Asha Aman Ki Aisi Ki Taisi

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An India-Pakistan cricket game is just a game.

Cricket will be the winner at the end of it all.

Sports and politics should not mix.

The general public of Pakistan want nothing but friendly relations with India.

India and Pakistan would be bhai-bhai had it not been for evil politicians.

Pakistan is as much  a victim of terror as India.

Tensions between the two countries can be solved by people-to-people interactions.

Now that we have got the politically correct guano out of the way, let’s talk some real shit, shall we?

Come Wednesday, it’s IT.

The India-Pakistan rivalry is like no other in modern sport namely because these are the only countries which spill each other’s blood regularly (One side spills more blood than the other but you already knew that didnt you?). A game between them is not just about who scores more runs than the other. No sir, its about who puts the boot on whose throat and who first chokes on one’s own blood and phlegm. Its about national humiliation. I know that should not be it. Neither should Kasab be the official guest of the country. But that is the truth. So come to terms with it. And leave the bullcrap at the door.

The first salvo in this battle was sent by our Main Man Singh sending an invitation of fransip to Pakistani PM Gilani and Pakistan Ten-Per-Cent-In-Chief Zardari, just as Zardari tells Kerry that “India helped Mumbai attacks” [Link] It’s such Tohfa Kabool Ho moments from our Main Man that brings tears to the eyes of some of us and brings cries of orgasmic euphoria from the Asha Aman men and women.

A country sends their trained army over to our borders to kill innocent people, makes heroes out of the perpetrators, blames India for this dastardly attack and we react by inviting these fine men, who funded the attack and provide cover for the attackers, over to our country to enjoy our hospitality.  It would make better sense to clone 10 copies of Ravindra Jadeja and make that the Indian cricket team. Or perhaps the master plan is to keep the entire Pakistani top-brass in the stadium so that the LET (the only India-facing terror group that has never targeted the Pakistani government) stays away—after all who wants to shoot the hand that finally signs the cheque?

So now we know that Gilani is coming. And as gracious hosts, we need to take care of security. Not just their security but security from them. For instance, if you are a woman you definitely need to be protected from Gilani in a crowd. [Video…moderately NSFW] since he is very much “Chance pe dance maar le” types.

As for Zardari (should he come ), we need to make sure he pays for his female “tour guides” (or more precisely tour escorts) unlike what he did in Turkey.

We also need to make sure that Shahid Afridi is not made unhappy—-in a press conference Afridi has said that the Indian media has been writing negative things about his team like  raising questions about Afridi’s age, enquiring whether Misbah ul Haq, a Physics graduate from Pakistan, knows Newton’s Third Law of Motion (He would be forgiven for not knowing that “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” since he lives as a neighbor of India), investigating whether this actually is Kamran Akmal after a good day of sponsored catch-dropping and whether it is true that every Pakistani cricketer is made to repeat “I shall not point my bat at Venkatesh Prasad” hundred times before every World Cup match against India. Because if Afridi is not happy, he may bring out his Boom Boom. And we do not want that.

On the field, the first burning question is whether Shoaib Akthar will play. I think he should. As purely a cricketing decision, it makes sense for him to play because this will be his last match. Akthar is a big-match showboat player and he will definitely give it his-all (the main problem through his career has been that once selected, he would go “off mood” and refuse to complete his quota citing injury). Against India for the final time and on such a big stage and in front of a partisan Indian crowd, he will truly bleed green, drawing oxygen from every last bit of organic growth from his nether regions. That is guaranteed. As an Indian fan, I want him to play because he is one of the last of the vanishing breed of Pakistani cricket players one loved to hate, supremely talented larger-than-life swinging dicks who played their best when cornered (the only other left is Afridi) and nothing would give me more pleasure than to see him thumped by our cricketers in his last match.

The second question is India’s bowling attack. Will the Mohali pitch support pace? (I hope it does not for India’s sake since our game plan relies vitally on using Yuvi as a fifth bowler). And will the Cochi Cockatoo play in place of Mild Munaf or will India’s last over specialist Nehra come back into the side? I know there is a lot of support for Josh-e-Junoon Sreesanth and if the pitch is a fast one he should indeed get the nod. I am just afraid that his overt aggression does not mess things up like it did for Zaheer in 2003. Here is the deal. Sreesanth’s aggro is a put-on act, it is not genuine badassness (like Akthar, Afridi, Miandad, Anwar, Imran, and on Indian side Ganguly and Gambhir) and one tight slap, in reality or figuratively, brings out his weepy self. He started off well against Bangladesh, did not have luck going for him and then totally fell away. This is exactly what makes him so iffy against Pakistan because the pressure will be extreme. If he could not handle an assault by Iqbal and Junaid and the rest, I shudder to think of how he would come back against a shellacking from the Pakistani batsmen whose bats will be flying from the get-go. In this respect, Munaf is the cooler head  and against Pakistan keeping the ball near the stumps is a big plus, rather than exaggerated swing.

But everything, the politics and the mind-games, will become redundant once the skippers come out for the toss. Yes even Shastri and the original Pakistani murgi Aamir Sohail’s shadow sparring over who has the better hair job will no longer be relevant [Video]

Two counties will hold their breath. The universe shall shake with sound. Two great teams will circle each threateningly.

War will begin.

And there will be pain. Yes sir. There will be pain.

[Images courtesy: Dawn and other sources]

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120 thoughts on “Asha Aman Ki Aisi Ki Taisi

  1. Aneela,

    Since you come from the country of Bangladesh where all you guys can do is to insult people of other religions (as GB had provided a link of abusing Sikhs), maybe you should first look inwards and also perhaps learn how to play cricket. No offense please.

  2. Well said Anonymous. Bangladeshis are Pakistan’s B-team. Considering its vitriol towards their minority population and maacher jhol (cooked in bad oil) that fuels that country, it is rich their words of advise. In Pakistan’s defense, they are a great cricket team with a glorious tradition. Bangladesh cannot even say that.

  3. haha….”enquiring whether Misbah ul Haq, a Physics graduate from Pakistan, knows Newton’s Third Law of Motion (He would be forgiven for not knowing that “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction” since he lives as a neighbor of India”
    F*** u GB, i m ROFL in office and everyone is wonderin why…
    damn good post

  4. @GB: “Here is the deal. Sreesanth’s aggro is a put-on act, it is not genuine badassness (like Akthar, Afridi, Miandad, Anwar, Imran, and on Indian side in the current side Gambhir) and one tight slap, in reality or figuratively, brings out his weepy self. ”

    Totally agree bout Sreesanth and his fake badassness…..akhtar, afridi, and miandad and gambhir are badass, yes. but anwar and imran…badass??

  5. Imran,

    Yes Imran Khan was very very badass. Tough as nails, would not give an inch, would let others in the team as the loose cannon strategically. One of the greatest brains to walk the cricket field in modern times. Anwar actually in my opinion, was mentally very tough. I mean this in a positive way of course. I love badass cricketers.

  6. Purely based on recent form and historical form against the top teams, Munaf should play ahead of Nehra or Sreesanth. [A more elaborate stats piece here].
    That Munaf is our best pacer after Zaheer, is a sobering (and scary) thought. Who knew Praveen Kumar would be so much missed due to injury!

  7. If this is meant to be a parody of what many news channels in India are playing, then perhaps it might just pass as an unsuccessful attempt at humor.
    Even then, I find it hard to give you the benefit of the doubt.
    Too crass sir, not worthy of someone of your background.

  8. Dear Aneela,

    “If it is Monday Im in Dhaka , Bangladesh, (Blogging from Bangladesh this year)” From your name, and from this taken from your blog I deduced. Or are you the kind who stays in Dhaka on Mondays and then hops across to this side of the border for the rest of the days? 🙂

  9. @Kushal Shah: I am sorry I didn’t understand the point of posting a video of Sherry rehman smoking. Were you trying to say something there?

  10. “Now that we have got the politically correct guano out of the way”

    Very clever! (admit that I had to look up guano)

  11. Aneela,

    Better vitriol on my own blog-space than going to another country in a boat right? I respect the Pakistani cricket team for their abilities. I do not respect the Pakistani establishment or the common people who support the terrorist activities in our country (Had they not supported it, a democratic country would not have kept Hafeez in such luxury as Pakistan has). If that sounds vitriol to you, then that’s it. I stand by my people killed on 26/11 and I demand justice for them. Even though sadly those who rule us have forgotten it.

    Thanks

  12. “I shall not point my bat at Venkatesh Prasad” hundred times before every World Cup match against India. – superb stuff….should make it to one of those newspaper caricatures

  13. Lights.Camera.

    Act 1:
    After getting smacked by sehwag all over the ground,afridi finally clinches sehwag’s wicket.Sehwag dejectedly walking off the ground gets a standing ovation..Gambhir gives him a main-hoon-na look and turns his head towards afridi 3 times like a sunny deol revenging his brothers death.His eyes so red that he doesnt need a red-glass to spot Mr.India.

    Act 2:
    Pakistan is happily accumulating runs as none of the Indian bowlers are able to tame Md. Hafeez.Ganguly takes charge.of commentary.Millions of viewers notices the heavy breathing.Zaheer comes back for his second spell.a full delivery placed right in the block hole hits the pad.zaheer is appealing assiduosly like a girl selling flowersin the streets of mumbai..
    The umpire is bringing out his hand from behind.But for what.
    To buy the flowers or roll up the windows in the car.

    Act 3:

    Last 5 overs.18 runs.3 wickets.India is in a sticky situation once again.
    A lot depends on the tail enders now.Pakistani players are charged up like kasab in the cctv footage and has the we-have-done-it look written all over their face.Bhajji-gul had some eye-rolling romance in the previous over.Gul goes for a yorker length delivery.Bhajji leaves the stump and marches forward.Full contact.
    Camera still searching for the ball.

    Action.

  14. Duly chastised Arnab. But even you know it is a pretty big country and many of us have spent our lifetime (and some more) fighting Hafeez and his cronies, thoda google search tau aap bhi kar leytey hain.

  15. Rehyphenation again: Just as we had dehyphenated India-Pakistan in foreign affairs, we had done something similar in cricket too over the past few years. Pakistan was just a lowly 6th ranked team, beset by scandals and not even in a position to host home matches, which we were tired of beating. In their place, Australia and to a lesser extent South Africa, had taken the position of fierce rivals. But then comes this stupid WC semi finals and it is as if the last 5 years hadn’t happened at all and it is back to 1980s. All this hype over the Mohali match has taken India back by at least a decade. Sad.

  16. Aneela,

    Google what search string “Pakistanis who have spent their lifetimes (and some more) fighting hafeez and his cronies”? I am sure there are some but I am talking about the overwhelming majority here.

    I am surprised though where you really found the vitriol. Deconstructing the piece, I start out by saying that a Pakistan-India game is not perceived as a game and it never has been. All I asked for is to for people to not repeat that BS.

    I chided my country for inviting the Pak PM and President and linked to one video and one news article (none of which I uploaded or wrote). I then talked about the need to play Shoaib Akthar, why Munaf is our best bet and concluded by saying “War is going to happen.” If you think the part about Shoaib and your politicians was vitriol, you havent read what I have to say about my players, my home franchise KKR and the guys we elect.

    Maybe, just maybe, the vitriol was not in what I had written but in the eyes of the beholder?

    Just a thought.

  17. Mohan,

    Pakistan is back as a strong side. That is good for world cricket. Pakistan is a side that has character and the last few years have been a huge disappointment. Give me a Pakistan any day than a Sri Lanka please.

  18. GB, I don’t care whether they are a good side or not. What bothers me is we as a nation getting our knickers in a twist just because we are playing a cricket match against them. I don’t mean this in the “it is just a game” or “asha-aman” sense, but in the “they are not worthy of our rivalry” sense. If they manage to beat us, let’s give them a patronising pat on their back, say a few words of praise like “not bad for a country that is not even sure how long it is going to exist, too bad you guys still can’t be part of the tournament that really matters, but then you need to improve your behaviour for that” and send them back home as they watch the IPL from outside like a bunch of hungry dogs. Instead, we hype up a stupid match as if our very existence depends on winning it.

  19. the comment regarding LeT and it’s payer is fantastic! Great blog GreatBong!

    On a side note, the target behind the Aman/ Asha campaign was to generate some publicity for the newspaper major. And they did succeed.

    Regards,
    Sam

  20. Hi GB, am a fan of urs thru google reader!!
    I somehow find you more posting hatred and irritated stuff these days..
    love your insight. at times its senseless.
    i will keep reading. cos ur bests overshadow the worst..

    btw. am a pure indian who wants a cricket match and not a poilitical diplomacy!

  21. Ashok Malik echoes my point in Asian Age: “By 2003, in contrast, it was a more confident India (and Indian team) that took on Pakistan in a fine game in Centurion, South Africa. As it grew as an economy, middle India developed other priorities. It still wanted its cricket team to beat Pakistan, as it does this week, but there were (and are) also other things it wanted in life. Today, the ability to shrug shoulders and move on — and the opportunity cost to not doing so — is greater than at any time earlier.
    May this essential equanimity (easy to miss while watching over-the-top news television shows) come through this Wednesday night. Admittedly it would be nice if it were preceded by an Indian victory.”

    It is that equanimity and confidence that we had developed over the last few years that I am talking about. By hyping this Mohali match we have turned the clock back to the ’80s.

  22. apart from to comment here on what an awesome post this is, i am going to save allll my energy for tommrow !
    GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO INDIA !

    😀

  23. C’mon Dude!…You list the badasses in our team and NOT mention the guy who dished it our to Shrisanth and showed Shoaib how its done after hitting that Six in the Asian Cup???…:))
    C’mon Bhajji!..
    Great article BTW…..leave the cliches out of the Door…Agree 100%

  24. nice piece GB, the only thing missing for me was the fact that ticket prices have gone up coz “vips” have managed to hoard tickets, even the final “corporate boxes” are booked by senior Ambani, the common mans game is hijacked by politicos and businessmen and entertainers !

  25. I agree with Mohan, the circus on the news channels really is unnecessary, Yes there will be pressure, nerves , butterflies-in- stomach kind of feeling on the match day for all, because all of us want to win in the WC SF and maintain the record in WC against a seemingly weak Pakistan. This is a very good chance for India to win the world cup, thats it, needing to beat Pakistan is an incidental requirement. Yes there will be huge disappointment if we lose, but mainly because we are expected to win the WC, now that SA and Aus are out and we dont deserve to and should not lose against a pakistan team which has recently lost 3 of its frontline players.

  26. Say what you may, I am not going to treat killers of my countrymen as “brothers”. I cringed at how the Pakistanis picked on the Canadian players of Indian origin, peppering them with insults in a succesful attempt to unsettle club level players.
    MMS on the other hand has done a reverse “wag the dog” considering how the press is a sucker for such “peace” overtures. 2G etc will be soon history,just as the Shambho Comm. report finds little mention.

  27. @GB,

    As Aneela said, you need to relax a bit. The sycophants around you will, of course, continue to be “amazed” by each and every banality you write. But it is people like Aneela, Aizy and Mohan who are your real friends. They respond to your blogposts because they admire (or used to) your writing skills, but they cannot continue to exclaim “awesome, as usual” when you waste those skills in trying to spread your Islamophobic hatred. This is becoming more and more obvious with each of your new blogposts. A blogpost on even a non-political subject like cricket becomes tarnished with the same malady. And yet, you are surprised (or seem to be so) when Aneela comments about the underlying vitriol!

    You are right, of course: this IS your blogspace.

    Only thing is: when you keep saying that, you sound so much like that kid who used to live in our neighbourhood. Whenever he was dismissed while batting, he would grab the bat and the stumps (“they are mine”, he would correctly remind us) and go home crying :]

  28. @ Mohan
    I agree with you.
    It is just a game. A game of cricket.

    While I would wake up at 4:30 am, drink my coffee, huddle in my blanket (yeah its still damn cold here), and call out Parameshwar and all the deities, for a smooth and dazzling victory for India, I still think people are over-hyping this beyond what it needs to be….just a game of cricket.

    All this inviting Gilani and giving visas and cricket diplomacy, is a bunch of cr**p.

    If Pakistan or Sri Lanka or India win the Final and lift the World Cup at Mumbai, they do it fair and square. Would I like India to win over Pakistan, absolutely.

    If we had a problem with Pakistan going to the finals in Mumbai because of their open Jihad of 26/11, we should have said it before the tournament started and ensured they never entered the city or played in the World Cup.

  29. Mahesh,

    Islamophobia ! Now where was Islam ever mentioned? The problem with “smart” people like you is that they get their thongs in a bunch if Pakistan is made fun since they work from the equation of Pakistan=Islam. This is the same equation that our jamai-raja once did. Or maybe because they sincerely believe that India was responsible for 26/11 and hence Pakistan has no obligation to put the perps behind bars and that India should extend the olive branch to them.
    .

  30. @ aneela
    Oh Comon Aneela. Arnab critisized India’s Prime Minister more than he critisized Hafeez and the Jihadis.

    But you do realize that it will be hard to find a picture of Dhoni or Tendulkar or Sehwag, firing a Dera Ghazi Khan made copy of AK-47.
    or for that matter a Saeed Anwar or Mohammed Yusuf (formerly Joseph John – Yusuf Yohanna) distributing Tablighi Jamaat literature to poor Danesh Kaneria.

  31. Could not but agree with Mohan on how it is as if the clock has been turned back. To me it seems like a rerun of the glorious ’90s when not one, but two of our Prime Ministers with hyper-inflated egos and messianic complexes sold our nation’s interest down the river and indulged in pathetic displays of “Pappis and Jhappis” and “unilateral concessions”- all in the name of statesmanship-which I am sure neither of them had any inkling of.

    Here’s hoping that the price we may end up paying this time round is nowhere near what we ended up paying the last time when our would-be-statesmen had an outbreak of ‘Pak-o-philia’.

  32. @ Mahesh
    Yeah dude! You got it right.

    Poor Greatbong spends his entire life trying to distinguish between “good Muslims” and “bad Muslims”, and frothing at the mouth doing the doing the futile routine of “Islam is a normal religion, only some people use it badly”…..and what does he get, the tag of an Islamophobe.

    Well, you know what… he had it coming.

    That is why I dont mince words when I say, All Muslims are good as humans, it is ONLY Islam which makes them bad.

    Now that would make me a Muslimophile and a Islamophobe at the same time.
    And unlike greatbong, I would deserve that tag.

  33. @Mohtarma Aneela Babar

    Ek Shair arz hai…

    Chashma badalna aasaan hai
    Nazariya badalna Mushkil
    Ali Sina, M.A.Khan, Ibn Warraq sey jaaniye
    Kaun hai Insaaniyat ka Qaatil.

  34. Arnab,

    Excuse me for writing such a long ‘comment’. I could not figure out a way of writing exclusive to you, so decided to post it here. I had no intention of illuminating other readers here with what may be labelled as ‘Aman ki aasha’ kind of “BS”.

    Let’s start this with a bit of doha wisdom: “Nindak niyare rakhiye aangan kuti chhawaye;
    Bin sabun pani bina nirmal karat subhaye.” (For the benefit of those who didn’t read this in school, it means – Keep a critic near you, or in your backyard, for they will help you cleanse yourself without soap and water). I don’t mean to say that you need cleansing, but a piece of advice – criticism is not a crime, but sycophancy is a disease. Beware if you spot it. Our country has suffered enough on account of it.

    Coming back to this particular posting. First the pictures. Ah the pictures for which you have been complimented. I could not understand what you were trying to prove by putting up a picture of Afridi holding a gun or showing Shoaib Akhtar in a close up shot where he is looking remarkably repulsive. Are we meant to conclude that Afridi is as good as a terrorist (had he not been a cricketer), therefore Pakistani team is full of terrorists and therefore tomorrow’s match is a war? And Shoaib Akhtar, we love to hate him, and here is a photo why we should? And what’s with the photo showing Shahrukh Khan getting chummy with Akhtar? People from all walks of life have been friendly with Pakistanis on a personal level. Just to refresh your memory, before 26/11 there were Pakistani cricketers in Delhi Daredevils (Mohammad Asif and Shoaib Malik) and in Deccan Chargers (“Crotch thrusting” Afridi himself). These were teams owned by South Indian businessmen, not “My roots are in Pakistan” Shahrukh Khan. If your objective was only to take up a stand against this so called “bhaichara”, you could have chosen another photograph.

    As someone who has spent 13 years in Bombay, half of them walking in an out of VT station six days a week, I relate to the carnage that happened on 26/11 as good as any couch warming patriot. These were the same platforms on which I ate vada pav, where I saw blood soaked bodies. As much as anyone, I want to see Kasab hanged. But I hope people possess the basic level of intelligence to understand that if Kasab is a “damaad” of the Indian state, it is not because of Pakistani establishment or their people, but because of our own leadership (rather lack of it). If India has security loopholes, it is because of people like Digvijay Singh who would like the world to believe that 26/11 was a Hindutva Conspiracy. You don’t need to travel as far as Pakistan my friend, we have enough problems of our own.

    India has a lot going for itself. Despite our monumental levels of corruption, at the end of the day we are still a democratic country, fairly liberal and secular, in tune with the economic realities of the world and a nation of hard working entrepreneurs who genuinely believe we Indians can progress and prosper. Those days are gone when we measured national pride by how good our roads are compared to those in Pakistan, what SUVs they drive, Javed Miandad’s six or Jadeja’s innings at Bangalore. It’s high time we grew up beyond parochial definitions nationhood. 22 people on a field can bring pride to a nation, but in no way are they responsible for national humiliation. A nation is humiliated by its eve teasers, rapists, murderers, and those who vandalize public property. A nation is a loser when it indulges in sectarian violence, regional machoism and gross loot of public money. We have reasons to get heckled by these issues, not by a match happening on 30th March.

    And finally, 30th March is not war. This is India TV kind of opinion making where life is supposed to come to standstill if nothing exciting is happening every minute. I work for a company owned by Keralites. A vast majority of the promoters and management has not seen even one match in the world cup, let alone considering this as a war. These are a bunch of hard working, patriotic people contributing to Indian society, not defining national pride by victory in a cricket match they care dickens about. Please understand this. Not everyone in India subscribes to this Pakistan bashing brand of nationalism, particularly in Western and Southern India, 26/11 notwithstanding. This kind of pre match frenzy is whipped up by opportunistic media houses to increase advertising revenue. Pakistan has its share of those who genuinely oppose extremism. Just for their sake, let us be a little less jaundiced in our world view. I am sure not every Indian wants to be labelled as a “Hindu fascist” who killed Muslims in Gujarat. So if there are people across the border who do not want to be identified with terrorism, let’s give them their due.

  35. GB,

    All my respect for you have gone with one post. Can’t believe you will write a post full of your personal opinions. You cannot make sweeping statements like general public of Pak was behind 26/11.

  36. Pakistanis only pretend to support India when they have some chance to peddle their wares and make some money. Otherwise they would be throwing parties at our funerals

  37. “Can’t believe you will write a post full of your personal opinions”

    Shit GB. Now you cannot even write a post with your personal opinions. They all must be other people’s opinions.

  38. @Shan No not really trying to say anything.Just came across it while watching the boob pressing video and felt like sharing it.
    The BGM of that video is hilarious

  39. @ JP
    “You cannot make sweeping statements like general public of Pak was behind 26/11.”

    Response
    Q1. What percentage of population in Pakistan would you say would have been supportive of the Jihadi attacks in Mumbai?

    Q2. What percentage of population in Pakistan would you say supports Jihad as a concept in general?

  40. win win win .. India win… i have high hopes on our 12th man … Sharad Pawar.
    Seriously, as someone mentioned above, do not let the Pakistani’s enter Mumbai once again.

  41. The invitation to Gilani and Zardari has to be a masterstroke to prevent an attack!

    Looking at the contrasting success between the Indian and Pakistani team in the last few months, or even years, if we can’t beat Pakistan now, we don’t deserve to win the Cup. Having said that, if we don’t win tomorrow, that’s not the end of the world. Only my day will be thoroughly ruined.

    But right. No asha-aman and all the crap.

    Arnab – you might disagree with this, but I found this to be quietly poignant. Copy/pasting from Sambit Bal’s article in Cricinfo (http://www.espncricinfo.com/magazine/content/current/story/508574.html):
    All sports, wrote Simon Barnes in The Meaning of Sport, “represent the collision of wills: people or teams who want the same thing and have to cause somebody pain in order to get it”. It is easy, if you so choose, to find in this a metaphor for warfare, but the beauty of sport is that people rarely die playing it. Sportsmen compete fiercely and proudly, exhausting themselves mentally and physically in the pursuit of victory, and then the victor and vanquished walk off the field, shaking each other’s hand, and often with the knowledge that no victory or loss is final. They will compete again tomorrow and there will be another shot at redemption. That is the essence of sport.

  42. Yo Dibyo,

    I beg to differ. Don’t go insulting Komodo Dragons which are such priceless
    jewels oozing pulchritude and grace.

    Thalassa would agree with my observation that the Rawalpindi Warthog (the one with the
    viral genital Warts) closely resembles one of the clapping beauties that go
    “Pyaar ka dushman Hai Hai” in this video (from a famous movie)… Can you
    guess which one closely resembles the Warthog the most?

  43. India should make up it’s mind whether they want to be associated with Pakistan or not. Most of the times, it seems that they want to suck upto them(god knows for what). But when a 26/11 happens (usually once in 6 months), we say, oh, banish Pakistan from cricket matches. Come on, really? What are they trying to achieve with the Aman Asha crap? It hasn’t worked. It’s high time that they stop peddling that crap. It will not work simply because it’s Pakistan we are talking about. And no, winning a cricket match against them is not going to make up for all the bloodshed that they have created. Either treat this match as semifinal against any other opponent(say, like against kenya in 2003), or just don’t play with Pakistan ever if you are feeling so jingoistic about them. To play them and even inviting the premier to watch the match here and hoping that that we beat them so that we can humiliate them is utterly childish.

  44. Invitation to paki pm is an insult to the memories of 170 people who were murdered by pakis in mumbai. The Indian PM has done this to distract the public attention from the massive corruption scandals.

  45. My pick of bowlers for today:
    I have always advocated playing 5 bowlers: Zak, Sree, Bhajji, Ashwin, Munaf.
    Since Dhoni is adamant in playing only 4: Zak, Sree, Bhajji, Ashwin.
    In a highly charged up match like this we need someone like Sreesanth. His aggressiveness can come in handy.

  46. Pagan, its a well known fact Sree can’t handle pressure. Cant risk him. Would rather play both Yusuf and Raina than Sree, or even Munaf

  47. the movie name used in “Aman ka Asha” ad on Times now is “Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge” – how poignant 🙂

    India Cements, Deccan Chronicle, GMR have not been mentioned

    #just saying

  48. @ Biggest loser – Yawn ….

    @Atanu – thanks, but the puppet, even if he feels some emotions, will look to his 20-IQ-ed chhota malik, who would want him to say sorry to Gilani for showing such a video

    I have a premonition – Pakistn released 1 prisoner, India released 29. On April 2, if Pakistan plays there, Kasab might well be released and given a VIP pass

  49. @Greatbong:

    You seem to imply you not only dislike the Paksitani establishment but also its common people for sending terrorists to India.
    Currently you are in US so you should hate yourselves most of all because you live in the biggest terrrorist country in the entire world and currently it is busy bombing and killing civilians in Libya just as it did in Iraq on flimsy excuses.
    Or are you jumping with joy since some Muslims are getting killed and your are a rightwing fanatic.
    Also if you believe you are a patritioc Indian then also you should be ashamed of yourselves since as a common indian you have not been able to do anything to punish all the crimes of the Indian state starting with Bhopal tragedy and the current correuption scandals.
    I guess you will say you are powerless to do anything but same excuse should be applicable to common man in Pakistan.
    Blame should be correctly aportioned otherwise it just becomes a hatred

  50. Its funny that when the Americans do one good act (kicking a despot’s ass) they become villains 🙂

    Gaddafi’s soldiers are anything but common Libyan men – they are monsters to say the least

  51. It’s extremely disturbing to say the least that we are sending invites to people who showed us the birdie when we presented them with proof, and went to town claiming that the proof is bullshit. How can we forget 26/11?
    I do not understand this.

  52. First of all, a big thank you.

    Thank you for making a game sound so much like war, and fueling further hatred from one country against another. Thank you for producing jingoistic crass work like this which will incite further hatred. If that was your intention, you might just succeed.

    Don’t know how spilling your cuss words on cricketers who play the game hard (our Indian players do that too, and I think sport should be played hard) will help any cause. Don’t know why cricketers or for that matter anyone should face the heat for a terrorist’s crime? GB, should you be blamed if a distant relative of yours committed a crime, a crime of which you are innocent? I hope your answer is the same for both the questions.

    I am an Indian, and would love to see tonight’s game as just that – a game. This pseudo patriotism in the guise of cricket fever is such an utter waste. There are other ways to show your patriotism GB, and you being a writer have the power to do that. I only hope you will use the pen to that effect.

  53. all this frenzy has been whipped up by the media.headlines like mahasangram and mahayudh are on tv.the problem is our thinking is controlled by the media.so for the man on the street watching the match becomes mandatory and god forbid if u
    praise apaki player u r immediately branded a traitor,so much for sportsmanship.a muslim dare not clap over a fine catch or a boundary.poor things they have to constantly prove their loyalties.because of the plethora of channels there is no check on what they say.i dont know why we invite paki artists and bend over backwards to please them indian artists like lata mangeshkar & asha bhonsale are never invited to pakistan.overtures are only made by the indian govt.i dont what aman ki asha serves.as for us having a common culture, punjus both side are the same.i fail to understand why punjabi culture is equated with indian culture

  54. …. No Sreesanth, no Ashwin …… good God ….wonder what our old friend Kishor is going to say after this game …. up since 4 am … two cups of tea one cappuccino and 7 cigarettes since then for this BS ……..and all will be forgotten right in time for the IPL I believe….the media will make sure of that ……

  55. I’ll start with a disclaimer – I am not crazy about cricket. In fact I don’t play the game, and only have a cursory interest in the outcome of a match. You can make out from the fact that I’m posting this instead of watching how Pakistan tries to beat India’s 260/9.

    If you ask me, ??? ?? ??? is nothing but ??? ?? ????. Let’s look at a couple of popular views., ‘The people of Pakistan are warm n cuddly, it’s only their evil government/army/ISI that is against India’. Guess what, even a dictatorship rules only because the people allow it to. When a sufficient mass of people are dissatisfied with how things are run, they will rise up. History has enough examples, the events of North Africa over the last couple of months only strengthen this view.

    So even if it’s a military junta pulling puppet strings in Pakistan, it is the people who are letting things be so. A sprinkling of progressive Pakistanis may vent on the net, but they’re the minority. We’ve already seen how the assassination of Shahbaz Bhatti won majority approval on the streets.

    So yes, Pakistan’s hardcore Islamic leadership definitely does represent the people it rules. I don’t see why we need to engage Pakistan on any sort of cultural level at this stage. Let the people of Pakistan get their shit together, revolt against their government, grab the leadership by the short and curlies and ask WHY Pakistan is obsessing over India and Kashmir instead of promoting a shard of economic development.
    63 years ago, both countries were dirt poor at the time of independence. India has at least progressed somewhat and created some economic growth and opportunities for its people while Pakistan has stagnated thanks to its obsession with Kashmir.

    @ YPD – Veena’s comparison of punju culture is apt. Our geriatric leaders, most of whom are Punjabis and Sindhis let their childhood nostalgia and Punjabiyat cloud their perceptions with regard to Pakistan. Look at MMS repeatedly calling for ‘talks’ like a parrot. Pakistani leaders are canny enough to play on this sentiment while sticking adamantly to their guns.
    Seriously, nobody gives a damn about Partition. 2 generations have grown up since then and other than a historical footnote for the displaced, it means nothing. It is foolish to let this sort of nostalgia cloud relations between the 2 countries when one has sworn to dismantle the other by proxy terrorism.

    We need leadership with balls. Sadly we’ve never had a strong leader as a PM since Indira Gandhi (despite her other faults). I wonder if Pakistan would’ve dared to begin its proxy war if she had still been around in 1990.

  56. Dammit GB, your blog can’t display Unicode characters properly?
    The sentence I wrote said ‘Aman ki asha is nothing but chaman ki bhasha’

  57. alhamdulillah! Time to pack up and cross the Wagah border back to Darra Adam Khel after a fantastiv days game.

    Inshallah! next world cup there will be another exciting game and exciting finish…in the meantime the Jihad shall continue.

  58. Well, the match has just ended, and people are out shouting on the streets bursting crackers and gyrating wildly. Our constellation of top-class useful idiots parading their “Aman-Asha” humbug may find all this “jingoism” a little hard to digest.

    Screw them. I hate them more than I hate the Pakis themselves, at least the Pakis are honest about what they want — an Islamic republic to rule over the world – and India in particular, not just Kashmir.

    Well I say, go drown in your own shit. You are, always were and will remain enemies not just for India, but for humanity as a whole.

  59. it’s words like yours that create the problems in the first place

    it’s just a game. relax, will you? stop getting your pants all twisted up

  60. @ Rex
    Yes Pakistan would have started the proxy war even if Indiraji was around.

    The reason, because even though Indiraji had a good grasp the geopolitical equations of the Cold war era, she had as little clue about the Pan-Islamic machinations, as little as her successors or predecessors.

    …..if she did, Bangladesh would be a different place. 71 was lost in 76 because of lack of that foresight.

  61. GB,

    I am die-hard cricket fan and an Indian. While I agree with your criticism of the stupid move of the Indian PM, yet I feel your post was not balanced…both in words and pictures. We all know what happened on 26/11 and who was responsible for that. Tell me this – Why hasn’t any damaging attack happened in US after 9/11 , while India has had so many attacks in the past 20 yrs. ?
    26/11 was as much of India’s inability, as much as Pakistan’s ability. If you cant demobilize 10 gunmen in your city with thousands of law enforcement personnel , then you need to take a hard look at things. It was a shame the way the forces were ill-equipped to fight the gunmen and minimize damage.

    Rather than having an outward attitude,I believe the problem can be solved by making ourselves stronger. The way Israel has done it. We have to make ourselves capable of thwarting 26/11 type of attacks. No point of being the small kid…complaining all the time.

    You might have noticed some people expressing opinion about your “followers” being sycophants here….I am not blaming you, but unfortunately, many of the comments are like that. Don’t trust people who are expressing this opinion, but rather have a good critic friend of yours read the comments and decide for yourself. It kind of takes a lot away from your blogs….

    Great that India won. Also agree with your comment about Sri Lanka. I just find the India-SL games annoying….

  62. good thing we won. letting these pakis come to mumbai would have broken my heart.

    @wtfer

    “26/11 was as much of India’s inability, as much as Pakistan’s ability. If you cant demobilize 10 gunmen in your city with thousands of law enforcement personnel , then you need to take a hard look at things. It was a shame the way the forces were ill-equipped to fight the gunmen and minimize damage.”

    agree. it is shameful our navy patrol was so weak (and corrupt) that those people could enter the country. and then the fact that those terrorists could kill with impunity and it took so long to neutralize them is sad.

  63. Yeah…relax Arnab! Aneela is right! The Pakistani dont make heroes out of people with clear nexus with terrorists!
    Javed Miandad’s Son met with Dawood’s daughter through Pakistanmatrimony.com
    Aneela….Im happy to see that mentally handi-capable people also have access to internet these days….keep it up!

  64. Shahbaz Sharif said this in an interview yesterday:
    “is haar ka badla hum jaoor lenge. Ground pe bhi aur Ground ke bahar bhi”
    We have found the Chief Guest for Final Ladies and Gentlemen!!

  65. I hope GB forgives a small rant from an old fan. Here goes:
    Why dissing people with views different from GB and why the name-calling friends? The blog and the comment space were/are both such a treasure trove of humour, trivia and info that i keep coming back to some pieces time and again. But more often than not, nowadays, there are people calling the author right wing and his followers promptly showing the leftie upstarts their place and it just doesn’t let any interesting conversation develop. Some people though, have the audacity and temerity to suggest less hard hitting topics to the author :). they deserve to be chastised as they often are IMHO.
    I find many of GB’s recent writing (opinion pieces mainly)right wingish (is there such a word?) which he/his followers defend vigorously (purely personal opinion) and i feel they should not.
    Since when is “right” wrong? I have become a reactionary right of center kind myself, mainly because of the barkhas and politicos i see all around me and I cant but despise the amans and the ashas.
    Personal opinion crafted from past experiences and intense personal likes/dislikes are what adds spice to both the humourous and the serious pieces here IMHO. Go somewhere else if you don’t like it here. I would any day listen/ read GB’s reasoned and measured pieces than listen to the shrill anti – Pak debates on Times now/ shrill pro Pak debate on NDTV — Rant Ends
    PS: What does Mr Kishor feel about the South Indians shorn indian team ? 😉

  66. Well deserved victory for India !!! As for our friendly neighbour’s dreams of storming Mumbai (or atleast the Wankhede stadium), this match should come as a no-brainer for two reasons:
    1) To win matches against India, Afridi needs to train more with the bat and ball, and less with a Kalashnikov knock-off.
    2) To dream about beating the Indian team, one need to focus more on improving the line and length of your bowling, not the length of your beards. 😉

    @Rex
    Your points are well-taken. I agree with you on almost everything. But then you wrote:”Seriously, nobody gives a damn about Partition. 2 generations have grown up since then and other than a historical footnote for the displaced, it means nothing”

    It would be a pity if NOBODY gave a damn about partition, as you mentioned. Fortunately, that is not the case. The lessons learned during Partition should seek to remind Indians that Partition was not simply, a one-time event.

    The Partition of India is NOT over yet (even if some naive Indians would like to believe so). The Partition of India is an ongoing phenomenon that is proceeding smoothly with local resources and foreign petro-dinars. Soon, we will see a Second Partition of India.

    Within the next twenty years (by 2030), India will be on the verge of partitioned again. The roadmap for India’s Second Partition is plainly visible, for all to see . Just connect the dots.

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  68. @YPD:
    The people who went through partition will obviously never forget it – but they’re quite old now. The number of people who were old enough to remember the event will reduce as time goes by. Already it is no more than a historical curiosity for a majority of Indians born after the event.
    Just like World War 1 – today there’s less than a handful of veterans left alive and it has passed into the history books for good. In another 20 years there won’t be anyone statistically significant left from that generation.

    As for the second Partition, I agree..though I’d rather call it dismemberment. As the saying goes, there’s none so blind as who will not see.
    History repeats itself, otherwise the horror of WW1 should’ve been enough to make mankind vow not to fight again, and look what happened/continues to happen.
    So I doubt anyone is going to take down lessons learned from the first Partition to avert a second.

  69. @Bengal Voice

    You are comparing apples and oranges and your argument lacks the very “logic” you talk about. So let me elaborate why :

    Your comparison of India being weak enough as a gangrape victim (woman) vs. Pakistan being strong enough as gangrapists(group of men) is flawed. India is a strong sovereign which should have enough capability to annihilate any pests within a few hours – not held hostage for more than 3 days with the whole world seeing the tamasha. If you have mindset for this kind of analogy..then god save india. We should just let terrorists attack our cities and let the fight run its natural course !

    26/11 type of attack was not a random bomb kept in a restaurant which went pop. It was an ongoing situation and the law enforcement proved themselves totally inadequate in every way. The “handlers” in Pakistan were being helped by our very own footage and we couldn’t jam airwaves to restrict communication between the two parties. Not to talk about inadequate bullet proof jackets and the like…..the list is endless. By your analogy..this gangrape victim was practically naked.

  70. @ wtfer

    The explanation that you gave about all the things that Indians could have/should have been able to do, to counter 26/11, might give more credence to the point that Bengalvoice is making.

    It is not the size of a country’s economy or its human resources that makes the difference- when it comes to dealing with threat perceptions (even though those factors do play a role at the operational level). It is the mindset of the majority of the people that becomes the defining factor.

    The size of Indian economy was bigger, and more human resources were available to Indians, during all the three battles of Panipat, spanning a period of 800 years. Yet all three times the Islamic armies won, because of the difference in mindset.

    26/11 was in the same vein. Same mindset, different times and technologies.

    So Bengalvoice may not be incorrect when he compares the 26/11-ers and the mindset behind them to those of rapists.

  71. @ utsav- “The size of Indian economy was bigger, and more human resources were available to Indians, during all the three battles of Panipat, spanning a period of 800 years”.

    Sorry to be pedantic, but not 800 years. The 3 Panipats (1526, 1556 & 1761) span 224 years. Even Tarain II (1192) to Panipat III is 569 years.

    The Muslim rule in India, unbelievable as it was in its brutality and horror, was far less prolonged and pervasive than our historians care to admit. Upto 1565, Vijayanagara was the most important kingdom in India. Foreign traders (the Purtuguese & the Dutch) assiduously traded with Vijayanagara rather than the far less distinguished Sultans of the North.

  72. @hhbb
    yep stand corrected. 569 years between the 3 Panipats.

    For the 800 year part, I am adding Battle of Tarain to my list…hehehe

  73. @ HHBB
    Actually Tarain (defeat of Prthviraj by Sahabuddin Ghauri with the help of Sufi Moinuddin Chisti of Ajmer), is the one that introduced Islamic butchery into the present day boudnaries of India.

  74. Hi Utsav.
    Woops. Your stats still needs correction. 3 Panipats are not 569, but 224.
    TarainII to PanipatIII is not 800, but 569.

    Also, was it Ghor chacha who was the first big-heart to love India? I think Gazni Mamu blew some pretty passionate love-kisses to present-day India as well.

    Remember he gave 50,000 hapless Hindu women, children, pundits and innocent commoners at Somnath a a wonderful lesson of love straight from the big-hearts of the religion of peace.

    And note that the Indian population has at least risen 10 fold since then. So this one massacre in one town alone by one big-hearted ghazi (PBUH), accounts for 500,000 in today’s population. But does any one really care about 500,000 Hindus? Naaaah. So this remains a mere footnote in Indian history. A mere blank-page in world history.

  75. I was calculating to present times, so the misreps.

    Ghanzi Mamu used to go back after his Hindu kafir killing-fests. Not just Somnath, he also went to Kannauj, Mathura, and present day Meerut and treated them with love and affection, like he did in Somnath.

    Ghori chacha was the one who planted the seed for the religion of peace in the prsent day geography of India.

  76. @ hhbb
    it is very important to be proud of the fact that the Hindus in Kashmir actually defeated Mamu Ghaznavi in battles (hence his failure to capture Kashmir).

    That is one thing that needs to be taught in our Indian hsitory.

  77. Pingback: Indian teams for lagori,kho-kho,gilli-danda,book cricket,chor police cleared for Pakistan tours (Satire) « Sporting Time(s) – Make Time For Sports

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