[Caption: Robert Vadra is so shocked that DLF has given him yet another multi-crore interest free loan that he faints] (from NDTV)
Occam’s Razor, while not shaving Anil Kapoor’s chest, has something really simple to say, namely that if we have multiple explanations for an event, the one that makes the fewest outrageous assumptions is usually true.
Following that principle, one would say that the simplest way to explain the DLF Maximums handed out to Robert Vadra would be that these were tributes to the royal son-in-law, the modern-day equivalent of golden swords and diamond-encrusted elephants.
However every cat that has been lapping away at the milk-filled saucer of government or hopes to have come out to tell us, while not falling over themselves in obscene ardor, that Robert’s amazing success (his personal corporate assets grew from a modest Amrita Rao-ian Rs 50 lakh in 2007 to a Silk Smithian Rs 300 crore [Link]) has nothing do with his being the royal consort.
And I believe them just as I believe in zero loss scams, “90% of rapes are consensual” (link) statements and the other assorted fairy tales they like to tell us at bed-time.
I believe them because if I don’t, I suppose I will be contributing to the “mindless atmosphere of negativity and pessimism” (link) which is Congress-speak for “Leave Robert Vadra alone”.
Most importantly, I believe them because Karan Thapar wants us to believe in them. And I love Karan Thapar for nothing more than that “I can see through you cause I am so smart” stare that he gives those he interviews, which reminds me somewhat of Jackie Shroff’s intellectual gaze at Monisha Koirala’s thighs during the “O Yaara Dil Lagana” song from Agneesakshi, and also for his charming bow tie, which brings to mind memories of liveried waiters bending forward officiously with extended tongs that hold an over-fried, oily chunk of what was once aquatic life and say “Chilli fish sir?”
Keen readers will realize that I am referring to Karan Thapar’s recent “Devil’s Advocate” show, one in which Mr. Thapar crosses the line from “advocate” to “hyperventilating fan-boy” as he lets loose the hounds of Hell on Arvind Kejriwal, spinning a delightful web of logic. On one hand, he repeats Salman Khursheed’s accusation of “blackmail” while at the same time blasting Kejriwal for not privately approaching Robert (which is what blackmailers do) and instead going public (which blackmailers do not do). Brilliant chap is he not this Karan Thapar? Then he points out, in a further gotcha, that Kejriwal has said nothing new, merely repeating what has already been published, thus making Kejriwal into the world’s most idiotic blackmailer who tries to blackmail his mark by threatening to reveal something that is already in the public domain.
I will be honest. I do not want to be subjected to such blinding assaults of white-hot logic from someone wearing a bow-tie.
So how can I explain what’s happened?
How can I explain why DLF, supposedly in the real-estate business, buys land from Robert at 50 crores, the same land that Robert spent 13.8 crores to acquire? [Link]
So what does this mean in simple English? It means that Vadra?s Sky Light Hospitality approached DLF to sell the 3.5 acres of land it had bought at Rs 15.38 crore. DLF valued this land at Rs 58 crore and gave Vadra?s Sky Light an advance of Rs 50 crore against this land. The point that arises here is this. Sky Light Hospitality bought the land between 1 April 2008 and 31 March 2009 for Rs 15.38 crore. They also approached DLF during the same period to sell the land. DLF in turn valued the land at Rs 58 crore.
How can I explain why a bank gives overdrafts of 7.94 crores to a company with issued capital of Rs 1 lac?
How can I explain that DLF that pays 12.38% interest on its debts gives the great man interest-free loans (in the guise of advances that are left lying about for years, like old copies of Tintin loaned out to a friend)?
The only explanation that I come up with and which I am sure will protect me from retribution is that Robert Vadra actually has mastery of Jedi/Sith mind-control abilities which allow him to manipulate weak individuals.
That is he goes in front of the big bosses at DLF’, waves his hands slightly, “I am a body builder. Look how I have developed my biceps” and they automatically believe, due to the Jedi mind manipulation trick, that Robert Vadra is an ace property developer and infrastructure builder. They then stutter and say “Yes…yes we want to buy property from you at the price you declare.” He does the same in front of the bank bigwigs and they say “Yes, we want to give you interest-free loans.” after which Vadra blinks and they forget such a thing ever happened (link), their weak minds wiped clean. That is why even after some of the fantastic facts came out many months ago, the BJP and other opposition have chosen to remain silent, stuck as their tongues have become by ancient Jedi spells.
That also explains why Robert Vadra is the only private individual other than the Dalai Lama exempt from airport searches. A Jedi/Sith cannot be expected to part with his lightsaber or even allow those not initiated to touch it.
Yes I see it all now. He the master. All politicians of the Congress his apprentices. And the Thapar’s bow-tie an adaptation of the little “choti” that a Padawan learner must keep.
Rise Darth Vadra. Your time is now.