Prince—the Review

61 Comments

Prince wakes up in a strange room. He panics. He cannot remember how he got there. Last time he remembers he was one of India’s most dynamic batsmen, a panther in the covers and slated to become a permanent member of the Test side middle-order. And yet he now finds himself with a paunch that would put a mithaiwala to shame , a double chin, a dodgy knee,  fielding reflexes slower than Angshuman Gaekwad’s , his place in the Test side gone for good and the franchise, of which he is a icon player, desperate to wash their hands off him after kicking him out of captaincy.

“What in heaven has happened to me?” wonders Prince. Perplexed, he stumbles along till he is contacted by three women all claiming to his partner—–Pee-Ayush Chawla, Potty Zinta and Assa Siddique who in addition claims that Prince married her over the telephone. Needless to say, Prince does not know which of them is actually his woman because his sense of shot-selection is totally shot. From their disjointed stories however, he pieces together that they are all after the most magical and precious thing in the world,  Sauron ka One ring ka baap, jo ” Ravan ka rakt se nikla tha”——the Prince’s batting form, his cricketing mo-jo also referred to as “The Coin”.

It has evidently been taken by Prince’s once-associate turned enemy Santhakumar Sarang, a maverick break-dancing madman who blows up planes and claps ‘Ai Raju chal aaja re bajoo’-style after being no-balled. He has never forgiven Prince for a dandruff commercial both of them did together where Santhakumar was made to say “Kyon ? Chakka kya sirf tum mar saakhte ho” , a line he had never been able to live down.  If outwitting the criminal mastermind that is Santhakumar Sarang is not enough, the Prince has to deal with crazy IPL franchises, memories that can be stored on USB pen drives , assorted psychopaths who want “The Coin” and twists as predictable as a full toss from Ajit Agarkar. The task is made doubly difficult because he has to do this while leaping from DLF buildings in Karbon Kamaal ways as “Oh mere khuda, batting gya chuda” plays in the background.

“Prince” is not really this story. But pretty close. When your movie is being helmed by next-Gen talents like Kookie Gulati, you are already halfway to immortality. And then when you add Tarantinoesque in-references to Gunda like how in the opening sequence, Prince (played by Vivek Oberoi) runs into a bathroom, the same one where Chutiya was castrated by Shankar in Gunda, looks to the camera and says, in Gundaian pentameter I am in, it is time to win” you have pretty made sure that no one will forget this work of art in a long while

Kookie Gulati is in complete control in “Prince” making a fluffy cookie made up of sequences of Matrix, Matrix Reloaded, Dark Knight, the Bourne series and Mission Impossible with chocolate chips in the form of cool lines like “It is showtime” uttered with the same seriousness with the “Jo apne baap ke bhi naheen hote”. Additional delight is provided by the femme fatales—–Niroo Singh, Aruna Shields (who combines the “Doodh ka karz” magic of Aruna Irani and the “Blue Lagoon” sensuality of Brooke Shields in her clothes) and my favorite hottie in the universe Nandana Sen, bringing whom into this world is the single most important reason why Dr. Amartya Sen deserves his Nobel Prize.

If there is anything left after this, the final blows are given by Vivek or is it Vivi-eeeek Oberoi’s holding-his-head-and-careening-to-and-fro attempts to act, which makes even Sanjay “Aati Naheen” Kapoor as the cop look understated and measured.

Final verdict: Back-up your sanity on a Moser-Bauer CD before going to watch “Prince”. Trust me. You will need to do a System Restore afterwards.

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61 thoughts on “Prince—the Review

  1. As always ending lines are the best.”Back up……system restore afterwards”….one of my female friend forgot to take ur advice n guess what she is behaving really “Princely” these days…..Aailla!!

  2. What else do you expect from a movie named ‘Prince’..unless its a intentional spoof on all those spy movies of the past! But since bollywood has a long way to go before it reaches that humor quotient, one doesnt have to stretch his imagination in order to find reasons to skip it.

  3. One of my friends said “I went in with zero expectations and the film still managed to disappoint me.”

    But the movie is unintentionally hilarious. No two words about it.

  4. hey gb…i like reading your posts,but this particular post seems to be a bit cheap …….it looks like it’s shouting out loud and trying hard to be funny….you are great and have proved time and again that you are capable of belting out funny stuff in a stubtle manner.plz donot get trapped in the raju srivastav genre of nonsense………

  5. one more thing gb…i’m sure that you have not done this with any bad intent….but still i think that rhyming ‘khuda’ with the c-word is not in good taste….it might hurt someone.having said that i genuinely believe that you have no intention of hurting anyone….

  6. @ Aaste ladies
    If you want pre MIHYAP style of writing, you have to distract him from money counting…in other words you have to PAYHIM…the money counters are ringing u see!!!!!!!!

  7. What else could you ever expect of a Vivek Oberoi flick anyways ? The reviews are probably a gazillion times more entertaining than the movie itself.

  8. Honestly I don’t understand what this post was all about. The last part of the post seemed like you are trying to mock the movie prince. The 1st part seemed like you are talking about yuvraj singh. May be it is my dumbness but you have made your words more complcated than needed. Simplicity is divine which unfortunately is lacking in your post. Also, humour is best enjoyed when it comes in a subtle way. Here it was loud and irritating..more like slapstick. And why do you risk your sanity by watching a movie like Prince? If that’s because you need to write a review then you are darn brave…

  9. Oh man this was one awful post, and this fantastic blog could do without it. I fear GB has started to lose his touch. Even Gunda references didn’t work, and in fact seemed desperate like GB had nothing else to turn to.

  10. If Vivek Oberoi quits acting after this movie, will he be referred to as “The Artist Formerly Known As Prince”?

  11. Come on! You can do better… This movie was a god sent opportunity for you to be get out of the MIHYAP promotional blitzkrieg here, and you blew it!

  12. vivek is different case…he tries very hard to look cool and intelligent. But he simply dont give a thought before doing anything…rather he thinks he can change things by calling himself ‘veveik’.

    He is a moron who is desperately trying to LOOK intelligent and sensitive(visiting art galleries, ) ..similar to our DIDI( PHD drama, painting act in singur, offering namaj etc.)Moreover his smile also has fakeness similar to DIDI.

    Now most of the people does not know that our vivek – the cool guy – was in regular touch with swami nityanand(yes! the sex seeking guru) , visits art galleries…meets dalai lama and get so impressed that he starts weeping…

    what is he trying to do ? Prove aish that he is more classy ?! Or trying to figure out why his dad calls him idiot all the time!?

    Also remember ..he publicly apologised to salman to patch up !! What an asshole …salman called vulgar names abt his dad and ex fiance and he apologised..LOL

    sunny

  13. bad.. really bad…. sorry GB.. this was distasteful and inarguably ur worst ever!! what happened to ur writing???

  14. @ soumya ..n other critics

    Okay. Nt writin on GB’s behalf. Dnt knw him n dnt care abt him. Only an avid blogreader. But m appalled at those criticisin him. The common factor? Distasteful , not funny etc etc. C’mon ppl, get some life. May not be that funny bt it aint distasteful. Phrases like ‘potty’ zinta etc… m still tryin to find ‘distaste’ here… Help me !

  15. C’mon people cut GB some slack, will y’all …. he has already endured a screening of Viveieiabcdefghijk’s latest movie so that he could bring you all this review. Right GB? Or have you????

  16. Overall quite dissapointing ……… I didn’t find it funny until the end where we have a vintage GB phrase ( sanjay “aati naheen” kapoor …. :):):) )!!!

  17. Sad post. Tough to read thru..quite impossible actually.

    Though you try to be all this contemporary and all that with some posts that pick up on the latest headlines… greatbong.net has begun to resemble what it criticizes. In taking potshots at the how the Indian media is talking only about IPL or Sania n Shoaib or whatever – frivilous incidents masquerading as news – you yourself have not stopped from writing posts that cater to the lowest common denominator. Also most of your posts contain innuendos that are often in bad taste. You like potty humour a tad too much. Once you were good…now you are just catering to the image that you built up.
    To one person who commented…a humour needs a reference to be actually funny…’potty’ zinta was just tasteless. Quite juvenile, I must say.

    Cheers,
    Rahul

  18. Yippppppppeeeeeeeeeee!!! I knew it; I’d predicted in the comments section of the previous post. The author didn’t let me down, as I knew he wouldn’t. He came out with the kind of post I’ve always expected of him – the quintessential illustration of being a poor man’s ludicrous attempt at humour.

    I agree with Tarzan and Rohan. C’mon others, given the tripe the author has been dishing out off late, this was almost a masterpiece (of boredom…)

  19. This one was a pretty weak one.

    But, wow, I never knew that the blogging world was so competitive. Greatbong – change your blog’s name to something in Aramaic or Hebrew and come back to India. Also start writing about stuff that’s not a “poor man’s ludicrous attempt at humour”.
    Actually to give you a better pointer – here’s how your post’s tones should be
    http://epigrammaticbefuddlement.blogspot.com/2010/01/evening-with-bridesmaid.html

    Get back to your “tripe” after you learn from the richness of the above blogpost.

  20. More than GB’s post this time, what gives me more fun is the fact that people have actually turned up to bash GB for reasons different from his writings. Some of them are suffering from the hangover of hating him for his previous post (Naxals and A-S-S controversy), some are apparently fans of Yuvraj (Singh)

    This post is not certainly a “Kasab in Great Esatern Hotel” or “Urvashi ka Swayambar” post, but it is not trash either. And some actually did not understand the fact that he was trying to show two different sub-posts here – making fun of both the cricket “Prince” and the movie. What’s “distasteful” about Potty Zinta – it can be seen in the context of her current state where nothing is going right for her !! Not funny enough, ok, but certainly not distasteful

    Someone referred to Rakesh Jhunjhunwala. I read it, and found it to be utter non-sense. I would recommend “The Vigil Idiot” though

  21. Soumya hon, you need some self-promotion lessons from the goddess of the genre, Rakhi Sawant.

    For instance – you cannot write a comment criticizing Arnab’s post, and then come back in the very next comment with a different handle to promote your own blog.

    And I’m amazed at the number of La Zints fans emerging from the woodworks. This is a woman who rivals almost Chopra dulhan Rani as the potty-mouth queen of Bolly-land. I’m sure no one ever objected to Sanathkumar Sarang’s nickname – even though he’s only ever been a slapee, never a slapper like Zints.

  22. @Thalassa – Obviously the concept of “namesake” has never occurred to you. I needn’t promote my blog, especially when Arnab’s die hard fans are there to do it for me (for the record, I never ever post links of my posts herein).

    So, the comments of Soumya which leads to a blog are mine, and it looks like my namesake has more than just the name in common with me ;-).

    I’d have thought that this was pretty obvious, but then, hey, some people actually liked this “review”, so, I guess, my expectations were pretty far fetched…;-)

  23. I actually thought that its a review of yesterday’s KKR match ( KKR vs CSK) which featured a Prince- albeit The Prince of Kalkuta! This prince too wakes up and finds himself in the company of a set of inglorious basterds!

  24. If I cant understand it, it’s lame. Keep your intellectual humor to yourself. One more post like this and tata bye-bye.

  25. Yaawn : If you can’t understand it, it’s beyond your understanding. Lame is when you understand it and don’t like it. Objectivity man, objectivity. 🙂

    By the way, didn’t anyone notice the deep comments on us as humans and on our society that Prince made? Or did I read too much between the lines?

  26. @ALL..

    abe..agar shuru mein achi nahi lagi toh poora padha kyu ? Aur fir comment bhi karna hai: ooo! look at me. I am so n so n i didnt like ths post… attention seekers. LOL Typical indian behavior. Reality show dekhna bhi hai n criticise bhi karna hai .

  27. Awesome post.

    Not one of those skim-through posts – but a post one may need to read twice to understand the underlying humor. Humor is not in the use of words like “Potty” or “C****”. I feel the brilliance lies is tying the current affairs – IPL and Sania Marriage to this movie.

    Brilliant.

  28. @GB: Sanjay “Aati Naheen” Kapoor…. Extremely hilarious…
    Rest of it…ho-hum. But I can’t expect you to turn Prince into Magic.

    @AasteLadies: Damn ur nickname brings back some sweaty memories.

  29. It is showtime” uttered with the same seriousness with the “Jo apne baap ke bhi naheen hote”. Hahahhaa…seriously, exactly the same way. Vivek oberoi has a single constipated expression all through all of his movies.
    Sanjay “ati nahi” kapoor was also good one

  30. So, Ive recently discovered your Blog and been reading many reviews at a strech.
    Cant fail to notice that unfailingly, every review has a reference to cult classic TBIG legend of movie-making called GUNDA.

    Feels good to know there are others like you.

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