Santa Sree

Sreesanth_Prost3832“Thappad se dar naheen lagta sahab, pyar se lagta hai” –Dabangg

Goodbye Santa-Sree. And don’t let the slap or the love hit you on the way out.

Cause the way things look right now, we won’t be seeing you no more. At least for some time.

To be honest, I am going to miss you. That butt-shimmy. That simian snarl. That slow clap-taunt when the batsman hit you all over the park. That “Look at me… I am a preening peacock” pose for the cameras, those rare occasions when you got a wicket. That “swinging bat like a helicopter” run down the pitch, those rare occasions your bat touched the ball. That self-effacing Charlie Sheenish “Do you know who I am? I am the greatest ! I am better than you !!” modesty that we have seen time and again. That unique ability to be hated not only by your opponents but also by your teammates.

Like all geniuses, you had your eccentricities. And like geniuses, you had something that set you aside from the crowd. Yes. I am talking about your singular lack of talent on the cricket field.

But what is this now I hear? Spot fixing? You? I would never have guessed. As a matter of fact, I refuse to believe such a thing could have happened. It must be, as the Malayalee papers have said a sinister conspiracy of   “the North Indian lobby, led by the leading ‘Aryan’ MS Dhoni, which apparently has been thwarting Sreesanth’s career since Harbhajan’s still inadequately explained slap of 2008”. Those North Indians, I tell you. First they made Shakeera more famous than Shakeela. Now this.

syWhat about this Jiju Janardhan chap the press is talking about? Fiction. Who has a name like Jiju Janardhan…tara rum pum pum pum? This was possibly the second most ridiculous thing I heard this week. The first being that to stop spot-fixing, players need to be counselled and mentored, as if the basic problem is that these “nanha munha-s” do not know that fixing is a crime against the game. (Reminds me of that line of Chutiya from Gunda: “Rape karna kya budi baat hai?”)

If there is one silver lining from all this, it’s that we fans came to know so much about you. You were arrested with a woman. That you were going to be married to a non-Keralite. And that you bought an expensive phone for your girl-friend. Total stud you are.

Not that we have any doubts.

If I have any doubts, its regarding what is being said. I can understand no-balls like Mohammed Snape Amir’s. They are totally in the bowler’s control. But how can bowlers make sure that an exact number of runs, (give or take one or two) are scored in a particular over? And if some bowlers are this precise and in-control of the game, why cannot they be better than freakshows on the fringe of selection?


What’s not puzzling is that Santa-Sree has confirmed what I have been saying. That he is innocent.

“As a cricketer, I have learnt to take knocks along with accolades, in my stride.” Ahem. Knocks on the cheeks perhaps.

577686_383255585055931_882874396_nAnd the outpouring of support from his millions of fans on the comment thread (currently four only) shows that I am not alone in my belief in your innocence.

I don’t know what’s going to happen to you Santa-Sree. Given that there may be a “MMS video”  and given your past history of “hanging around” a certain hottie, you will be a shoo-in as the host of award-winning show Superdude, that is now helmed by Asmit Patel, also a superstud and player like you. Big Boss will also beckon and you can ask past-winner Vindoo  some tips about it, now that he too is in the slammer.

In case, (and I don’t believe this will happen) you get some jail time and you can maintain your narrative of victim-hood through it all, remember that that will be a stepping stone to something higher. Namely, a political career. Who knows? Maybe even a Member of Parliament. After all, spending time in jail is to Indian politicians what writing a “Hello world” program in Java is for developers, a rite of passage.

So fly high and onward, dear friend. We shall watch your journey with great pride and perhaps a bit of sadness.

20 thoughts on “Santa Sree

  1. Nautanki Sala

  2. innocent until proven guilty

  3. Top 3, Apple Itunes gift coupons please

  4. I will always remember him for taking the catch of Misba ul haq in 2010 t20 world cup. Deadly combination, Jogindar Sharma, Ravi Shastry and Sreeshant.

    Ravi Shastry “In the air Sreeshanth takes it, India win”

    It was stupid of him to be involved in match fixing.

    1. Apologies, a typo, 2007 world cup.

  5. Nice. But much as I dislike him, I don’t really agree with the lack of talent bit. No one who saw him bowl in SA should really say that. But talent without temperament is a waste.

  6. Arnab da, with all due respect, I think we should wait awhile before condemning him to the “pits of hell”. Why not wait for him to be proven guilty, and then judge? It has become too easy to have a trial by media these days, please don’t jump the gun – the small part of me which is a cricket fan still hopes that he will somehow come clean. Please don’t kill that hope.

  7. Another Sreesanth achievement would be the counter sledging against Aus in the 2007-08 series in Aus. My guess Indian team Management told Bhaaji & Sreesanth they can do any crazy antics to antagonize the Aussies they will be backed to the fullest. These 2 natural jackasses confused the Aussies so much they that Symonds had to counter by accusing Bhaaji of making racial slurs. Sadly The careers these 3 characters went downhill after this memorable series.

  8. We know he is temperamental, up to certain extent I liked his tantrums, his fight with Bhajji, his six on last ball against SA Fast bowler, his waywardness in bowling. One ball will be way out side the stumps and next delivery would be just magical- Unplayable. But than this news of spot fixing, it seems his temperament has brought him down, this guy probably do not know what he wants from the life.

  9. There’s a comical twist as well to this saga …

    Sreesanth had been contracted by bookies to give away 14 runs in the fixed over. With a towel tucked in his waistband that the police allege was a signal to bookies that he was bowling a fixed over, the pacer gave away 13 runs in the first five balls he bowled. On the sixth, he bowled a no-ball to add one more run. But the Umpire did not signal a no-ball and the total runs scored off that over remained at 13. A panicky Sreesanth then talked to Jiju, whose phone was being tapped, to check if the bookies would still pay up.

  10. the way things have unfolded… i am only surprised that people are feigning surprise over match fixing/spot fixing in IPL…

    Waiting to see how this turns out…

    By the way… The blog looked better before… 😦

  11. Sreesanth is just a small fish. Consider this…First playoff game at Delhi is played on a pitch which is an absolute belter. Mumbai bowlers are rendered toothless and CSK outbats them.
    Second playoff game the pitch is a slow turner, what White calls at the toss “not very different from home”. And as you would expect SRH almost won the contest before a Hodge blinder.
    Same venue, same curator, and prepares two mindbogglingly different surfaces? Is it just a co-incidence or were those pitches specially prepared as ordered. Random fact – owners of CSK wield enormous clout in the cricketing world and also SRH owners are related to CSK owners? Yeah, a co-incidence, cannot be anything else.

  12. Sreesanth is too small a fry in this whole fixing/betting stuff

  13. he was talented, for sure. But he does not seem to have any friends to support him, which is a bigger problem.

  14. I estimated the number of hours Indian men spend watching cricket instead of playing a sport themselves, working out, learning to cook, or just meditating or sleeping. Then I checked my mind. It had boggled.

  15. Sreesanth kare toh saala character dheela hai? 😛

  16. blogs are dying 😦

  17. This corruption is eating India.
    It started from politics and has entered Cricket also – the game that is in the veins of Indian common man.
    I remembered that once SouthAfrican cricketer hansie cronje was caught in match-fixing and he accepted it also. He said that he dont remember what happened to him and he did fixing.

    But Indians never accept their faults.

    Lets see Sreesanth case whether he is culprit or not

  18. First of all its ‘Malayalam’ newspapers and not ‘Malayalee’. Typical bong mistake I could say, no? No, cause then I would be stereotyping a typical mistake a north-Indian makes when it comes to anything south of the Vindhyas.
    Second, what’s so funny about Jiju Janardanan,,,a south-Indian name anyway. I know you bongs have beautiful names indeed…but just because you don’t understand cultures other than yours, does not mtean you need to show your stereotypical ignorance.
    Third, ever heard about innocent until proven guilty?
    Fourth, lack of talent is another debatable issue…but I guess when it comes to Arnabs (Goswami and Ray), truth shouldn’t come in the way of front-row humour. Its about what you guys are shouting or writing about…truth be damned. We don’t deal in nuances here, do we.
    Five, marrying a non-keralite, buying a that it Mr. Ray? That is what you draw on to elicit humour. Sreesanth used match-fixing money to buy smartphone says Delhi Police. Wow, poor guy..he was so poor that he didn’t have money to buy a smartphone for his…whoever. But it makes a good story…
    There are more…but am lazy.
    I guess your well has dried up. I guess you should take a break…take the wife her a smartphone maybe or maybe write a sequel to ‘The Mine’…that should be hilarious :). Don’t get me wrong, I loved ‘The Mine’…I love humour you see 🙂
    Oh and btw…I am not a prude and I love watching those standup comedies that don’t spare anyone…no taboos, no inhibitions, where everyone, every religion is open game. So no…I am not commenting because I am a ‘Malayali’ (there is a difference between Malayalam and Malayali, you know)


    1. What a reply Rahullll

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