[The following is a parody spoof. It is based on the following news item regarding Google employees forming a labor union, the first of its kind in high-tech.](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/01/04/technology/google-employees-union.html)
Dear employees of Alphabet/Google,
It is good to know that Google is joining the brotherhood of the working class. Reading the news that Google workers are forming an union fills me with great joy, I knew something was afoot when Google went down a few weeks ago, exactly how things started in Khardah and Titagarh in the 60s.
I am not surprised though that the movement has started at Google. Google has been infused with revolutionary temper for a long time, with so much research into ML, which I believe, stands for Marxist Leninist.
But here are some suggestions for further improvement.
The use of Cost Per Mile or CPM as a term for advertisement pricing must be stopped. I am also hoping that Google stops all test automaton and instead provides work for union labor. Productivity tools must be destroyed as productivity is a capitalist construct. The frivolous naming convention of Android must be discontinued, only a capitalist would call an operating system Lollipop, successive versions should be called “sromeek”, “krishok”, “majdoor”. All negotiation protocols must go through the union politburo, we can’t have any decentralized protocols at all !
I have heard there is a lot class struggle in Google code, destructors should be called on all classes not implementing a go-slow method, and all structures should be re-factored as unions. I want a hammer and sickle painted on each container. Two union members must be assigned to every virtual machine and these will be known as virtual workers, as in they will draw salary but you will never see them at the machine because it is all virtual. Also gonoshokti should be kept on the walls of every Google cafeteria.
Once again, I am happy that Google is unionizing. We have brought great success before to jute industry in the Bengal Ganga valley, a once-flourishing industry belt, and I am confident we can repeat our success in Silicon Valley.
Here is hoping that the next time I go to the Google page, I see a “out to lunch” doodle and nothing else.
Only then will my dream come true.