Greatbong's Person Of The Year 2010

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And the nominees are:

Dolly Bindra: “Kisiko anda milta hain, kisiko anda naheen milta hain, isne do aande khaayein isne ek aande khayen”,  says a contestant on Big Boss IV capturing perfectly the curse of the human condition, torn between the base instincts of hunger, lust and the desire for eggs, the last mentioned being an appropriate metaphor for them both. And if there is anyone who perfectly captures Big Boss and reality shows in general, it has to be Dolly Bindra, Sushmita Sen’s true ideal for “woman of substance”.

For long, Big Boss has experimented with the tried-and-tested formula of sidey starlets and wannabe models/actors and their fake romances but this time they alighted on the perfect guest, who crystallizes perfectly Big Boss’s  biggest viewership demographic—large, aggressive foul-mouthed aunties with a penchant for hyper-drama. Whether it be reacting to Asmit Patel’s  fake “ubercool” “Talk to the hand” with a gusty “Talk to your hand kya, hand aapne **** main daal”  and “finger daalna [Asmit’s MMS partner’s] *** main jaake” or her writhing on the ground,  claiming to having been possessed by a ghost (perhaps a person inside her trying to get out) Ms. Bindra has been incomparable, setting the bar high, way way high for people to follow in successive iterations of Big Boss.

Rakhi Sawant: One of the most inspiring sights this year has been that of Rakhi Sawant meting out her brand of justice in front of the kind of frenzied, zombie-like, adulatory crowd one last saw in old footage of Hitler addressing the German awaam. Humiliating people who, for a few hundred ruppees had been co-erced to sell their honor on national TV or washed-out starlets looking for a second of exposure on a big stage, Rakhi truly defined the concept of justice at a time when judgments like Ruchika’s verdict has shaken our faith in the judiciary. And to all those who say that law does not have teeth, one need look at Rakhi’s concept of insaaf which not only led to the deaths of thousands of gray cells all over the country but also allegedly led to a contestant  to commit suicide. Now only if we could let her try Kasab, before he becomes a guest on Big Boss Five, the fucker might finally die.

Yana Gupta’s panties: One only realizes the worth of teeth once they are gone. And one realizes the value of panties when they are forgotten at home. Yana Gupta revived her faltering career with a truly commando performance, allegedly getting a crore offer for a repeat act and huge buzz for her upcoming dance reality program. Some may argue that the real person of the year would be the industrious photographer (of course the thought that he might have been pre-informed to click photos of such a spontaneous mistake is blasphemous) who showed his nose for a good story by being there with “Yoni” Gupta at exactly the right time. Now if only our police could reach the scenes of heated activity this quick.

Diggy Baba: Now Mrs. Karkare may condemn what Diggy Baba has said. And there may be no records to prove the conversation he had with Hemant Karkare before his death. But like the kid in high school, who claims that all the popular girls call him and tell him how hot he is so that his loser male friends pat him on the back and say “Bhai tum to ekdam Bond Ho” , Diggy Baba likes to tell us that it was the Hindus who perpetrated 26/11. Though he may have later denied implying this, when someone makes the statement at a release function of a book called 26/11 RSS ki saazish, what else does one conceivably mean? While Diggy Baba is not my choice for man of the year, I can say that he is definitely on line for higher awards—-not just being the toast of the “liberal” crowd but also a shoo-in for a Padma-Bhusan or Padma-Vivishana or whatever they want to call it for him.

Kalmadi: It may be the year of the Raja but for me, THE MAN was “Sir U Made Lacs” Suresh Kalmadi. Not just for being the dude who unleashed a slew of PJs second only to the “Felicitations to 61 for turning Rajanikant” that assaulted us this year or for his 9 lacs rented treadmills which, according to him, came with their own German technicians and “free service” (of what type we dare not ask) and the concomitant herapheri of crores, what I found priceless was the expression of shocked innocence he wore on his face throughout and the outrageous “Dog ate my homework” excuses he would give as the pools would run out of water and the dry parts of the stadium would flood with water, made me double up with laughter. Unlike the Rajas and the Reddys who just made me feel enraged. I also feel bad for Kalmadi because after doing so much for our prestige, Sonia mam did not invite him to the after-party. Bo hoo.

Indian Press Megaheroes: Not much to say to these people but to repeat the immortal lines from Agneepath: “Yahaan pe telephone ke ghanti bahot bajtaa hai. Galat cheez banaya Telephone. Udhar se aadmi sochta kuch hain, bolta kuch hain, karta kuch hain”

Ravindra Jadeja: Like a boil that returns more stubborn than ever just when you think you have gotten rid of it,  Ravindra Jadeja was unstoppable this year when it came to finding his place in the Indian team. Whether that was because he had Radia buried in his name or because experts see Agarkarian talent in him, I do not know. But all I can say is that when your fans, who have bought a domain name for you ravindrajadeja.in write posts titled “Ravindra Jadeja Messes Up !” and “Ravindra Jadeja Messes Up Again !“, you gotta stretch your arms out, bend forward and say in unison—We are not worthy !

And the winner is….

Nira Radia: While our media heroes were shown taking dictation for their stories and negotiating…mm sorry…”stringing along source for stories”, politicians were making money in the thousands of crores, literally selling the air of the country, “sweat equity” became an euphemism for “sweetheart deals” to curry favor with those in power and Bollywood made one sorry mess after another, there was just one person, one friggin person who was doing her job with sincerity, single-minded purpose and uncommon intelligence,making Indian democracy dance to her vocal chords. Yes I am talking about Nira Radia, the undisputed Person Of The Year, encapsulating old world ideals of “Work is worship” in a manner that is truly inspiring, making thousands and thousands of calls that would put a salesman peddling car-loans on a per-commission basis to shame. Salut !

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69 thoughts on “Greatbong's Person Of The Year 2010

  1. Radia rocks! Truly!

    And by the way, how does Digvijay become the “toast of the liberal crowd” for pulling an obvious stunt? I have not seen a single liberal commenter who has supported his statement or it’s obviously calculated timing. The only persons I can think of who will support this crackpot theory are fringe radicals like Kancha Iliah (visceral Hindiusm hater) and Arundhati Roy (visceral India hater).

    The set of people who think Karkare was killed by Hindu extremists is very similar to the kinds of people who think Bush orchestrated 9/11, or the birthers Obama is a non-American Muslim. They are all either conspiracy theorists, or radical extremists, or both. Not liberals. I mean of course some liberals can be conspiracy theorists, just like some conservatives, but to paint all liberals as supporting some sort of an ideological pogrom against Hinduism is a conspiracy theory in its own right.

  2. Claiming to having been possessed by a ghost (perhaps a person inside her trying to get out) LOL

    Brilliant Post. Gonna Read again..

  3. Shan,

    Having seen you as a pimp for anti-national forces in the long years I have spent on this blog (just like Lejur is a Hindu right wing nut), dont let your own spit hit you in the eye. I don’t think GB needs to take recourse to conspiracy theories when we have firang ass-licking “Oh we Indians are the real slumdogs” people like you dirtying this place with their comments.

  4. “Wont be any movies list this year. Have seen very few movies.”

    Kyaaaaa?? Hope you change your decision nahi toh..

    Hum aise lashein bicha denge jaise kisi nanhen munhen bacche ke… :))

  5. Awesome post GB. Hilarious.

    Surprise surprise said the winner as Kalmadi cribbed that he could only put Nominated for the person of the year on his resume!

    A Raja not making it was surprising but after all his Boss did win so who cares.

    Any story on the DMK chiefs family soap opera?

    Now everyone enjoy with some Jawaani so here you go

  6. Arnab,
    Speaking of Rakhi Sawant and Kasab, there’s no real doubt that the “fucker” is going to be hanged sooner or later.
    Question is: what should be done after that? Should his body be buried? According to Islam, the soul is condemned to eternal hell fire if the dead body is cremated. And that, in my opinion, is precisely what should be done in this case. With full publicity.
    It is the only measure that will make other “fuckers” pause and think twice before embarking on suicide missions in future.
    Your blog is a popular one. Can you please take up this cause?

  7. GB you missed a few… Lalit “IPL” Modi, Salman “Dabang” Khan, Mukesh “cantilever” Ambani, Amitabh “main bana crorepati” Bachchan, Arundhati “PMS” Roy, Suresh “pauper” Oberoi, Rahul “wife beater” Mahajan, … These come to my mind… Tho Barkha “Hatt” & “Coward” Sanghvi dont need a mention…

  8. Keep a certain “crown prince” in the list. His supporters (Diggi Raja included) will be happy that he is “man of the year” (reminds me of a certain Ritesh Deshmukh Videocon Mobile ad where he has a child born) and of course, those who dislike him would be happy too

  9. GB, What about including the greatest director ever – Kanti Shah (he – of the greatest film ever made “Gunda”) for the way in which he produced scripted and directed his latest magnum opus – “Sheela Ki Jawani” with his wife in the lead – all in a matter of 12 days and Rs. 25 lakhs!! To top it all – he plans to release it on the same day as Tees Maar Khan (on 24 Dec). In fact, the regular channels are giving so much free publicity to him – I wont be surprised if it is released in a few mainline halls!!

    See: http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/entertainment/bollywood/news-interviews/Sheila-Ki-Jawani-a-C-grade-film/articleshow/7091157.cms

  10. @ greatbong,
    that was a good post..the dig at digvajaya was a brilliant one….
    infact was planning to riting something similar in my blog..now i may have to reconsider my decision..!lol…

  11. Any Wh0reson of the Year award would have been incomplete without an Arundhati Roy nomination! Epic fail averted only by this astute observation.: Ms Radia’s the only one who’s actually doing her job.

    Our Diggy-raja’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel to stay in the limelight methinks. It’s simply that….. while one can accuse an antediluvian Antulay of *blatantly* playing the Muslim card but Diggy-raja is actually smarter than that.

    BTW, did you catch the ad of Ponytail-ji in sooot-coat-tie defending Radiactivity on grounds of “pure vanilla lobbying only”? He’s got this glossy rag where he inflicts his knawlidg on unsuspecting readers. IIRC the last one was about why we should give Azadi to Kashmir.

  12. @ Shan
    Digvijay Singh is following the footsteps of his one time mentor in Congress politics, Arjun Singh. After losing base in MP politics, he went on to perform alarming stunts to stay relevent.

    There is a certain section of the population (mostly in Pakistan, but a few in India ) who want to beleive that India performs terror attacks on itself to defame the good name of “the religion of peace”.

    I dont know about Karkare, but Diggy sure gets many phone calls from Zaid Hamid, given his recent comments.

    More alarming though is his proximity to the immpressionable and naive Prince charming, Rahul baba.

    @ anonymous
    How about keeping the monicker “Papparazzi”?

  13. One big ass mistake was omitting Shashi Tharoor,who at the beginning of the year showed -for good measure- that the difference between the Khadar clad netas and their much more suave educated counterparts was confined to the attire.Another noted omission in the list is A.Raja-the reigning king of corruption-till the next scam comes out, that is/

  14. @ Swarup
    “Question is: what should be done after that? Should his (Kasab’s) body be buried? According to Islam, the soul is condemned to eternal hell fire if the dead body is cremated. And that, in my opinion, is precisely what should be done in this case. With full publicity.”

    In Chechenya, many Jehadis who, otherwise used to fight gallantly and achieved Shahadat for the “religion of peace”, suddenly became cowards and deserted (thus saving many innocent lives), after they heard rumors that Russians are feeding pork to those Jihadis who are captured.

    In Israel Jewish Rabbis, despite their antipathy towards pork themselves, would sprinkle pig blood on the dead bodies of homicide bombers, who used to kill innocent dozens in order to go to Jannat.
    Despite a Islamic Fatwa proclaiming that homicide bombers (Fidayeen) will still be going to Jannat even if pig blood touches them, the recruitment for Fidayeen fell drastically.

    I have no personal opinion on that though.

  15. I hope to see more ‘Year end espeshal’ from you! IBN can have its own then why not ABN (Arnab Blog Network)!
    I think there are so many espeshals now-a-days that you can have for each section like: media,politics,movies..
    You have done injustice by not including these specials: 1) Ashok Chavan: he might be the first person who lost the chair due to his inlaws! 2)Lalit Modi: Still thinking that he can fool BCCI (very easily) but also the Govt of India,3)Barkha Dutt: She does have acquired skills of politicans while being with them, 4)Vir Sanghvi: Where is he?,5)Rajini: Rajini proved that there is no superstar..he is the only one ..megastar!!

  16. Rishi,

    Thanks for the information about Chechnya and Israel.
    We (i.e. the Indian Government) can definitely explore those ideas too.
    I personally don’t believe in ANY religion (in fact I call myself an ‘agnostic’) but these terrorists and fundamentalists should be hit where it hurts most – their religious belief.
    Can’t we (this appeal goes out to all readers of Greatbong’s blog) as ordinary citizens do our tiny bit (spreading the ideas discussed by Rishi) to prevent another Mumbai attack?

  17. @rishi khujur:
    I could never stand Arjun Singh either and I agree completely with the fact they this is cynical politics of the highest order. He definitely does not believe the “Hindus killed Karkare” theory. However my comment I did write that there are some conspiracy nutjobs who do believe that – just like 9/11 truthers and Zaid Hamid types, as Arnab points out. These believers are extremists and should be ignored. Unfortunately extremists of any ilk are also the loudest and their shrill idiocy becomes entertainment fodder for the media and people.

    It is unfair to club conspiracy theorists with the liberal philosophy, though, because the set intersects with both liberal and conservative universes, albeit at the extreme fringes.

    @Anonymous:
    “Having seen you as a pimp for anti-national forces in the long years I have spent on this blog…”

    I have had many arguments on this space with several persons who have been diametrically opposed to my beliefs, especially in the right wing. However, I continue the debates because I find them intellectually stimulating, and I actually learn from them as well. Rishi Khujur’s post is a case in point.

    However, there is nothing to learn from bigoted idiots like you who call anyone , especially liberals, who opposes their worldview ‘anti national”. This sort of talk is an exemplar of dimwitted wingnuts anywhere in the world where invective replaces argument and blind hatred replaces logic, especially when hiding behind an anonymous moniker. I wish you many more long years of stewing in the juices of your own hatred. Merry Christmas, Kawnzaa, and Hanukkah to you.

  18. @saurabh somani: This is probably not the Digvijay Singh you are referring to. If I am not mistaken, it is the late Digvijay Singh of JD(U), sometime Minister of State for Railways in the NDA govt.

  19. @ swarup.
    Good suggestions.
    It is certainly worth exploring. I know one other person here who writes here, and whose had a military background, is interested in exploring awareness campaigns on similar lines. Let me know if you want to get in touch with him.

    @ shan
    Agree on both points. Awareness and knowledge is the key.

  20. GB…..agree with all persons listed by you except ravindra jadeja….he just isn’t upto the mark when u compare him with likes of radia, diggy, dolly, rakhi

  21. i just sometimes wonder how you manage to read and retain so much indian News where u are… i’m guessing it’s the jaal called internet… but seriously… how much time do they have in a day.. ours in 24 and i cant find time to finish all the daily activities… forget reading this much….
    anyway… good post… cheerio!@

  22. “Yoni” Gupta! Disgusting and hilarious, at the same time…
    GreatBong, Im sure you’ve heard this dozens of times, but you truly write very well! 🙂

  23. i agree that nira radia is person og the year. As far as diigi raja’s comment on karkare goes. Diggi is given charge of assam congress ans assan is going to poll in next year and there are seizeble chunk of muslim community in assam. so it is a calculated statment.

  24. @ DJ
    what happens when the Muslim population increases further?

    What options do the pseudo-secular leaders have on the table?
    Sharia?
    Joining Pakistan?
    Safe haven to Al Qaeda?

  25. arnabda….how about some comment on rahul gandhi’s aura and his thought provoking economic theories? do add them during your year end roundup

  26. Amaging stuff… got to know about ur blog today only and spent almost an hour reading ur post… i can relate myself to each of the post… too gud and hilarious..

  27. Great Bong!

    Why don’t you do a particularly scathing piece on A.Raja or Kalamadi? This dacaits have literally stolen millions upon millions yet precious little is being done to nail them.

    Or a piece on the other piece of trash, Kasab who is till now being treated like a state guest.

    Pathetic!

  28. Heyy Arnab,

    Have been following your posts of late. Like the witty style:)
    Couldn’t agree more on the rest. Yana- Yoni part was really funny:))
    However, on Niraa Radia – she was just following her client’s mandate..she wasn’t really killing/ treating anyone badly etc..hope you get my drift.
    How come no one questions the people who as part of her KRA asked her to do what she did?

    Cheers!

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