RaGa and Leaked Transcript of AI Speech

[Work of fiction. Any resemblance to real speech is merely coincidental. Context]

Good morning bhaiyon and behenon and my mother.

I am RaGa and I am here to talk about AI.

As you all know, Congress gave the world AI. Also IA. Air India. Indian Airlines. Great achievements as those of have ever had the fortune of flying these two carriers would know.

But today I am here to talk about artificial intelligence, the ability to mimic human like intelligence without possessing a brain and as someone who has been doing this for the last 45 years or so, I guess I am uniquely qualified to talk about AI.

AI is in my shirt, it is in my pants.

The Gandhi family understands the concept of decision trees. We always take the path that is weighted by the highest incentives for us, and our edges are weighted by Bofors, Augusta Westland as experts will no doubt note. More details are available in our paper on Minimal Reduced Edge Graph Algorithm or MREGA

This follows from the work the Gandhi-Nehrus did in developing object oriented languages where we practically defined the concepts of inheritance and inner classes which we initially called Lutyens. Also do take a look at our agent based system which we call Quattrocchi.

I personally use supervised learning, supervised by my mother and Digvijay Singhji and I operate from a neural network, and yes the bandwidth on that network is available, please contact Mr Raja for further conversation. We impose invariants like “A Gandhi shall always lead the Congress” during operations and we have developed proprietary data mining routines that produce vast quantities of copper and iron and coal and natural gas.

It is worth noting that we at Congress virtually invented adaptive systems, the Congress party being secular or communal or self righteous or corrupt, adapting fast and adjusting behavior depending on sensor stimulus.

Unfortunately some people like Elon Modi are creating fear uncertainty doubt regarding AI. AI is benign, and follows Asimov’s principle of never harming its masters. If you have any doubt, look at us, we never ever harm our masters, even when they harm us and you may ask Union Carbide. When faced with obstacles, we just change our goals and shift our goalposts.

Ultimately you have to realize that human intelligence is fallible. Just look at our 2014 election results.

But when you put your trust in artificial intelligence, you embrace perfection.

So come and hug me.

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10 thoughts on “RaGa and Leaked Transcript of AI Speech

  1. This is not fair! You are picking up jokes from Business standards now. πŸ˜€

  2. You may consider writing another post on decision tree, algo, propositional logic etc… to make us better understand AI. That would help your readers understand what is AI and what is just marketing gimmick!

    Thanks!

  3. This is extremely hilarious !! You never know RaGa might be quoting few lines from here πŸ˜› .. Keep up the awesome work . Cheers !!!!

  4. I’m truly looking forward to his speech. It’s been so long since I had a belly laugh.

  5. Even the original RaGa would have never drafted such a brilliant (sic) speech.

  6. This is one of the best satirical pieces I have read in a long time πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ simply awesome

  7. Nice Satire

  8. Kay kaar baksho bhalo bajate paare ei niyei cholche .. chaliye jao bondhu, joto din choley.

  9. I wish RaGa could understand the hidden sarcasm behind these lines! πŸ˜‰

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