Some readers have noted the lack of reviews on this blog recently. While the fact that I am finishing up my book is one of the reasons why movie-watching has taken a backseat, what has been an even more important contributory factor towards my reticence towards Bollywood has been the presence of a certain Miss Kaif in almost every other major release, an H1N1 of pain.
Make no mistake. Miss Kaif is undoubtedly hot and can do a fine Chika-Chika. But she is definitely the size-zero of histrionic ability and the ground-zero of talent —-from her stilted Hindi to her monotone to the paucity of facial expressions, sometimes so weak as to make “deer-in-headlights” Amisha Patel look like Smita Patil. Not that I would expect Oscar-worthy acting in “Blue” but even then it is difficult to sit through even those little gems when someone is as consistently grating .
But then why did I decide to watch “Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani” then?
Reason number 1: Some people who shall remain nameless said that it was a brainless, light-hearted comedy.
Reason number 2: The director was Rajkumar Santoshi. The man who not only gave us Narasimha-Avatar Sunny Deol “the wounded who tore the world up” dhai-kilo ka haath scenery-chewing brilliance and Ajay-Devgun pissing on the carpet “What the hell was that” weirdness in Halla Bol but also that subversive spoof of Bollywood conventions, Andaz Aapna Aapna with its iconic Crimemaster Gogos and Tejas and Amars and Prems.
The only similarity between Andaz Aapna Aapna and Ajab Prem, besides its director, is that one of the characters is called Prem, the song “Ilo Ilo” plays in both movies and there is a buffoon Don in both. But whereas in Andaz Apna Apna “Main Teja hoon. Mark idhaar hai” and “Paidashi chor hoon. Aaya hoon to kuch leke jayoonga” were sparkling in truly a “brainless” way, “Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani” has the most unoriginal and juvenile of gags straight out of the “Singh is Kingg” genre.
So is the movie enjoyable? Sure it is.
For two kinds of people.
Type 1: You find pidgin English (I poor. I like Jenny. I love Jenny. Jenny beautiful. Jenny class. I no class, Baal silky silky gaal milky milky [yes I know]), the age-old Braganza stereotypes, dialogs like “Agar no bolega to kal raat ko Little Tony bedroom main forcefully tumko aapna wife banayega” and “Mere peeche tatti kar raha hai” to be the height of the comedy and consider Sidhu and Sekhar Suman to be the funniest human beings you have ever heard.
Type 2: You are the type who say “Chooo chweet. That Ranbir and Katrina look soooo good together. What chemistry….totally Rab Ne Bana Di Jodi…that Padukone girl…no no….” and just want to see the hot-and-happening couple together on screen considering the gossip linking the two that conveniently gets extensive air-time before Ranbir and Katrina have a movie together, gossip that I personally am totally unaware of but follow compulsively (“Do you know that Deepika was not there when Ranbir walked the ramp in that fashion show? Uuuuuuuu”)
There is nothing much else to say about the movie. There is no plot, no coherence, no acting and not even a bit of zany brainlessness.
As a matter of fact, it is not even the best movie that has Ghazab in the title—-the honor for that going to “Ghazab Tamasha” with its song where Rahul Roy, in the most amazing Mexican get-up, rides around the circumference of Anu Agarwal on a rickety old horse singing “Deewana Deewana” and where Ms. Agarwal later arrives wearing something that is supposed to be a blonde wig having more laughs in it than the whole running length of “Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani” [Video].
However what it definitely is is that it is a packaged and marketed product designed to make Katrina and Ranbir share as much screen-time together.
Of course that totally works as Ajab Prem Ki Gajaab Kahani is a big hit.
Which just means we will see even more of Ms. Kaif.
And more such imbecility passing off as cinema.