Gajab Tamasha

44 Comments

[Updated]

If there is anything that attests to how committed the political parties of India are to providing the citizens with good governance and well-thought out policies, it has to be their selection of celebrities, mostly filmie people, as candidates for Parliament. This election season has been great in that respect with politically plugged-in stars coming out in full glory, if not asking for your keemti votes as a candidate themselves then definitely asking for your support for their favored party.

Taking to the streets is the Nabokov professor for endowed Lolitaas Shakti Kapoor [pic courtesy: Screen India], famous for his enduring attempts to uplift women, campaigning along with bumchum Kiran Kumar (the honest cop in Loha) wearing a Tshirt with Gandhi’s picture on it.

And unlike many other politically aware mega-stars Shakti is not politically partisan—–he campaigns for the Congress in one place and for BSP in another bringing to light the fact that there is absolutely no difference between political parties on the core issues.

Among other star campaigners are Salman Khan for the Congress who is targeting his message to a “swing” constituency—pavement dwellers, endangered species and people who love shirtless beefcakes. Not so sure whether he will be going ” Vote for C-C-C-Congress” is King Khan who is playing his political cards carefully.

Some stars have however have taken the next step and have actually thrown their hat into their election ring. For instance Shaker Suman [pic courtesy: Buzz18], the great comedian known for making a clean chest of his assets, is trying to attempt the impossible—-stand upto mega Shotgun Scarface Shatru, BJP candidate from Patna Saheb. Of course whether he will be able to make strongman Shatru go “khamosshhhh” or whether Suman-ji will do a “seedha patli gali se nikaal ja “remains to be seen.

With Suman in the frame, fellow laugh-man Raju Srivastava is also trying his best to get onto the electoral rolls while Navjyot Sidhu from BJP continues unabated——with the political rise of three comedians a sure sign that the country is now ready to be ruled by professional comics, as opposed to the amateurs who form the power class today.

And if we talk about Sidhu how can we forget his eternal rival Azhar-bhai (with whom he fought and came back from England) who is a Congress candidate this time, at last recognized for being one of the nation’s foremost bibliophiles with the people lovingly addressing him, in honor of a character from “Gulaal”, as Bookie Bana.

Bhojpuri mega-star Manoj Tiwari is a Samajwadi Party candidate and I for one am not surprised. Ever since I heard the Bihari pride song “Hum Bihari Dil Baate Bhola Bhola, Humre Ka Neta Sabke Nachawe Wala” with lyrics like “Pipe main hoi jaye sooo” [reviewed here] I knew there was a revolutionary in this man and my faith in him has been vindicated this election season.

Though not from Bollywood, the most significant movie-star who will play a role in this elections with his proposed “fourth front” is the legendary Chiru. Though I accept that I have not seen most of his work, which I am assured is stellar, I have nothing but awe for the man who danced to “Nobody can dance with me” in “Aaj ka Gundaraaj” (a telling comment on the state of the country) in the process sounding a “It’s a challenge” to his political rivals, poked a sword in Juhi-ji’s navel in “Gentleman” and stood ramrod amidst a hail of eggs being hurled at him by his detractors. [A tribute video to the eggs here]

The other big non-Bollywood players is Vijaykanth, the Captain, who I am sure if he came to power would make sure that the power situation improves if for nothing else than to make sure that doctors are not forced to perform surgery using light from their cell-phones as the Captian himself did once. [Video]. Not to forget our own svelte Bangla-r chele Tapas Pal (after whom some conjecture that the Spanish delicacy “tapas” is named) opposite whom Madhuri Dixit made her debut in Abodh and “Lal Paan Bibi” Shatabdi Ray who are both ready to storm the Red Bastion of Bengal.

But then how can there be election season without heartbreak? Some jealous people inside the Congress created trouble for Govinda and he “voluntarily” decided not to contest this time. I mean Hello? Okay so Govinda did not much bother with attending Parliament (just like Dharmendra and Vinod Khanna and some other luminaries including no less than Shyam Benegal [who may have been busy in Sajjanpur]) and had a 12% attendance and in general was reportedly less than prompt in discharging his duties so much so that his constituents put up a reward for any information about his whereabouts.

But this is Govinda, the man who makes wearing yellow trousers look cool, the man on whom the song “Tum to dhokebaaz ho waada karke bhool jaate ho” was picturized. Surely he could have been given a chance? I am sure he had a good excuse for his abysmal attendance like “Angana main baba, dooware pe ma, kaise aaye gori hum Lok Sabha ma”.

And of course how can we not talk about “the Deadly” Dutt [pic courtesy: Rediff] whose sincere attempts to introduce Gandhigiri into the diplomatic lexicon was aborted due to the small matter of a court conviction? I say we need more politicians like him who can combine a “jadu ki jhappi”with pure badass-ness “Apna to ek hi jawab hain yaar, Tez dhaar” [For those who have not heard the song (a personal favorite of mine), here is the link], a rose with an Ak47, and total “eyes-half-shut” macho with cluelessness.

On the topic of cluelessness, the biggest tragedy this election season has been that Amisha Patel is not contesting a seat. There were rumors that NCP had approached Amisha Patel to be a candidate, rumors that were scotched by the actress herself.

Amisha Patel is disturbed at rumours linking her to politics. Recently the Nationalist Congress Party stated that she’d contest the Lok Sabha election from Rajkot, Gujarat on an NCP ticket. Amisha says, “These statements are news to me. I have never shown willingness to contest from Rajkot” I have been approached by many political parties over the last seven years to contest. People are keen that I enter politics”

It was indeed heartening to know that many political parties have Amisha Patel pencilled in as a potential legislator. With her deer-caught-in-headlights look and her cerebral performances, Amisha is the ideal Youngistan candidate to navigate the country through perilous times. I honestly think that Amisha’s place in history will be assured if she champions a quota for talentless people (after SC/STs, OBCs, minorities and Brahmins have had their slices of the pie), a powerful voting bloc, who have historically been deprived of jobs and admissions to colleges.

At the very least, she can bring in the votes by contrasting the policies of her party with her oppositions through that song from “Kaho Na Pyar Hain”: ” Udhar to raat hain savera hain idhaar

In an encouraging sign that the dawn is not far off, Amisha has not ruled out a run in politics

I will be interested in entering politics in a couple of years perhaps, but not right now. Right now, I am too young and inexperienced

Till then, we wait with bated breath.

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44 thoughts on “Gajab Tamasha

  1. Hi,

    I’am a long time fan of yours and I’am commenting for the fist time as I saw the “no comments” sign. Feels nice to be the first one to comment on this wonderful article of “greatbong”. With politicians like this in the fray, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  2. The Americans send their freaks to American Idol. The British send their freaks to Big Brother. We send our freaks to Parliament.

    Given the huge cost the taxpayers are paying for this entertainment, the least we can do is at least ensure we have primetime coverage of the Lok Sabha proceedings without any editing cuts so that we can see first-hand the dialogue-baazi and the kursi-pheking which goes on!
    May I also suggest that we have a brass band playing and some cheerleaders at the side who start waving their pompoms every time a legislator either :

    1) swears at his rivals
    2) swears at his coalition partners
    3) swears at his own party colleagues
    4) hurls shoes at the Speaker
    5) tears up the papers being presented in Parliament
    6) comes to blows with someone

    Points shall be deducted if legislators stage a walk-out unless they beat up some members of the opposition on the way out. We are electing these jokers to entertain us, not to sulk and walk away .

  3. Awesome post ! Loved the Amisha Patel & Manoj Tiwari part the most :-))One can bet one’s life’s earnings on Amisha entering the rajneeti scene, she’s Rajni Patel’s grand-daughter after all… :-O Horros await us…

    P.S: ‘dear-caught-in-headlights’?? You may want to correct that.

  4. Arnabda, how is it that you forgot to mention your favourite singer Kabir Suman……that too when he is a candidate from good old Jadavpur !!!!!!!!!!!!!! And no prizes for guessing which party : The Anmol Ratan of WB “Trinomool” teenpatti Congress.

  5. very informative……………………hey can u plz throw light on more of female candidate like jayaprada, jaya bachchan, nagma, etc…..

  6. GB Howlarious post!
    “he people lovingly addressing him, in honor of a character from “Gulaal”, as Bookie Bana” — ROTFLMAO!

    “Surely he could have been given a chance? I am sure he had a good excuse for his abysmal attendance like “Angana main baba, dooware pe ma, kaise aaye gori hum Lok Sabha ma”.” That just blew me, GB at his very best!

  7. Nice article. Most of it is true and you, as usual, make it an interesting read with that element of humor.

    But what I don’t understand is why most of us [me included] conveniently engage in long debates of how badly our system is screwed up. Why do we never develop courage to get our hands dirty? I recently had a chance of getting myself registered in the voter ID list [or whatever it is called] to be able to vote for the first time in my life. My brother had sent me the “jaagore” link by which I could’ve regsitered myself online for the forthcoming elections. It was just a day before the registration deadline and for some reason or another, I [sort-of] conveniently became lazy and did not register. I regret what I did, but there is nothing I can do now. I read election news in detail everyday, and feel sorry with the state of things. But I know that I hardly have a right to bad-mouth my system when I’m never ready to change any part of it.

    So, any of you who read this, I just hope you introspect about your actions and try to change. Little drops of water make an ocean and so will individual contributions change India.

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  9. OMG Tapal Pal is contesting elections? Which constituency? I totally want to be registered there and do my utmost to send the the glowing symbol of Bengali indeterminate personhood to the the legislature.

  10. When filmstars or superstars are in demand they tend to be politically correct…the moment they start feeling insecure they join the first party that gives them a ticket and love…no wonder hypooocrissyyy is dam!!!! All these seems no less than Ekta Kapoor soaps

  11. If Shakti Kapoor campaigns for a party, then I will NOT be voting for that party.

    Given Shakti’s penchant for getting trapped in sex sting operations, I wonder how the Congress/BSP would like him to campaign for them.

  12. @ GB,

    Laal Paan Bibi was too good! Thanks for reminding.. Deboshree Roy can launch a sweet beginings in politics with Kolkatar rashogolla and Chumki Chowdhury can offer voters sugar cane sticks as seen in her film.

    Hi all,

    After making a truly ‘breakthrough’ (the dias crowded with her fans) performance at her constintuency, Shatabdi Roy has given up her painting and taken canvasing for votes.
    There was a covert attempt by the CPIM to stop her film (yes, she directs too) ‘Dhaaki’ (the big drum whose beat tempts even a two-left leged bong to dunce, seen mostly during Durga Puja) feauturing ‘Taposh Da’ as her hero!! Methinks the name of the film was inspired more by the size of the hero and heroine than anthing else.
    Star Anondo recently showed the breaking news of how Taposh Pal has a meagre meal of bhaat-dal-chochori-maach-chaatni-doi…, the typical 10 more course standard Bong lunch before getting on to the rigours of campaign. I wish VLCC (which rhymes with TMC)Weight Loss programmes becomes a donor to both.
    Also heard Shatabdi commenting that if the EC or the state govt. attempts to block her and Taposh da’s films (as per code of conduct), all the TV channels and film halls will have to be shut down till the end of May!! With Prabhuji ruling the roost even at this age, she does not have to worry about that at all. Incidentally, it’s a gala time for the Prabhu-fans as all channels are showing mostly his films. Wondering when Prasenjit aka Boom!ba and Chironjeet aka Kali Bannerjee Young will have such great thoughts and save us from the horrors!

  13. @ GB,

    Laal Paan Bibi was too good! Thanks for reminding.. Deboshree Roy can launch a sweet beginings in politics with Kolkatar rashogolla and Chumki Chowdhury can offer voters sugar cane sticks as seen in her film.

    Hi all,

    After making a truly ‘breakthrough’ (the dias crowded with her fans) performance at her constintuency, Shatabdi Roy has given up her painting and taken canvasing for votes.
    There was a covert attempt by the CPIM to stop her film (yes, she directs too) ‘Dhaaki’ (the big drum whose beat tempts even a two-left leged bong to dunce, seen mostly during Durga Puja) feauturing ‘Taposh Da’ as her hero!! Methinks the name of the film was inspired more by the size of the hero and heroine than anthing else.
    Star Anondo recently showed the breaking news of how Taposh Pal has a meagre meal of bhaat-dal-chochori-maach-chaatni-doi…, the typical 10 more course standard Bong lunch before getting on to the rigours of campaign. I wish VLCC (which rhymes with TMC)Weight Loss programmes becomes a donor to both.
    Also heard Shatabdi commenting that if the EC or the state govt. attempts to block her and Taposh da’s films (as per code of conduct), all the TV channels and film halls will have to be shut down till the end of May!! With Prabhuji ruling the roost even at this age, she does not have to worry about that at all. Incidentally, it’s a gala time for the Prabhu-fans as all channels are showing mostly his films. Wondering when Prasenjit aka Boom!ba and Chironjeet aka Kali Bannerjee Young will have such great thoughts and save us from the horrors!

  14. GB …….. Have you heard about the latest of reality of Indian telly?! Rakhi Sawant Ka Sawamyaar, where the winner will marry her as the G R A N D wedding. Wondering what kind of men would actually come for it. After all Christians used to be rounded off for the Roman circus … imaginng the horror of horrors where Sambhavna Seth of Big Boss fame is featured in the next edition.

  15. bollyood is more democratic than hollywood, hollywood junta mostly goes for liberal/democratic party.
    What if we had presidential form of democracy, just cant imagine how many presidential candidates we would have had ….

  16. Packed with GBisms

    “….a “swing” constituency—pavement dwellers, endangered species”
    “….at last recognized for being one of the nation’s foremost bibliophiles”

    In your element here…Hilarious. Keep it coming, elections come only one in a while

    cheers

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  18. Too hilarious and at the same time, it cringes my heart. And the fact that disturbs me most is not that so many useless celebrities are standing but the fact that the political parties think that their electoral college is indeed so dumb so as to elect these people without any credentials whatsoever. If we do elect them, then we are that dumb and deserve them really.

    Are we that dumb? Please God, let it not be so

  19. I think v r missing the big picture here.I dont think the background of a person should be held against him/her just becoz they r from the film industry.C’mon indians are electing criminals protected with z category security yet ironically booked under NSA.Film Celeberities are just like any other and they have every right to have a stake in the political system.What needs to be pondered over is whether they have it in them to sustain and excel.And history says that people r not stupid enough to just elect anybody becuase they are struck by stardom and believe their hero would replicate offscreen what he did onscreen.Sure the image and the power the filmi people have makes it easy for them to access the system in a much easier way than any deserving candidate with less muscle and money power would be able to.But that’s about it.To endure is quite another.If it comes easily to them then there is an equal certainity that they will lose it easily as well.Assuming stars have an unbridled control over the indian electorate or the political parties depend on them is too condescending and not appreciating their intelligence.

    There is a diff betn people who come to ‘see’ stars and who ‘vote’ for them.Celeberities are crowd pullers but not necessarily vote catchers.Major political parties themselves realise they have to put with this tamasha of reining in stars in the hope they would neccessarily translate atleast some of the people from ‘seeing’ to ‘voting’.The one who has the ability to blur the two is i feel people like MGR and NTR.MGR’s mid day meal scheme has been followed throughout india with innovations being added every year to that project by every political party.And they were in no way less capable than was rajiv gandhi who simply had the post thrust on him.When you look at people like RG,rabri,omar abdullah and maran i think its unfair to say film celebrities are not fit to be politicians.

    People who have voted popular film politicans have kicked them out too.Shatrugan sinha has been in the BJP for too long to be considered a novice.vijayakanth was voted ‘indian of the year’ by the central govt for his social work.He has been slowly and steadily increasing his base as any seasoned politician.

    If some of the deservedly undeserving candidates are appointed some parliamentary comittee head or cabinet minister then it is a cause for worry.Even here i think the political parties and their leaders have been smart.They know ‘their’ stars would be much more useful if they dance at the border for jawans to raise money if something like kargil comes up

    Sri

  20. Govinda sail Angana main baba(baba siddiqi), dooware pe ma(Nagama). Baba Siddiqi was promoting nagama from Mumbai East Seat. Byt that seat went to Sanjay Nirupam.

  21. Govinda sing Angana main baba(baba siddiqi), dooware pe ma(Nagama)kaise jao loksabha ma.. Baba Siddiqi was promoting nagama from Mumbai East Seat. Byt that seat went to Sanjay Nirupam.

  22. Have you seen Taps Pal’s new full head of woven hair. He looks like a different man! Ha came ready for politics.

    On another note, I agree with heejeebeejee that an actor need not necessarily be a bad politician. We have had some effective examples, especially in the US like Reagan (the most famous example), Arnold, and Clint Eastwood.

    In India we tend to hold their professions against them… 🙂

  23. “I hardly have a right to bad-mouth my system when I’m never ready to change any part of it.” Apart from population explosion, malnutrition and primary maleducation, this sense of guilt will finish off the country. I mean, come on, guys. You work hard and pay taxes and your kitchen sink breaks and the plumber comes and phucks it up even worse. Do you shout obscenities at him, or do you promptly switch on the guilt machine to emit drivel like “I have no right to bad-mouth the plumber until I learn plumbing myself”? It’s not like the country is stuck at some nontrivial problem and you hold the solution key and you are sulking away. The mofos all around you just need to reduce the humping and the corruption and the goonda-gardi—that’s all that is needed.

  24. The “Gajab Tamasha” in your post reminded me of the “ajab tamasha” in Kaka Haathrasi’s satirical piece. Not only is the word similar sounding, the context is the same too. A few lines from memory, if I may:

    “Prajatantra praangan mein bhagwan ajab tamaasha horiyaan,
    Ganapati bappa moriyaan!

    Jod-tod ke khel ho rahey, mantri mandal fail ho rahey,
    Naari ke jhandey ke neechey male aaj female ho rahey.
    Naach rahey kathputali-guddey, kheench rahey hain doriyaan,
    Ganapati bappa moriyaan.

    And so on.

    Considering that this was written like over twenty years ago, it is sad that these lines still apply to our present. One of the possible reasons for this is also captured in the poem. I am kinda shaky on these lines; please forgive any misquote here:

    Iimaandaar afsar ko baaki milkar beiiman banaa dein,
    Laalach ka petrol chhidak kar naitiktaa mein aag lagaa dein.
    tu bhi khaa aur mujhey khilaa, yaa baandh bistaraa boriyaan,
    Ganapati bappa moriyaan.

    Anonymous Coward has a point there methinks.

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