Raktha Hoon Main Khulla

[This post is a contextual one, relevant only in the light of recent events]

Welcome to Handy TV–Din Raat Chalta Hai. This is Rukhi Sawant and we are here to speak about the recently aired Laundiya tapes in which Bhakti Kapoor was apparently recorded talking to an aspiring actress in his hotel room. We also speak in general about casting ethics.

This program is totally unedited, just like the Assmit-Ria MMS. We at Handy-TV are known never to involve ourselves in cover-ups.

Our panel consists of eminent personalities Shining Ahuja, and Prabhuji the editor of “Rakhta Hoon Main Khulla” magazine which first carried the transcripts of the Laundiya Tapes. And of course Mr. Bhakti Kapoor. Our show is being taped right in his living room and carried to you live.

First we will play the video tape.

[A tape plays of a comely lass coming to Bhakti Kapoor’s room in a slinky short dress. Bhakti Kapoor is very comfortable. They have drinks and Bhakti Kapoor says, among other things, “Aoooo I will give you massage” and “If you are with Bhakti in the film industry, no one can touch you (except me)” . Finally, in a voice soaking with syrup, he agrees to talk to some big names about getting her a role.]

Bhakti (in a state of abject shock): In my thirty years of acting, no one has ever questioned my ethics and my morals. And then these people have come along and slandered, defamed and dragged my name through mud.

Shining: Mm…Bhakti. Let’s concentrate on specifics. In these tapes you are seen getting cozy with this woman and promising her a role in a movie..and some people may object to this rather comfortable closeness as being…mm…..unprofessional.”

Bhakti: In my line of work, we come in contact, I would say close contact with many women. Some call themselves actresses, some models, some well you get the point…. They come to us for roles and well I play with them…

Prabhuji: Play with them?

Bhakti: I mean play along with them…..See the point we are polite with the girls, you never know when the next one might become a superstar.

Shining: But you did accede  to her request to speak to several big names in order to get her a role.

Bhakti: Did anyone ever confirm whether I actually spoke to them? I was just screwing her.

Prabhuji: Yes I think that was where we were getting.

Bhakti (correcting): I meant to say I was just lying to her. You know, you don’t say no to a lady’s face. That’s impolite.

Rukhi (interjecting): Let us here play a sample of Bhakti’s work to put the whole thing in context.

Ten minutes of “Bhagwan ke liye mujhe chod do”, “Atak gya atak gya”  and “Kya gora gora badan hai Aoooo” play, a montage of different movies, cutting into precious question time.

Rukhi: Now Prabhuji…your question..

Prabhuji: My question is why did you not have this conversation in a public place? Simple.

Bhakti (agitated): Well I thought this program was about ethics in the movie industry. I would love to be part of such a discussion. So I must ask you why when you come in and see me struggling with your heroine, why do you beat the crapshit out of me without even asking for the side of the story? Why do you thrash me raw? What kind of ethics are these Prabhuji?

Prabhuji: I shall definitely answer your questions. But first please answer my question—–why did you not have this conversation in a public place? In other words, why did you call her to your hotel room? I mean you could have mentored her sitting in the hotel lobby.

Bhakti: Dhanki Chiki, dhanki chiki, dhanki chiki dhaank. Pappu chalaya chappu. Undie main Shundie.

Rukhi: I think Shining has a question.

Prabhuji (throwing up his hands): But he hasn’t answered……

Shining (starting to speak): Here is my concern, Bhakti, —– why did, of all people did, she come to you? I mean she could have gone to anyone else in the film fraternity wearing that short  dress—-I mean I can say honestly, and call me new-school, that I would never let a young girl looking for a break get within a mile of my personal space. Do you think there was something specific about you in particular that made this woman feel that she would get a more sympathetic ..mmm…..ear from you?

Prabhuji smiles, looking at his fingers.

Bhakti: How do you know I am the only person she went to asking for help?  The thing is that these things happen all the time—no one here is lilywhite. The only thing I will accept to is perhaps an error of judgment on my part and that too that happened just because I am a chota sa, pyara sa, nanna sa baccha….

Prabhuji: So you say that inviting her over to your room in a private place was an error in judgment?

Bhakti: Stop putting words in my mouth. I never said that.

Prabhuji: So what is the answer? You still have not answered my question.

Bhakti: But I have.

Prabhuji (Exasperated smile): No you have not. You still say there is nothing inherently suspicious of wanting to meet a girl upstairs in your room when you could have well had the conversation in a public space. Why didn’t you since, according to you, you were trying to brush her off politely?

Bhakti: Do I ever question your choices in life? Do I ever ask you why for you only, gravity is optional? Do I ever ask why Alok Kanth always looks like he is going to break into tears?

Prabhuji: The difference is my question is the crux of this discussion. Whereas your questions are not.

Bhakti (really angry): No it is. It very much is. You see…

Prabhuji: I do see. I have to. This is your “area”. Aur apne mohalla main to har koi sher ban sakta hai…

Bhakti: Now that is totally uncalled for Prabhuji.

Prabhuji: Be it may. I am still waiting for my answer.

Bhakti: What answer? I mean what am I accused of? I say this with great respect that you have no idea as to how mentoring young talent is done.

Prabhuji: I may not. And I think, given the time, I would like to know. But I am sorry you still have not answered my question satisfactorily.

Bhakti: Again I will say that the only thing I will accept to having done is having an innocent belief in the basic goodness of women. Other than that, I will not accept any ulterior motive on my part, I will strongly oppose the defamation that you and the other person who has not come to this show, A K Bangal, has indulged in, throwing mud at my character. Tell me, so many other people who mentor actresses in different ways, why did you pick me out and put my face on your hoardings? Sells more issues of “Raktha Hoon Main Khulla” no?

Prabhuji: Maybe because you are so charming.

Bhakti: Aaah, at last a compliment.

Rukhi: That’s a very sexy comment.

Bhakti: Yes of course. There is a subtext of polygamy running through this whole controversy. But let’s not go there.

Rukhi: Well that’s all we have time for folks.

Prabhuji: But my question…he still has not……..Aii salaa…………

Fade out………..

71 thoughts on “Raktha Hoon Main Khulla

  1. first for very first time
    i pod?

  2. This is priceless 😀 . Now only if people get the context :). Great Post. You could have made it a bit longer though. But again this is your “editorial choice” 😀

  3. hahahaha nice one. BreatGong

  4. Excellent parody. Hits the right places. Thoroughly enjoyed. Well Done!!

  5. “Prabhuji smiles, looking at his fingers.”

  6. Awesome post..
    watched the bdutt debate last night!! and this post is super-mast!

  7. I am watching the video as I read this.
    Awesome job. I know it has been said before but ‘Hamam mein sabhi nange hain’

  8. Really funny represenatation of Barkha Dutt defending herself.
    Really she has no shame no has NDTV.
    What more can you expect of a channel which airs serials like Rakhi ka Insaaf.
    I believe it will be a nice idea to boycott NDTV.
    The only reason of yesterdays defence was to shore up its TRPs

  9. I have no hesitation in saying that this is the best post on RTDM that I have read in the past 18 months
    Superbly done, and agree entirely that Barkha just did not answer the relevant questions that Manu posed.

  10. Super. That hit the spot

  11. Just a minor point – the title should be spelt ‘Rakhta’ as in ???? and not ‘raktha’ as in ?????

  12. damn..your blog doesn’t support Hindi characters 😦

  13. “Do I ever ask why Alok Kanth always looks like he is going to break into tears?”

    Don’t you mean Alok Nath?

  14. This the best-ever satire on last night’s bakbak on some channel. Priceless, I must say.

  15. Guru….fatie diecho… How do you get these things in your mind. Excellent parody of last night’s NDTV program. How do you get to see these programs in America that too so minutely? I mean how do you get the time

  16. When are giving us ur review on Guzaarish??

  17. brilliant! Excellent timing too – I had watched the discussion just an hour back and then this post showed up on my reader. Hope she gets to see this.

  18. Sajan ka Tota...kitna lamba..kitna mota December 1, 2010 — 10:54 am

    koi to hila do

  19. GB, thanks for making me smile..

  20. Your blog is an eternal Gunda and other shitty movie reference. For crying out loud, stop the Gunda bullshit. It’s not funny anymore – never was. In your defence, it’s very much possible that you can’t come up anything else.

  21. Answer the damn question!

  22. I just watched the interview on their website a couple of minutes ago and then read your post. Sarcasm at it’s best. How you do it, I just don’t understand [:)]..

  23. Awesome… Really good narration of what happened

  24. Genius writing. Only question is why is Prabhuji and not Bulla the editor of Main Rakhta Hoon Khulla magazine

  25. Amazing analogy! Though, i wouldn’t take a stand on this issue purely because i haven’t tracked this story. But, your description of one part of the coin is OUTSTANDING!! One of the best posts in recent past!

  26. Awesome post. I just watched the “discussion” 10 min back, and I read this. Great take.

    Anyway, I have decided to vote with my remote. From now on, I will not watch any program which she runs.

  27. Awesome, loved it!

  28. Awesomely done GB!! I am in splits… 🙂

  29. Good shit my man!

  30. Hilarious!! How to face interviews. Watch this from 3.25

  31. Awesome satire! could identify it with the discussion that took place.. great stuff!

  32. What was the context?

  33. Great Bong, awesomeness this is…you have got it all right, to the hilt !!! Not only Manu Joseph, am sure several others were exasperated on BD’s relentless tirade on things irrelevant ! BD knows ‘If you cannt Convince them, Confuse Them’ 😀

  34. “Aii Saala” LEGENDARY POST!!! I Bow to Thee 😀

  35. awesome! this is sheer genius …

  36. This is sheer genius

  37. When the newsmaker and newsbreakers become breaking news !

    Too good contextual satire.

  38. This is the best take on the Radia tapes scandal I have come across. Great Bong with his terrific humour has actually dissected the obscenity of the journo-politician shady liaisons in the country, especially when it comes to power broking.

    Terrific post Arnab; this is as best as it gets. Well done!

  39. Well done! You should really post this on the NDTV web site comment thread! I am sure if a single NDTV, Times Now, or IBN guy sees this, it’ll go viral! 🙂

  40. ‘Rukhi: that is a very sexy comment’ – pure awesomeness GB, you don’t miss the minutest of details, do you? Hats off to you!

  41. Good one GB…Barkha n ilk r shameless bastards! Hope they read ur blog!!!

  42. was out of town, just saw barkha’s bak-bak. The show dur is 50 min and she have speak almost 40 min. the anchor sonia singh spoke around 3 min and just 4 min for 4 editor’s. I never liked barkha but after this show i hate her, did you saw her arroganceor the better word is shamlessness. She told manu joshep (open editor) that i am a superior political journalist then you. Everyone looked uncofortable. no one was convince with barkh’s reple but barkha almost hijacked the show. in 40 min she said only 3 thing.
    1-I have done nothing wrong. it was just error of judgement.
    2-There are other journalist. why only target me.
    3-To question journalistic ethics of OPEN mag. i am sure sooner or letter NDTV will take a stand and OFF AIR her atlest for someday. Barkha sucks. On a side note greatbong in an earliar post you say corruptionwill continue and we can’t do anything, but look now, how online media compel mainstream media to do show about this tape leak that is why in every programm they are talking about online media and social networking sites.

  43. Dude,
    You are awesome. I have been following your blog for quite some time and I love it. This post was hilarious. I am still laughing.

  44. Excellent Post!

  45. So everybody agrees that journalists involved did fishy.
    But see here how the system destroys journalist who dare to expose them

    This journo had written some daring stuff on his website and was severly victimised including being arrested and jailed several times by Delhi Police on fictitious charges as he had written against commissioner of police. Nobody came to his support.
    I dont know whether he is alive at presnt or not. he has not posted for a year.

  46. Amazing stuff. And great tool, using a dead controversy as metaphor for an ongoing one. GB rocks all over again!

  47. “Bhagwan ke liye mujhe *chod* do” Nice touch!

  48. mika must be a happy man.

  49. This is awesome! Absolutely hilarious!

  50. Kudos to whoever leaked these tapes… he/she should get the Journalist of the Decade award !

  51. Ok what was so great about this satire? Really I am not a troll but ppl in India hear that there is some kind of scam and just run with it without understanding the finer points of the “scam”. I still don’t know what Lalit Modi is accused of? that he and his relatives owned shares in some teams? in that case N Srinivas openly owns a team while still being in IPL committee. Again here in this case what exactly is the case against Barkha here? that she is slanted to congress? u ppl didn’t know that till now? that she become go-between betweeen DMK and congress? well she was over-eager to show how well connected she is which makes her look bad but how is that unethical? May be DMK had hired Radia as their negotiator in which case its not a big deal at all. The real culprit which nobody criticizes is the govt. here. They are the ones who eventually gave the ministry to Raja despite knowing about his corruption and how useless he is. We should be all angry at useless and incompetent PM who everybody keeps saying is man of impeccable integrity? so what PM needs to go.

  52. ROFL… seriously would have rolled on the floor laughing if I was not in public.

  53. “They come to us for roles and well I play with them…” – What a line!

    GB, you mean genius! NOBODY can write like you.

    PS: Waiting eagerly for your year-ending post on best & worst movies of 2010 :))

  54. I think this is one of the best satire I have read!
    I think BD and VS deserve to be sacked just like Ashok Chavan and A Raja. But while interacting with various politicians both have learn how to stick to the chair…
    Morality and Ethics all are noe bygones from Indian Politicans and Journos as well..!
    But I think we are also equally responsible for this siutation..these characters are jsut the reflection what goes out in the whole Indian society..Chalta hain.. attitude is going to do irrpairable damage to India and future Indians.

  55. It would be great if someone can post the link of the video bring referred.

  56. Girish Nikam on Radia Tapes and unanswered questions ..

    Why are Prannoy Roy, Aroon Poorie, Shobhana Bhartia, Vineet Jain, Raghav Behl silent? The key questions and issues which need their answers now.


  57. Now that was awesome.
    5 years back when I first read your blog – that was what came to my mind. This is Awesome..!
    I hope 5 years down the line I will still read your blog and say .. wow.. that was awesome.
    Shine on .. you crazy diamond.

    Now I must pay attention to the other bong.

  58. Truly awesome. But GB, you may be wrong…the self-proclaimed management guru has an amazing take on this.

    Watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFXNfl0L1sQ. Ponytail is hilarious !!

  59. Superb post!

    The corruption in politics and entrepreneurs is well know. Less known (though believed) was the corruption in media and journalistic ethics. Thanks to BD and VS, that lid has been blown too.

    Till now it was only obvious that they were heavily biased. Now its known that they are corrupt and hypocritical too

  60. dada,

    ebar ekta “rakhta hun mai khulla” ar ekta picture post kore din…. public khabe!!

  61. This is awesome. I saw the debate. I saw Manu’s dogged tries to keep the debate to what she said and its significances, but she bailed out by doing Q on Q! You have brought the sarcasm out emphatically!

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