliation was reserved by Akbar only for Hindus. Says Badayuni, “… if other than Hindus came, and wished to become disciples at any sacrifice, His Majesty reproved them.”

    • Yet another Xavier’s letter states, “The Christian fathers got little opportunity of holding religious discussions with Akbar or influencing him in favour of Christianity …Akbar silenced Xavier by telling him that the freedom accorded to him in preaching his religion was itself a great service.” Akbar was not at all a tolerant of other religious faiths. Akbar had filled both his hands with 50 gold coins when Badayuni expressed his strong desire to take part in a “holy war” (massacring Hindus) and “dye these black moustachois and beard in (hindu) blood through loyalty to Your Majesty’s person” (sic). Akbar far from dispproving of Badayuni’s despicable desire, gladly presented him with a decent premium.

    • Abul Fazal writes, “… he [Husayn Khan, Akbar’s governer at Lahore] ordered the Hindus as unbelievers to wear a patch (Tukra) near the shoulders, and thus got the nick name of Tukriya (patcher).” (Bochmann., p.403) The patch was obviously to mark the “unbelievers” out as pariahs for providing special degrading treatment.

    • Hindu cities of Prayag and Banaras, writes Vincent Smith (p.58), were plundered by Akbar because their residents were rash enough to close their gates!

    • Monserrate, a contemporary of Akbar, writes, “the religious zeal of the Musalmans has destroyed all the idol temples which used to be numerous. In place of Hindu temples, countless tombs and little shrines of wicked and worthless Musalmans have been erected in which these men are worshipped with vain superstition as though they were saints.” Not only did the muslims destroy the idols, but usurped the existing temples and converted them into tombs of insignificant people.

  67. Matty 'Tyson' Hayden February 28, 2008 — 7:36 am

    GB, you obnoxious little weed, can you write about gaunts like me the way you write about dead (and buried) people?
    I challenge you to a round in the boxing ring 😛

  68. Man, I am in love with your sarcasm 🙂
    btw, how about including Raj Thackery’s anti North-Indian bullshit ??

  69. Was the Bengali ambassador Ronen Sen?

  70. @ Null Pointer

    Interesting. Din-e-Illahi, a new religion which Akbar started, got a few dozen converts, all Hindus. 🙂
    But relative to other rulers who followed Islam, Jalaluddin Akbar was a dove. The crucial word being “relative”.

    PS: One way to authentically measure, if a Islamic ruler was actually ruling by the “book”, is to check if Pakistan has already named a missile after him.

    Akbar hasnt made the list…not Koranic enough.

  71. GB you can make a dead man laugh. In this age of ‘political correctness’ we need someone who can state things as they are. Or maybe a little more convoluted than they are – but as long as the integrating agent is humour it doesn’t matter!
    Ever considered politics??

  72. Abbey Null-Pointer, Rishi Khujur,

    Go easy on our Central Asian import Jalaluddin Muhammad Akbar, will you?

    Akbar wasn’t as bad as the rest of our national heroes viz. Mohammed Bin Qasim or Allauddin Khilji or Ghaznavi or Ghori or Timur or Babur or Aurangzeb or Tipu Sultan, you know.

    In fact, Akbar looks positively angelic when compared to the aforementioned great emperors of India.

    I think Akbar can be overlooked for committing some trivial mischief like the following:

    • The truth is that although one of Akbar’s numerous wives was a Hindu Rajput princess, she was called Heerkunvar and not “Jodhaa”. Heerkunvar was the daughter of Raja Bharmal of Amer (Jaipur), and was married to Akbar as part of a political contract between Raja Bharmal and Akbar. On the day of the marriage Heerkunvar was converted to Islam and renamed Miriam Rehmani to make it a proper marriage under Islamic Law. Events show that there was hardly any love affair to precede Akbar’s contracted marriage to Heerkunvar, as Akbar had not even met Heerkunvar before their marriage was solemnized!

    • One of Akbar’s motives behind waging war was to appropriate Hindu women for his harem. At the height of his power, the zenana at Fatehpur Sikri had about 5,000 Hindu women. These young women were forcefully captured by the invading armies, forced to convert to a strange and unknown religion, forced to marry men of alien culture and were forever condemned to endure the lifestyle of polygamist husbands. And these poor women had no choice in bringing up their offspring in the religion of their choice. How romantic !

    • But the best thing about the harem was that the “delicious menu” was not static. The “used” women were discarded and fresh meat (I mean, Hindu virgins who were plentifully available) were kidnapped and inducted to replenish the harem. But the foolish Rajput women of Chittor preferred Jauhar (mass self-immolation) rather than submit to the Mughal’s charming love-life.

    • Akbar gave his men a carte blanche to “take home” any attractive Hindu girls or young women, single or married, that they could find from the present-day Chandni Chowk area of Delhi, so they could be used for “Meena Bazaar” type pleasure orgies with him and his pious soldiers. How cute !

    • His hack, Abul Fazl, who wrote in Ain-i-Akbari: “The dancing girls (from Akbar’s harem) used to be taken home by the courtiers. If any well-known courtier wanted to have a virgin he should first have His Majesty’s permission.”

    • He reintroduced the delightful Jaziya tax, to be paid by all the Hindu subjects failing which they were given two choices: death or conversion. Many defaulters were cowardly and preferred to convert, rather than lose their heads to the sword.

    • It is a little inconvenient fact that the title Akbar himself wore was ‘Ghazi’ (killer of Hindu infidels). At the second battle of Panipat (1556) he ordered the beheading of Hemu, or Hemachandra Vikramaditya Bhargava, the great Hindu military general from Rajasthan. If you ask me, I would say that Hemu asked for me. Hemu had dared to crown himself “Raja Vikramaditya” with a Hindu Rajyabhishek (coronation) after booting out the poor Mughals from Delhi using a strategic Hindu military alliance with Afghans (who considered themselves Indians).

    • Akbar won greater claims to Ghazi-hood after the capture of Chittor fort in February 1568, when he ordered a general massacre of Hindu civilians who took shelter in the fort. An estimated 30,000 Hindu children, women and men were beheaded. A pyramid of severed heads was raised. And Chittor did not prove for ‘secular’ Akbar any Kalinga for Asoka. So this February, we are celebrating the ‘immortal’ love of Jodhaa-Akbar as a Valentine’s Day-era makeover! Please ask the Bajrangis to join in the celebration.

    In fact, many great national heroes have been honored by naming prominent New Delhi roads after them. For example:

    1) Major foreign embassies are located on “Aurangzeb Road”. So some people ask “Why is there still a road in India that is named after the most ruthless and cruel of the many ruthless and cruel Muslim rulers, oppressor and mass-murderer of Hindus?” I say, why not. Why should we change it, for god’s sake? Just because some fools don’t like it?

    2) “Akbar Road” is another prominent road where the Congress (I) headquarters is located. How appropriate.

    So, it is my suggestion that we, the Indian people, ought to institute a “Communal Harmony” award in Akbar’s name (“Nishan-e-Akbar”) and give it to the most secular Indian people of our times.

    Any popular nominations for this award in 2008?

    I AM GOING HA HA HA H A H A!!!!! ! !

  74. I just reread your post 😀 awesome to say the least — everytime it makes me laugh.

  75. Wow!! This is brilliant, really! I’m looking through the archives now…

  76. Boka Jodhaa Akbar – terrific

  77. @ Pinak & Shah:

    Read “Boka Jodha Aakbaar” as “Boka-Choda Aakbaar”; in Bengali “Boka Choda” is a common slang which has the same meaning of “BokChod” in hindi.
    Hope this helps!

    And this is first time I’m commenting on GB’s post eventhough I’ve been reading many of his famous (or infamous) articles. This particular one is really hilarious & once again you made all of us proud.

    Keep it up!

  78. @ Ibn Warraq:
    Huh… who the hell r u? U cant be the great Ibn Warraq . Anyway nice choice of ID.

  79. Randomda, it’s a long wait – hoping for something extraordinarily hillarious post coming up in your website !!!

  80. i can only handle one person here.today is not my day tomorrow is not looking good either.have i done a small girly thing on the side somewhere and its wet or what i dont know

  81. Oh man! this is freaking funny. Keep it up. Job well done. 🙂

  82. GB,
    You seriously seem to have a secret potion filled with ounces of humor. No one could have ever thought of anything as humorous as this after watching those 200 mins . I wish the censor borad was a bit liberal enough to release a GB version of the Akbarnama. Man that’d be a riot of laughter. Awesome.

  83. “Boka Jodhaa Akar”….hee heee hee.
    too good. too good.

  84. this is genius.
    right along your best.

    would like to add one –

    7 PM – a bunch of flower-pot sellers did a whole cool item number with their wares over their heads. I wanted to tell them they had got it upside down but they seemed to be into some trip or something. Nice way to market tho’ – maybe someday people will sell even chewing gums with a whole God, song and dance number.

    8 PM – No luck with Jodha again. I think I will go with Abu Fazl again tonight I will tell everyone in the morn that I mistook his quarters with Abu Begum’s again.

  85. @Bland Spice
    babur did fancy teenage boys, but does the akbarnama say anything about jalaluddin in this regard?

  86. Dear Great Bong…

    Please accept my award for one of the most humourous, zany and zestful blogger I’ve come across ever. Someone who is naturally gifted with the art of combining humour, wit, sarcasm and world reality (I thought they had stopped making them after P.G. Wodehouse…)

    I have got hooked to your blogs…I share a lot of sentiments that you have echoed through your writings. Please continue your wonderful witticisms.


  87. Hilarious one!Had a nice laugh 😀
    11am,2pm,4pm and 7pm rocked 🙂

  88. Wonderful post dude!! 🙂 .. I’d have helped u with stuff, had i understood the 100000000 urdu dialogues in the movie!! 😀

  89. Translated in Bengali. If you do understand the language, I eagerly await for your bouquets and brickbats (comments).
    Akbar nama

  90. ROTFL… awesome post! as usual..

  91. “I pretend not to hear when some of the servant girls whisper “Manmohan Singh” as I pass by.”


  92. Partly inspired by the discussions in this forum, a few of us have started the website (http://www.bengalgenocide.com/news.php) depicting the continual onslaught of Islam on Bengal and its Hindu civilization, that over the past millenium
    has turned the land to the second largest converted Muslim ethnic population in the world, after the Arabs.

    4000 miles across, a Dutch politican, Geert Wilder, in his movie Fitna, have shown us the universal nature of this Islamic threat to the global civilization and its common root, the Koran.

    We hope that our efforts will be an eye openor to millions of Muslim Bengalis, and will force them to reevaluate their Hindu past and come back to their real roots. To the Hindus, it should serve as a warning that the day is near when West Bengal will be a part of the Islamic Republic of Bangladesh.

  93. Elections are coming…the Indian govetnment will ban the movie “Fitna”.
    I would suggest you take it down from your bengalgenocide.com website…Nibaran babu.
    also…do write to me.

  94. Nibaron, Rishi,

    My friends and I are touring village after village in West Bengal. Here are our observations:

    – ‘Jalsa’ and ‘Milad’, small and big, are being held in thousands of places/villages.

    – Fanatic Islamic preachers are lecturing there in evening and night.

    – Jehadi and anti-Hindu preachings are being delivered with the message: “Jihad is our way. Bengal should be liberated from India by converting it to Dar-ul Islam (“Land of Islam”) by either forcefully converting Bengali Hindus to Islam or by violence or both.”

    – A strong and sure ground for another partition is being prepared unhindered.

    – Three incidents that transpired just yesterday (April 3, 2008) are a sure indication of where we are headed.

    – Yesterday, the Islamic Madrasa in Barasat (in North 24-Parganas district) had an electrical short circuit due to faulty wiring, which sparked a fire that led to some loss of Islamic books, pamphlets, literature, according to eyewitnesses. Today, there is largescale violent attacks by mobs on Hindus and the police. The WB police – being stooges to the jihadis – are silent to the spreading rumours of an attack, destroying of books etc – most probably in order to justify the ‘grievances of the minority community’.

    Lalchand Mollah, the CPM leader cum terrorist, is instigating his people for direct action against Kafirs for this accident. It is known that on previous occasions too, he told his people for the Blockade for NH-34. He has direct links with HUJI of Bangladesh and WB Jamaat leader Siddiqullah Chowdhury. Their agenda is to replace all Hindu members from the Panchayat in the coming election and taking control of all the local bodies.

    Barasat is treated as connector between Kolkata and Rest of Muslim majority belt. They want to cut-off the Kolkata from Muslim majority area near the border. I found the mob openly telling people to convert this Barasat-Amdanga-Bangaon belt to another Noakhali. The CPM is just playing a mute spectator to the tragedy unfolding in front of our eyes, due to a majority of Muslims and coming Panchayat Election

    – Yesterday, a Hindu girl in her twenties was dragged into the train toilet and gangraped by Jihadis onboard the New Delhi-Alipurduar Mahananda Link Express near Siliguri. This hapless girl was from Rangamati tea estate (near Jalpaiguri) and was returning home from Delhi, where she worked. Following the Maal-E-Ganimat doctrine, the other Kafir passengers were looted of cash, jewellery, cellphones and other valuables worth Rs 1 lakh, after being beaten into submission.
    (Note that Siliguri is geographically in the vulnerable chicken-neck area of West Bengal, where there is a open border with Bangladesh with jihadis, both from West Bengal and Bangladesh, freely meet up and discuss joint strategies).

    – Even Sougata Roy, senior Trinamul leader and MLA (Bongan) was not spared. Yesterday, he was attacked viciously and pelted with brickbats by Jihadis who smuggle thousands of cattle (from West Bengal) for beef slaughter into Bangladesh every day. In response, WB police arrested three teenagers, who allegedly attacked Roy. Police said Chottu Mondal (14), Latif Mondal (18) and Hasan Mondal (19) were arrested for hurling stones at Roy’s vehicle. Police also said they were cattle smugglers. The driver of Sougata’s vehicle was constantly blinking the headlight on them and this was enough provocation to attack Sougata. Recuperating in the hospital, Sougata said, “The WB police is actually trying to dilute the case by arresting only some juveniles and letting the kingpins go scotfree. Actually the area – Subhoratnapur in North 24-Parganas – is a haven for cattle smugglers.” But still the WB politicians have not learnt a lesson.

    – Nobody cares. The local administration is helpless because of political indulgence. The media, CPM and Mamata “Didi” alternately ignore the jihadis and mollycoddle them.

    – Hindu organisations are being threatened by the police and CPM/Trinamool thugs for objecting to such anti-national forces.

  95. Pranab.
    agreed with you. Please write to my email. This is GB’s post on a movie. Probably it would be better if you had written this on “The Killing fields of Bengal” post. Wouldnt u agree?

    Just some thoughts.

  96. Pingback: Nadodiyin Pulambal
  97. nice post. I have taken the liberty to add your review to my blog which I have just started some time ago. Hope you don’t mind. Take a look at my blog and feel free to contribute. Thanks.

  98. Akbar Was Known For His Brave Heart , Dont Insult Them , U r Indirectly Insulting The Brave India.

  99. hara hara bom bom March 20, 2009 — 6:27 pm

    @ Anonymous : “Akbar Was Known For His Brave Heart”

    Please elaborate. Cite a few instances where Akbar displayed his ‘extraordinary’ bravery.

    If you cannot, then …..

  100. GB,

    Merciless post,this.Fell off my chair.I am going through the archives now.It’s all I do when I come to office.Great stuff.

  101. Superb…The note written at 7 pm is the best of the lot…

  102. brilliantly written da.i am surprised no one mentioned the ‘i love you o sayoni’ gag.for me that took the cake n i almost fell from my seat.amazing job

  103. you have insulted a great mughal king.you know that.pretty funny.

  104. sawere-sawere Maham anga jaisi nari se panga lena matlab Kolkata paidal jana

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