My Name is KingKi

BJo [sits in a sauna, clad in a towel] : You know what. I am sick and tired of people calling me a maker of lovey-flubby-pinkie-winkie coochie-hoochie-coo movies like “Kuch Kuch Kiya Hai” and “Kabhi Aage Kabhi Peeche” and “Kaabhi Andar Na Daalna”. I want to make serious impactful cinema with political undertones….

KingKi (eyes shut, enjoying sauna): Gone mad or what?

BJo (smiling): Kidding yaar. Of course my next movie will be a love story, an intense and passionate one. What else can I do in any case? After all asking me to make a non-love story is like asking Sachin Tendulkar to dance ballet. Plus yahaan ka public only wants the coochie coochies. But baat kya hain, today’s audiences want more.  When they come out of the movie, they want to feel a surge of “I am so smart”  and this is why we need to layer in a political, deeper, “more mature” cocoon over the hoary old cliches and truisms , in essence making old garbage sound profound and brilliant .  Simple college romances don’t work any more dude and honestly I cannot make you look like a college kid any more….

KingKi (raising his eyebrow): Well if that idiot can why can’t I? Well at least can you at least make me the world’s best engineer who can improvise devices on-the-fly?

BJo: Of course ! After all what am I for? Here is going to be your slogan in the movie. “I can fix almost everything”….

KingKi: Don’t we have to pay royalties to  Aaj-Haar, ex India captain for the use of that phrase?

BJo (ignoring that remark): I think I have got it. For this movie, we will do the whole “minority persecution” thing, set it in the US (because I only shoot stateside). Of course this cannot be too nuanced, since audiences love black and white and to be honest I cannot handle innovative stories or complicated narratives. So what I will do is put in some of the favorite cliches the world likes to believe about the US—-that they target people of a particular faith and color with Mogambo-style delight, national security agents snarl like angry bears and make “I am watching you” gestures like De Niro in “Meet the Parents”, George Bush was bad and uncaring but his successor is greatly different and good. In order to do this pandering to held beliefs, we would have to bend things round a bit like make rural Georgia in 2008s look like the world of Uncle Tom’s Cabin or show every detainee in the US being subject to horrific torture but hey if the world believes these things about US,  isnt it smart business to just persist these stereotypes?

KingKi: So essentially we are Slumdog Millionairizing the US, reducing a country to stereotypes for easy audience digestion.

BJo: Exactly. And with this theme I see much business in many countries of the world, particularly in Middle Earth.

KingKi: And also boost my popularity in the country I refer to as the “best neighbor to have”…..But wait. I have a condition. I will be a part of this movie only if I am in every friggin scene. In my last movie “Talli Tailor” I shared screen-time with some other dude and it was a mega-flop cause my loyal fans just cannot tolerate anyone else taking even a second of my movie away from me. Cannot afford one more like that.

BJo: Relax. In this movie, you won’t be the hero. No you will be God. Not only will you make Archimedes look like an engineering school dropout but make even St. Peter look like Caligula. You will help everyone even when being hauled onto the cross, you will rebuild flood-affected villages while the US administration watches in silence, you will fix engines and most importantly, you will always always speak the truth. Just like God. I can just imagine audiences full of women (and men) swooning “Oooooooooo” throughout the movie, the whites of their eyes showing as  they are wracked by mini-orgasms at the sight of your sheer awesomeness. And as a final touch, the character will share your last name so that the connection between you and him will be very tight—–if he is God then so are you.

KingKi: I agree. So I am. But you know people tell me I act the same in every way, head shaking, lip-curling—–in short in a very retarded way.

BJo: Aha. Here is where the genius of this concept is. In this movie, you will be suffering from autism, like Dustin Hoffman in “Rainman”. (I need to find out a technical sounding term for it). Which means that not only can you try to copy his mannerisms like the reciting of exact numerical figures, but act any way you want to and it will all be absolutely right. As a matter of fact, this autism is what will be driving your other-worldly honesty and cuteness—-think Forrest Gump. And noone will dare criticize your acting as “hamming” because they will be afraid of looking insensitive. Of course, we both understand you will in no way be able to attain Dustin Hoffman’s levels in “RainMan” but honestly the audience couldnt care less as long as we keep you in every Godly frame.

KingKi: This is actually sounding quite exciting.

BJo: Castingwise, I am going to cajole KyaJhol to act opposite you—–you two have always given megahits. Chemistry is very important and I am sure with her around, the chemistry issue will be handled very satisfactorily. She might screech a bit too much when the drama gets intense, like old Premier Padminis scream and shake at speeds above 60 kmph, but she is reliable. Now what I cannot make up my mind is whether I should get Kiron Kheer or Farida Balal to play the role of the bhole-bhala, hearty “gajjar ka pancake” cooking  Southern African-American matron Mama Jinnie or just go with local talent…..depends of course on the budget.

KingKi: Don’t worry about the budget. We will get into a whole lot of corporate tie-ins. Like with Burbak, the shoe company who also act as partners of my cricket team. In first five minutes, we will have a escalator shot of my shoes and then periodically bring the narrative to the issue of shoes. I ammm very smarrrttt………….

BJo: And I am positive I will get Fix SearchingLights to finance this project. It will be ironic for a movie about “minority persecution” being financed by a studio whose parent company is known to pander to the most reactionary elements inside the US but as they say ganda hai par dhandha hai yeh ! Which means we will have enough cash to spread around for publicity. Reviews, as a result, will be good. My spidey sense tells me….

KingKi (phone ringing and picks up. Speaking into phone): No Mr. Sharma. I told you before I cannot go and dance at your wife’s second marriage. No sir. I cannot. I dont care if that’s what the terms of your alimony say. I am sorry. I have….wait what did you say? Two crores? Dinner included? Hmm…ok then. See you in an hour.[Hanging up] Sorry we have to continue this conversation a bit later. I need to do this.

BJo: Sure. I need to get this project moving. Now all we need before release, is to have certain incidents that accentuate the ethereal halo of victimhood around you even more, in essence blurring further the distinction between you and the Godly martyr in the movie.  Of course we cannot make such things happen ourselves but there is nothing that prevents us from taking advantage of them , should they occur [wink].

KingKi: Absolutely not [wink back].

BJo: Ok see you then. Remember duniye main do type ke log hote hai—-ek chalaak insaan aur ek buddhu insaan.

KingKi (smiling trademark grin and leaning head on one side): My name is KingKi. And I am not a buddhu.

BJo: That my friend you certainly are not.

200 thoughts on “My Name is KingKi

  1. Isnt his name Badshah Dildo?

  2. Isn’t his name Badshah Dildo?

  3. LOL 😀 I am not watching this crappy movie!

  4. [edited] GB adds: Take political discussions off this post.

  5. Nice! Funny. I am going to watch it now in half hour. 🙂

  6. yeah well!

    [GB edited: Again communally sensitive speech will be edited. Please do not make spend time having to edit your comments again and again. ]

  7. Going by your review I can see my 200 bucks going into the drain today … Bachao!!!!!

  8. kingki inadvertantly has actually attained sainthood through all the travails he has had to be through during the release of this film and now it has stated to do well worldwide

  9. does ‘my name is kingki’ have those foreign cast to add the international feel ….. i bet kingi must have been in some NASA space station to get international coverage

  10. Oh Man!!! Watching that movie yesterday was hurting-till now…reading this made me forget the utter cr@p I saw on screen yest….Thanks GB!!!

  11. This post was not humour but mental nourishment. Sauna…I cant stop laughing. GB you are god !

  12. It is IRONIC that the CM of Maharashtra can guarantee safe release of a movie (If I can call this piece of tripe that) but cannot guarantee the safety of a few people enjoying Pune’s most popular bakery.

  13. Apart from most-awesome-review *fangirl scream*, I totally loved the pseudo-names you have used. BJo and KingKi and the rest was nothing compared to Fix SearchingLights! Talli Tailor rocked too!

    But hey, what’ve you got against Forrest Gump? Black would’ve been more appropriate for you’re-heartless-for-not-liking-it syndrome. 😉

  14. Usual Karan Johar crap. But should be a massive hit in most of middle east and Pakistan.

    Some of the irritating things. Even in an ostensibly serious movie, he can’t avoid that “scene is shifting to USA, let’s have some western music, aerial shots of highways, sky scrapers, fast cars” routine. Kajol continues to do the same wide eyed, bubbly, chirpy girl routine. Did he find out now that there is an English version of “hum honge kamyab”? That “you suck” thing is so out of character and again lapsing into “oh, me, shahrukh and kajol are such close buddies” thing.

    I guess some things never change.

  15. MNIK = Mind Numbingly Idiotic Khan

  16. GB, you are in your elements again(sorry for “again”).
    The parting shot between BJo and KingKi says it all..Jai Ho!

  17. What do a few blasts here and there matter? The show must go on. We deserve this fully for voting these guys in. They will not change their tactics as long as they keep getting voted in.

  18. Any disclaimer?? E.g. All characters fictitious (or not ), any resemblance coincidental (or incidental) ???? 😀

    Rocking review ….

  19. GB,
    Some parts of this movie and the aftermath(read:newspaper reviews) reminded of some of the posts you have written earlier. That scene in Willemenia(not sure of the spelling) reminded me of an old post of yours “why is America great” and the subsequent reviews made me recall”Kabhi Aage Kabhi Peeche”. Imagine TOI gave it 5 stars. The only other time they have done so was for Dev D. By that standard , Kurbaan qualifies for a 5 and a half star rating. The only thing I liked in the movie was Kajol, though even she shrieked worse than Kirron Kher In Devdas in one of the scenes. Oh yes, and the way he walked was also nice…only that only people like KJo will find that attractive. And I just wondered-no disrespect intended- can Autisitic people really be sexually aroused? Or was that another Kjo trick to stimulate sweet glands of primarily female audience he has continued post KANK?

  20. And yes, In one scene he asks Kajol to marry him , in next he says that “She Sucks”. And in the next he tries to tell everybody that what a sweet nanha munna baccha he is .
    Yes, I left my mind at home when I went to watch….

  21. bjo and kinky?
    real naughty! 😛

  22. As usual, an amazing blog! Great job.

  23. “Kaabhi Andar Na Dalna” takes the cake…LOL great post..

  24. I was sincerely waiting for ur review,I never trust the awful trio of Karan-Shahrukh- Kajol. Won’t watch the movie… Thank you

  25. I still haven’t watched Ishkiya. There is no way I am watching this one before Ishkiya!

  26. GB , the first paragraph was in real bad taste ,didnt expect you to write something like that , i am no hindi movie fan but you seem to have a great dislike for sharukh khan,karan makes his movies to sell so naturally he will keep in mind what the vast general public like, not what you and me would like, bye and all the best for your book

  27. GB , the first paragraph was in real bad taste ,didnt expect you to write something like that , i am no hindi movie fan but you seem to have a great dislike for sharukh khan,karan makes his movies to sell so naturally he will keep in mind what the vast general public like, not what you and me would like, bye and all the best for your book

  28. I knew you would find a way to relive yourself, after Mr.Thackerya had to eat his poop with his no-show. Good to know you are not alone, but have a lot like minded fellows relishing in…whatever.

  29. As usual, a very biased review. But that’s what I expected as it’s SRK movie.

  30. Boss, You need to do something new, ur reviews are getting predictable. I yearn for the great reviews you wrote for Drona and Karzzzz (or one of Himesh’s movies)

  31. “duniye” – there is that typo again.

  32. I think u just like to find faults in every movie…thats wat u go to watch movies for 😛 😛

  33. Awesome GB.. my sentiments exactly .. 😀

  34. That’s exactly what I expected from you greatbong. You’ve proved how biased you are against Shahrukh Khan. Let me say that I’m no fan of either Shahrukh Khan or even My Name is Khan, but this was at least a good attempt in a different direction.

    People blast Karan Johar for making movies in only one genre, rightly so. He’s overdone the lovey-dovey stuff. With this film he attempted something different. It’s not perfect, not even great and it has its Karan Johar trademarks here and there, but at least a good step, but you blasted it away totally like you do every Shahrukh Khan movie.

    Critics are supposed to be bias-free, but everyone has their favourites and their sandbags. You’ve just proven that SRK is your sandbag, whom you’ll hit no matter what he does. I don’t know who your favourite is but I think Aamir comes closest. You try to prove yourself unbiased and bash Aamir once in a while, but at the end of the day just like any other Aamir fan, you’d not give up chance to kick SRK and say how awesome Aamir was in 3 idiots.

  35. Here’s a request — please could you do a peice on Nikhat Kazmi, the grand royal [edited by GB] who writes the Sunday film reviews for the Times of India? It could be like the one you did for Parnab “Beautiful Mind” Mukherjee few years back — but its totaaly upto you. I first read her reviews many years ago and found that her words boil my piss and blood like few other things can. I could go on about [edited] — but if you’re familiar with her work, I need not say more. Just that I read her review of MNIK today and it tipped me over the edge. I am sorry but I have contained this rage for over a decade and today I feel horomonal — its my wedding today you see. Thank you Arnab.

  36. What is it that you have against SRK.does it seem like you just cant tolerate his fan following and popularity. You used to write good stuff once upon a time. Its gettin too biased these days…. cheers

  37. [edited] BJo got screwed on on the dates…9/11 happened in if the other things such as killing of sam and other shit happened soon after..then why the hell did KingKi dildo started his endeavor in 2007????

    Also, [edited] BJo always has some bulky MILFs hat try to seduce in artificial punjabi…he could have added them also..

    The movie, although a peice of shit, couldn’t stop me to recall tom hanks in forest gump.

  38. GB, Even I feel you’ve taken the SRK-bashing a little bit too far. I’m certainly not a fan of his, forget being a big one, but it genuinely seemed an attempt from those two to try something different. If you’re going to point out all the negatives in a movie, or just try to spin everything negatively, then I am sure anyone can make anyone or anything look bad. It definitely wasn’t a great/awesome/mindblowing/5-star movie, but it wasn’t all that bad as you make it out to be either.

    @underdawG: All the best Bro.

  39. Dude, seriously this is one of the best movie reviews!
    I wish I could write like you!

  40. Amazing post.

  41. My Name is Yawwwwwwwnnnnnnnnn!

  42. Awesomeness. 🙂 Funny, like to say. What is up with people. Sense of humour gone flying out the window.
    Absolutely. (wink)

  43. I liked the movie very much. I know most of the intellectuals would love to acknowledge that they hated the movie and would surely make fun of it.

  44. Super post…

    @underdawG: Sorry abt ur piss n blood..I too would love GB’s comments on tat..heh!

  45. You’re unbelievably cruel man even though u r damn funny. Just wondering where does the distinction between humour and slander start to blur. Of course king Khan is not going to be affected by your blog but just wondering.

  46. Hi GB
    Are you interested in xchanging blogroll links.
    Pls do mail me. I’ll place your link on mine sidebar on all pages.

  47. Since Nikhat Kazmi gave it 5 stars, I have been following other reviews of this film. For once I also thought that, this time Karan Johar has grown up. Even the rediff review was completely in favour of SRK and MNIK. That gave me more confidence about the film. At least there was promise for not being as mushy and corny as their previous efforts. And then I read your KingKi and BJo dialogue which made me realize something.

    It’s SRK we are dealing with. Nothing worthwhile can come from his side and specially when it has something to do with KJo as well. That opened my eyes. Though I will go ahead and watch the movie, and make SRK richer, I will take precautionary measures lest I want to throw up in middle of the film.

  48. Damn hilarious, but damn true!!!!

  49. Taran Adarsh called KJo “one of the finest storytellers of the generation.” That is when I knew for sure it’s a crappy movie 😛 You confirmed my suspicions …

  50. Great post!
    Great post to counter the kind of negative sublime impact some super smarties make on social and political thoughts for personal gains!

  51. To all those that criticize GB for this review, I have but one request. Please go and watch the movie, and then come back and argue that GB is biased etc….this movie is an insult to a viewer’s intelligence

  52. Totally agree with GB. The recent Pune blasts have made me even more angry at SRK. The cops were busy protecting his movie than the Aam Aadmi.

  53. Political discussions must be kept away, but GB, if you are using innuendos like Bjo and Kabhi aage kabhi peeche, what’s the point in editing comments? Hidden insults are as good as pronounced ones.

    Not sure if I agree with everything you wrote here. Am not an SRK fan or a mushy-movie guzzler, but I do appreciate when a director breaks his mould(at least in places) and tries something different. For someone who dished out crap like Dostana, making a movie like MNIK must be a creative challenge.

    Brand placement isn’t new to Bollywood either, so criticizing Kjohar for that makes so sense whatsoever. That he does it subtly should be applauded and not ridiculed. After all he could have gone all ‘Yaadein’.

    Anyway, no point in discussing this post of yours, I’ll wait for the better ones.

  54. Quite expected from the all bashing, oh-so-smart GB. As Shantanu says above, I’ll wait for the better posts.

  55. pretty funny! I was wondering whether to check this movie out or not. As for the autism being used to explain away hamming, that is so true. Anyway, people are going to watch this movie in defiance of ShivSena and becoz of the SRK-Kajol pairing, so it will be a great movie through their rose-tinted glasses.

  56. Bjo , kabhi aage kabhi peeche, etc, juvenile street humour , having second thoughts about getting hold of your book now

  57. Awesome Review!!!….specially at a time when media is going all ga-ga, the review subtly brought out the fact that all the “differentness/maturity/grown-up ness/break in the mould” being attributed to the movie is really for some superficial stuff in there. At its core, it remains the same with all the usual cliches/stereotypes/’over the top stuff’ targeted towards pleasing various segments of the audience in a calculated way.

  58. though there is no need to repeat same thing but realy GB this SRK bashing is going on and on.Come on GB even the person who hate MNIK is saying something good about SRK’s acting. But again in know that you are the most intelligent person in the mother earth. That is why i am saying this most of the critics who gave MNIK 3.5 to 5 stars are fool. All the viewer who watches SRK movies are idiots. only GB knows about good movies. only GB knows about Acting.last but not the least there is only actor/superstar/director in the palnet (or do i say in the whole universe because thers are some movies like star wars)and that is Aamir Khan.

  59. There is no difference between you and the SS…both feeding off SRK

  60. Awesome review; totally agree; just dont know how ppl can take that bullshit that shahrukh passes off for acting and johar for movies. Real garbage. Also did anyone notice how CNN IBN and others have virtually turned watching this crapfest into a statement on civil liberty?! SOme serious PR money may have changed hands. For all u know this drama could be a Shivsena-CNNIBN-Johar production!

  61. @ movies like “Kuch Kuch Kiya Hai” and “Kabhi Aage Kabhi Peeche” and “Kaabhi Andar Na Daalna”. :)) Hillarious. Some ppl commenters here wear extremely tight victorian underwears constricting blood supply to the humor nerve centers of their brains. I am buying your book just for this.

  62. Why is it that the viewers are supposed to grade a film based on the past performance of the actor-director duo? Is it the special olympics? It is nice to clap when a slow kid finishes a crossword or some other puzzle. In this case, if a person finds a movie bad, he can pan it as much as he wants. If it fits into a pattern of bad production, he can mention that too. Karan Johan is not my kid that I have to support him for a new approach or something. Either the movie should be entertaining or thought-provoking. If not, off with their heads!

  63. Watch the film as if you are watching a spoof/parody (like scary movies :D). A hash of rainmaker, forest gump ,and even a bit of veer zara and other KJo trashables. Tht way it appears a nice effort, albeit a little less comic 😛

  64. I would say please watch these kind of movies only by pirated DVD’s.

  65. Hey GB….

    If you ever have a choice of selling your book’s rights…whom would you sell them to…?

    Kanti shah or BJo…??

  66. @Chhibz,

    Kanti. I wont sell it to him. I would gift it to him. Even rolling credits would be fine.

  67. GB, have you taken off the “share on facebook / twitter” option or am I just blind?

  68. Haha, That plugin was misbehaving with my current WP installation…so I took the notty boy off !

  69. Kingki & Bjo should really read this.. hillarious & scathing.

  70. @Vinay Fantastic comment there…Victorian underwears!:D 😀

  71. @Khan (who posted earlier)
    If you don’t like GB’s blog, then don’t linger here. Having a difference of opinion over a stupid movie does not entitle anyone to abusive GB.

    [Edited by GB: Thats a bit too much]

    (Sorry GB…but I think you are being far too nice to such abusive a-holes by ignoring them.)

  72. correction: …does not entitle anyone to abuse GB.

  73. If anyone wants to avoid terrorist attacks (like the Pune Bakery blasts), just go and sit inside theatres screening MNIK. You will be safe.

  74. awesome review, I never waste my hard earned INRs on KingKi movies and MNIK is no exception either!! .. he just sucks so much that BJo relishes his company 😉 .. great writing GB 😀

  75. It is usually true that good humour has a little bit of truth mixed in, I guess that explains why this post isn’t as funny as some of the others. GB you always trade in satire, why cross-over into smear territory (leave that to them, the “fixed” news types). This movie atleast deserved a straight review, when it comes to SRK you seem to lose objectivity once too often, let not this blog peddle in irony of the “No Spin Zone” variety.

  76. Great post GB!

    As for people who are getting so worked up over this ,I have a question.why is it that people who consider dissent as their birth right(even when it’s inimical to the land of their birth) can’t tolerate people who have ample reasons and enough intelligence to think differently?

  77. @ EMC3: DVDs manufactured and circulated by our “best neighbors”??

  78. The movie starts of with a message that “There are only two kinds of people in the world. The Good, and the Bad…” which can be safely consigned to the nearest dustbin. Today, the only colour that exists is Grey. A little more Grey, a little less Grey, but Grey nevertheless.

    In the same tone of uniformity comes this, for the want of a better word, review. I sincerely hope that the author was trying to polish his satirical skills (in which case, he’ll need further practice), for this patch of writing can only qualify as the poor man’s periodic dose of hilarity.

    To have reduced the film to a caricature of varying quirkiness was like emulating the statement of “the world having only good and bad people”. Sure, its (the film i.e) no masterpiece, and in fact will struggle to break into the top 100 films of Bollywood, but by no stretch of imaginations can it be called a bad film (try Rann for that). KJo has tried something different than his candy floss romance, and thank god for that. It shows, directors are willing to atleast walk the path of meshing sensitive and well made cinema with commercial entertaintment. Its a long walk, but as a viewer, it was heartening to see that the first steps have been taken…

  79. @ Bengal Voice

    Why is it that SRK is being made culpable for the Pune blasts? As per my information the bomb was sitting in an unattended bag which was urfotunately opened by a waiter..I pray to you to explain to me where does MNIK or SRK fit in? Maharshtra CM or was it Chidambaram said that Headley recced the site of the blast…So isn’t it the failure of IB rather than police?

    @ GreatBong

    “Now all we need before release, is to have certain incidents that accentuate the ethereal halo of victimhood around you even more, in essence blurring further the distinction between you and the Godly martyr in the movie. ”

    If you are pointing out to the US Airport incident then I do understand and can appreciate these sentences..but if it is about the whole IPL fiasco then I have the feeling that these sentences have been penned by a man who feels bitter about Shahrukh Khan for reasons best known to him and him only…Even Chidambarm and our PM Mr. Manmohan Singh have gone on record that it was wrong and they personally feel upset that Pakistani players were not included in IPL 2010…But then why all the vitriol and tirade is being directed at him only? When Sachin said that Mumbai is for all Indians that BalSaheb Thuggery said that he would be run out of Marathi Hearts or words to that effect but they didnot go on to ransack Brabourne and DY Patil Stadium or Shivaji park..then why is so much voilence is directed at SRK’s MNIK? Is it because………………??? You all know what was meant

    Maybe Shahrukh told something that many of us do not want to acknowledge–Good or bad Pakistan is our neighbour and we have to live with them for thousands of years whether we like it or not…There are only two solutions to gurantee absolutely no problem from Pakistan in the future..Either nuke them so that even bacteria donoto grow there or temper the anti-India emotions among the maximum possible percentage of their population through gestures of warmth from public figures they also connect with..

  80. I really love how the SRK-lovers are taking it to you GB … and I must join in … how did you miss the fact that this was the best-suited role for SRK ever ?It should come as no surprise that he flourished in a role where his regular over-the-top facial muscular contractions could be contrived as being the expressions of an autist. Long Live SRK, Long Live KJo and all the Khans [edited]

  81. “Even Chidambarm and our PM Mr. Manmohan Singh have gone on record that it was wrong and they personally feel upset that Pakistani players were not included in IPL 2010”

    The difference is that PC and MMS do not own an IPL team and SRK does. Therefore, if SRK truly felt that Pakistani players needed to be included, he had all the chance to bid for them. You can’t say the same for PC & MMS.

    So SRK’s statements on Pak players were hypocritical and quite probably calculated to create controversy.

  82. At least Manmohan Singh & P Chidambaram didn’t bestow the compliment of “great neighbour” on Pakistan.

    Being forced to live with a neighbour like Pakistan is one, but calling them “great neighbour” at this juncture is something I feel can’t be defended & the reasons are best known to the person who said it.

  83. Hi GB
    Why is it so predictable that any blog post abt SRK will only have -ve comments. I follow ur blog regularly but ur SRK bashing is getting monotonous and boring.
    I’m not a SRK fan and don’t love his movies but I’m not a hater either

  84. @Mona above-

    “Hi GB
    Why is it so predictable that any blog post abt SRK will only have -ve comments. I follow ur blog regularly but ur SRK bashing is getting monotonous and boring.
    I’m not a SRK fan and don’t love his movies but I’m not a hater either”

    Have you ever realised that the latest SRK movies in the past quite a few years have been absolutely bs. Hence in that respect, is it not natural that he the reviews are negative.

    Criticism is not equivalent to hate. This was acerbic critcism, and in this context fully deserved- after all the drama of Newark airport, Pak is a great neighbor, interviews at British channels etc, it is pretty clear that no other Bollywood movie in recent times had this kind of “Watch me” thrown at you. Then you had the negative publicity which enhanced the curiosity factor. So people have a right to form opinions. In this case, he thinks it is pretty bs. Or should he be forced to write some positive comments to appease people like you? I love the touchiness displayed the SRK fans on the comments though. Sniffs. Such love for the God. No criticism tolerated. Uh huh. 🙂

  85. @Shaswata Panja

    I never said that SRK is culpable for the Pune blasts. I just wanted to reassure everyone that there will be no Jihadi bomb-blasts in movie theatres showing any “secular” Bollywood movies. The safest place one can be right now is in a multiplex screening MNIK.

    After all, why would the kind ISI henchmen bomb a movie that features a friendly actor (Shah Crook Con) who wants Indians to love Pakistan because “Pakistan is a great neighbour” when the victims’ funeral pyres are still warm from the 26/11 massacres.

    Does Pakistan even need a high-paid ambassador in their Delhi embassy, when there are other unpaid ambassadors in India who are doing such a fine job of being Pakistani apologists? 😉

    P.S: Disclaimer – The D-Company and their ISI-paid henchmen don’t think very highly of movies that don’t toe their line or feature their favourite actors in “larger than life” roles. So, I wouldn’t dare watch “Border”, “LOC: Kargil”, “Pinjar”, “Gadar” (yuck!) or any other stupid, jingoistic, non-secular movies in these troubled times.

  86. Bengal Voice and Shashwat, No further politics here.

  87. GB,
    1) i think you need to edit some comments here… who insist on equating a movie with a terrorist attack simply because the lead actor and the lead terrorist share the same religion

    2) I was just wondering…. how come you think a movie which has PJs passing on as original, preaching protagonist, cliched ending, child delivery in a collage common room as perfectly acceptable, while another movie at the butt-end (pun intended) of your humor?

    3) as for product placement… have you seen this years national award winner? ( ok, i know two wrongs dont make a right)

  88. Nice blog GB. You rock!!!
    I think MNIK is better than 3 Idiots as SRK did not try to deliver kids using vacuum cleaner. However, rural Georgia part was indeed irritating. But then again, why should I expect KJo/SRK to come up with something sensitive/ mature! Also, I don’t expect SRK to shun his mannerisms; so this was quite a refreshing change. Kudos to KJo for ‘slumdog’ging the US – it was a sweet revenge.

    MNIK entertained me more than 3 Idiots; so thumbs up for this movie.

    A negative comment – I believe suspecting him and KJo doctoring the Shivsena issue seems illogical. Kinda FIP style of allegation.


  89. I dont know how they forgot to pick up the line from Kung-Fu Panda which reads:

    “There is no price for Awesomeness or Attractiveness”.

    GB, I loath SRK and KJo a little more than you do but you cannot deny the fact that he is a Marketing genius. Case in point – this movie, which is 0 in content (I have not seen it, nor will I but its an intelligent guess) has been marketed pretty well. Will sail through.

  90. Hehehe… Good read, and I quite agree with the overall picture you’ve created in the end. I was never going to watch this movie, but I think I just might… Can’t be worse that ‘What’s your Rashee’, I hope…

    BTW, did any of you get one of those e-mails/SMSes/wall posts (and what else) urging you to show your patriotism and watch MNIK? How absofuckinglutely stupid! How is watching the story of an Autistic Indian Muslim facing discrimination in the US even remotely patriotic when our own people face it at HOME?

    @Shaswata Panja: The point here is that unlike P Chidambaram and others, SRK actually owns a team and could’ve bid for Pakistani players. That’s hypocrisy in its purest form, don’t you think? I agree with you that nothing connects this movie even remotely with the blasts.

  91. On a slightly different note, SRK recently tied up with the Todis (the guys who recently murdered/drove to death Rizwanur Rehman – reason: muslim guy, so can’t marry their daughter) and this news received very little coverage in Bengal….popular Bengali news channels (read:star anando) almost didn’t cover the story….almost a hush up job there!!

    Also, am disappointed that this hasn’t impacted the KKR brand as much as it should have. I mean, this is a guy who is willing to do business with murderers and satta dons and the like!!!! And people still worship him??

  92. Yes Swayambhu, Saw that and was going to write about it some time. But then again people will say I have an axe to grind against SRK or that I am an Aamir Khan fan. Yes that is the level of intellectual cut and thrust. The fact that SRK produces a stream of crap, in my opinion, is somehow my fault.

  93. Thanks for confirming my prediction, GB. The trailers strongly suggested that this is a pretentious attempt by KJo, SRK et al to shovel more polished turds. Either the Indian media is applauding the team for making even a half-assed effort to deliver something other than cliched garbage, or boatloads of money have exchanged hands for marketing. The sub-juvenile black & white morality only exacerbates the average Indian’s difficulty with grasping nuance.

  94. Please do write on it….you have a readership base, use it for a good cause. For once. I wrote letters to ABP and The Telegraph. They were never published.

  95. Wow. Back with a bang! vintage GB 🙂
    thanks much.

  96. On minimizing the explorer window, this page reads “My Name is KingKi Rand”. Wonder if that is an indirect reference to BJo. The movie as I expected was khatam (kha from the Epiglottis). Awesome post though ….but I would’ve loved to read a little something on Times of India’s five star rating for this movie…
    They’ve even said that KingKi’s acting is a few miles ahead of Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump. If you haven’t finished writing your book yet, this epic for sure deserves a mention. Is Delhi on your book tour map? Anyways, waiting for May I Hebb your Attention Pliss….

  97. Or perhaps, King Ki Rand is an even more indirect reference to our youngistani bible “TOI”.

  98. Awesome Greatbong! I think you are back in action! I loved this post! you just denuded the cliches of Bollywood, Kingki Badshah Khan and Kafan Johar out in this post…I request you to bring out the ‘muck’ of other Bollywood directors, producers and actors like Priyadarshan (the king of idiotic slapstick comedy – he deserves a slap with a stick for that)& Subhash Ghai (his works are a colloidal solution of Bollywood fecas)

  99. I really find it hard to comprehend SRK. On the one hand you have a Chak De and a Swadesh (cant quite find anything else remotely close to these 2) and on the other hand you have the sundry fare : stammering, nodding, overacting et al which have given him his biggest commercial hits.
    To be fair to GB, i do not think there is any personal bias working here. If a movie is trash, it needs to be trashed. Period.
    I was expecting the rave reviews and pulicity, given the fact that MNIK comes from the deadly-duo. I was equally expecting a spade-called-spade on RTDM. Just an observation though, isn’t there an uncanny resemblance between the mannerisms displayed by SRK and that of a certain evergreen Dev Saab.
    I am no big fan of SRK, but just for the sake of his roles in movies like Chak De, i don’t wish to see him having the same fate as some of Dev Anand movies these days.

  100. “then again people will say I have an axe to grind against SRK or that I am an Aamir Khan fan. Yes that is the level of intellectual cut and thrust. The fact that SRK produces a stream of crap, in my opinion, is somehow my fault”

    Wow GB… this is the lvel of your tolerance towards criticism…up close and personal

  101. Super Commando Dhruva February 15, 2010 — 9:36 am

    kingki tried to copy both dustin hoffman in The Rainman and Sean Penn in I am Sam.Pathetic attempt.

  102. dear GB! I almost feel sorry for you that you can’t even go watch a movie out of sheer enjoyment, i am sure there’s this whole lotta pressure to perform. @Bengalvoice and GB: The post and you subsequent comments only project the amount of importance Shah Rukh Khan holds in you lives. I would suggest one thing, save yourselves the trouble and the torture, don’t go watch an SRK movie.

  103. …the so called biggies like “3 idiots” and “MNIK” are cases of projecting pathetic stereotype still people praise them over the moon…while people will not even get to see some gems like “raja harischandraji factory” or for that matter “99”…indian film industry needs to review itself…something is wrong in the system.

  104. @Swayambhu Mukherjee

    “and this news received very little coverage in Bengal”

    It was main cover story for many days on telegraph. And Todis are charged for abetting suicide. poor lovers became victim.

    Hindu society was not so controlling of women …in ramayana and mahabharata age woman enjoyed more freedom in choice of a partner. Now some section of hindu society have realised this but some are still holding aloknath+amrish puri type attitude by saying , Haraamzaadey! Teri itni himmat! Meri beti par dorey daalta hai! Teri haesiyat he kya hai?

  105. Awesome Greatbong! I think you are back in action! I loved this post! you just denuded the cliches of Bollywood, Kingki Badshah Khan and Kafan Johar out in this post…I request you to bring out the ‘muck’ of other Bollywood directors, producers and actors like Priyadarshan (the king of idiotic slapstick comedy – he deserves a slap with a stick for that)& Subhash Ghai (his works are a colloidal solution of Bollywood fecas)

  106. Well well well..
    After Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gam..i had taken this vow of never watching any shahrukh movies..and I am happy wih my vow..atleast it had saved me a total 2000 rs(including tikets, parking, fuel and food)..and 24 hours of my life(including the transportation time).

    Though i had still read about the reviews of all his movies and I am happy with the opinion i had made…

    But seriously after this Khan controversy and other things there is another vow that is slowly developing its roots in my psysche and thats related to the media hype and controversy surrounding major movies released in the past.

    Dude if we the movie goers, the sole consumers of this movie masala starts falling for this pseudo hype and pseudo controversy…we will be fed with this agin and again..and this is what is happening exactly…

    I just wish that we consumer as a group can do something about it. At some platform that is unbiased, we can express our opinion and somehow make a difference. Though plenty of blogs are there..some unified platform shall be there that shall be difficult to manipulate. All the major movie review sites are hacked by the bolloywood stars with fake stars..

    Now as a helpless software engineer I am have to rely on the movie masala for all my entertainment need..I long for good cinema..

    I wait for abhay deol, amir khan, konkana sen movies…

    I wait for Kashyap, bharadwaj, sudhir mishra..

    I wish to see chitarngda(i hope its spelling is correct)

    I am sick of this superstar mania…

    I wish to watch movies i can relate to..

    Dude looking at the current bollywood scenario..this seems to be a hopeless plea…
    But i have faith that somehow is jaded with every sallu and shahrukh release

  107. @Swayambhu,
    Thanx for the bit of news. If it did not gain any steam in Bengal, hard to imagine any murmurs in rest of the country.
    Please do write a post. On the internet I think you get the pulse of Bengal better than many other writers. Also, you have a significant reader base, which might turn out to be helpful. As for nay sayers, you might have noticed that there are more people saying that if a movie deserves a thrashing, it should get one than those who think that you have a personal vendetta with SRK. And also as you earlier said once in a comment, “your space, your rules and your choice.”
    Todis have been charged for murder by CBI,not abettment to suicide.

  108. @ Sumit,
    at the risk of digressing from the blog content, it was proved by the CBI that Rizwanur committed suicide, and he wasnt even if Todis were booked for murder initially, that doesnt hold good anymore.

  109. @anon,
    Thanx for informing me. I just searched on google,and came up with that.

  110. @anon,
    Yes i searched for that later myself and came to know about that. Thanx anyway

  111. GB,
    Hilarious review! SRK is irritating enough when he tries to act like a normal person, I can only imagine how bad his hamming would be in this movie.

    On a different note, I must say I find the entire Thackeray-SRK controversy to be very suspicious. Consider this :
    – Balasaheb was rapidly losing the jingoistic vote to the MNS and needed an issue to galvanise the faithful
    – SRK had played the “airport religious profiling” card too early and the hype died down long before the release date
    – Out of all the people who spoke against the IPL fiasco, Balasaheb zeroed in only on SRK and his film
    – The SS protest against MNIK mysteriously “fails to materialise” on the day of the release.
    End result :
    Balasaheb regains the mantle of “the protector of the faith” from his nephew.
    SRK gets portrayed as the victimised hero who bravely stands up to the bigots, not just in the film but in real life as well.
    MNIK gets a huge opening in Mumbai from everyone who feels that they need to stand up to the Shiv Sena’s goons.
    Everybody wins!

  112. Underplay was a virtue last I heard!!! Now I’ve seen it too!! Nicely done!! I could smell the roasting sitting here!! Its a little underdone, but what can one say!! It’s not possible to overdo King K anyways!!

  113. Debjit Chatterjee February 15, 2010 — 4:47 pm


  114. Brilliant post. I was getting irritated since media was dancing with SRK on head – as always it does. This post soothed me.

  115. @DeshPremi
    I agree. Especially seeing the way things played out on the day of reckoning.Looks like everyone involved went laughing to their respective banks. But sad to see these political parties manipulating and fooling the people this way instead of focusing on the real issues at hand. And sadder to see that they don’t even have to try too hard.

    Great Review GB. But looks like the movie is going to be a commercial hit. Which means even more such crap in the future. And 5 stars from TOI? Is this the most perfect movie ever made? Maybe they should move the review section to the classified columns.

  116. Your own comment in the comment section of this post:

    This might be a matter of opinion but the fake I believe writes from a sense of malice which I never do….He is not “whistle-blowing” from a sense of “conscience” but just putting out gossip and innuendo. So there is no heroism here too….Coming back to the main point, I believe there is a big black line between what I do and what the fake does.

    I think the line you were talking about has blurred significantly. Malice,innuendo,cynicism,calling names everything is in place. However you are taking the onus of correcting/editing others when they are crossing their “limits”. Interesting evolution Greatbong!! I have never been an SRK fan but I used to be one of yours. Good luck with the book.

  117. No there is Sayandip. I dont call anyone a pedophile or an adulterer without proof under the guise of anonymity. I do not comment about anyone’s personal lives or preferences. I analyze a movie. That is the difference.

  118. Fun post GB!
    I donno why people can’t handle criticism….and then there is this guy who is actually threatening to not read your book …ha!ha!…As if ..
    And another guy who says ‘rann’ is a bad movie …I would say thats a zillion times better than this farce..

  119. Slumdog Millionairizing the US… too good…

  120. Am confused. What’s this? A review of the film or a rear-view of the film maker? This analysis suffers from the paralysis of a biased mind.

    Not fan of SRK or MNIK myself; just failed to see why this was written?

  121. Am confused. What’s this? A review of the film or a rear-view of the film- maker? This analysis suffers from the paralysis of a biased mind.

    Not fan of SRK or MNIK myself; just failed to see why this was written?

  122. I haven’t seen the movie, yet. So I really can’t comment on the review. It was a great read, as usual, though. But, I guess, I can comment on the comments.

    Seriously, how on earth can some of you blame SRK for the Pune attack, simply because cops were stationed to protect cinemagoers from SS goons. MNIK may be the worst movie ever made, but still, nobody has the right to prevent people from seeing it. The real terrorism we face is beyond the random bombs. It is when individuals can impose their arbitrary will on us. And it is a perfectly legitimate role of government to ensure that every individual can watch the movie without fear. Not because the movie is important. But because the principle is important.

    And if you want to blame someone for the lack of cops (though I seriously doubt they would have coincidentally been hanging around in the bakery if they didn’t have theatre duties), then blame Bal Thackeray for diverting the cops. Not SRK.

  123. GB, what were you thinking? This seems to be totally prejudiced post, which is unlike you. I have seen the movie and I believe that you have ripped review from other random ‘tarded sites. But the sauna conversation is awesome.

  124. More fun here

    Disclaimer-this is not my blog so its not shameless publicity…its just publicity…:)

  125. dude,

    loved the post. i am impressed by ur versatility.
    maan gaye guruji.

  126. @Greatbong
    Loved your post. Keep ’em coming. This MNIK is a flop, even though the media has been paid heavily to portray it as a hit.

    It is sad that SRK tried to pass himself for a victim of “religious profiling” in America. The storyline of MNIK has been twisted from the real reasons why SRK was questioned at New York airport. Here are the facts, which show how cheaply Bollywood sold out to SRK’s fictitious nautanki dramabaazi.

    The US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) may have detained Khan at the Newark Liberty International Airport last week because the organisers of his show in the US were not above the watermarks of controversies, including underworld links.

    The promoters of the show were Farhath Hussain, a businessman from London, and his brother Altaf Hussain, a Chicago-based businessman. The brothers are self-proclaimed fans and promoters of Bollywood and together run the Lake County South Asian Entertainment Inc.

    US authorities reportedly suspect the brothers on two counts: tax evasion and underworld links.

    Although there was no red flag against Shah Rukh Khan’s name itself, it was his local contacts which triggered off the alert, accorded to sources who asked not to be identified. The situation was compounded by the non-arrival of his baggage from London, a particularly sensitive station in American eyes.

    US intelligence agencies have long been leery of a possible terrorist attack by Islamist extremists from a city dubbed Londonistan, particularly since British passport holders do not need a visa to enter the United States.

  127. Hey GB,

    The reactions above shouldn’t surprise you. In the strictest sense, SRK has given only two good movies this decade. Swades & Chak De. I personally rate Swades as the best movie of the decade. SRK acts very well in the type of movies which are very different than the ones which made him what he is today. Indians like the latter sort. Unfortunate fact but true. Hence they will like MNIK too. And hence they will accuse you of bias.

    I don’t recall you ranting against Swades or Chak De. So accusations of bias would be missplaced.

  128. You don’t get it. Look this was India’s way of getting back at those Amerikkans for giving oscar to over the top Slumdog Millionaire, now SRK just showed em that who is the daddy at making over the top cinema and making crass generalization about a whole continent sized nation. Heh.

  129. I read this rather objective movie review of MNIK and thought I would share it with other readers:

  130. Brilliant.
    Laughed all the way just imagining Bjo & Kingki in towels…..or wait…don’t tell me that there were no TOWELS..

  131. Hi GB…this seems to be a classic post from you to just “hebb attention pliss”. You seem to be under the weight of your won expectation of having a voice different from the masses.
    Was truly waiting for your book when i first heard about it, but over the last few days with what you have been writing, i am seriously having second thoughts.
    Any good piece of satire/criticism is good, but slandering in not what maketh a good writer. If you start sounding like the same rhetoric factory you are so against, where is the point of reading your work.
    I might not be as intelligent as you or be able to analyse movies as you do(but then who in this world is more intelligent than you??), but there is a certain dignity with which i treat people who do not share my views.
    You have painted the people who like SRK and KJo as fools and do not even attempt to accept that there are people with different tastes in movies than yours. If you like your voice of dissent, there will always be voices of acceptance also and that does not make them any less relevant than yours.
    Another thought that comes to mind is that you do not have to be impartial, but if you are expecting people to spend their money for the written word, at least make the word sound credible. Nobody goes and buys the rhetoric paper of the various senes/senas, but read it only when it is sent as a complimentary copy to their doorstep to be later used for other things.
    All the best and hope the book does well nonetheless. Wont be able to follow its journey on this site any longer.
    You seriously have become the RamGopal Verma of blogs. Started great but lost the plot somewhere in between.

  132. Brilliant!! Its time to wonder though if there is any space for a difference of opinion on any subject. This was the first time where we saw the media, politicians (including the SS?) just selling out to make sure a substandard movie was a marketing hit.

    Time to look at platforms to voice a different point of view and yours is a beginning

  133. Great read!

  134. Have just started to wonder whether the comments section of this post is causing more debate than the post itself.
    Would like to point out a couple of cases : For all those who think GB has a bias towards Amir Khan, please check out the post on Ghajini and Phir Mile Sur Mera Tumhara.
    Every person is entitled to have an opinion. Every person is also entitled to have a counter opinion. What i fail to understand is why this attempt to link the book with this review. Entirely my opinion, but i feel that quite a few readers are behaving like little spoilt brats who break run away with thecricket bat after being dismissed.
    Its really beginning to get a little insane now. Open to brickbats. Bring ’em on please…..

  135. I somehow suspect this post was deliberately written to ensure that FMCG concept- staying in “line of sight” before the impending book launch- coz it was sure to ignite passionate debate on both sides, and it has, and in doing this, GB has actually acted a bit like SRK- any publicity is good publicity after all! Strange are the times we live in…..

  136. This SRK is too chikna for his own good. Ja hocche hok, as long as his film gets publicity.
    The sight of a retarded Rizwan Khan trekking across the USA with rain man like baby steps-BUT with nicely negotiated Reebok sneakers at his feet
    should give everyone a good idea of what to expect from KJo’s latest film.
    Like Ray had famously said-‘There is no cultural/artistic content in mainstream Indian films anymore because we don’t exist in a cultural environment anymore-we exist in a Market.’

  137. @ To All the SRK Fans,

    There are 2 types of Movies in this world: (a) Serious Cinema; & (b) the Trivial Cinema.

    While reviewing the latter type of movies, one cannot employ the same exacting standards as one would have done in the case of Serious Cinema. It would be meaningless to critically analyse the Trivial Cinema. So, to hold the interest of his readers, the Reviewer would include some interesting inputs from his own side. In this instance, GreatBong has tried to inject some humour into his post. And rightly so, because Humour is GB’s forte. The subtle humour he elicits by changing just a few words / letters is awesome.

    Now Humour is a delicate matter. The author has to exercise some restraint, and know when to stop. He should not overdo it, otherwise it would border into ‘slapstick’. Similarly, to appreciate humour, the reader has to be in the right frame of mind. The reader should not come with a mind-set / belief that the author has a bias against certain SRK or KJo. If you get rid of this notion of bias, then you would find the post enjoyable. Honestly.

    I fail to understand, why only SRK fans get offended by this brand of humour, when he has done it so many times to Prabhuji, Ram Gopal Varma and others. “Tumhara Pyar – Pyar; Aur Hamara Pyar – …”.

    Before concluding, I have an interesting observation to make. Most of the SRK-Fans who have raised a tirade against GreatBong for being an SRK-baiter qualify their own statements by observing “I am not a fan of SRK, but …”. Why do you want to hide your fascination for SRK. Are you worried that it would betray your level of intellect.

  138. OMG! LMAO! I havent laughed this much in a long while reading 😀

  139. I dont know what the fuss is about GB trashing SRK… I mean isnt that what we come here to read – utterly funny articles/reviews writen in an unique way that only GB can come up with. So why then are people talking about political correctness?

    I mean, I dont want to know even whether MNIK is a crapload of shit or most mature form of art. I come here to read GB’s interpretation of it. Period.

    Why pollute that pure joy?

  140. This is such a biased unlike you..the movie wasn’t all..
    and no SRK doesn’t always produce crap..maybe most of the times he doesn, but not always..but then again same goes for all bollywood..Amir khan does 3 idiots and the same guy does trash like gajini..

  141. Hi Greatbong
    Why dont you use any share to bokmarking site plugin

    I saw in comments above that you were using share on facebook / twitter plugins and you also removed it for any reason. using Sharethis for you can boost your traffic I think

  142. Atul, I removed it for the reason that it did not work properly with WordPress. I have a choice. Either have a “share” link or make the site load monster-slow. I am sure you will agree that I took the right decision.

  143. @GB – Won’t say that you are SRK-bashing here, because your opinion of the movie and it’s performers and makers is your opinion and that must be respected.

    But the writing is really bad … my opinion. For this post and the previous one as well – the one based on the 1st test .. We, your audience and your fans, need freshness.

    My opinion.

  144. Dulaler Taalmichhri February 16, 2010 — 6:07 pm

    @Debjit Chatterjee…..Language, sir!

  145. GB ,
    totally unrelated comment here but is related to one of your older posts..

    Guess what, today they were showing Avtaar on Zee Cinema at prime time 9 pm.

  146. I have to admit though, didn’t predict the “I’m going to meet the president” thing. Just when I thought this movie couldn’t be more over-the-top. As if Obama doesn’t have more pressing issues than to waste his time on guy who isn’t even American tell his sob story. And as a person with a sibling with Asperger’s, I’m already put off by this guy’s acting in the trailer. “Look at how awkward, sweet and quirky I am! I Must have aspergers!”

    And I think an Indian director should look at issues of bigotry and racism in his own country before he take the high road and criticizes the US. I understand why he’d want to touch on issues of race and stereotype in the US, but the way the trailer presented all Americans as if they’d react with “OMG! An Indian Muslim w/ Aspergers?! Get the torches and pitchforks!”

  147. Awesome review GB, you always live upto my expectation. I am not amazaed by the nice reviews the movie has got by the media considering KJO-SRK have always been successful in selling people their name. The enormous amount they spent on publicity must be just a fraction of what they earned or will earn.

    Its fair to call a spade a spade. The observation about doing all the SRKianisms and getting away with autism (and a good acting trophy) was really good. If thats good acting, everybody is a good actor. I haven’t seen the movie (and neither will) but from the promo I can exactly figure out how disgusting it must be. And I would prefer to be called insensitive than to force myself to care for somebody who does not know what good acting is.

    Well if a movie is bad and gets bad review actually I don’t hate it that much. If a good movie gets bad reviews, I feel sorry but when a bad movie gets good reviews, I wonder how stupid people can actually be. There are various reasons for somebody to like this movie.

    1) You are a girl and therefore there is a very high probability you like SRKianism
    2) You don’t want to disagree with your girlfriend/wife for reason expressed in 1.
    3) You are a highly emotional (and therefore irrational) persion and a glance of something sad (like autimsm) makes you pity him and therefore like it.
    4) You want to show a stand to the Shiv Sena that you have watched the movie and actually liked it.
    4) You have heard people say that Kabhi haan Kabhi na was a great movie and still hungover from that, thinking SRK acts great.
    5) You think how can all these people be wrong, if they say its good, it must be good (this makes a large percentage of people)
    6) You have spent money on this movie and you don’t want to look like a loser.

    For the rest who actually thinks SRK acts good and the movie was good, India is shining and the standard of living there has gone up and people don’t mind spending a few hundred rupees on crap.

  148. My Name Ain't Khan February 16, 2010 — 9:00 pm

    Liked your 6 reasons for somebody to like this movie.

    That was quite a freudian slip on your part. It’s obvious SRK holds a lot of importance in your life. Hope things are going well for you, dear.

    @Bengal_voice, Deep3rdman, Nilanjana
    You have echoed the thoughts of readers who are afraid of being “shouted down” by airheads who just don’t get it. Apparently, it does not matter to them that their master is an unabashed lover of our neighbour. But what shocked me most was when Shah Rukh Khan described himself as a “Bloody Indian” in his NDTV interview with Barkha Dutt. Would he describe himself as a “Bloody Muslim”? Probably not. Just like M.F.Hussain, who would draw a Saraswati or Sita in the nude but would not dare to draw an Ayesha similarly and would not draw a Mohammad at all. Selectively secular, if I may say so.

    One of my friends exclaimed sarcastically over the SRK’s attitude – “So, should we all welcome Shah Rukh’s unpatriotic statements and invite Pakistani players to play in IPL – so that they can make money in India and pay taxes (to the Pakistani government) that will be used to fund terror against India?”

    @Ramesh Srivats

    If you want to play the blame game in your own twisted manner, then start by blaming Shah Rukh Khan whose defiant “love for our great and wonderful neighbour Pakistan” started the whole mess ! If Khan had not expressed his love for that terrorist state, then Bal Thackeray would not have reacted. How does your own twisted logic work on you, mate?
    It appears that the intelligent Maharashtra government has its priorities screwed up. It seems more interested in ensuring MNIK’s commercial success than in fighting the Mujahideen.

  149. Your Name Ain't Khan February 17, 2010 — 1:50 am

    @My Name Ain’t Khan:

    I believe the quote was in the following context:

    Barkha Dutt asked him about Fareed Zakaria.
    “SRK: Yeah, he’s a friend and he said you know Newsweek 50 Most Powerful People in the world and I’m like Oh, go to hell man, this is not power…where is the power? Sometimes, I say, if I weren’t in such a vulnerable position of being a movie star then I will show you power. I mean, I’m a good-thinking bloody Indian, I’ll show power. I really wish – I don’t know a thing about politics but I want to sit down with a good group of people and say let’s show power because we have nothing to lose…but I have so much to lose. I’m a star, I love being a star…I love being good-looking, I love being in films, I love nobody getting hurt when they go to watch my film…and there is no crime in people thinking Oh people should not get hurt watching my film”

    Not the most articulate of statements coming from a pretty articulate man, if not anything else.
    But to twist it out of context and pimp it to give vent to your own prejudices, that sucks man.
    You need to take a long cold shower.

  150. i wonder y some of the ppl here r calling gb partial bcos to start with i dont think he ever said that he will b impartial, this is his blog and has the right to say what he likes. to srk fans it is called DIL SE….. DIL SE RE

  151. Yes, Yash and others who have refuted claims of GB’s partiality are absolutely correct. Its his blog, and he has as much right to express himself the way he chooses as SRK has to act in films the way he does. That’s ok.

    Its when GB starts making claims that he “analyzes films (especially ones with SRK in it)” that I can’t help but the notice the parallels with SRK’s statements of being “a bloody good actor”. What is noticeable amidst such laughable claims is that both play to the gallery. SRK hams for he knows that the masses are going to lap it up (somebody correctly pointed out that he’s actually performed in only two good movies – Swades and Chak De and one of them ended up being a commercial flop). GB makes a caricature of MNIK because say, a “Road to Sangam” would require him to actually write matters of substance, and that’s choppy waters for a guy who has dedicated himself to dishing out tripe in the name of satire. I suppose the 150+ comments (and hence traffic) on the blog doesn’t hurt.

    What’s a howler is GB’s statements on the “intellectual cut and thrust of people”. Yeah, right! I can just see intellect dripping from every word written on this blog. My God, how shallow must people be, when they don’t sing the same tune that you do GB, especially when you wrote something so “intellectually stimulating” as your latest post. Tell me GB, shouldn’t Kingki and Bjo be known as shining luminaries of intellect and should rank right aside Chomsky and company during their discourses.

    Gosh, Kya Jhol hain yahaan…

  152. ” I dont call anyone a pedophile or an adulterer without proof under the guise of anonymity. I do not comment about anyone’s personal lives or preferences. I analyze a movie. That is the difference.”

    Yes. Then you go and write innuendoes about homosexuality and dancing in weddings and stuff. That’s a neat analyis of a movie.


    One more thing, that I noticed, brought up by one of the commenters, you cannot take crticism and hide…ever. You hate to be told that your opinion maybe wrong or warped or whatever. Then you go criticizing anything that SRK does.

    Of course there are people out there who bow to you and your surpreme wit….but then there are people who say 3 Idiots was a masterpiece and reminded them of their college days or that Ghajini was a super masala movie or even carp fest like Guru was very good.

    All the best for your book


  153. Rahul,

    Just a FYI. There is absolutely no innuendo about homosexuality. If two men sitting in a sauna sounds homosexual to you, you need to go to a sauna more often. And as to dancing at weddings, he does do that. So yes nothing like FIP.

  154. Thank you for pointing out the Rainman similarity. That was the first thing which struck me when I saw the trailer. Which is why I never went to see the movie 🙂

  155. Which is a better marketing strategy?

    -> SRK using IPL issue to promote his forthcoming movie
    -> GB using SRK-SS issue to promote his forthcoming book

  156. Soumya,

    I would like to disagree with your statement on GB not writing serious stuff, or pandering to the gallery by writing stuff like this. Read his political pieces, that have razor sharp analysis of the issues, and also generate a lot of ‘commercial’ comments-this one got 161 mainly because of the hoopla around the movie. He is a versatile writer, and barring a few pieces,gets it right most of the time.
    As for SRK-I think rather than being an actor, he’s an entertainer-and there is nothing wrong in that. Not everyone can be a Naseeruddin Shah-SRK plays to the gallery, to entertain people. The only issue I have is when this entertainer starts mixing serious issues with entertainment, which is where the lines get blurred. Remember OSO? A total entertainer-no message. Hit. This one-no entertainment, a warped message. (s)Hit.

  157. Dude amazing post, i was laughing my guts out. But I have a question, a genuine one… I would love if you could answer it…
    “what makes you write a blog” ?
    was just curious… everyone has different motivation for the same…

    PS Best comment till now in my opinion… “There is no difference between you and the SS…both feeding off SRK”

  158. Arun,

    My comments were actually meant for this post. While its true that I don’t find his current round of posts as engaging as it used to be when he started out, the retort was actually on one of GB’s comments, wherein he happened to comment on the intellect of people which went something like –

    “Yes Swayambhu, Saw that and was going to write about it some time. But then again people will say I have an axe to grind against SRK or that I am an Aamir Khan fan. Yes that is the level of intellectual cut and thrust. The fact that SRK produces a stream of crap, in my opinion, is somehow my fault”.

    He also claimed to “analyze movies” in one of his retorts in the comments section. It went something like –

    ” No there is Sayandip. I don’t call anyone a pedophile or an adulterer without proof under the guise of anonymity. I do not comment about anyone’s personal lives or preferences. I analyze a movie. That is the difference.”

    By no stretch of imagination, can this post be termed as a movie analysis. Its a I’ll-beat-the-crap-out-of-SRK-movies endeavour. Which is fine. Its his blog. But then, any claim of movie analysis is pure baloney. (in a previous post, he’d trashed Mother India, but he was equally entitled to his opinion that Mother India was a bad film, as much as I had to disagree with that opinion). The point about people’s intellect was in bad taste, especially as I find his posts quite devoid of any. So, I felt, if he reserved the right to air his views on people’s mental faculties (based on him siding with SRK or AK no less) then I could perhaps let him know, in the most polite words possible, of what I thought of his post.

    His last serious(??) political piece, if I may recall was about the Naxals (I’m deliberately ignoring the IPL fiasco,simply because he himself threw down his rational hat). What I also recall about that was that two guys in the comments section (forgive me for forgetting their names) rendered the post insignificant with their debate as well as the kind of facts that they came up with in their counters. One may argue that it was the post that started it all, but you really must read that piece to realize the gulf in the quality of writing. I’d respectfully differ with the “razor sharp” analysis bit of his posts. GB is good, but I’d read Reason for Liberty any day, and that’s just for starters.

    You got it bang on when you said “The only issue I have is when this entertainer starts mixing serious issues with entertainment, which is where the lines get blurred.” I feel the same way. Entertainment can’t masquerade as intelligent acting. Neither can stringing together a pack of word plays add up to serious writing…

  159. GB what is this. you wrote ‘kabhi aage kabhi peeche”kuch kuch kiya hai’and ‘kabhi andar mat dalana’ and it is fine. but if i wrote a comment 1/100 of your above said line you edited it. try to take criticism in your stride.

    [DJ: No you didnt. You made a comment talking about explicit gay sex and abuse directed at me. This may be your version of “criticism” but its not allowed here. Go and read the FAQ]

  160. @Soumya
    “By no stretch of imagination, can this post be termed as a movie analysis. Its a I’ll-beat-the-crap-out-of-SRK-movies endeavour. “

    It’s a tad difficult to analyze anything that insults your intelligence. By your logic, Himesh’s ‘ Aap Ka Saroor’ should get a respectful, cerebral treatment- which is, for want of a better phrase, baloney.

    I did watch the movie & thought GB was spot on- but of course like a few commented, I find it interesting that SRK is almost a permanent target in GB’s radar.

  161. @Z3phyr “what makes you write a blog” ?

    Anything that I feel I have an opinion on.

  162. @arun
    “…Hit. This one-no entertainment, a warped message. (s)Hit.”

    Totally agree.

    do you really think SRK-airport drama are a co-incident.

  163. GB,

    Oh c’ sure there are no innuendos in your posts…serious?

    Maybe you didn’t mention homosexuality in connection with SRK here in this ‘movie analysis’ of yours, but the subtext of homosexuality was always there in connection with KJo-SRk stuff you write about.

    Also I believe…SRK’s dancing at weddings – And as to dancing at weddings, he does do that. So yes nothing like FIP – that forms an integral part of your analysis of the movie.

    It was nice to hear your hero Aamir Khan go on and on and on about how Taare Zameen Par and 3 Idiots were an example of brand marketing and about giving bakc to the country in that India Economic Forum (Summit or whatever).

    But GB’s ‘intellectual cut and thrust’ is however superior…Kabhi andar mat dalna, kabhi aage kabhi peeche…and more are some of the examples of his intellectual thrusts that is liberally sprinkled across most of his intellectually scathing analysis of political situations, entertainment, sports, and more.


    Sorry to take this comment space in your ‘analysis’ of the movie…

  164. Hey Raja Sen, stop reviewing the movie in your style, you should only have an objective review consisting only about box office collections. Fire him, rediff.

    oops..wrong website.

  165. @Great Bong

    I donot know whether I should post this here…I am eagerly looking forward to your post on the massacre of 24 brave policemen by the Maoists in Midnapore..I donot know whether you saw the debate on NDTV celebrating 60 years of drafting of the Constitution..A senior Maosist ideologue came on NDTV’s Big Fight and openly said that he and people of his ilk donot accept the Indian State and Constituition and was openly espousing the overthrow of the State machinery through ruthless violent means The name of this perosn escapes me but it seems he was from Andhra But anyways have you planned to write on this massacre?

  166. Guys,
    I write a blog where I share my thoughts and idaes on investment finance, business, economics, and some pretty diverse stuff. Some of you might find it intersting.

    Here’s the link:

    [Vinay, Posting links to blogs with no relation to post is against the terms of use of this blog. Please desist from doing so. Thank you. By the way when you comment, there is an URL field where you can put your blog URL. Just not explicitly as you have done.]

  167. @GB If someone offered you 2 crores to dance at their second wife’s wedding, I am sure you would. It’s another matter that no one will make you that offer.

    Nice review btw 🙂

  168. Ravi Ivaturi

    You are right. Analyzing Aap Ka Suroor would be worse than baloney. Its futility would only be exceeded by its stupidity. MNIK is, thankfully no AKS. I suppose we’ll differ on this, but in my opinion, the former definitely is not the tripe that it is made out to be in this blog (neither is it the masterpiece that the so-called critics are hailing it to be). More of that some other place.

    The point however was that this post was no analysis (that the movie deserved one or not is a matter of individual opinion). Hence, such grandiose claims usually sound a tad hollow.

    @Sunny – Just how does the SRK airport incident figure out in my comments? Pray, what is the relevance?

  169. I am no fan of SRK and find his attempts to use the media to promote his movies suffocating. But so are the attempts to use SRK to promote a book. No sane SRK-hater would approve such a smear campaign in the guise of movie “analysis”. It is one thing to trash a movie, but the fun ends when someone resorts to name-calling.
    I am sure you have used every means available to you- twitter, facebook to promote your book. Likewise with SRK. Only that I haven’t seen him put a lid on criticism and question the intellect of those who do not toe his line.

  170. After coming back from watching MNIK, this review is exactly what I needed to get the assault on the senses out of my system. Did you notice the place where they show the US primary school teaching hatred to little kids? If that didnt make people puke at the outrageousness of it all, I wonder what does.

    Brilliant review in the old GB, take-no-prisoners style. This is a masterful deconstruction of the supremely cynical way MNIK has been made. It is double fun to watch the haters out in full force. Now that Ganguly no longer is a subject of this blog, the fun that one gets from reading haters and trolls is long gone. What we get usually are morons saying “Your writing style has gone down” and “I am not going to buy your book” and that other nutjob correcting your Hindi spellings that he finds “irritating”.

    I dont know if you remember GB but I seem to recall that when you said you liked Kurbaan, a KJO produced movie, another set of haters were saying that you had taken money from KJo for your book ! So haters, please bring it on.

  171. @Jay Talwar
    Mr. Khan did say “SHUT UP” to Mr. Priyadarshan.

  172. Interesting article by tarun Vijay:

    My name is not Khan, I am Mr Kaul

  173. Entertaining post, but biased & strongly opinionated as usual…SRK produces a stream of crap, like what? Swades ? Chak De? give the guy his due – he has had his share of good movies.
    your idol mithun-da arguably had a bigger stream of crap to his credit (and i’m saying this as a mithun fan)

  174. @Deep,

    If you read at least a few of GB’s posts you will notice that he has praised Swades AND Chak de (especially SRK’s performances in those movies). Also, please read between the lines of GB’s “idolisation” of Prabhuji.

    Some “in-depth” reading would do wonders for you.

    bhalo theko.

  175. I don’t think GB is hired by any media house to review every movie in an absolute critical manner giving star ratings out of 5 (sometimes even 5 and half!), with the public readership/viewership depending on this to decide if they should go and spend the money or not.

    This is just GB’s viewpoint on this specific film and what it portrayed, with some humour thrown in for good measure. Yes, everyone might not like the humour part and think it’s way beneath their “intellectual level” and “how can GB drop to such levels where he’s criticising SRK?” etc. But this is his viewpoint and there are many who will agree to it.

    I myself have watched the movie and think that if only Johar had toned down his melodrama and typical KJo stuff, it could have been a bloody brilliant film. Many people are complaining about how GB is posting about SRK a great deal now, but then it’s SRK who has always been in the news in the past 1 month for some reason or another. Even doling out his benevolent and neighbour-loving advice, which he himself did not follow when he had the chance.

    Everyone, why so serious?

  176. MNIK not bringing in the crowds any more

    NDTV link

    * Spice Cinemas: “The entertainment aspect in the movie is zero. Thought it has some emotions, there is nothing much to offer.”

    * PVR Cinemas: “Our occupancy has fallen from around 90 percent to 50 percent Monday onwards because of the content of the movie. We are guessing it will stretch to one week more.”

    * Delhi-based distributor Joginder Mahajan: “There has been a drastic fall after Monday for My Name Is Khan. There is no entertainment aspect in it and lacks mass appeal.”

    Really?????? And here I was betting that MNIK was going to beat Avatar’s BO record. 😉

  177. I can’t understand why the haters are trying to relate this specific post to an attempt to promote GB’s book. He has been writing these kind of pieces for a long time. There is nothing in this post that prompts me to buy his book (other than his style of humor which I have always seen in his posts). Why is this being taken as a sudden change in GB’s stance to promote his book? A few of his previous post were meant to do that (like that quiz) and its up to the reader to follow or ignore that, at least that is not a promotion in disguise.

    As far as bashing SRK is concerned, I am sure he has nothing personal with SRK (at least he has the intelligence not to show on his blog) and he has not bashed his good movies like Swades. I personally did not like Chuk De that much and even in Swades, I appreciated the movie and SRK’s role, not necessarily his acting but that is a different story.

    In fact I will not be surprised if this conversation between bJo and KingKi actually happened (except for the sauna part ofcourse…or may be not) and that is how the movie was materialized. Yes, there is a very fine difference between humor and slander and maintaining the fine difference is a tough job. I have always appreciated GB in that matter as I have never seen his posts being personal.

    On a funny note, SRK fans have a very interesting logic to counter the haters

    SRK lover: I hate SRK’s acting
    SRK hater: You say so because you are jealous of him.

    Now, what kind of a logic is that? How can I be jealous of a person who has millions of fan following. How can jealousy work in such a big difference? Another thing is that this counter is very simple as it can be applied anywhere, check this out

    A: I don’t like MMS’s policy on reservation.
    B: Thats because you are jealous of him.

    Now thats rediculous

  178. GB, I agree with Rohit Nair… You can make any movie look bad, if you just pick the negatives… And if you don’t like a particular star anyway,(4 out of your 10 worst movies of the decade included SRK movies) you’re going to be quite a critic with him… I am also not a big SRK fan but I don’t think he deserves this much of bashing… I guess all stars are trying to ‘preach’ something or the other these days through movies… Aamir ‘oversmart’ Khan thinks he’ll clean up the education system and SRK thinks he’ll tell people that ‘All Khans are not terrorists’. Albeit with unrealistic scenes like repairing-everything-engineer et al but even Rancho was unrealistic with his vacuum-cleaner-baby-delivery-class or bathing in the college park to save time or taking a paralyzed patient on a two-wheeler right into the ward of a hospital… But, you loved that idiot-ic movie, with all its unrealistic side, then why this partiality? At least, SRK, for once attempted something different. Don’t be so mean, GB!


  179. My name is Rain Man February 20, 2010 — 10:33 am

    Awesome review. I was suffering from IHST syndrome for most part of the movie.(omg i have seen this in Rain Man…and this…hey this too.” I think someone told Kyajhol that the louder she screams the better audience can hear.The flood scenes made me feel the US administration was on vacation.

  180. this was so amazing!!! captures kinki so perfecty… great work man!!… havent watched the movie… couldnt tolerate the thought of it… but was waiting for something real like this after all the fake larger than life goody goody nauseating reviews… really amazing stuff… loved it

  181. My thoughts after watching the movie (not a review):
    My Name is Quark:

  182. Thanks for the lovely post. I have’nt yet seen this movie, and now probably never will, but frankly after “Chuk De” and “Paheli”, I thought SRK has finally come of age. But obviously..not yet!!

    “Slumdog Millionizing of the US” was brilliant :). Very true, Bollywood can as well make movies out of stereotypes, another one in the stable is “I-Proud to be an Indian”!!! – the “Slumdogs” and “Indiana Joans” of Bollywood?

  183. Hi GB I loved ur review. We cant be subjective with a movie and try to give a rational review when movie is this bad.

    Having said all that I am really tired of all this conspiracy theories. ‘GB is trying to sell his book by this post’, well he always writes like this and why the hell bloody he cant sell his book on his blog.

    ‘SRK deliberately started the IPl controversy to make his movie a hit.’ I mean come on ppl who makes ppl afraid to go to cinema for the fear of being beaten up . That doesnt sound like a brilliant marketing strategy. In fact good marketing strategy wud be to shut up and dont say anything controversial and sell urself to these scumbag politicians and apologize to them for ur film’s commercial success.

    Lets stop being cynical of everything. Lets be more like Rizwan khan. 🙂 Also it is baloneys to think Pune blast wudnt have happened had there been no controversy regarding this film. come on guys.

  184. Arnab:

    When you get 600 comments (on your Singur post) and 190 (+1) on ‘usual’ posts you don’t have to worry for for your rightful place in femdom err… famedom.

    You are already huge.

    I am just waiting for the second reprint of your book. I guess the first one is already exhausted.

    Best of luck.

  185. I came across your blog recently. Seeing some of your posts, I thought you to be a sensible person with some intellect. But after reading this review, I’m sorry, I must say, you hate SRK and u r definitely a pseudointellect. Don’t know why you hate SRK exactly, may be he is successful, he doesn’t have any scandal (controversies are there, but no scandal like all other movie stars in bolywood), he is a great speaker, etc. I met many guys who hate SRK, but can’t answer why they hate him. If one hates him for doing shit movies, then he has to hate 90% of the bollywood stars, including AB. At least now a days, we are not feeded with movies that were made in the 80s and 90s.

    I watched MNIK, I don’t rate it as a top-grade movie. But it was an honest attempt from both KJo and SRK, so, I’ll just appreciate it.

  186. Hah hah roll on the floor funny! Have not seen the movie, but this is good….

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