Foreign Affairs

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[From here]

Sarah Palin’s meeting in New York this morning with Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari part of her crash course in foreign affairs — began innocuously enough.

“So nice to meet you,” she told him, according to the pool report filed by CNN, and he responded in kind.

Simple, civil salutations. But Zardari soon steered the conversation in a direction that would make Campbell Brown, the CNN anchor who Tuesday called John McCain’s campaign aides sexist, cringe and cry chauvinism. Here is the exchange:

ZARDARI: “You are even more gorgeous than you are on the [inaudible].”

PALIN: “You are so nice. Thank you.”

ZARDARI: “Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you.”

[A Zardari handler tells the two to shake hands again for the cameras.]

PALIN: “I’m supposed to pose again.”

ZARDARI: “If he’s insisting, I might hug.”

At that point, the pool reporter was escorted from the room.

Video of incident.

—————–

Here is what we think might have happened. The following is a work of fiction and any resemblance to real people and incidents is purely coincidental.

[Zardari and his handler are walking into the room to have meeting]

Handler to Zardari:   A final reminder sir. You are to use today standard Chinese/Russian practice—the “honeypot” technique i.e. offering an attractive  member of the opposite sex to a powerful person in exchange for diplomatic favours. Our old PM Aziz used it to great effect on Condi Rice when he bragged to her that he could seduce any woman in two minutes. Since the meeting with Rice was more than two minutes, she quickly understood that Aziz was trying put a bit of garam daal onto steamed rice. That was a great success….we got a few F35s out of that.

Zardari: Fool. Thats what that goat likes to say. Rice’s version of events is quite different–it seems she stared down Aziz so much so that he became quivering jelly. In any case,  that  is not going to happen to me. I am more handsome than Aziz. I was the disco king of Karachi you know.  I know the moves. Watch me have Palin weak in her knees in one minute…just watch. And don’t blame me if you find me having an Alaskan pie late at night…wink wink….

[Meanwhile at the other end of the room]

Palin handler to Palin: Whatever you do, do not talk too much. Just smile and say your rehearsed lines. Just remember….

Palin enters. So does Zardari.

Z: “You are even more gorgeous than you are on the video I saw of you in the Net in a one-piece swimming suit.”

P: “You are so nice. Thank you.”

Z: “Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you.”

[A Zardari handler tells the two to shake hands again for the cameras.]

P: “I’m supposed to pose again.”

Z: “If he’s insisting, I might hug.”

{Reporter leaves}

P [starts with the “small talk” she has been taught]: “So how is Mrs…?”

Z: “Oh madam. She died a few months ago. Terrible accident. I am now a lonely widower. [Expression of grief…] You remind me so much of my wife. The same love for shotguns. The same beauty.  You know, she used to be called PPP or Permanently Pregnant Prime Minister a long time ago. And you madam, you are also always having babies. You daughter is having babies. No one knows whose baby who is. I like madam. I like.

In our country, we have tradition of men hugging women. Very liberal we are. Now that reporter has gone, can I hug you madam? ”

P: [Totally confused by now and no clue as to what “tradition” is]: “Sure”. [Hugs]

Z: [Hugs tightly]. “Aaahhhh. So…nice. I am here to forge close bonds with the US madam. Very very close”.

P: [Looking helplessly at her aide for guidance]: “Thank you thank you. So we would like to start with”…

Z: ” Madam I tell you. You and I. We are like soul mates. I read you are dead against a woman’s rights to choose. In fact, you oppose abortion for even rape and incest victims. Our country fully endorses your view about the independence of women.

In the words of a great poet, “Roti hoti hai khaane ke liye aur boti hoti hai chabane ke liye. Badshah ki behen ho ya Governor ki beti, har kisi ko aana padta marad ke neeche bajaane ke liye citi”.

You not agree madam?”

P [With no idea as to what he is talking about blurts out her memorized lines]: “I look forward to cementing ties between our two great countries… ” [Trying to move away slightly]

Z: [Naughty smile]. “Madam trust me.  I am already cement. Madam, let me say off the record you truly are a MILF. Or as we say in our home country, Mohatarma I Like to Faisalabad. Total item. Total bomb.”

P[At last recognizing a word]: “Yes bomb. We do intend to bomb the daylights out of Iran. And then between us, also Pakistan.”

Z[stunned silence]: “Emm excuse me madam?”

Palin Aide [whispering to Palin]: “You oaf, this is the Pakistani Prime Minister, Asif Kardari.”

P[shocked and whispering back]: “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I thought this was that guy whats-his-name Singh from that snake-charmer country —yeah right…India….from where the Native Indians came. This guy just has a …snake.”

Aide[angry whispering]: “How many times do we have to tell you? Singh is the guy who will be wearing a…hat and has a white beard. Always. Do you see any hat on this guy? No. God damn it woman.”

P[anger rising]: “All these Arab people look the same to me. I wish I was skinning some moose right now and swigging down some beers. Damn McCain for making me go through this..”

P[looking back at Z]: “Sorry for that. Slight misunderstanding. Before we talk, what can we get ya? Coffee? Tea? Bagels? 500 billion in aid? A few fighter planes?”

Z[ smiling]: “How about another hug?”

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56 thoughts on “Foreign Affairs

  1. LOL! Look at his picture. He is all over her. Zardari has something very slimly about him. He is enjoying his wife’s absence for sure.

    “Disco King of Karachi”… another LOL!

  2. MILF – Mohatarma I Like to Faisalabad

    heh priceless

    GB, do a post on the US financial isntitutions meltdown crisis just like you did on the election scenario

    need a clear , unbiased GB view of things

  3. IMAGINE
    Republicans come to power again
    Ahmadinejad visits US.
    McBush disagrees to face him.
    Palin is pulled to the rescue.
    The Iranian President says “… the thing is that we don’t want to talk with you actually”
    Hockey-mom: “Why don’t you go and fuck off then!!??”
    “You go”
    BAM!!!!
    KABOOM!!!!!!!!
    (fading) How can you slap!!??

  4. People, people, Zardari is just following the grand tradition of tharki buddhas in Pakistani politics. Hasn’t anyone seen this video doing the rounds of Youtube for months?

    For those who don’t wish to click and to provide some context:

    Yousuf Raza Gilani is currently the Prime Minister of Pakistan. Sherry Rehman is a renowned Pakistani journalist and politician. In a protest rally against Musharraf, Gilani sneakily pressed Sherry’s boob with his elbow under the guise of marching arm in arm with her.

    What he didn’t realise is that his harkat was being captured on camera and now is on Youtube for all and sundry to see.

  5. What’s wrong with some sweet-sixteen romance in politics? It only adds some colour in an otherwise yuckily bland profession?

    If Manmohini can declare, on record on camera, his overflowing and unfettered love for Bush, why can’t Zardari do the same for a bit of ‘bush’?

    Such international prem-politics is a strong Indian tradition. [edited]

    Go for it, Zardari. Your country has been scr*wing India for over 60 years. It has also scr*wed Afghanistan so comprehensively and completely that the screw-head has broken off. And now the whole world, from USA to UK and Australia seem to be whining that they are apprehensive about the Pakistani screw-drivers.

    Go for it, Zardari. Why should you be left out?

  6. Just too good! But there are very deep psychological issues here. In a way, Benazir looked a bit like Palin. . Men from North Indian and Pakistan appreciate slightly more sophisticated women like Palin than outright skanky hos.

    Palin may actually have been surprised at these comments but she sure lapped up all the attention like a clever attention whore. P would have never talked to Z due to her religious viewpoints. But shes like a bull in a china shop and is forced to meet people who are so different from her and yet so similar in the sense of radical dogmatic beliefs in fairy tales. BTW that CNN anchor is wrong. Palin is not shielded from the media by the R Party in the fear that she would “wilt like a flower”, but in the fear that she may say something stupid. Zs response seems purely sexual. But after hearing the debate yesterday, its likely that he will do anything for her. Yesterday when Obama was talking Pakistan, I was amused at the way Mccain defended Pakistan by saying “we should make the people of pakistan change …be soft on them….not stop aid”…bla bla bla. Pakistan would not want this Hussein in office for sure.

  7. “Roti hoti hai khaane ke liye aur boti hoti hai chabane ke liye. Badshah ki behen ho ya Governor ki beti, har kisi ko aana padta marad ke neeche bajaane ke liye…”

    Your reference base seems as depthless a pot as your imagery

    Thanks for kicking away the dussehra-holiday-monday-morning-work blues!

  8. Pingback: Sarah Palin, SNL, Zardari etc « Chutney Soul

  9. man that was too much…
    GB is a stunning run of form these days…
    GB resurrected.
    Especially,
    “P[At last recognizing a word]: “Yes bomb. We do intend to bomb the daylights out of Iran. And then between us, also Pakistan.”

    Z[stunned silence]: “Emm excuse me madam?””
    too good…

  10. Check out title of videos on youtube :
    1. Sarah Palin Meets Horny Pakistan President Zardari
    2. Zardari calls Sarah Palin Gorgeous!
    3. Single-again Zardari hits on Sarah Palin

    ROFL

  11. Nice …… thanks to people like Zardari and Palin you can get a lot of masala ….Zardari is like a Govinda and Shakti Kapoor rolled into one character…..

  12. finally someone calls Ms.Palin a MILF. Your definition is quite priceless, I might add – it needn’t even be forcefitted into our neighbour’s version of American Pie – Pakistani Shawarma.

  13. Hello people,
    I am writing after a long time. Though, Arnab, you are my morning newspaper… every single day… if you catch my drift? I can’t start my day without looking up your blog… really!
    I just want to know your and the other fellow reader’s take on the first vice-presidential debate. What did you think? My assessments are this (no need to blast me off, as these are really my initial impressions and though I am 42 years old, I am still impressionable, heh! heh!). This is what I wrote to a friend of mine a few minutes ago…

    “I hope you watched the Palin – Biden debate. It was unbelieveable!!! I never expected it to turn out in Palin’s favor. She just floored me! I will give her a 4-2 over Biden. May be the MSM just spinned it against Palin all this time trying to show how she was a goof! What I saw today was not quite in accordance with that. Biden did pretty good in my opinion but Sarah Palin came off with a huge upper hand. She was articulate (unbelievable, no?) and answered everything that Biden could throw at his opponent. And Gwen Ifill was awesome as the facilitator! It was such an entertaining evening!!”

    On a personal note… besides trying to know about Arnab’s (specially) and the rest of the reader’s (generally) opinions about my opinion on this debate (mind you, not opinions about Sarah Palin or Joe Biden but about the debate between Palin and Biden) I would really like to hear from two regular readers of this blog –
    (1) ‘Yourfan2’, because, for some reasons, I have developed a strong liking to his opinions. At times he may sound (sorry, Yourfan2! I really am!!) really crass but, like George Carlin, I feel he (most of the times… not always, heh!) has a rather valid point.

    (2) ‘Thalassa Mikra’ – Lady, you amaze me… that’s all I can say! I have been a regular reader of your blog as well. And no, I am not making a pass at you. I am very simple minded. Unless I set my eyes on somebody, I am not capable of making a pass at her. Once I do I am very capable of 🙂 (Though, you may not be that interested, once you see me)

  14. Woaa!!!! Now that is wat I call humour!! I haven’t laughed so much in life ever since I finished reading Captain Haddock humour!! Cheers bong.

    May I predict what next? Drona!!! I m sure ul have a thing or two to say abt that!!! 🙂

  15. @Debasish:

    My recollection of the debate is entirely different. What I saw was one man who knew the issues and had immense confidence in his knowledge, who unlike Gore was also not robotic. On the other hand, I saw another person who was 1)so obviously blurting out points she had “rattofied” (note she almost never answered a question) 2) who wore her ignorance and inexperience as a badge of honor 3) chose to cover her ignorance with folksey cuteness which was so rehearsed that you could not help but snigger 3) who winked at the camera so many times that I thought she was channeling Sridevi from Chaalbaaz. Now I understand that this other person has a “Laloo” type aam aadmi appeal which I am sure will make her the victor according to some. However it is indeed a sad state of affairs that in today’s world, a man’s eruditeness and experience is held against him even for the post of something as critical as VP.

  16. Right Arnab. I totally agree with all the points you make. However, I am not so sure that the ‘aam janata’ of the US have proved to be that observant or savvy in the past 8 years to realize such points.
    That’s why I asked what you thought of the debate and not the persons. Given all that we have heard about Palin in the past 1 month, I think we already knew that she doesn’t hold a chance in terms of knowledge on any subject. However, in terms of performance, while knowing nothing of significance, don’t you think that she got away without even a flesh wound. I can see the 50 women (who are supposedly the swing voters this year) feeling extremely confident in the ‘gal’ and trust me, for them the ‘winking’ at the camera will probably turn out to be a big plus for all we know. That Laloo type appeal goes a long way in this country. Keeping that in mind, I think, Palin did a phenomenal job of coming across as a strong opponent. She did not falter even once during the whole debate. She did not come across as unprepared.

    I am just frustrated at the fact that both Obama and Biden missed so many opportunities not to chew their opponents and spit out the pips. Weren’t you surprised that last Friday Obama did not even mention privatization of Social Security… not even once?
    It sends shivers through my spine thinking – what if McCain/Palin win this election and 2 years into the term McCain just hits his expiration date and Palin runs the country!! That will be a very sad day. And look what is going on… it is a very possible scenario.

  17. @Wall
    Laugh while you can. That’s what people do when they do not understand the significance of what is going on around them. You may not have another opportunity after November 4th.

  18. *sarcasm*

    All this is a Hindu-Zionist-Crusader conspiracy to besmirch the “Pure” name of Paak-istan. I will give you 10 Reasons to prove it:

    1) What is wrong if Pakistani President Asif Zardari unabashedly makes passes at Amrikaan women? Does it not show the macho-ness of mustachioed Pakistani men?

    2) Don’t we Pakistanis know that Amrikaan women have such loose morals, that their morals are next only to the 72 Hurs (eternal virgins) waiting eagerly for the men in heaven?

    3) Should Zardari sahab continue mourning for Benazir for the rest of his life? Doesn’t Zardari sahab deserve someone better this time around?

    4) What is wrong if Zardari sahab disappeared from an official dinner in New York, to go celebrate with his former girlfriends at a private-room party at an upscale Manhattan restaurant?

    5) Some bloody, potty-mouthed Pakistani lady apostate dares to expose not just Zardari sahab, but also the equally macho and mustachioed Pakistani Prime Minister Yousaf Raza Gilani (who was caught groping the flamboyant Sherry Rehman’s thingamajigs):

    See: http://apostate.wordpress.com/2008/09/28/pakistanis-embarrassing-pakistan-business-as-usual/

  19. *sarcasm again*

    6) The video showing Gilani sahab was taken at a “Breast Cancer Awareness Rally”. All he did was check Sherry Rehman for any cancerous lumps. That woman should be grateful to him for his thoughtfulness.

    7) Sherry Rahman deserved the groping as she is a slut to wear indecent clothes that expose her body. This is why women should wear the burkha.

    8) Do you expect us Pakistanis to elect as our PM and President some decent, spartan bachelors like Vajpayee and apostate Kalam Iyer* ?

    * A.P.J.Abdul Kalam was given an honorary Hindu name (Kalam Iyer) by his Brahmin co-workers, as he avidly reads the Bhagavad Gita and the Upanishads, is a teetotaler and vegetarian, displays a sacred icon (Goddess Saraswati) on his desk, plays the Veena, relished the poetry of Subramanya Bharati, worships at the Rameshwaram temple regularly and has frugal habits (much like the Brahmins he hung around with, in Thiruvananthapuram).

    9) All of you Indians are jealous of macho Pakistanis. I believe that one macho Pakistani soldier is equal to 10 Kafir Hindu soldiers.

    Until I read this newspaper clipping: Wounded Indian soldier single handedly killed 10 Pakistani soldiers with a khukri and a war cry “Jai Durge”

    See: http://img135.imageshack.us/my.php?image=braveheartti5.jpg

    10) Zardari sahab wants Paak-istan to change its name to “Prick-istan”. But Gilani sahab wants to change it to “Porn-kistan”. Which one sounds better?

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