I was expecting an article from my favorite Goddess of Overbloated Things, Ms. Roy on India’s triumph in the World Cup. Since I presume she has not written one yet, let me write it for her. This is *a parody* and does not purport to be written by Ms. Roy. It is also considerably shorter than her 25-page rantings.
——–
Rudyard Kipling, that endearing old-world colonialist, once called cricket a game of “flanneled fools”. They don’t wear flannels any longer though, favoring tacky, garish uniforms made glossy by shining droplets of sweat from the foreheads of those who made them, in Mexico or closer home in Dhaka. What still remains are fools, namely those who believe they are watching a gentle competition between bat and ball and not a few hours of vacuous manufactured reality, whose raison d’etre is to serve as an orgiastic assertion of India’s overwhelmingly Hindu middle class’s hyper-nationalistic vanity.
The world may not know much of cricket. In India though it is a big deal, being the only game that the Bramhinical population, not comfortable with the physical labors of games like soccer, excel in. If you can call coming first in a game played by ten other countries, “excelling” that is. When I use the word “deal” I of course mean it in every sense of the word. Cricket in India is a commercial behemoth, fuelled by post-liberalization (or as the Hindu fascist parties labelled it with the finesse of an ace advertising agency: India Shining) prosperity that, if we believe the media spiel, was brought in by the economic policies, initiated by the present Prime Minister when he was the finance minister. It is another thing that this so-called prosperity is built on the shoulders of tribals, minorities and the lower castes. Neither were the good doctor’s policies dreadfully original or imaginative, being simply a clerical regurgitation of World Bank/IMF handbooks.
But I must not mention it, lest I prick the bubble of gloating self-achievement. As many dissidents like me, SAR Geelani and others have found out, such an action does have consequences in a “democracy” like India.
Last week, Indians won the cricket World Cup, held in their own country. As if there was any doubt that would be the case. I was there for the last week, when India (which, strictly speaking, is merely a representative team of a private club, the BCCI, governed by some of India’s most well-heeled industrialists) defeated Pakistan and Sri Lanka to lift the trophy. India, as a country, is not without its ironies and the fact that India would beat two of its neighbors, who bear the brunt of its imperial and expansionist muscle-flexing, was just one of them.
Irony. Not just irony I would say. Symbolism too. Dhoni, the small-town ticket-checker and now the dashing national captain with more zeroes in his bank account than villagers displaced by the Narmada Dam, the poster-boy for the post-liberalization “Indian dream”, thumping an enormous six to win the tournament, the sound of the ball striking the willow reverberating with the hollow pride of a heartless nation. Then there was Yuvraj Singh, the man of the tournament, with his girth representative of the lard of Indian civil society and his double chin, its two-facedness and Sreesanth, his scalp as verdantly vegetative as the hills before the logging mafia denuded them, symbolic of the Indian idiocracy. He is lucky to be in the team though unlike Rahul Dravid, who has been left behind because he is a Dravidian.
The final coup d’grace? Sachin Tendulkar, the chaste Brahmin Hindu, being carried, inhumanly I would say,on the shoulders of Yusuf Pathan, a Muslim from the state of Gujarat, site of a state-sponsored pogrom against people of his kind, whose chief minister was, not insignificantly, a chief guest in the quarter final which was held, again not insignificantly, in that state itself.
Such is the level of middle-class indoctrination in India that the man carrying another is smiling happily, blissfully unaware of his exploitation.
The emperor is naked. The Indian dream is but a sham. But I must not say this. Not at this time of national triumph. That would be the most unpatriotic thing to do.
I was at the ground during the India-Pakistan game, billed by the corporate powers-that-be as the matchup of the century. As a child, I had read of gladiatorial contests in ancient Rome, where the crowd would bay for the blood of slaves forced to fight for their freedom and where the Caesar, with his upturned or downturned finger, held the power over life and death.
I never thought I would see one of these. I was wrong.
The all-powerful Caesars were there in the royal boxes. So was the belligerent Indian crowd, representing the urban well-heeled moneyed patricians who had put aside their suits and tailored trousers and skirts for a day of neighbour-bashing, roaring with blood-lust as the national team inflicted blow after blow on Pakistan. Cest magnifique, mais ce n’est pas la guerre. It was not a battle between equals: Indian players, fitted with the best of armor and provided the best of training courtesy generous corporate sponsorship, were the prize gladiators. The green-shirted Pakistanis, enervated by an illegal war forced on them by the Americans and the proxy battle carried by India, isolated from international cricket for years, were the slaves marked for death, set onto battle with but a trident and a cape.
Not that the crowd cared.
All they wanted to do was to hunt some Green.
Operation Green Hunt anyone? Somewhere P Chidambaram was smiling.
I looked at the innocently clueless face of Shahid Afridi, the Pakistani captain. I wanted to ask every one there, cheering wildly for India, “Does this small boy, merely sixteen years old, look like an enemy? Do these other men, who are so scared that they cannot hang onto a single catch, look like people over whom you should even cherish victory?”
Of course I did not. That would be the most unpatriotic thing to do.
I did talk to Suhas, twenty years old. A call-center employee, who brings home a salary which would feed an entire tribal district for a year, he had his face painted with the colors of India. I asked him if he was aware of the origins of face-painting, if he knew that it is one of man’s oldest shows of aggressive intent in battle, a potent non-verbal method of opposition intimidation. I asked him why the saffron was painted more prominently than the white and why was the green smudged? He did not reply, instead choosing to scream loudly——-
Bleed Blue.
I wanted to tell Suhas that people do not bleed blue. They bleed red. They bleed red in Kashmir, where courageous youths flying green flags and calling for religious purification, go up against garrisons of Indian oppressors. They bleed red in the forests of Dantewada where innocent Naxals butcher policemen.
I wanted to tell Suhas all this. Of course I did not. That would be the most unpatriotic thing to do.
The Greatbong Blog & Podcast 
First, and I know there is no i-pod
Brilliant. You do have an alternate writing career to your usual writing career. 🙂
Dhoni, the small-town ticket-checker and now the dashing national captain with more zeroes in his bank account than villagers displaced by the Narmada Dam, the poster-boy for the post-liberalization “Indian dream”, thumping an enormous six to win the tournament, the sound of the ball striking the willow reverberating with the hollow pride of a heartless nation. Then there was Yuvraj Singh, the man of the tournament, with his girth representing the lard of Indian civil society and his double chin, its two-facedness and Sreesanth, his head as verdantly vegetative as the hills before the logging mafia denuded them, symbolic of the Indian idiocracy! 😀 LOL…
Ray would have been proud…
It is unfortunate that you mention Dantewada in the same light as other rants of Arundhati Roy. I am from the region and I can tell you that the violence there is justified. Much harsh as it may sound, this is the truth.
Read recent reports where around 30 villages were burnt to ground and granaries also burnt down.
The maoists are just handing gun into the hands of tribals who are seething with anger. From a person who till today didn’t get time to speak up for the tribals ( I read all your blogs and know that there is none), it is really unfortunate that you have made such a serious matter a spice in your rather humorous write-up.
I am also from Dantevada … There is no such thing. Now naxal are oppressor. And when did this burning happened ?
Masterpiece!
Simply sensational!!
This is by FAR your best ever post :D… You excel yourself! Bravo!
You can start a parallel blog in the name of Arundhati Roy….It looks too original
Awesome….Your command english and your ability to write as if you are that other person…..
err…your command OF english!!
daroon article! this alternative write-up shows you are one of the best!
Now I feel that India did not really win 😦
Dada, brilliant.
godly!
Now wait for the Ray fans to tear your apart
It does not have any ode to Chomsky, or any mention of the Jews, Napalms and Iraq.
Good one!
Maybe you should consider not being so bitchy and actually savoring the moment.
Wow! Brilliant!
You Sir are a genius.
Superb!
Absolutely genius…outstanding
Brilliant!!
Wow arnab, wonderful piece!!hilarious!
Superb!!! The best bit was this:
…aison d’etre is to serve as an orgiastic assertion of India’s overwhelmingly Hindu middle class’s hyper-nationalistic vanity
LOL!
genius. now we can expect our commie friends to descend on this board and defend that traitor woman.
Awesome post!
“Fake Arundhati Roy” blog in the making, is it?
Loved the “Does this small boy, merely sixteen years old, look like an enemy?” part.. Great Post !
I am curious to know your take on Anna Hazare’s use of methods from colonial India in a democratic India.
If any nation’s game is compared to the wealth and thereby training the players receive, England/Australia should have been the world cup champion every time. In spite of the political unrest in Pakistan, the team did a fantastic job of qualifying into the semi-finals. Hence I certainly do not agree that match between India and Pakistan was not a match between equals. The game is merely a brief respite the middle class rejoices and it is certainly the same case with NFL in US.Rather than adulterating political pitfalls with cricket, I think we should credit the sport of generating revenue for developing country of ours.
Are you for real?
“Does this small boy, merely sixteen years old, look like an enemy? Do these other men, who are so scared that they cannot hang onto a single catch, look like people over whom you should even cherish victory?” – Haha. Priceless. Awesome article.
GB, you are really great. Hats off to you. Really great satire. Thanks for making my day.
Brilliant!
You can write a book titled, “devil of big things”
OMG! This is a SUPER brilliant post. To just write in someone else’s style is perhaps the toughest thing to do. Its like Udit Narayan trying to sing in the tone of Sanu with all of Sanu’s nuances. Bad analogy, I know. But am falling short of words. Incredibly talented you are. And one of the bestest writers in India. Cheers!
I can’t believe that this article has not been written by Arundhati Roy
OR
…..it’s you and has always been you, impersonating Arundhati Roy, and writing all her articles…
What can I say? Speechless!!! Brilliant.
Afridi said Alhomdilallah during the toss. In 1983 we would have let the willow do the talking. This time there were multiple religious assertations from Dhoni’s hair to Tendulkar’s aarti and Harbhajan’s invocation of Guru Nanak. Are we in a post-secular world?
Brilliant article bong, the great
Awesome !
Bleeding edge sarcasm! Too good!!
Fake Arundhati Roy blog. We wantz it! We wantz it!
Absolutely magnificient. Satire is the best counter against wannabe intellectals like Arundhati Roy.
Alternatively, satire is a Brahminical weapon designed to delegitimise the valiant efforts of poor downtrodden authors.
haha! yaar GB tum pagal ho. imitation is the sincerest form and all that.
Hilarious!
Your article about such a magnanimous and thoughful writer epitomises your imperialistic attitudes towards your neighbours.
Kidding. Your article made my day
I call for a arundhati roy speech generator. Anyone?
Absolutely fantastic, Greatbong. I mean, brilliant. Can you do more of this?
OK, Arundhati, the game’s up. We know you’re writing as the Great Bong pretending to be Arundhati Roy!
This is hilarious. Had I not read the first few lines, I would never have imagined that its a parody
“Does this small boy, merely sixteen years old, look like an enemy?”. Please take a bow, “Ms. Roy”
Sorry to say, but that smooth flow, that majestic voice isn’t there. Too many awkward sentences, too much stutter to pass off as Ms. Roy.
The Gunda and the Prabhujee posts now have competition. Un-effin-believably brilliant this was.
Brilliant!
You have written a great article on my behalf. Had you not been one of those corporate sellout peoples .. writing “non-intellectual” books which donot help minorities’, kashmiri victims’ or naxals’ cause in any which way; I would have lauded you more.
I hope sanity prevails.
– A.R.
(Parody comment)
well Greatbong..just writing is not enough…that is the easy part.
Now, like Arundhati, you have to own illegal property in protected sanctuaries, while talking about Vanavasi rights; support Dakhtaraan-e-Millat, while talking about women’s equality; earn hundreds of thousands in dollars, while critisizing “Amerikkka”.
Its a whole new level of malevolence and dishonesty to achieve, before reach anywhere near Arundhati’s level
So, you were ghost-writing for Ms. Ray 😉
Its not parody. Its how you feel. Be honest. The Best post…EVER!
Brilliant, GB! Loved it.
I agree with Abhik. Your Best. Post. Ever.
F**K you Arnab Da , F**k you…
You are the best, You are the greatest. Fantabulistic…phantasmorgic….
Pure sheeer Class…..
totally brilliant… words fail me.. 🙂
GB, with this post you outdid everything that you had written on your blog till date. BRILLIANT!
LMAO. Btw, do u ghost write Ms. Roy’s articles. This was uncannily similar to her rants.
brilliant Arnab da,
but don’t you think the title should have been “walking with the men in green”.. because they were/are being oppressed from 10th century AD by hindu/brahmanical tyranny..
now it sounds like Ms.Roy had walked with the Dr.Mallya and Ambani Bros all along.. instead of the comrades who are bleeding red.. atleast from the title..
also i think the men in green were the “gandhians with bats” 😀
u hav surpassed urself. Beautiful!!! Only wish Ms Roy reads this 🙂
Fantastic. Awestruck. Thank you. What a great read. Thank you.
haaahhaaaa
Her majesty didn’t write an article, because her master has already spoken.
In our society, we have things that you might use your intelligence on, like politics, but people really can’t get involved in them in a very serious way – so what they do is they put their mind into other things, such as sports. You’re trained to be obedient; you don’t have an interesting job; there’s no work around for you that’s creative; in the cultural environment you’re a passive observer of usually pretty tawdry stuff; political and social life are out of your range, they’re in the hands of the rich folk. So what’s left? Well, one thing that’s left is sports – so you put a lot of intelligence and the thought and the self-confidence into that. And I suppose that’s also one of the basic functions it serves in the society in general: it occupies the population, and keeps them from trying to get involved with things that really matter. I presume that’s part of the reason why spectator sports are supported to the degree they are by the dominant institutions. And spectator sports also have other usual functions too. For one thing, they’re a great way to build up chauvinism – you start by developing these totally irrational loyalties early in life, and they translate very nicely to other areas.
Arnab-ati Ray, good. Give me your comic/ satirical posts any day, however thought-provoking your serious posts may be! Thanks for this one, now at least the rants in your Afridi post would stop.
Lol… i din kno ray is a split personality of Gb or s it the other way round….waiting for ur views on Anna not Suniel shetty but Anna hazare’s gandhigiri and boot to powerful Pawar…. lets join him in fasting for our jasmine revolution
All thinking indians lets fast for a day in support of Anna Hazare….
You could have actually got some bucks for yourself, had you posted this on outlook in Ms. Roy’s name.
Every time i read stuff written by u, i feel the urgent urge to compliment, but always feel inadequate to match your brilliance. I think it gets to a point where every commentator wants to outdo the other in describing how Sachin is playing.
I am a humble resources in english – but my 2 bit of compliments for you are – brilliant, superb, fundu, great, and screw that Roy.
It makes me laugh and feel sad at the same time. Too unfortunate for a country to have people like Ms Roy walking on its soil. Tch tch for Ms Roy!
Brilliant! Made my day!
GB-
Roy just won because you paid attention to what that bhitch wrote.
(oops, there goes my bengali keyboard again!)
If you had ignored her rantings as much as this comment,
she would have been worse off.
Wish Mr. Ray (or rather, the entire world) had ADD for Ms. Roy. But I guess not..
Yup, Best Ever.
Congratulations for the excellent style that you possess, of expressing scourge. I can only hope that you wrote ‘thought-provoking’ ideas to present your sarcastic skills more than for any meaningful discussion. I don’t mean to be cricket-patriotic here,but in the haste of coming up with an impressive writeup, you went on to write things which are not just senseless, but also out of context most of the times. Next thing I expect from you is to open-fire against ‘face-painting’ industry and tell them some ancient meanings of things which do not hold today. Also, nice try to play down Pakistan’s capabilities; it almost seems you painted a picture of Ireland or Canada. They could have grilled have equally well in the match which was definitely not biased as you present it. Lastly, I know my blood color is red. And it would bleed the same color. You can connect each happening of my life with kashmir and dantewada in order to keep making me feel guilty for concentrating on something else; but for the sentiments that were expressed in the game of Indo-Pak that you watched, we would have been a timid country hardly able to stop ‘green’ at Pak only. Thanks. Congratulations again.
Pukeworthy. Clearly, you are not as good as other people make you out to be. But, ah, Twitter is a I-scratch-your-back-you-scratch-and-massage-my-back club.
😀 ROFL! Bleeddy Brilliant!
I looked at the innocently clueless face of Shahid Afridi, the Pakistani captain. I wanted to ask every one there, cheering wildly for India, “Does this small boy, merely sixteen years old, look like an enemy? Do these other men, who are so scared that they cannot hang onto a single catch, look like people over whom you should even cherish victory?”
is fakearundhatiroy available ?
Sheer Genius !
@greatbong: Loved this one.
@Shreyans: Please take some literature classes. It is called parody. The sentiment is not of the author’s, rather…. hell, why am I even explaining?
GB,
Nice fun esp. Afridi’s description!
BTW, a suggestion:
Can you highlight the preamble part? Make that text as bold or make it in red or repeat it in the end, or do whatever…. I am sure you understand why. 🙂
@Shreyans
please look it up. The word is spelled P.A.R.O.D.Y
A. W. E. S. O. M. E.
🙂
Despite the disclaimer there are people who’ve taken fake-Arundhati’s rants seriously.
You, good Sir, have outdone yourself. Now what will you do? 🙂
Also, RESPECT for not inflicting such English upon us with every post of yours.
*points and laughs at people who didn’t get the spoof*
Does this small boy, merely sixteen years old, look like an enemy? ROTFL!!!! Dare I say, BEST POST EVER!! 😀
Dude .. I so wish to be more polite because I do not see an ounce of sense in the BS written up there (which proves your mental handicap) but I cannot get over thinking of kicking your arrogant balls off this country and this planet.
Anyone who trying to club anything in this country with the dirty politics is a scumbag who just wants to make some unwanted noise .. just like the sick fuckin politicians do … so as far as ur write-ups political linkages are concerned .. i think they hold no more importance than the latest shitty headline on Aajtak/India TV or some shit like tat .. ul do good there .. they need an educated bullshitter.
You motherfucker think you can sit over there and talk bout the sacrifices made by brave Indians in the army up in Kashmir and then conveniently move on to sick categorisation of indians into brahmins and dravidians and what not ?! Well if there is any category I put you under .. its ‘fucking inhuman’!
Indian bravery does not need your certification .. neither does it need your shiny oh-so-controversial article to support them when I bet none of your sick actions do any justice to being either Indian or even human. You are a parasite wanting to suck off the controversies that trouble the average Indian and sprinkle your smartass sarcasm all over correctly worded articles thinkin you have reached the epitome of wisdom.
What a sport means to a community is beyond you so you can safeguard your opinion in that matter. Yes, every money-making body/entity/individual in a capitalism favoring democracy will get plagued with commercial and political BS and it aint just cricket .. there are tonnes of things that are corrupted by our political evil.
Your obsession with the politics clearly shows why you cannot see good in anything at all. What a sportsperson does on his field, is(or should be) beyond the commercialism surrounding him..
Sachin has proved scumbags like you wrong with considerable ease and the whole world stands a witness to his excellence as a sportperson .. but you title him “the chaste Brahmin Hindu” .. which is proof enough of the rot that dwells in ur biased head.
The last thing this country needs is your sagging pair of balls and your pathetic communist thoughts plagued by all those things that caused the commies to fuck themselves up and a whole lot of innocent human beings with them..
You shoud be fucking deported to North Korea as a personal whore to Kim Jong to see how dangerous your deceased mind can be for the human race.
ROT in hell you motherfucker .. no one needs your sorry opinion on anything !!
FUCK YOU
I don’t mean to intrude with fact and logic, into your make-believe world, but perhaps we could read the entire article next time. This is a parody – and a pretty bloody good one at that.
Cheers GB, chaliye jao
Incredible. Carry on!
Sorry going off the line..
I strongly predict KKR to be in finals this season of IPL. Hope I get the credit for my prediction.
Apart from Mumbai, Chennai who have the core of the team intact KKR seems to be a real strong outfit. I bet Pathan has something to prove now. Doeschate could be a real hero of this assignment. Again he would be hungry too.
OMG Shounak ! this is parody. repeat, parody.
Hahaha..cannot stop laughing…the post made my day..Brilliant
@Shounak Saroch dude get a life…
hilarious
@GB
waiting to hear you hear your opinions on anna hazzares strike
excellent…..!!!!so creative…….!!!!
@Shreyans Shrimali… Just a parody bandhu…. Written as if tht other female who i dont like to name would have written… Naming her would make me have to wash my hands and sanitize the keyboard… Dont wanna take all that trouble. 😛
I meant, ‘I am a person of humble english resources’
What a superbly written post! I cringed as much as I would’ve reading any Arundhati Roy article 🙂
Nice post Arnab. Though, I somehow feel that one must not say Arundhati and ‘Indian cricket team’ in the same sentence.
However, the sarcasm on that hypocrite would not have been so pronounced has this occasion not been chosen. But then, I again think, is she really worth it?
Not taking anything away from your lovely post, but it doesn’t feel good to see Arundhati and Sachin in the same article.
@Shounak Saroch
par·o·dy? ?/?pær?di/ [par-uh-dee]
–noun
1. a humorous or satirical imitation of a serious piece of literature or writing: his hilarious parody of Hamlet’s soliloquy.
2. any humorous, satirical, or burlesque imitation, as of a person, event, etc.
…
–verb (used with object)
7. to imitate (a composition, author, etc.) for purposes of ridicule or satire.
…
Wow. Words fail me. Too good. Dhonnobad.
@ GB: How much did you get paid for writing that booker book? Seriously man, more real than the real shit. Hats off.
@ Shounak: Follow this link… http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parody and please apologize to our man here.
GB- One more MS Roy, perhaps on start on IPL
Me thinks “Shounak” is actually Geelani attempting to parody Togadia.
superb!
AWESOME…..you do a better Ms Roy than the lady herself
@ Shounak Saroch
you must be kidding me…you are typing this on a comp dude ….that in itself a miracle for this world …like say my german shepherd reciting Shakespeare ..
Excellent !! Superb !! Brilliant !!
You really love Ms. Roy, don’t you? You must be reading her articles over and over … else you wouldn’t have been matching her style to the T.
As they say “imitation is the best form of flattery” !! Come on Arnab, acknowledge that you are in love with her and everything that she represents 🙂
Waah, dil khush kar ditta. Greatbong tussi top ho, India ki last hope ho 😀
Well, I think this is proof that Ms. Roy is truly insane and is not just faking outrage to make money. Your write up does not compare to her’s in anyway and if you cannot feign Roy, nobody can, Roy inclusive.
The “civil society” might actually be enjoying this piece. Only that they might condemn you on TV saying you are detrimental to the secular fabric of the idea of India.
Awesome!!! One of your true gems!! This just made my day!
@ Sudhanwa
Interesting to see that you are a follower of Koenraad Elst on Twitter.
The whole world cup cricket(!!!) thingy looks suspiciously setup by BCCI. Why? Think about it. Cricket is another sport on the brink of extinction. In last 30 years, there were multiple associate countries who tried to play cricket but not a single of them came close to being a regular team.
Out of the countries who play regular cricket, many of them couldn’t care less about this sport. They have multiple other sports to follow and the viewership of cricket is actually declining.
Hadn’t India won the World Cup, the future of Cricket would have been in question because of the number of people from India following cricket. The bodies who control cricket understand this very well and it does appear that the whole thing is set up by them. Now, one would ask, how can you manipulate victory in cricket? How can you predecidedly take wickets or make runs? I don’t know the answer, but I do know, people with proper skill can do anything.
Now, I am not against the lying if that is for the greater good. Of course, if World Cup results are manipulated, it did bring the whole Country together. Not bad. We probably need more things like this. If that makes people patriotic(We, Indians are known for psuedo patriotism), or if that makes an Indian’s self esteem and confidence high, then lets have many cricket tournaments like this. With all the money BCCI has, we can pay Australia, scare Srilanka and ignore Pakistan.
My point?
Cricket is a sport which is not sustainable in the long run but surviving only because a country like India is following it.
Is it good for India? Of course, it provides the entertainment, sense of pride. So even if a victory is manufactured, it is welcome.
LoL…Shaunak Saroch sounds like Saras Sarita?
He is lucky to be in the team though unlike Rahul Dravid, who has been left behind because he is a Dravidian.? and a Brahmin? Arnab, you have a knack for catching Arundirty’s Roy’s many contradictions, which are the only things that hold her rants together. You are in the wrong business buddy. hacks and jerks like Manu Joseph and Pankaj Mishra are making millions, pardon my atisyokti! blaming, others for the things they themselves do.
Awesome post GB! Just like good old times! And is Shounak’s comment a parody? I hope so, for his sake. Poor chap.
@Shounak Saroch
Dude, you made my day! For the sheer Afridian dumbness of your post.
“unlike Rahul Dravid, who has been left behind because he is a Dravidian.”
He’s Brahmin too, but don’t let the truth get in-between a great story :D.
@greatbong: For the lines of Shaunak, the following disclaimer “This is *a parody* and does not purport to be written by Ms. Roy.” must be copied and pasted, in bold, and be highlighted after every sentence.
standing ovation….writing of highest quality…speechless
Awesome Stuff GB !!
One of the very best 🙂
Brilliantly written… To be honest, some of the words went above my head but still enjoyed reading it.. Keep it up..
BTW.. bought your book and believe me it was a real stress buster… Way to go go buddy!!!!
Cheers
@Shounak Saroch
caryy on bravo!!
sahi bola bhai main tumhare saath honn, darne ka nahi main hoon tere saath aaj panga karke rahenge … seedhey north korea bhejte hai saale ko
@GB I bet you are ROFLing like mad at Madame’s expense :)… Keep up the gud
work !! a classic like this does beget gems like Shounak’s …
I just had an orgasm at work!
Awesome post. Easily among your best.
Shounak’s reply clearly shows how good your parody really is.
“They bleed red in the forests of Dantewada where innocent Naxals butcher policemen.”
Should it have been ..naxals butchered “by” policemen ?
Also why did you expect an article from Ms.Roy? Don’t you know she is just a One Time Wonder and capitalizing on that Hooker award that she got!
EMC3, Actually no. That is intentional. Even when I am Ms. Roy, I still want to self-parody. Err…you know what I mean.
You are too too good.
Shounak Saroch – Dont look up the dictionary and all.. just go meditate in some far far land/mountain.. you need therapy.
When this blog clearly states under FAQs comments policy –
2) Personal Attacks on my blog-readers and other bloggers.
3) Abuse, Obscenities and other Vulgarities
NOT PERMISSIBLE, still if GB hasn’t deleted this tripe you chose to puke on the page, at least for that, you surely must apologize to the man. Kitna gaali.. what’s the point! Uaaakkthu
Which part of the book “God of small..” did you not write????
Awards apart, ( which again is arguable ) A.R. has received more attention by this post than she ever could…
One of ur bestest…
I pity Shaounak Saroch.
Brilliant! Most people find it difficult to give words to their own voice (in fact some of them, such as Shaounak above, can barely even read a word properly) and you sir are able to write a whole parody article assuming somebody else’s voice. An article that will probably be strikingly close to the real thing itself if ‘she who must not be named’ ever writes one. It should scare her that she is full of so much predictable negativity that a brilliantly observant writer can anticipate her thought process and put that into her own words even before she can get around to doing it. I pity her and her ilk.
This lady here, training to be Ms. Roy Jr has written this article already and is crusading the so-called “Trolls”
http://themadmomma.wordpress.com/2011/04/05/why-i-didnt-watch-the-world-cup-final/
Awesome writing. Tussi great ho sirji
“Last week, Indians won the cricket World Cup, held in their own country. As if there was any doubt that would be the case.”
x-D
@raghavendra,
“also i think the men in green were the “gandhians with bats””
–Additionally I say Shoaib Akhtar is a healthy man with genital warts!! 😉
@GB,
How about a parody on Ms. Roy’s literary uncle, Mr Jawed Naqvi?
“Patriotism”, said one Dr. Johnson, “is the last refuge of the scoundrel.”
“Hindu nationalism”, said one Mr. Jaitley “is an opportunistic issue for BJP”
For the great-bong and his minions, living in the USA, bashing Pakistan is the easiest way of proving their patriotism 😀
Seems a perfect fit for that great vehicle of Islamophobic, right-wing fanatics called BJP, doesn’t it?
@ Jatin
Well said Jatin. And this greatbong has even grown the cajones to parody the Mother Devine herself. No not Sonia Gandhi, but the Arundhati Roy
I admire your patriotism. Now stop using the internet and get back the paddy fields and search and kill people who can read and write.
Excellent.
After Roy (and Pankaj Mishra), International Herald Tribune has discovered another India-explainer. If you had any illusions about India’s complexity, then Joseph’s generalizations will put them to rest, naturally via the prism of caste and class struggle, which of course, fetches international awards.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2010/nov/02/manu-joseph-india-serious-men
Here’s his latest article in NYT —
Fighting to Shut Out the Real India
DELHI — On Saturday night, when India lifted the Cricket World Cup for the first time in 28 years, the nation was filled with rare collective joy and a deceptive sense of wellbeing. … It might have appeared on Saturday that there is much that connects the different rungs of the Indian society and that cricket is the proof. But the truth is that cricket is the only manmade phenomenon that connects the nation’s upper classes with its vast masses. There is absolutely nothing else. In fact, daily life in India is a fierce contest between the affluent and the educated on the one side, and the brooding impoverished on the other. The pursuit of India’s elite is to protect themselves from India…
Manusmriti’s other articles, at least the ones he writes for the international readers (see his letters in IHT), are equally insightful.
Brilliant GB!
As others have said, I believe its your best article till date!
I am neither a fan of Arundhati nor of you Arnab. Despite that, I would request you to be a little more sensitive while writing such posts.
[edited out: Please keep the discourse civil]
creating controversies is one of the easiest things to do in India, she knows it,but a pseudo-intellectual [edited] arundhati roy got the hooker prize, that’s the amazing part.
And @ Arnab, Ghanta best article , this reads like the stupidest thing i have ever read. The words are so artificial and pompous ,
did you also go to dantewada and have a date with the naxals, or try something like Hiz-Bullah :)) :)) or sleep with geelani ot chomsky 😉 ..trying to imitate arundhati hooker roy ?
i had an idea though , why don’t you and arundhati go on a date and watch a Mithun chokroborty movie together ?
LOL!! Brilliant! 🙂
This is Greatbong’s Helicopter shot
Men in blue Rocks… Now waiting for IPL to start and Sachin and yuvraj will rock again. I did see few ticket sales Add on free classified websites lately.
And was fun reading the article.
GB, its your best post ever!!!
Its Friday !!! And Its Fun Fun Fun reading your article … One of the best articles I have ever read on your blog !! Absolute gem!!
roy would have added the ferrari episode of sachin when the great patriot/nationalist in him made him say he was gifted the ferrari by schumacher to avoid the stupid taxes and duties.when schumacher denied the patriot in him as fellow internet hindus made him ask for tax waiver which was promptly granted and on the same day rajiv khel ratna was refused to two for want of fund to the tune of 5 lakhs.
she would have added kambli too for his colour and caste.u can modify the post now with these two star attractions.
This is a fertile imagination of a defective brain. An unsuccessful attempt has been made to imitate her novel writing style and touch here and there with her ideology. She has been a person whose mind and heart speak same language. In the world of intellectual dishonesty(including the author of this blog), she may look like an aberration. Please stop this sort of poor attempts just to satiate your ego by getting cheap appreciation from the hapless readers who think all that glitters are gold.
@Spy: Is there anything wrong in what Manu Joseph is writing ? Is it factually incorrect ? U didnt watch the interview with the principal of Bethany high school in Karnataka who send a letter to the parents of kids in his school – about the dangers of their kids mixing with the local poor kids, as a result of RTE act (To think tht Bethany is not even one of the “rich” schools in Bangalore ) ? Dont u meet such people everyday in ur office – be it in Bangalore or Delhi or Mumbai ?
And if ur question is “why does he publish them in US and UK media”, the answer to tht is “Do you think a ToI or HT will publish it ? “
@uday
“She has been a person whose mind and heart speak same language. In the world of intellectual dishonesty(including the author of this blog), she may look like an aberration.”
you are right uday. her mind and heart (read fart ) speak same language . that is the language of stupidity.
she ‘may’ not look like an aberration… she IS an aberration of the ugliest kind. her mind is puke worthy . her mouth is like that of Shaun Tait… Potty…she is an attention hound… sorry bitch .
and all the pseuds who follow her… are equally stupid! Such scoundrels should be deported to Afghanistan or Iran, and hiz-bullah or homosexual Arabs should be let open on her fans.
Arnab, great post and really funny. But sorry, someone else takes the cake here….Shaounak, you are amazing dude…I am your greatest fan, do you have a blog?
Arnab, thanks for posting Shaunak’s comment, though it is abusive. He made my day !!!!
LOL…that was a very well written article. I bet Ms Roy will be going Blue after reading this.
And now, I am going to re-read Shounak Saroch’s post in the comments section and laugh some more
This is totally kickass! Do you think Ms. Roy is going to write a retaliatory piece to this?
OMG !! Have to scroll down and down To Comment 😛
Just one word “Mast” as always 🙂
Super Article.
Outlook magazine may want you to write for them.
” spy : “After Roy (and Pankaj Mishra), International Herald Tribune has discovered another India-explainer. Caste and class struggle … fetches international awards.”
The real reason why India-haters rabidly foam, is that in spite of all the opposition within & without, all the miseries hacked on India, all the international machinations, all the dirty internal games, all the fervent entreaties and prayers ….. India just refuses to collapse.
They were on their knees in joy when they hoped AIDs would wipe out India. It didn’t.
They were giggling like silly little girls as they thought caste-differences would tear India apart. It didn’t.
They were rolling on the floor in self-induced spasms of orgasmsic joy as they thought the Sikh and Islamic terrorism they so carefully nurturd and watered would decapitate India. It didn’t.
So they now jump up and down in frenzied excitement in the hope that Maoist terrorism will cut India’s tendons. Especially when faced with the formidability of opposing giants like Chidoo and Minoo. But somehow India still keeps rolling on.
At least let us blare on about abortion … oh sorry, foeticide … no, wait a minute, FEMALE INFANTICIDE … murder of girl babies. Surely the skewed statistics must plunge India in to some form of horror. A penumbra of grief. Pleeeeeze. No?
Then you wretched Indians have the world’s largest number of little girl prost1tutes catering to 70 year old Aryan Brahminical thugs spouting the Vedas while chopping bellies of innocent and inordinately pretty looking female gems of the religion of peace.
And you have small d1cks and no toilets … so furk off d1rty Indian.
====================================================================
And still India refuses to die.
What they do not realise is that their entire cesspools of invectives, brothel-load of hatred, dictionaries of propagandu, is nothing, de nada, SHUNYA, zilch, compared to the horror India has experienced for over 1,300 years.
And lived to tell the tale.
From the relentless onslaught of the Qasims, the butchery of the Ghaznis, the evil treachorousness of Ghurids … the mountain loads of skulls of Timur, the genocide of the Aurangzebs, the 100 million famine-genocide of the Raj. The murder of 3 million people who were just “bastards” to the Kissing-Dick (Kissinger-Nixon) comedy double act.
India has survived. And surged. She has suffered excessively only when she lost her senses completely. When she allowed the Gilani brothers & their cohorts to form the rear guard of the Vijayanagaras army, only to fall upon the army under jehad when critically needed.
Or when Hindu Jats deserted Hindu Marathas to form a minorty army at panipat 1761. Whereas on the other side the Rohillas & Oudhians and Pathans and other apostles of peace unhesitatingly sided with a once minority Abdali. Even though he was a firingi. But that is how apostolic peace is spread, hain na?
Or when India paid heed to the father of Pakistan when he exhorted Hindu/Sikh women to bear their rapes by foreign fanatics by imagining their ordeal to be an embrace by a brother. That’s Gandhi.
Jinnah? Noooo. He was only the legally married father. The real seed-donor in Pakistan’s holy creation was Gandhi, with liberal dosages graciously contributed in interludes by Mountie and Neru-da.
We are seeing India at its worst. On its knees. A boiling kettle of penting Hindu rage that refuses to overspill and thus still give the lee-way and impression of swallowing every single garbage heaped upon the nation. A corrupt, effete, rotten Congress and its idiotic friends blood-sucking the country dry. Drippingly sleazy media jelly-babies that make a Julius Streicher rant in unbridled emerald-envy.
It won’t get much worse than this. They are getting away by chipping away at the bloodied and jagged periphery of the Indian body, bleeding Bengal, Assam and Kashmir. Yet when push will really comes to shove, and the religion of peace overspills in its spreading of the love, Indian righteous fury may self-explode like in Godhra.
I sincerely hope they do not try to destroy India by cutting their golden goose too fast. They may find that riots galvanise the nation in to a highly coherent, singularly focused, ruthlessly sharp fighting machine. It happened in 1942. It happened during RamJanmabhoomi. It happened in Gujarat after the Sabarmati carnage.
Meanwhile, while the implications are pondered, some light reading to understand how to beautifully, rationally yet candidly portray Indian greatness to unsuspecting non-Indian readers :
http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/apr/05/rising-india-surrender-national-dignity
Enjoy, buddy.
@Uday : You are making it sound as if the Intellectual Debauchery that is exhibited by the likes of Arundhati Roy, is Her prerogative. If you really think so, then on the same ground your objection to Arnab’s article is wrong and paradoxical to sat the least.
You write -” fertile imagination of a defective brain.. In the world of intellectual dishonesty(including the author of this blog), she may look like an aberration.”
See the contradiction in these statements of yours – here we have a self-declared champion of all (supposedly) oppressed people in Ms. Arundhati Roy
who proclaims that “Kashmir was never an Integral part of India.. and.. Kasmiris deserve Aazaadi..”.. this self-deluding assessment of Her’s is a blatant lie.. has She ever asked who represents Kashmiris – the majority Muslim population who naturally sees its alliance with Pakistan a religeous obligation..? what about the real Kashmiris..? The Hindus who have been living there for generations since even before Prohet Mohammed was born..!!
Arundhati Roy does not even give a damn about their opinion.. worse.. She acts as if they don’t even exist.. What kind of a rational/progressive/liberal logic is that..?
Now go ahead and declare me a narrow-minded, neo-fascist right-wing fundamentalist hate-monger.. but seriously “Uday” you and your ilk can only indulge in self-delusion.. don’t make the mistake of assuming that your pretension for self-righteousness extends beyond your own personal convictions..
Ayn Rand once wrote – ” Never set out to raze the Shrines divined by your fellow Humans.. Enshrine mediocrity amongst them, and the Shrines are razed..”
Sadly, Arundhati Roy is an example of Mediocrity enshrined in our midst, by the pseudo-liberals and Communists who are by ideology opposed to all the Shrines ( and I am not referring to places of worship) held sacred by free Individuals.
logged in again to re read Shaunak’s comments … can’t stop grinning like a fool .. again 🙂 … GB now even you have your “nobojyot shing shiddhu” moment!
@GB the original siddhu man seems to have pulled down the video from youtube
do any of you guys have a link for that ?
Fantastic. !! Way to go Ms (Proxy) Roy. 🙂 BTW..aren’t Ray & Roy the same thing ? 🙂
Wonderful ! brilliant! Though I feel some of GB’s earlier comments (even as satire) do reflect the reality if perceived deeply, the article perfectly parodies the pseudo-outlook of Roy and brings forth her hypocrisy in putting in her lot for any cause she finds derogatory or malignant to the thought that is India. Her launch in the film Massey Sahib by her husband who exploited her unshaved underarm hair (as the tribal woman wood collector)more than her histrionics and her subsequent horrendous writing in her “GOST” must have gone a long way in getting her that “hooker prize” she is so famous for. She stands for everything that is negative and hypocritic.
The article, funny and humorous, evokes extreme laughter and detestation for Roy at the same time. Wonderfully witty !
GB da!
You will LOVE Afridi’s latest sound byte regarding the IPL
http://www.hindustantimes.com/specials/cricket/IPL2011/Don-t-treat-us-as-untouchables-Afridi-s-appeal-to-BCCI/cricketnews/SP-Article10-682676.aspx
The hooker bangs the widowpane of the limo 🙂
@Donkey Kong Everyone is entitled for their view. The view and language reflect the culture and fabric of the individual.
@Rahul Sharma I suppose, we should have the courage to accept the truth, even if it belies our belief system. Kashmir is never an integral part need not be looked at emotionally. It is right to free speech given to us by the constitution.
This is sheer #pwnage! I bet if Arundhati Roy reads this, she’ll have a bit of an identity crisis plus cringe attack 😀
This was the best: “Do these other men, who are so scared that they cannot hang onto a single catch, look like people over whom you should even cherish victory?” 😀
how do you do it?!
did you write the shounak part also, by any chance 😉
Absolutely hilarious and to the point
GB, I see that your command of French is also growing along with your english..:-) Very well written as usual.
Hi,
I check ur blog regularly..but this is my 1st comment..thought i would find some write-up on Mr Anna Hazare and his crusade…but u seem to not have moved out of cricket!! is it bcos the whole nation is only talking about that?
Anyway, love reading ur blogs 🙂
@Uday: You wrote – ” Kashmir is never an integral part need not be looked at emotionally..”
What proof can you give to support this statement of yours..?? Please enlighten the rest of us. You can repeat that statement all your life, but that wont make it true.
“I suppose, we should have the courage to accept the truth, even if it belies our belief system.”
— Do you have courage to accept it that Kashmiri Muslims dont hold the exclusive right to decide the fate of Kashmir’s future..!!
“It is right to free speech given to us by the constitution..”
— Then why did u object to Arnab’s article in your first comment. Is his right to free speech any lesser than Arundhati Roy’s, or your’s for that matter..?
Stop your self-righteous pretension Uday..
By the way Arnab.. Good going..!!
Hara Hara Bom Bom
You write beautifully well, bhai. You always did. Please continue to do so. But, in the end, is that enough? Aren’t you limiting yourself by just writing? Writing plus Action is better than Writing alone. Everyone juggles career and family commitments, but that is not an excuse to not do anything tangible. Sorry for being blunt, yaar. But you have the potential to do much more too… 🙂
To the numbskull, cross that, nitwit, who questions if Kashmit was ever an integral part of India, hear this. It is an integral part of India now and we make our history, and jiski lathi uski bains. We run the place, you me, and everyone else who votes the Lok Sabha into power, and we, I mean you and me, as representatives expect our sansad and the executive to depute the police and the military to enforce the writ of the law, wherever it is required. There’s one way to bend the government to your power, peacefully through lawful means, and within the bounds of the Constitution. Any other way outside these norms will invite the full force of the state. That’s the way we work, take it or leave it.
It’s very interesting how recent developments have shown up some media mavens to be little more than bootlickers. Punkaj Misra has been railing against MMS, but nary a word of criticism for Sonia and her corrupt brood [no unfounded allegations] Wikileaks too has done doodh ka doodh and pani ka pani. The Congress stooge Tehelka has expectedly come becomne critical of Wikileaks, partly because wikileaks does real journalism by simple throwing open the archives instead of leaving it politcally compromised crooks like Ashish Khaitan. Secondly because Wikileaks is showing Tehelka’s patron the Sonia gang, in an unfavorable light. Clever, if we were, Tarun Tejpal thinks , possesseing og half a brain
Man, this is simply hilarious!
@Uday,
Like the other patients of the typical foot-in-mouth desease, you probably do not know the place of Kashmir in India’s map, or the four distinct ethno-linguistic-religious groups in J&K and their aspirations. Sire, if you do get some time, please visit all these four parts (Jammu, Leh, SriNagar and Kargil) and speak to people from these parts. Go figure out which is the only anti-India part out of these four. Last time I heard, they gave up the demand of moving out of the Indian Union after looking at their brothers across the border getting bumped off by their own brethern.
Only if you would have had the opportunity to put it on 1’st April 🙂 ..I would have fallen for it flat.
@ Shounak Saroch
“You shoud be f**king deported to North Korea as a personal whore to Kim Jong to see how dangerous your deceased mind can be for the human race.
ROT in hell you motherf**ker .. no one needs your sorry opinion on anything !!
F**K YOU”
I really appreciate your feelings and I bet your comment will stand if this article was actually made by that A***dirty Roy. (222222 gud Arnab da, once again.)
Btb I, like fellow commentors here, have become a fan of you. Please start your own blog. You will be the “Sehwag” of Indian Bloggers as in comparison to Arnab da- The Sachin-DADA of indibloggers.
ALSO a simple apology to Arnab da will be really great.
@ HHBB
Welcome Back…
Awesome post
This is my first post ever to your blog even though I’ve been following it since a year or so!!!! Couldnt stop myself from saying that you’ve written a masterpiece. Take a bow, GB!!
Man!! Awesome!!!! You have written it SO well that you can ghost-write for her! I don’t know whether you will take that as a compliment or a jibe :P. But, Dwayne BRAVO!
You are load of shit man.. Roy rants about things.. you rant about her.. Write something original.. Dont try and copy the styles of other successful bloggers..you are such crap.. and get a life
It is easier to make fun of someone fighting for something she believes in than to do something yourself, yes?
UDAY , you said
1.”Everyone is entitled for their view. The view and language reflect the culture and fabric of the individual.”
2.”I suppose, we should have the courage to accept the truth, even if it belies our belief system. Kashmir is never an integral part need not be looked at emotionally. It is right to free speech given to us by the constitution.”
Well uday , your views on Kashmir clearly reflect your culture,fabric and genetic background.As far as Indians are concerned , India represents a mother figure to us.
I don’t know what genetic or pseudo-intellectual aberration can make a bastard become ‘not emotional’ about his or her motherland.
If we here start discussing the anatomy of your mother uday, i hope you hold the same views i.e. (you will not look at the discussion emotionally , right Uday ? ) and hope you will participate with all your intellect in such a discussion .
after all the Indian constitution entitles even bastards with a right of free speech
I have never laughed so much. You are easily the most retarded man in India!
GB, You once again proved your unwavering love for that brain damaged female!!
@Swati- spot on ma’m!! lol
Roy is a sign of our times-a time when propaganda is served as information and verbosity is mistook for erudition.She is a rebel for all seasons;but never one short of a ’cause’.While part of her success can be attributed to the growth of the electronic media and the consequent opportunity it presents while disseminating her ideas; a major reason for her success has been the genius that she has exhibited in selecting her pet ’causes’- her eclectic choice of ’causes’ has ensured that her fan following would include a wide section of people-from died in the wool Marxists to libertarian feminists to Islamists – elevating her to the status of India’s first Activist superstar.
Criticism of Arundhati Roy gets more people’s knickers in a twist than discrediting the so called ’causes’ that she espouses-perhaps a sign that she has been elevated to the status enjoyed by Chomsky in the West by her adoring minions.Unlike Chomsky-who had to survive the devastating collapse of Communism and the consequent revelations of it’s ugly face;which to his credit he has done superbly-Roy has been smart enough to associate herself with so many disparate ’causes’-from the advocacy of tribal rights on one end to an Islamist uprising at the other-that the defeat or even the exposure of these ’causes’ would not put her in the uneasy situation that Chomsky found himself in two decades ago.In addition, the ‘forces’ that she portrays herself as fighting against are so very deliberately abstract that any and every event of importance can be interpreted as yet another victory for those very ‘forces’ against whom Roy would be the final bulwark.
The sheer genius of this approach lies in the fact that every setback that she suffers-be it the Supreme Court’s pulling her up or a very reluctant Central Government registering a case of sedition-becomes a propaganda tool readily wielding itself to marketing.Every defeat that her ’causes’ suffer-even discrediting the ’causes’-serves as yet another proof of how the powerful the forces that she is supposedly battling against are.Silencing her likes is not an option-as even eminently justifiable actions against her ends up being portrayed as the machinations of an all powerful clique against the sole crusader for the rights of the downtrodden.Perhaps the only way to defeat the likes of Roy would be let them drown in their own words-a tall ask given that her superstar activist status ensures that the time she devotes to individual ’causes’ is only a fraction of her total portfolio.
wow man…only you can
@copyleft
Nicely put, on the money.
But people who thrive on obfuscation only go so far in the test of time.
Although I am a regular reader and don’t comment on here, I have to say this is one of the best I have read from you. Awesome!
superb as always, anybody will believe that its written by Ms roy. i certainly did.
incredible! I’m sure thesaurus was generously used to dig in some obscure word about to be thrown off the OED, wasn’t it? what a great parody!
Great Post Arnab da..but even more than the post I loved Shounak Saroch’s comments. I mean this guy deserves a standing oviation, for actually stealing the show(..err post/comment whatever). I hope though, for his own sake, that he also wrote a parody.
But still Arnab da, I miss those bulla-khulla and prabhujee kinda posts. Bring ’em back.
You did get her style right. And it was funny too. But I think of all the people who hate Arundhati now, you have managed to add a few who have no good reason. The truth is somewhere in the middle – she is not entirely wrong all the time. Her armchair activism does raise a few questions against the system. Questions which visionaries (less popular people) ask, but are unheard.
Holy shit! This by far is your best post. I loved ‘God of small things’ as a book and I am so bored of Ms Roy’s raving and ranting. Her whining has no end. And am v v sure she would exactly written like this “Cricket – a Brahminical game” indeed:)
Dear Arnab, Your middle class ignorance is exceeded only by your intolerance. It’s disappointing to see such an article coming from a person who has such a great sense of humour and timing while writing about cricket and movies. Disappointed with myself for expecting someone to have a greater sense of sensitivity only because he writes funny and humourous blogs about cricket and movies. And disappointed with you for your shallow middle class software engineer mentality, evident by your intolerance of tribals in India/ Bangladeshis in Kolkata and so on and so forth………
@Gaurav Singh: “Intolerance” is the word that is written all over your comment.. yet you blame Arnab for expressing his views on his own blog..?
Anyways, here is to add to your Intolerance –
Past few days in the present era of our Nation have seen an unprecedented frenzy amongst the populace.
We have seen the entire nation rally behind two distinctive events –
(1 )The Indian Cricket Team’s winning the 2011 World Cup
(2) The anti-corruption crusade initiated by Anna Hazare
With entire youth of the nation rallying behind these two back-to-back events in an almost uncontrollable and almost a mad Euphoric frenzy, and, almost the entire elite segment of our society ranging from Film Actors to Politicians making their presence felt, the latter of the two events has been made auspicious due to the absence of an “Eminent” personality. And that personality is none other than Ms. Arundhati Roy.
The anti-corruption campaign.. Where is Arundhati Roy Hiding..?
Her absence is noteworthy because She is the self-declared Champion of all the “Down-trodden” and “Oppressed” people present on this wretched Planet of our Human race. And given Her penchant of voicing Her strong condemnation against the Hegemony of the Majority and the Ruling Class, it only natural for one to wonder, whether this “uprising” against Corruption is not such an important and valid issue for Her to “Bless” it with Her support.
Roy is a sign of our times – a time when propaganda is served as information and verbosity is mistook for erudition.She is a rebel for all seasons;but never one short of a ’cause’.While part of her success can be attributed to the growth of the electronic media and the consequent opportunity it presents while disseminating her ideas; a major reason for her success has been the genius that she has exhibited in selecting her pet ’causes’- her eclectic choice of ’causes’ has ensured that her fan following would include a wide section of people-from died in the wool Marxists to libertarian feminists to Islamists – elevating her to the status of India’s first Activist superstar.
Criticism of Arundhati Roy gets more people’s knickers in a twist than discrediting the so called ’causes’ that she espouses-perhaps a sign that she has been elevated to the status enjoyed by Chomsky in the West by her adoring minions.Unlike Chomsky-who had to survive the devastating collapse of Communism and the consequent revelations of it’s ugly face;which to his credit he has done superbly-Roy has been smart enough to associate herself with so many disparate ’causes’-from the advocacy of tribal rights on one end to an Islamist uprising at the other-that the defeat or even the exposure of these ’causes’ would not put her in the uneasy situation that Chomsky found himself in two decades ago.In addition, the ‘forces’ that she portrays herself as fighting against are so very deliberately abstract that any and every event of importance can be interpreted as yet another victory for those very ‘forces’ against whom Roy would be the final bulwark.
The sheer genius of this approach lies in the fact that every setback that she suffers-be it the Supreme Court’s pulling her up or a very reluctant Central Government registering a case of sedition-becomes a propaganda tool readily wielding itself to marketing.Every defeat that her ’causes’ suffer-even discrediting the ’causes’-serves as yet another proof of how the powerful the forces that she is supposedly battling against are.Silencing her likes is not an option-as even eminently justifiable actions against her ends up being portrayed as the machinations of an all powerful clique against the sole crusader for the rights of the downtrodden.Perhaps the only way to defeat the likes of Roy would be let them drown in their own words-a tall ask given that her superstar activist status ensures that the time she devotes to individual ’causes’ is only a fraction of her total portfolio.
The question that remains to be answered is –
Where the Hell is Arundhati Roy hiding..?
“Rahul Dravid ignored because he is a dravidian”- classic!
Man!! nailed it.
Write a couple of more articles like this and you will be on your way to Time people of the year list and guest speaker position in all elite colleges worldwide! so what do you think? just saying.
Hey,
Just a few days back, u were all high in celebration of India’s world cup victory. And now this about turn…
don’t get it…
I sincerely wish that Ms.Roy will do a parody of Mr.GB as a response 🙂
she bothers u so much..!!! i love it…
in it lies her importance…:)
sorry GB – she takes the cake of meaning or bothering u so much, that u have to depend on the junta to tell u ‘how big a fool she is and how great a writer u are’ –
u r better mocking other things than the displaced villagers, or death tolls in dantewada or kalinganagar…
Oh absolutely amazing. No better way to drive your point home then some sarcasm and parody. A brilliant post!
Also, really glad to see that there are so many people aware of the traitors like Ms.Suzzane Arundhati Roy and their schemes.
Rahul Dravid is not a Dravidian… He is a Maharashtrian…
Brilliant post!
You should really start something on the lines of ” Arundhati Roy’s secret diary”. Your command over the language is fantastic and your satire and humour is simply marvellous.
I’am a great fan of yours and read all your posts-and I must say that this is one of your best ones.
I especially loved the part about Sachin Tendulkar and Yusuf pathan and the scared pakistanis – really made my day!
arnab, nice colbert-esque gig.. except that you are pretending to be roy instead of o-reilly,
btw, here’s some real liberal posturing by ram guha:
he thinks supporting the country in a cricket match is being “jingoist.”
“That Day in 1986” – How cricket died for me that day 25 years ago
by Rahul Pandita
http://www.openthemagazine.com/article/nation/that-day-in-1986
for your viewing pleasure: (read the caps)
http://www.dawn.com/2011/04/11/39-pakistani-prisoners-come-back-home.html?pid=17245
Excellent work! One of the best things I have read in recent times!
@ arun – for your viewing pleasure:
Hi Arun, For ‘your’ viewing pleasure, please read
http://www.samachar.com/Pak-cant-be-friends-with-India-Hafiz-Saeed-lemcLziibdj.html
Dear GB,
I’ve always been a promoter of an individual’s freedom of speech and also of artistic freedom. Sentiments are hurt often, and in no small measure too, by some works of art. However, this by no means suggests that we should dispense with art or artists or artistry (you may note here that I’m using art an all encompassing term and not mere painting). Everyone in a free society (we might get there someday) is free to express his/her views on any topic.
However, I find it distressing that you’ve chosen to parody Ms. Roy in the manner that you have, the disclaimer at the beginning notwithstanding. While I always read your posts being detached, refraining from taking one side or the other, even posts wherein you refute Ms. Roy’s or other public opinions for they present the other side of the story, from a different perspective, I find that in the above post, the noble intent is missing. The above article hasn’t been composed as a work of art, rather as a shot aimed at maligning Ms. Roy disguised well as a satire.
I’m no one to be commenting on your posts on your blog, however I feel that this article if written as GB might have worked, even if it mocked Ms. Roy. However, making a parody of her doesn’t seem appropriate. This is not a complaint (I’ve no right to do so, and you are well within yours to write as such), just an observation, and a painful one at that.
Regards,
Indisch
@ Indisch
If this is what you write when you stay “detached”, how much are you going to bitch when you attach.
Kapisch
@GB, I live around DC too and been a regular reader of your bloq since 2006. Keep up the good stuff. When’s the 2nd book coming out? Haven’t really commented much, couldn’t hold off this time. Amazingly original looking parody, this. The few hilarious commentors who just didn’t get it make it that much more enjoyable.
@Rahul Sharma, enjoyed your retort to clueless Mr.Gaurav Singh, a very logical analogy comparing Arundhati Roy’s cause selection to a well balanced investment portfolio with all the right hedges nin place.
Arun,
Hopefully January end.
🙂
@ H2B2
For your reading pleasure:
Are India-Pakistan really the same people?
http://seemagoswami.blogspot.com/‘
http://www.hindustantimes.com/Are-India-Pakistan-really-the-same-people/Article1-683154.aspx
knows what a parody is! but couldn’t seem to appreciate this one .. its the attitude towards the political scum I despise …
Apologies to all for the foul language ….
Rahul,
Libertarian feminists? In Arundirty Roy’s camp? No. Libertarianism usually defined as a system founded on individual liberty alone and nothing else, breaks up when it is subject to generalization. when you scale it up from the individual to a group of people – call it society, state, nation, housing colony or whatever, you slowly begin to chip off pieces of the foundation. You have to generalize because human beings have never, don’t, and will never live by themselves. So this scaling up process leads to a wide range of compromises across the entire freedom and economics axes. Supposedly libertarianism being about individual liberty, makess irrelevant all disputes over the role of gender. But that’s not going to happen, because when the first step of scaling up is done and you are begin to define what it means for a couple – a man and a woman – to be libertarian – you run into all problems related to gender roles in tradition. So libertarian feminism is a non-starter and an oxymoron. Libertarianism has a another serious problem, because in large groups the extent to which one person can carve out his libertarian identiy is directly proportional to ht eamount of power he wields. Jiski lathi, uski bains. So libertarians end up being a sad bunch of lunatics like Ayn Rand or clowns like Ron Paul or a fraud like his son Rand Paul.
Arundirty Roy is not libertarian, she is more of a post-modernist on the surface. She believes that every marginalized idea is shoved aside by the power exercised by elite. Deep down she is simply a Hindu hater. She is a a shrill version of Meera nanda. That’s all.
@Kaangeya:
Ayn Rand a lunatic..? I hold Her in very high regard, because no one has ever described the Virtue of Individualism better than She has.. and She has through Her literary works, also described the very nature of second-rate people, who have nothing original to offer..
Here is a quote from one of Her famous works – ‘Atlas Shrugged’ –
“The battle of morality was fought between those who claimed that your life belongs to God and those who claimed that it belongs to your neighbors–between those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of ghosts in heaven, and those who preached that the good is self-sacrifice for the sake of incompetents on earth. And no one came to say that your life belongs to you and the good is to live it according to your own discretion.No one. And this has been the greatest travesty in the entire history of Mankind”..
Now tell me, what is “lunatic” about such a truthful and bold statement..
However you are entitled to your opinion.. but I would definitely like you to prove your statement, else it sounds more like a prejudiced opinion..
@ Mr Rahul Sharma
Now I understand where your high pitched frenzy, resentment and grand fantasy of revenge towards Roy comes from. No doubt you hold Ayn Rand in very high regard!!
As Bertonneau says- ‘Atlas Shrugged is primarily–a sacrificial narrative, as most of popular, as opposed to high, narrative ever has been and probably always will be. It follows that the novel’s borrowed premise is sacrifice: Rand invites us to view with a satisfying awe the destruction before our eyes of those who have mistreated the protagonists, with whom she has invited us to identify. The standard Arnold Schwarzenegger or Clint Eastwood thriller achieves its effect by no different means.
For example, if we examine the infamous tunnel scene in Rand’s novel, we can safely assert that Rand plausibly thought of [Hollywood screenwriter Robert] Sherwood … when she sent the adenoidal, second-rate playwright to his death in the Tunnel. The parallelism leads us to suspect that in the Tunnel episode Rand composes a cataclysme a clef. And what then does Atlas become but a grand fantasy of godlike revenge, a theater of resentment assuaged, a daydream of limitless ego?’
Following my comments, and a reference above, you see, the problem and tragedy with many urban middle class (and mostly upper caste) people is that they have been ‘taught’ to identify (through media, living room discussions, the economics of the whole thing, and the society around them) with a certain idea of India (among other things) and anyone who critisizes that idea, or presents a different idea, is immediately a villian.
And this article by Arnab, I’m afraid, is his revenge against, and destruction of Roy for challenging what he has systematically been taught in his childhood about what India is, and what nationalism is.
@ Mr. Gaurav Singh:
“Now I understand where your high pitched frenzy, resentment and grand fantasy of revenge towards Roy comes from.”
LOL.. man, seriously.. u need to learn to practice some deep-breathing whenever you feel like hyper-ventilating orthographically..
I hold no delusions of “revengeful fantasies” over someone as ideologically second-rate as Ms. Arundhati Roy.. My rebuttal of Her ideology is reserved for such occasions as and when She tries to peddle Her own convictions as the standard Libertarian criteria to judge various issues that She so meticulously chooses to indulge in.. what is intolerant to her supporters such as you is that ” Urban, Upper Caste Indians” like me don’t necessarily buy Her ideological hogwash.. there I have admitted it openly.. now what’s your actual point please..?
Regarding, Ayn Rand, Thomas Bertonneau’s criticism is far from being an ideological criticism.. it is mostly literary in nature, as to why she chose a certain setting and what were its literary implications.. Bertonneau has borrowed so much from Colin Wilson, that at a point one comes to think, as to why not read Wilson in the first place than waste time reading Bertonneau.. as to wilson’s criticism of Ayn Rand, if you care to read his piece, u will find that it fills the gap in Rand’s “Objectivist Epistemology’
rather than being dismissive of Rand’s philosophy..
As to my personal regard for Ayn Rand, it is owed to a single point alone that She tried to convey in all Her works- ” use your own reasoning, your own rationality, your own convictions and not those of the mob, to be your guide in Life..”
I can’t understand why anyone should have a problem with that; unless you expect me ‘not to think’ but to ‘believe’ .. not to use my own ‘reasoning’, but to ‘follow’ blindly..
My idea of India is certainly different from yours – because in my Idea of my Nation – phrases like “urban middle class” or “rural lower caste” have no meaning or place.. certainly not in an ideological discussion, unlike your ilk which so very much loves to throw them around freely when short of valid reasoning..
Sorry My friend, I don’t buy your ideological Debauchery..
A nice passionate response Rahul!
My submissions;
One- I am no Roy supporter, as you have speculated. I am simply sick of this jingoistic ‘one nation, one people, one idea, one culture, one size’ talk that the likes of you beat her with. Remember, patriotism is the last refuge of the scoundrel.
Two- In my humble opinion, Ayn Rand is just a second rate writer for teenage girls who have just attained puberty and are discovering their sexual selves.
Three- You can afford (literally and figuratively) to talk about one nation, and one people being a upper caste, city bred (I am assuming that), middle class, english speaking, internet accessing Indian because, (I’m using one of the quotes by Holden Caulfield in the book The Catcher in the Rye here)- If you get on the side where all the hot-shots (Rich, or economically secure middle class)are, then it’s a game (The noble you who does not want to fragment the country into castes and class), all right — I’ll admit that. But if you get on the other side (Poor, rural, lower caste), where there aren’t any hot-shots, then what’s a game about it? Nothing. No game.
Lastly- Your argument about you being reasonable and others following mobs is like someone pissing in his pants- Only that person thinks it is hot!
And considering that the likes of you are probably more intellegent than the likes of me, and given that I’m no cyber intellectual/ warrior/ crusader, I have no wish to get sucked up in futile debates. I relent.
http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20110414/REVIEWS/110419990
For all Ayn Rand fans, here’s Roger Ebert’s review of Atlas Shrugged-1. Looks like the movie is more vapid than the book and more banal than the author. Ebert’s take on Ayn Rand, I figured it might provide a parable of Ayn Rand’s philosophy that I could discuss. For me, that philosophy reduces itself to: “I’m on board; pull up the lifeline.”
Gaurav bhai,
You wrote: “But if you get on the other side (Poor, rural, lower caste)…”
Did you mean this side? Ekal
Nice try bro… somehow the intellect, research and analysis does not match Ms. Roy’s standards. I know, two folks can never be the same so the style will vary, but you attempted a parody that somehow does not click, despite the overwhelming responses above… it sucks… try harder. I would love to read something that’s original.
Commenting for first time on your blog…simply a Brilliant article man…completely blown away
http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/article1761700.ece
highly unlikely that you have not yet come across the above awesome piece of journalism..
LOL! Brilliant write up. Shaunak’s comments made me laugh even more.
The seething anger that i have for people like arundati, barkha and other such idiots is hard for me to control. This article was so well written, half my anger on these idiots is gone. What i now have is half anger and half empathy. empathy because these low-lifes don’t realise they are low-lifes, and anger because they were born in India!
brilliant post 🙂
Bhishon hype kore lekha.
Exaggeration toh keyu tomar kach theke shiku.
Kintu I agree with the general view, cricket er onek beshi hype amader deshe
i guess u have gone over the board..lets not mix politics/national probs etc etc with the game of cricket!
If only you could see the world beyond your middle class software bourgeois mentality Arnab.
From an article by Arundhati Roy in Outlook India Magazine-
The minister says that for India’s sake people should leave their villages and move to the cities. He’s a Harvard man. He wants speed. And numbers. Five hundred million migrants, he thinks, would make a good business model.
Not everybody likes the idea of their cities filling up with the poor. A judge in Mumbai called slum-dwellers pickpockets of urban land. Another said, while ordering the bulldozing of unauthorised colonies, that people who couldn’t afford it shouldn’t live in cities.
When those who had been evicted went back to where they came from, they found their villages had disappeared under great dams and quarries. Their homes were occupied by hunger, and policemen. The forests were filling up with armed guerrillas. War had migrated too. From the edges of India, in Kashmir, Manipur, Nagaland, to its heart. So the people returned to the crowded city streets and pavements. They crammed into hovels on dusty construction sites, wondering which corner of this huge country was meant for them.
The minister said that migrants to cities were mostly criminals and “carried a kind of behaviour which is unacceptable to modern cities”. The middle class admired him for his forthrightness, for having the courage to call a spade a spade. The minister said he would set up more police stations, recruit more policemen and put more police vehicles on the road to improve law and order.
To make Delhi a world-class city for the 2010 Commonwealth Games, laws were passed that made the poor vanish, like laundry stains. Street vendors disappeared, rickshaw-pullers lost their licences, small shops and businesses were shut down. Beggars were rounded up, tried by mobile magistrates in mobile courts and dropped outside the city limits. The slums that remained were screened off, with vinyl billboards that said DELHIciously Yours.
New kinds of policemen patrolled the streets, better armed, better dressed and trained not to scratch their privates in public, no matter how grave the provocation. There were cameras everywhere, recording everything.
Gaurav Singh wrote,
“If only you could see the world beyond your middle class software bourgeois mentality Arnab”
Replace the word “software” with “office clerk” and you have Gaurav Singh quoting from the 15 page propaganda booklets that used to be distributed around the world by the butchers who bled millions dry in the name of “communist revolution”.
Pol Pot was one of them.