Karzzz—the Reviewwww

Mashaaaaaa Allahhhnnnnnnnnnn.

Himesh is back. With a vengeance.

The first time I saw the poster of Karzzz, a remake of the 80s Ghai classic “Karz”, I felt I was looking not at a movie poster but at a visual prophecy informing us of the coming of a messiah. If “Aap Ka Surroor” was the Varaha (Boar or Bore) avatar, then  the poster of Karzzz can be considered to be an announcement (or elaan) of the Narasimha (Lion-man) incarnation of the God of all Gods, Zeus ka baap, Himesh Reshammiya.

Keeping in with the theme of the Lion-man of “Karzzz” , Himesh loses his trademark cap and unleashes on the parched world a full mane of luxuriant black foliage  spontaneously germinated from hybrid hair-seeds implanted into his scalp, a veritable black revolution.

Some contrarians however conjecture the hair is not grown from the roots but is merely transplanted from his chest, like one of the famous drop-in pitches used in New Zealand in the 2003 series. As evidence, they point to the shaved smoothness of his virginally hairless chest, the one which he likes to keep on permanent display in his public appearances and of course in “Karzzz”.

I do not want to go into this schism. Wars have been fought over far less serious things.

All I know is that I see is a heavenly body, his posterior towards me, legs spread. slinging his guitar like a phallic object, a phallic object that hangs from his back.

If there was any kind of skepticism in my Kaliyug heart, it vanished when I heard a voice from heaven, speaking in the same way that it did when it said: “The eighth son of Devaki shall kill the evil king Kangs” and “Rahul Gandhi shall end dynastic rule in the Congress party“, telling me through the movie prophet Taran Adarsh—“Damn the pseudo critics who even rubbished KARZ three decades ago. Go by your instinct and have a blast!”

Himesh is the world’s biggest rockstar. Women faint from the pheromones he unleashes from his nostrils. As he enters the room, people stop talking and just keep looking at him. Bikini-clad comely females come on to him and start flirting. While talking to him, friends say “You are a rockstar”. Even then, Himesh remains grounded to traditional values and remains exceedingly humble so much so that he says “I have name, fame, money, everything”.

I am sorry did I say Himesh? Well that was that in his last movie “Aap Ka Surroor” where he played the world’s biggest musical celebrity whose name was “Himesh”. In “Karzzz” he again plays the exact same character. The only difference with “Aap Ka Suroor” is that here he is called Monty. And the guitar is Monty’s Python, which he keeps strumming vigorously with rapturous expressions on his face.

However he has a back story. In his previous birth, he was Ravi Verma (played by Dino Morea in a “friendly” appearance), the tycoon scion of the Verma family, who after putting an end to the evil designs of Sir Judaa, gets married to Kamini (played by Urmila Matondkar in a “hostile” apperance).

After the nuptials, Ravi tells Kamini: “Baby are you ready for the flight of your life? Up we go”. No it isn’t what you think, he actually takes her up in a plane where the evil Kamini, in the highest tradition of Hindi moviedom, reveals her evil plan to kill Ravi before she commits the deed.

So Dino meets the fate of the Dino-saurs, killed by the lady he loves and doomed to be born again with the face of Himesh. His sister and his mother (played by Rohini Hattangadi) are forced into exile by the evil Kamini who along with Sir Judaa takes control of the Verma empire.

Meanwhile Monty is suffering from something like hot flashes while singing his songs.  As a diagnosis, the doctor rules out menopause and rightly identifies these as phantom memories of a past life. In search for his eternal identity and the innocent virginal girl who has captured the superstar’s heart (and with whom he shares the licking of an ice-cream and who he serenades from a helicopter), he comes to Kenya and comes face to face with Princess Kamini, who has not aged even a bit in all the years that it took Monty to be reborn and become a (young) man. But when one can believe in rebirth, why cannot we believe in eternal youth especially when we can see “Simi Garewal the White” as a living testimony of it in front of our eyes (incidentally the person who played Kamini in the original)?

A dangerous game starts with Monty, now aware of the secret of his demise, endeavoring to seduce Kamini (which is not a difficult thing for Himesh) and convince her that he is her long-dead husband by recounting small things about her no one else could have known. Or should have known. Like how when she kisses, she closes her eyes (something that most people do not do). Like how she never brushes her teeth before she has her morning tea. How if she does not get her lunch by noon, “tumhe acidity ho jaati hain”.

Mercifully, Kamini is convinced that Monty is Ravi reborn before Monty blurts out even more embarassing things about her like perhaps how he used to come to know she has not digested her food properly. Kamini is also told that Monty just does not know how he dies. And she of course believes it. After all, when one remembers every small thing of one’s past life, it is natural that one should forget the speech one’s murderer gave before she killed him.

So will Monty get vengeance? Will there be a song now or in the next five seconds? Will Himesh do a full Monty? Why does Raj Babbar wear “Singh is Kinggg” Akshay Kumar’s purple turban? Why does Urmila mutter in a guttural tone “Come on Number 2?” Does she need more fiber in her diet? Did she actually ask Himesh in her accented regal Hindi: “To Monty kaisa laga kele humare”? Or did she mean “qille” (castle)? How many brain-dead people does it take to make this muck?  Why am I watching this? And why am I enjoying myself thoroughly?

The director, Satish Kaushik is in supreme touch in Karzzz as he takes the story of Karz and modernizes it for a new generation of people, who in their past birth may have seen the original. Everything is amped up, the dial is turned to eleven, the explosions are bigger and the backup dancers are all foreign. As an example of the grander scale, Sir Judaa who in the original used to communicate by playing glasses and tables now has a bionic arm which is essentially a surgically-grafted tuning fork. And the immortal scene of Simi Garewal hitting a Raj Kiran with the jeep again and again (because Raj Kiran with his bulk cannot be killed with one blow from a heavy vehicle) is replaced by a high-tech airplane sequence. However Kaushik keeps the heart of the original Karz intact in that he keeps the legendary scene of Monty with a contraption on his head and with electrodes coming out of everywhere, connected to a device that says mediscope, playing the guitar.

Acting wise, this is all Himesh’s show. Some may say that the character of the world’s greatest rockstar is not much of a challenge to Himesh as he can just be himself. Such people do not understand the challenges in jumping seven feet in the air and throwing kicks in slow motion, spitting dialogs, pouting coyly and most importantly hyper-acting. Special note must be made of Rohini Hattangadi who seems to have adopted the Lambu Atta mega-hamming method of acting—when she says “Is tarah naheen mere lal” on the death of her son, one could see more than a few shades of “Kundan maarne ka naheen” from Gunda.

No analysis of a Himesh avatar can be complete with a discussion of its music. Forget Kishore. Forget LP. Himesh has made Karzzz his very own. In this context, I shall say “Tandoori Nights” is one of the most significant songs I have heard in a while, the best since “Tu Mera Chicken Fry”. Is this a song about the kind of love that burns your soul, the kind that makes you say “If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right”? Or is this song actually about the heartburn that accompanies eating too much tandoori chicken at night—“rabba rabba meri jaan jaale, jaale jaale” an interpretation of the lyrics supported by the accompanying sequence that shows performers blowing fire from their mouths.

In passing, there was some controversy when a Punjabi singer accused Himesh of lifting his song for Karzzz without royalty. But I think there is conclusive proof that the tune of the song is something that Himesh heard playing in his brain, possibly as a residual memory of a past life, somewhat like the instrumental refrain from “Ek Haseena Thi” and that he used it with best intentions under the impression that it was an original tune that was coming from himself.

Summing up, this movie is a towering triumph. There is a karz (curse) on you to see it. This birth or the next.

80 thoughts on “Karzzz—the Reviewwww

  1. awesome! I wish Himesh reads this and sees the mirror once in his life

  2. You gave got in it for Himesh, havent you? 😀 Especially when he is trying so hard to change his image. (where did I see the ad where he admits “is baar main naak se nahi gaunga…aap dekhenge ek naya himesh ko). All in all a good review.

  3. Damn you greatbong for making me look crazy, sitting in my cubicle and laughing by head off.

  4. I will still not see it, of course ( specialise in self-preservation, thank you), but what a post. What a post. Exactly what a girl needs to wake her up from falling asleep over a paper due in a few short hours. Thank you, Arnab.

  5. First????!!!!!
    Well, tandoori nights is actually a reference to the tandoori chicken and vegetable diet he was on in order to get into shape for the movie.

  6. Me first!! As sarcastic as ever! lol

  7. Sigh.. by the time i finished reading the article there were five responses before mine. reminder to self: comment before reading the next time.

  8. Brilliant review. Surpassed my expectations !

  9. Ah, you don’t know anything.

    Himesh is in for a 35-40 year long drama. The movie was actually a spoof and Himesh lives his screen persona in real life (ala movie The Prestige).

    The whole “real life” portrayal by Himesh is to fool pseudo-intellectuals like you.

    When the camera is off, he turns to his pals (which include Tarun Adarsh) and sniggers about it.

    Just wait for another 30 years and the truth shall be revealed and it will be the biggest joke played on Indian pseuds.

  10. i couldd not stop myself from laughing out loud when i read this line:

    “Mercifully, Kamini is convinced that Monty is Ravi reborn before Monty blurts out even more embarassing things about her like perhaps how he used to come to know she has not digested her food properly.”

    All hail to GB, the king of satire.

    I am still laughing.

  11. I can’t believe it. This just sounds too good to be true. This will be my Diwali treat.

  12. Lol…”Keeping in with the theme of the Lion-man of “Karzzz” , Himesh loses his trademark cap and unleashes on the parched world a full mane of luxuriant black foliage spontaneously germinated from hybrid hair-seeds implanted into his scalp, a veritable black revolution.”

    I am sure Himesh grew it by singing to his hair. 🙂

  13. I was waiting for the Greatbong review since i saw it on friday!

  14. Wowwowowowowowowowowowowie!!!!!!!

    I am possessed by a sudden desire to watch this masterpiece now 😉

  15. Why everyone is behind him(esh)?:)
    Is he bad?? Or is he too good??? 😛 😛

  16. Thanks GB…..

    the review was worth the wait… I was waiting ever since you you replied to my mail…

    btw..thoroughly enjoyed the analysis of ‘tandoori nights’

  17. Reshamiya: a voice/mane like silk

    Brilliant review, man

  18. I watched this masterpiece over the weekend. Himesh surely does have guts – i wonder when shall he have a face implant.

    Anyway thought Monty’s jump while fighting was the best that I have seen after Prabhuji fights. Remember when Dayal meets Himesh and says- abe terah cap kahan gaya..!!

    One really cannot avoid Himesh – since he is such an entertaining person (even as a laughing stock) his films does well.

    Sir Judha is my all time favorite film villain.

    I think Himesh should join Prabhuji and they should start making films together before Prabhuji gets angry with him for copying the already the Mimohhhh look and expressions..!!

  19. Bong!!

    Hats off!!Nearly fell off my seat!

    One suggestion!! why don’t u write about Grover saab and his many maniacal roles! Sir Juda, Soprano ( tom dick n harry) and Luca ( shaadi se pehle) for starters, I am sure u will have a lot more in mind!! 😀 This chap is the king of cheapness!!!

  20. God it felt like just another episode of Sa Re Ga Ma Pa. All I was missing was Aditya Narayan. Felt like Himesssss wud blurt out “Isko Roti Milegi” any moment. In the true words of the maestro…Jai Mata Di..Let’s Rock!!!


    @GB:- Monty Python, Full Monty…lol..m/

  21. Niiiiiiice. Veryyyyyyyyy. But didn’t expect you to miss the point of the song on which the entire movieeeeeee rests. Not ‘Ek Hasina Thi’- no sir – it is the much maligned and much misunderstood ‘Tandoori Nights’. How could the Greatbong who appreciates the value of legends like Gunda not decipher the profundity of this classic? I’m shockedddddd. Not to say disappointeddd.

    Anyhoo, for the enlightenment of lesser mortals here’s the divine light:-

    Firstly, in keeping with the greattttt respect Mr.Rockstar always accords to talent greaterrrrrrr than himself, ‘Tandoori Niiights’ is a homage to the popular Saeed Jaffrey – Zohra Sehgal Ch.4 series ‘Tandoori Nights’. It announces the arrival of HR in the same league of historic histrionics.

    Secondly, the lyrics are self-explanatory. As the uncut DVD reincarnation of the movieeee reveals, after dancing her fill to the groovy tune, Urmila/Kamini bashfully asks HR/Monty what was the secret of this beautiful melody. And he replies in his loving, cocksure way, “Actually main tumse itna pyar karta hoon ki iss tadap ki aag mein mera dil jal jal kar tandoori ho gaya.” (Trans.: Actually I love you so much that the fire of passion has roasted my heart into a steak). And since the fire of passion is especially fierce at night, the refrain fits beautifully.

    Excuse my hogging your comment space, but just couldn’t let the mass wallow in ignorance.

    Ah the poetry! Ta ta ta tandoori niiights tandoori niiights tandoori niiights…………

  22. ROTFL. “the doctor rules out menopause”. ha ha ha ha ha.

  23. Don Ayan de Marco October 22, 2008 — 1:05 pm

    Sounds like it is better than my all time favourite films CLERK & SHAKALAKA BOOM BOOM. And how I like Taran Adarsh! But I hate Rajeev Masand. Recently in CNN-IBN he said that he felt sorry for Dino Morea. Not because of the fact that his acting career is going anywhere but because he feels pity for him that he is been reborn or reincarnated as HR (no not Hrithik Roshan).

  24. I knew this was coming. A very nice review of the movie though!

    More on my blog on the same!

  25. lol…you said it right..indeed a masterpiece..The movie was simply an overloaded album collection with songs every now and then..Too many songs made it boring..And it was indeed funny to see Urmila looking more younger even after 20-25 yrs..lol..I was looking out for a single strand of white hair,no way..She is evergreen and looks more younger than the hearoine herself..The herione is a dumb girl,not even beautiful..I won’t comment on Himesh bcoz there are more crap actors than he himself..I think people are going overboard criticisng him simply bcoz he has no godfather or isn’t son of any actor..Thatz not fair..

  26. Ha ha ha.
    I had no idea that Karz was being remade.
    I think some movies don’t need to be remade.
    This movies seems more like an unintentional parody!
    By the way, I am eagerly awaiting your 2 cents on our successful Chandrayaan mission…I can’t help but think
    of Tintin’s Destination Moon,for some reason.

  27. Errata:
    This movie seems more like an unintentional parody!

  28. Like always, an excellent review …. I wonder what Himesh would have to say if he reads this review!! …. oh wait! I forgot! He’s not intellectually retarted to get the sarcasm and the scorn …. He will end up thinking its genuine appreciation!! LOL! 😀

    Also, someone said it right – I think its time for Prabhuji & Himesh to unite in a cohesive effort to recreate a soulful Indian mixture of ‘Pulp Fiction’ with ‘When Harry Met Sally’!! Wonder how that would be?! 😛

  29. Boss ! This is just way tooo funny. I now have to see Karzzzz though I am positive the review is much much more entertaining.

  30. *Correction: Its not “He’s not intellectually retarted to get the sarcasm and the scorn” …. its “He is intellectually retarted to get the sarcasm and the scorn” …. sorry for the typo 😀

  31. Loved the comparison to Varaha and Narasimha avatars. Btw, the pic of him with the phallic symbol down his back looks ripped off “Walk the Line”

  32. Your review jolted me out of the blues, GB! Now, imagine the heights of mirth I can reach with the actual masterpiece! Somebody get me a dvd now! :p

  33. And I will have my vengeance … in this life or the next 🙂

  34. And you left out the part where the bad guys shamelessly lift the ‘electric’ guitar bit from Disco dancer. But what they didn’t realize there is not enough current in the world to kill himesh One another note, is it just me, or even after the rebirth, himesh looks older than his sister of previous birth and urmila?

  35. GB,

    Great work again. You punch in the sarcism so well that its always fun to read ur blog.

    i would like to know what ur thoughts r on Raj thakere and on the reservation proposed by him for locals. I think it will break the economy an do a “singur” in mumbai.


    Let me know ur thoughts.

  36. Dada, good rewiew but not great. one reason may be that Karzzzzzzzz is not as great as Aap Ka Suroooooooooor. I havn’t seen this masterpiece staring Gujju Bhai(incidentlly this is the name ot his forthcoming movie) nor do i have any plans. one thing i can not under stand how and why T-Series made himesh baba his tourch Bearer. Before that they back Kishen Kumar(another legend of method acting)

  37. Welcome back,
    A 9.5/10 🙂
    I would like to share something :
    I had a chance recently to watch the movie Jodha Akbar. Well I was totally pissed of by the intermission. So when my friend (who was impressed by the grandeur and emotions) asked about my opinion I quoted “Boka- Jodha akbar” and walked out.
    It made me feel great about myself.


  38. Meanwhile Monty is suffering from something like hot flashes while singing his songs. As a diagnosis, the doctor rules out menopause…………
    Priceless GB….
    Wonderful review…

  39. ouch!!!!!
    someday himesh and taran adarsh will catch you and tie you up and will make you listen to himesh songs over and over again till everything else is wiped out from your memory other than the sweet sounds of himesh’s voice.

  40. There is one more “z” in “Karzzzz”. By missing this you have hurt the sentiments of Himesh fans, who will now go on rampage and burn an effigy or two.

  41. “As a diagnosis, the doctor rules out menopause….”

    Awesome GB. Himesh and you make a great team. He seems to get the best out of you.

  42. “doctor rules out menopause” ….. couldn’t stop laughing

  43. I shouldn’t have read this piece at office. I was laughing so hard, the office beauty had to peep over the cubicle to see if I had gone mad. Thanks GB. Now she knows that I exist.

  44. Huh! when menopause happens, unwarranted hair also happens. so one hears. are you sure about the doctor’s diagnosis?

  45. Simply Great! Well done…GB!

  46. Great review! “Tandoori Nights” interpretation had me rolling…

  47. ‘And the immortal scene of Simi Garewal hitting a Raj Kiran with the jeep again and again (because Raj Kiran with his bulk cannot be killed with one blow from a heavy vehicle)…’ :

    that made me laugh out loud!! Good one GB!Thanks.

  48. Awesome GB. I am a regular reader, but this one warranted a comment! Was looking forward to seeing the “reviewwwww”

  49. You planning to review Hello anytime soon?

  50. “Women faint from the pheromones he unleashes from his nostrils” – LOL! True, very true.

  51. Doctor rules out menopause !!!
    Once again, the movie was made just so that people can get to read some awesome blogs!!
    I mean, every Indian blogger is in Karzzzzz of Himesh !

  52. good review. However missed reading more of Urmila Matondkar and the random heroine’s contribution. Also missed your take on the songs. The Hindu reviewer read the hari Om song as Hurry Home which I thought was spot on.

  53. Very gloomy day today..just lost 10k in the markets. But this fantastic piece from you made my day. God bless you.

  54. @Bsin: Thank you. Sorry to hear about the loss. These are indeed bad times.

    Thanks to everyone else who liked the post.

  55. clarity_of_thought?_ October 24, 2008 — 8:33 pm

    hari om hari omm hari omm hari ommm hari ommmmmmmmmmmmmmm

  56. clarity_of_thought?_ October 24, 2008 — 8:42 pm

    Let’s get one thing straight. And this is very, very important and one shouldn’t overlook this fact. This is a masala film; the makers never ever promised new-age cinema. Given the fact that KARZZZZ talks of punar janam, plus there’s a dash of mythology, as also everything that goes into the making of an entertainer, just don’t expect anything path-breaking from KARZZZZ.

    Also, don’t expect KARZZZZ to “pander” to the tastes of the multiplex junta.

  57. Come on,GB you can’t deny the status… of HR being the GAWD!!! 😛

    He can make and remake….. the worst films ever made in the history of Bollywood!!! Not everyone can!!!

  58. You missed an important and live changing Z in movie title.
    Its karzzzz.

    Yesterday Himesh called me asking about whereabouts of GB…. Abtera kya hoga kaaliya??

  59. You know, you have a thing when it comes to reviewing Himesh 😛 Dare I suspect anything out of the ordinary?

  60. Not HR, man, you are God. The office is wondering whether the loony bin people have to come in and institutionalise fat lady laughing manically which sitting before innocous computer screen.

  61. Where, oh where, is the ALL CAPS brigade?

  62. I must say I enjoyed aap ka suroor more than karzzzz. Urmila seemed to contribut more to the entertainment than HR this time.

    “subah brush karne se pehle tum bed tea peeti ho”

    As a side note, I was also expecting that at some point Monty would decode what Sir Judaa was saying based on the bippity-beep-beep coming from his bionic arm, just like he cracked the password in Aap Ka Suroor.

    Maybe I expect too much of Himesh.

  63. haha that was amazing

  64. I somehow feel sorry for himmesh .. i guess he is as good or bad as the likes of Dino morea, Zayed Khan, or Suniel shetty .Unfortunately he doesnt have a face or body like them. He is trying too hard. I hope he realises its not his cup of tea sooner or who knows .. he might improve over the years like aishwarya rai.

    Abt the direction .. I think Satish Kaushik has lived up to the Subhash Ghai directorial style – Lots of overacting, melodrama and Maa ke doodh ka karz

  65. Well, it wasn’t a complete train wreck, just a regular head-on collision. And that is a HUGE accomplishment by his standards..

    Loved your review!

  66. ThE EvIl HaS ReTuRnEd!! October 30, 2008 — 11:12 am

    Bring out the drums…bring out the orchestra..bring out everything but still…The nasal tones from “MONTY” will surpass even the “HIGH NOTES” which brought back memories of his past life(EVEN MINE!!)
    Why does he even act?
    He should be banned from giving people nightmares ever again!!!

  67. Lol! i know u watched the movie just so u cud write this! and that u thoroughly enjoyed doing it (writing the review i mean :P)

  68. Himesh Reshammiya is the best singer and actor. Himesh Ji’s Karzzz is a hit. It is better than the Rishi Kapoor Karzzz. Himesh Reshammiya Rules All. Jai Mata Di Let’s Rock.

  69. Manish Danisnghnai November 3, 2008 — 7:19 am

    Himesh Reshammiya is the best singer and actor. Himesh Ji’s Karzzz is a hit. It is better than the Rishi Kapoor Karzzz. Himesh Reshammiya Rules All. Jai Mata Di Let’s Rock.

  70. Manish Dansinghani November 3, 2008 — 7:21 am

    Himesh Reshammiya is the best singer and actor. Himesh Reshammiya’s Karzzz is better than Rishi Kapoor’s Karz. Himesh Reshammiya Rules All. Jai Mata Di Let’s Rock.

  71. As always exceptional review. How come no mention of his guitar holding/playing style or the fact that it sounds more like a piano that a stringed instrument.

  72. This was a brilliant review. My sister and I went to see the movie btw and we loved it. We laughed through it all..luckily we sat near empty seats so we were sorted ..some parts made me want to tear my hair out and some parts were just dear lord above and we laughed through the night so to speak 🙂

  73. the best review ever written for any movie surpassing any reviewer’s comments by the green mile . great job.hats off.best review i have ever read

  74. H ROHIT RESHAMMIYA January 17, 2010 — 8:25 am

    hi HIMESH JI hw r u

  75. H ROHIT RESHAMMIYA January 17, 2010 — 8:29 am

    aap k liye


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