1. If you see an NRI (Non-Resident Indian-Immigrant) Desi smiling at you at Sabzi Mandi, be sure he is either an insurance agent or selling Amway.
2. The sophisticated NRI Desi shops at Target and sneers at desis who shop at Walmart. The uber-sophisticated NRI Desi shops clearance at Macy’s and sneers at desis who shop at Target and Walmart.
3. The NRI Desi buys a ticket for a movie at AMC. Treats it as an all-day pass.
4. The moment the NRI Desi walks into a buffet restaurant, you know he has already skipped at least a meal.
5. In NRI Desi parties, guy talking passionately about immigration is still on H1B. Guy talking about mortgage refinancing has gotten his green card.
6. If you see NRI Desi buying cheap digital camera at clearance, he is going to India in a week. If he is buying 20 $ worth of chocolates, he is going tomorrow.
7. Going to Ikea Saturday evening is the NRI Desi married couple version of post-coital cigarette.
8. The NRI Desi buys store-brand shampoo and stores it in brand-name bottles when friends come to stay overnight.
9. When NRI Desi couple sneak upstairs during party, it’s to change the baby’s diapers.
10. The NRI Desi never wants ice when buying “soft drinks” at fountain. Never. Unless there are free refills.
11. An NRI Desi always plays the Dil Chahta Hai song on car stereo if he gets a convertible upgrade at Budget.
12. An NRI Desi man signs up for free salsa classes at university since the flyer says “Partners will be provided”.
13. The NRI Desi man’s two seduction techniques are—“Pick up desi girl from airport” and “Cook for desi girl”. Do both well, and even then you won’t get laid. Do one bad, you get friend-zoned. Do both bad, you become her Rakhi Bhaiyya and she expects Rakhi gifts.
14. NRI Desis always search for open wireless networks. Stealing someone’s bandwidth affirms our IT demigod status.
15. An NRI Desi is for more lenient immigration policies before he gets his green card and stricter after.
16. An NRI Desi at Vegas play slot machines for the free drinks. Those who consider themselves posh are at the 5$ blackjack table for ten minutes.
17. NRI Desi defines sit-down dinner as “here” while ordering at Wendy’s.
18. No self-respecting NRI Desi buys tomato ketchup at the store. He picks up hand fulls of sachets free from Taco Bell.
19. NRI Desi fresh-of-boat thinks “tall” at Starbucks is the large size.
20. An NRI Desi never considers a potluck as success unless value of food consumed >>>value of food brought.
21. An NRI desi if the restaurant offers free-salad-bar with entree will eat full-stomach at the salad-bar and then doggie-bag (“parcel”) the entree.
22. An NRI Desi is offended by this post.