Today’s Pakistan round up.
In days of yore, warring nations like the Rajputs and the Mughals would bring peace in their times as well as opportunities for making crappy historical dramas for directors hundreds of years down the line with matrimonial alliances. In that spirit of love conquers war, this week saw the announcing of the baap of all Aman-Asha initiatives—-the proposed marriage between the spokesman of “all Muslims of the world” Pakistani cricketer Shoaib Malik (banned) and the over-rated hottie tennis queen Sania Mirza.
The happy couple came today in front of cameras and informed the world of their desire to settle down in Dubai together, indeed a place that has given us many ambassadors of India-Pakistan unity like the Big D. While Shoaib Malik’s fans rejoiced (all three of them) and Sania’s admirers reluctantly deleted her “taken in action” pictures from their head drives, relationship experts warned Sania to be careful with her service and foot-placement since she would now be subject to ejection if she triple-faults.
Shoaib Malik has been trying to become a damaad of India for long (including a fling with Sayali Bhagat) showing the kind of tenacity one usually associates with Pakistani peace-ambassadors trying to cross the boundary at Kashmir. A few years ago, Shoaib Malik was reported to have married one Ayesha (picture to side), a fact that Malik hotly denied in the same manner that Pakistan denies its role in 26/11 and the fact that it has had its ass handed to it in 1971 and 1999. Ayesha’s father in this television interview asserts that even Arun Lal had said “Oh Mr Shoaib Malik I forgot to congratulate you on your marriage” and if Mr. Lal had indeed said that then it is a case of “Tu mujhe qabool, main tujhe qabool, is baat ka gawaah khuda (khuda being of course Arun Lal), according to legal and religious experts.
While things are looking lovey lovey for Shoaib, his bete noire Mohammed Yousuf announced his retirement, livid at the ban on him by the PCB. Now knowing Yousuf who has difficulty in making up his mind (once he is a Christian, once he is a Muslim, once he is playing for ICL, then he is playing for IPL and then he is playing for ICL again) one does not know if the decision to retire, like a resignation of Mamata Banerjee, will stand. Meanwhile rumors that a man by the name of Mahesh Phadke, looking suspiciously like Mohammed Yousuf, has approached the Pune IPL franchise as a “local Marathi Manoos” and demanded a reserved place in the side along with a payment of USD 500,000 has not yet been confirmed.
Concluding our section on Pakistan, Shahid Afridi won the ESPN Star cricketer of the decade award, a remarkable achievement for the man considering that for three years into the decade, he hadnt even been born and Javed Mianded claimed to have received threatening calls of extortion from the mafia. which was later found to have been the result of a silly mistake by his sambdhi-ji who got mixed up between two numbers. The whole confusion was detected when a certain film-financier asked the man at the other end of the line “But bhai why do you keep inviting me for Jamai Shashti?” at which point of time, the “call switch” was amicably resolved between all the parties concerned.