[Warning: Long post]
Taran Adarsh, India’s greatest movie reviewer EVER fires a salvo at those whom he dubs “pseudo journos with zero knowledge of film-making and business”.
Which I think includes me.(blogger=pseudo-journo)
Now KABHI ALVIDA NAA KEHNA faces the flak. So what’s new? Nothing. It’s the same old story. The moment a big film hits the screens, a section of the film industry [also include some pseudo journos with zero knowledge of film-making and business] has a constipated look on their faces. Text messages degrading the film fly left, right and centre. ‘It wouldn’t sustain beyond Friday’, ‘Bakwas hain’, ‘The director has lost it’, ‘Paisa kamaya, par reputation khatam’ Haven’t we heard all this and more [the nastiest of talk] before? Let’s not forget, a tree which bears fruits is always stoned. Jo hain naamwala, wohi to badnaam hain.
Indeed. He exhorts:
Why are we so skeptical when it comes to embracing bold themes? Why should Hindi cinema be confined to those three/four stories that are as old as the hills? Why shouldn’t we welcome changes?
So here’s a pseudo-journo’s challenge to Mr. Adarsh. I am going to review KABHI AAGE KAABHI PEECHE — a movie which only I have seen as of yet and which will be released to the general public during Deewali. I am going to try to review it using a style heavily internalized from the great Mr. Adarsh. (Kindly refer here for the gold standard).
The question is: ” Can there be a “bolder” movie than the one below? Are the Indian audiences mature enough for this?”
Read on. And try to find the answers.
It’s finally here.
KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE has generated tremendous heat within and outside the film industry and also among dogs, cats, rabbits and horses—all of whom are now consequently in heat. It’s not the star cast alone that has resulted in unparalleled, unmatched, unsuperceded, unattainable, unprecedented and un-whatever-you-can-think-of craze for the film. It’s also the person whose hot bum is on the director’s chair that makes KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE special.
With KYA KUCH NAHEEN HOTA HAI and KABHI BAKWAS NAHEEN KAHENA, his directorial accomplishments, Baran Julaab (BJ) has set such high standards that an all-important question crosses your mind as you walk into the screening: Is this supremely talented man actually an alien?
KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE is an AIDS test for BJ for yet another reason. It’s the first time that BJ has changed tracks. Though this supremely talented director has tackled romance and relationships between men and women in the past, but KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE goes a step further. It takes a bold look at relationships between married men and makes a bold, shocking, exciting statement that will shake, tremble and crumble the very basis of society.
There are bound to be comparisons with films of similar genre. But let’s put certain myths to rest at the very outset. The story revolves around two homosexual men, but it’s not BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN. The speculation should end there because I say so. BJ’s take on relationships is fresh, bold and very bold.
KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE tells us the story of two families — Samas and Kamis — both not connected to one another, both settled in the economic capital of the world: Calcutta. However dramatic circumstances bring them together, in a way only the genius of BJ could have been thought of.
Raj Sama [Mithun Chakraborty] has an uneasy and troubled relationship with his wife Mamata [Preity Jhangiani] and son Momo [some arbit precocious brat who deserves a tight slap for winking at girls]. His wife is a Trinamool Congress legislator and has no time for her husband as she follows her dream of kicking the CPM out from power.
Rohit Kami [Shahrukh Khan’s] relationship with his wife Prema [Payal Rohatgi] is layered with a lot of self-doubt and question. He is unable to whip up enough passion for Prema, with and without Viagra. This dilemma pulls him further apart from her, thereby causing a strain on their marital life.
And then their paths cross. About 3 minutes into the movie.
KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE starts like a nice romantic drama for the classes, with Shahrukh getting married to his childhood sweetheart and Mithun-da, a world-famous disco dancer, talking to his wife about the $50 million dollars he will get to expose his left nipple during half-time show during Super Bowl . But minutes later, Mithun-da and Shahrukh meet by chance, their lives turn 273 degree and Mithun-da feels something he has never felt before. Distracted while looking at Shahrukh from the back, he gets hit by a speeding auto, which damages his leg and nipples beyond repair. His career is finished.
The tension between the couples surfaces gradually, but reaches a height 22 minutes before intermission. The spat between Mithun and Preity on one hand [Preity to Mithun-da: “You are the one who wears the sari in this house. No I mean it. Take it off. I need to go to work.“], followed by the heated argument between Shahrukh and Payal [Shahrukh: Everything about you is fake…even your breasts ] is amongst the most remarkable portions in the film. These sequences hit you like a paddle on your upthrust buttock!
Mithun-da and Shahrukh Khan meet again three years after their first meeting when by chance both of them chase a pickpocket through Esplanade. They become friends. They share their marital tiffs with each other and try to solve each other’s problems. A beautiful scene which will be loved by the masses and classes is when Mithun-da and SRK sit in the back seats of a hall in Calcutta’s poshest multiplex: Pradeep and show each other how to hotly arouse their spouses by seducing each other through throaty whispers and caresses. And then in order to spice up his married life, SRK goes to his wife Payal wearing a leather submissive costume but is unable to take it off as he realizes how sexy the leather thong feels between his buttocks. So bold.
The first half is laced with tense-filled moments as well as light portions in abundance. Mithun-da’s mother’s (played by Rakhee) philandering lifestyle provides ample moments of laughter and of course, eye-candy, what with some gorgeous Kolkata callboys (Loreelllll and Haaaardy) jumping out of the closet.
In the post-interval portions, infidelities occur, betrayals are discovered and Mithun-da and SRK realize that the reason their minds were never on their wives was because they had been looking for each other all their lives. This is the brilliance of BJ….we all know “Kaheen na kaheen koi hain”. But what if you are a dude and that “koi” is another guy. What will you do then? This is the dilemna in KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE—a dilemna some men resolve in men’s hostel, some in prison and some during married life.
The sequence when Mithunda and SRK encounter each other in Sealdah station late at night is so emotional. Sealdah Station has never looked as beautiful. As the grown men look at each other from afar, in superslow motion, tears running down their cheeks, Mithun-da utters the totally original dialogue:
“All these moments will be lost in time like tears in the rain”
Note another sequence: when Mithunda and SRK ,throwing convention to the winds, check into a posh hotel on Free School Street on a rainy Calcutta evening and consummate their passion in front of a burning agarbatti while Himesh Reshammiya’s voice bleats out in anguished passion: ” Yaaaannnnhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” reflecting the two hero’s physical and emotional pain.
A classes and masses and asses moment.
The end is powerful, but disturbing. Disturbing for those who believe in the age-old traditions and the sanctity of marriage. But not me. I am modern. The film moves about in a serpentine fashion (needless to say it is not “straight”). Just when you thought that the couples have decided to go separate ways, the movie bites you on the bum and just when you think you can sit down, another twist in the end grabs your ass.
The last scene of Mithun-da disco tango-dancing (forgetting all his physical pain) with SRK to the remixed song “Aadmi hoon aadmi se pyar karta hoon” is totally guaranteed to break down the most hard boiled among you into masses of jelly.
The cinematography is awesome. The film has been filmed in Calcutta and the lensman captures the various seasons and sights with gusto—the fall colors and the gently falling snow. Whenever it has the chance, the camera caresses the contours of Mithun-da circling around him like an eagle scoping its prey. The outcome is easily comparable to the best in Hollywood.
The dialogues are beautiful—sample Rakhee on her deathbed telling Mithun-da: “Mohabbat aur Hagga bin-bulaaye-mehamon ke tarah aante hain.”
Himesh’s music is melodious. ‘Cock N Bull Soniye’ and ‘Where’s The Orgy Tonite’ and the title song which goes: ‘Kabhi aage kabhi peeche, kabhi andar kabhi neeche, kuch kuch hota hain, tara rum pum bum bum ” appeal also due to the vibrant choreography. The styling and the production values are topnotch.
In KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE, the actors get a chance to shine and no one shines brighter than Mithun-da. Let’s just state one thing here: This is Dada’s finest work after “Gunda”. His sequences with Preity Jhangiani specifically, when the couple has their spats, or in the many climaxes he has with SRK proves that he’s undoubtedly the best in the business. The ferocity with which he delivers his lines and the restless energy he imparts to his character electrifies every scene that he’s in. The rest are also brilliant: SRK again underplays his role with a typically restrained performance, Preity Janghiani plays a very hot Indian politician and Payal Rohatgi’s implants never, not even once, look like they were stuck on with crazy-glue. And Rakhee. What a naughty performance. Whether being flirtatious with two men in thongs or dying on a bed, her amazingly authentic Hindi accent never once deserts her.
On the whole, KABHI AAGE KABHI PEECHE is a mindblowing film from the writing, performance and execution point of view. Stylish, classy, original and may I say it for the tenth time bold, it will be a hit in the A, B and C centers and of course among the cellphone MMSing multiplex-going crowd. It will take the box office like a tornado, smash all records and make bumper superduper profits.
But be warned. It needs high brains to understand a movie of this genius. Girls be warned. Do not take your boyfriends on a date to see this one.
You never know with whom he will leave.
[Acknowledgement: The name of the movie is courtesy Rohit]
[Unrelated announcement: I received a mail asking me to publicize this link: http://savenirali.com/nirali. Nirali needs a bone-marrow transplant and is looking for South Asian donors. Any help would be greatly appreciated.]
The Greatbong Blog & Podcast 
Awesome! Wonder whether this will shut Taran Adarsh up.
Oye, what did you have for breakfast today morning ? This is the best of all your posts. Only someone at Indiafm could get Taran Adarsh to read this. That should do the trick of shutting his trumpet blowing hole, I mean the one he uses for airing reviews.
Guru – that was your all time best post. I still remember actually watching a movie at ‘that best of multiplexes’ Pradeep !!!
Simply amazing!!!
My PM is wondering what is so funny in the work given to me!!
You rock.
Nilesh
wow!!!!
imagine the rprecussions such a movie will have on our world as we see it:
Mira Nair shelving her project to make ‘backfire’ lest she be called a capy cat(talk about choosing between the devil and the satan)
Young men walking on (now the legendary) freeschool street without ever not being bothered by the beedi spoking smelly pimps calling out ‘dada caallege boyi..caallege boy!!!’
same young first timer boys running back to new market only to find a moronic character trying to sell ‘Pappu-chhaap unani churan’ shouting out ‘Koi agar mere churan ke baare mein galat bole to khuda kasam us aadmi ke baap pe wo raat ko khud chadhe’.
Aquatica on saturdays proudly displaying:Stagettes not allowed
Prabhu Rajya is soon coming!!!!!!!
awesome post, i guess if it ever comes up on screen, KJo will make a special appearance to add some twist to Mithun and SRK’s love story!
“Where’s the orgy tonite??” – Superb!!
ROFL :-D! Funniest review ever!
Tarun Adarsh – is he supposed to be a reviewer? Yuck! God save the audience!!!
Fantabulous! Mitun da’s poster was an icing on the cake
Mindblowing stuff ! Waiting eagerly for the movie 😉
“You are the one who wears the sari in this house. No I mean it. Take it off. I need to go to work.“
Gurudev !!!Chilla bows down to the Great of all Bong bloggers.
barf bag alert! 🙂
mindblowing parallels tho. Mr TA needs to get a life – the basic gripe with kank is that what could have been a great movie (including good basic story) turned out horrible, horrible horrible.
Mithun da and SRK in …………. – ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
At least some aesthetically satsifying combo pls 😉
Amazing stuff !!! The rumors are there is a sequence where SRK arouses Dada by tweaking his broken nipple and dada obliges by giving SRK the greatest head ever, turning the two ex-footballers in the sneak preview audience – Zidane and the-other-dada – quite jealous. I just hope they don’t censor it out.
I miss Pradeep. No, not my JU classmate. The metroplex. Maybe both. I am not so sure any more. I blame you.
Simply awesome! As someone else said if only Taran Adarsh would read this. 🙂
This is the BEST post till date. u r getting better with the number of posts increasing.
A classes and masses and asses moment. – ROTFL. I mean it. Its getting difficult to type now.
“Mohabbat aur Hagga bin-bulaaye-mehamon ke tarah aante hain.†– I am going to sue you now. Just broken a rib.
You are crazy man… simply crazy!!!
BTW pls let TA be. Its not right for a person who doesnt know anything about movie making to comment about a “real journo” who writes for a “world famous” publication. There are just a few writers/reviewers like TA who further the cause of Indian writers worldwide and get them “booker material” status.
Though a point remains, as quoted from the business talk article by someone-who-knows-all- about-business-but-still-chooses-to-work-in-a-job dude…
But the paying public knows what’s best for them… – At least I do. and yeah… I “paid” for the ticket just because someone I went to the movie with read a “nice” review by some punk like TA who got “paid/bribed/laid by KJo” to write it.
All time greatest post on RTDM!!
*Bows down in front of GreatBong*
*starts wiping spat-out pepsi off the floor*
Shame on you GB for being so slanderous about such a distinguished individual. This is what the wikipedia entry on TARAN ADARSH says:
You are defaming such an illustrious person and one who is obviously very skilled at his work.
Is it just so remotely possible that you are seeking out “popular” and well respected people like him to beat up, just so that you can be in the limelight?
And as a very very knowledgeable person once said “people with with zero knowledge of film-making and business should not dare comment on them”. Listen to him.
PS: The history of edits on that entry is indeed very interesting 🙂
i am all for bollywood (for want of a better word) embracing new themes, new genres and modernism etc etc. but i believe that if u gotto do something, u gotto do it right.
and that does not entail approaching fidelity and superhero themed movies with the oh-so-familiar sequences so contrived and and cliched that we can see them coming a million miles away.
and yes i havent seen krrish and KANK and dont intend to either.
If the protagonists are shown practising safe-sex, no doubt NACO and Buladi will finance the film leaving the D company heartbroken.
Why, oh why, did I look at the picture of oily Mithun just when I was about to eat lunch! I need to put off the lunch until the bad taste goes from my mouth. Great post.
<plug>
You need my Craptastic! to watch this moive!
</plug>
YOURFAN writes:
@GB: Your review on KAKP is Superb, Superb, and Superb. I can’t come up with any better words. I first read the link that you provided about TA. Then I read your post on KAKP.I can’t remember when I have laughed and enjoyed so much!
Although I think that the subject matter in KANK is truly new for Indian movies yet I can’t deny the facts that there are so many flaws which dilute the impact of the movie.
Anyway, I sincerely wish TA reads your post – at least sneakily so that he knows what people with decent grey cells think about his reviews. The sad part is that authorities pay TA for these sold out/bribed reviews!!! On the other hand I think that since TA does this for living he has to take the bribe etc!!! Good that you don’t write reviews for living – may be then you would have gone TA way and most importantly we would have missed out on the great fun which we get from your blog.
Lastly, I think by linking TA in your post you are gifting his post undue hits which he will take as his popularity or acceptance of his opinion.
*wicked smile*
I was waiting for someone to pick up on Taran ‘I-love-SRK-Kjo-as-much-as-they-love-each-other’ Adarsh but no one did it and here you come. one of the best on RTDM ever
“‘Aadmi hoon aadmi se pyar karta hoon’ is totally guaranteed to break down the most hard boiled among you into masses of jelly”
jelly!! why jelly? hahaha.. ROTFL man – and congrats on your two years!
@Vishal: Good thing to ask him.
@Bishu: Thank you
@Bochka: What an amazing place that is.
@Nilesh: 🙂
@Anirudh: “Backfire”. Just beautiful. Waiting for Prabhu Rajya.
@Vikas: A gu”ass”t appearance.
@Archana: He is India’s most popular reviewer coming on cable TV and trade magazines.
@Anonymous: 🙂
@BongoPondit: Showing at Bhavani, Pradeep and other fine theates.
@ChillaBong: Thank you..
@Sameer: This is not aesthetically satisfying ! What…
@Dipanjan: I am sorry for arousing such disturbing memories.
@Confused: Indeed.
@Vivek: TA for Booker. I am all for it.
@PGK: Good thing it’s on the floor. Its pesticide man.
@Anonymouse: Defaming? Jo Hain Naamwala wahi to badnaam hain you are saying?
@Ravi: Hmm.
@Swati: Any sex in a K-movie is unsafe sex.
@Twisted DNA: No more oily food for you.
@yourfan: I agree with you about some points. KANK is unique in that the main characters are shown to be less likeable than the supporting cast. And it does sidestep many of the cliches—however adding many more in their place. And that TA guy….he represents everything that’s wrong with film journalism and appreciation.
@Nishit: Thank you
@SB: Cause jelly is soft and mushy and very emotional. Thanks.
Eh? KAKP is the best movie of the year – it is sure to sweep all awards. Mithun is DA BEST! SRK IS KING! LONG LIVE KING SRK.
😀
Superbly written. BTW, what do you think of this Taran Adarsh Masterpiece Review?
Suyog
@Suyog,
Oh man. I cant believe this guy wrote that review.
Youth diwana. Using a line from the Shakira “Hips Don’t Lie” Song: ” Oh baby when you talk like that, you make a human go mad”.
What a kickass post… smashes straight into all-time-GB-top 10 with a bang. Man…you really kicked some ass there. Amazing stuff. Also now praise is too high for mentioning such nostalgic places like Pradeep, FS Street, Esplanade, Sealdah Station (LOL)….just too much. Its time to stop typing and laugh hysterically again.
This was too good! I was laughing all the time. This should seriously get published in some national daily but I think our film makers may not take it sportingly.
Someone should make such a movie, I am already stifling a laugh:).
GB, I am going to link to your posts. On the “Ek Se Bhale…” post, I have something to add about polygamy. Your Independence Day post was terrific.
Yourfan2: Your insight on KANK in the previous post was something I had been thinking of, too. This is one of the rare movies that does not make an excuse for extra marital relationships and perhaps, that is why many people have found it very hard to digest (at least this is what I guessed from the reviews and discussions online). I hope you don’t mind if I use your opinion when I post on this movie. I have yet to watch it.
All said and done, this movie has certainly caught te imagination of the public. There seems to be no dearth of critiques and discussions about it which is only making me more curious to see it.
And I forgot. GB, congrats on completing two years. Looking forward to many years of delightful posts from you.
You have inspired me to try my hand at humour.
Greatbong, you should ignore useless lowlifes like him. It is an irony in this world that talentless hacks like Karan Johar and Jessica Simpson make millions. You commenting on TA will be your wasting your great writing talent on him.
Bongji,
Tussi toh great ho.
But looking at the Prabhuji image I thought this movie was about a person’s forbidden love for Man’s best friend. Guess BJ chickened out and so went out to make a movie which was not too bold enough for the Indian audiences.
Maybe you need to watch the movie again : Rakhee’s dialogue on the death bed was actually “Mohabbat aur Tatti kabhi bhi aa sakte hai”. Or was it “Maut aur Tatti kabhi bhi aante hain”. Maybe it is me who needs to watch the movie again.
But is is nice to know that “The historic first week billing of KAABHI AAGE KAABHI PEECHE is a slap on the faces of all naysayers who predicted doomsday for the film at the box-office.” In fact my dog was telling me “Aisi progressive filmein Indya mein kabhi nahin chal sakti. Its rejection is certain.†But the paying public knows more than my dog (Kutte ki aulad).
Relax BJ, it’s the time to khisko!
When are you starting the Indian version of The Onion?
Taran Adarsh’s views are not always “adarsh” because vested interests are there at times.
Shahrukh had an earlier movie called Kabhi haan kabhi naa which he rates as one of his best. Is this for real? Maybe the word Kabhi is lucky for him considering that kabhi khushi kabhhi gam was a hit.
It does not apply to you in writing, isn;t it? You are always aage, never peeche.
May I ask, What has this guy done to deserve this post ?
People like Taran Adarsh and that great soul who reviews films for TOI have no business being the film critics they claim to be. Because they’re simply not qualified for the job. In the end, however, it must also be said, as with governments, we get the films and film critics we deserve!!
Maane mairi, ota ki tor mogoj na moja? Erokom ekta ullat piece likhish ki kore? Totally mindblowing:D Chaliye jao Guru!
1. I read Taran Adarsh’s piece on IndiaFM and remember thinking if he’s paid to rhapsodise on KJo’s marathon bummers.
2. Loved, absolutely loved, your take on TA’s saccharine rhapsody.
3. By now, most of my colleagues know I’m reading a GreatBong piece when they hear abruptly cut off shouts of laughter, or see me holding my sides, or the tears rolling down my face.
4. What movie of Prabhu-ji gave up that stupendous picture?
5. And last, how come you got to see Kabhi Aage Kabhi Peeche and the rest of us never even got to see the promos?
Fantastic …
Asha
I think with all the twists, bites, grabs of the ass in the movie, I guess we will have one sour ass by the time we come out of the theater.
This is one hellava post.:) ROTFLMAO. *more sourness*
Hey Arnab !!!
Mind-blowing !!! 😀
Taran Adarsh is one of those people who earn their living by writing pre-determined collective, selective reviews about movies. They find anything coming from the Chopras and Johars WONDERFUL PIECES OF WORK. And why not? Who knows, may be on one fine day he will wake up in the morning and get a call from the legendary Yash-ji asking him to make movie under his banner, as happened with Kunal Kohli. Becoming a ‘film critic’ is one of the easiest ways en route to become a director, after all. 😉
I hope this post succeeds in setting ‘film critics’ like Mr Adarsh thinking and keeping them quiet. 😉
All-in-all, there couldn’t have been a better and stronger way of sending some much-needed messages to Mr Adarsh and the like.
Great post, and an equally great read. 🙂
“A classes and masses and asses moment.”
Ahhh…sheer class :)…many classes apart 😀
By the way, I was watching The Great Indian Comedy Show (TGICS) last night on Star One and really liked one joke. It’s not relevant, but I would love to share it here:
It’s in the news for quite a while that Ash would be seen in a bikini in Dhoom-2. In a recent interview, Yash Chopra has confirmed this and also that onlt only Ash but also Bips would be seen in a bikini in the movie. And, Hrithik for the first time would be seen doing a negative role etc etc…
Yashraj Productions is leaving no stone unturned to make sure people go and watch the movie.
TGICS’s suggestion : Why so much pain, Yash-ji? Uday Chopra ka chehraa poori movie mein burkhe se dhaak kar rakhiye, bahut log theatre mein aayenge. Bus itna hi karna tha, Ash aur Bips ko bikini pehnaane ki bhi zaroorat nahi thi. Saste mein kaam bhi ho jaata.
Well, the wikipedia entry has been changed slightly. heh heh. But am sure wil be changed back by Taran Adarsh before long. It also has your article linkled to it.
As usual, just too good. Greatbong .. you are the god of humorous bloggers !!!!
Fantastic GB.
Hindi movies finally come of age, and out of the closet. “Bold” will now be the manna for movie makers. I can visualize starry eyed wannabe directors / script writers calling up producers and whispering “Sir, ekdum dhamakedaar theme hai haath mein. Ekdum BOLD.. woh kuch apna KAKP ko bhi peeha chodega” (Thats to be read to mean “surpass KAKP” and not the other way). I guess its only proper that movies be reflective of real life, and so I brace for BOLDER stuff from mainstream filmmakers, subjects that tackle maybe bestiality, social orgies, incest. Uh hah hah hah..
The kid has grown up..
BTW, did you catch NDTV do a special “Has Indian Marriage finally come of age” or some such shit and invite SRK & KJo on panel ? An hour long deep dive into what KJo and SRK thought of the relevance of their seminal work to our society. And we thought that KJo was just about selling NRI dreamy stuff.
ROTFLMFAO!!!
AWESOME!!!!
this is simply unbelieveable … u just deserve an award for this one.
the detailing is super 😉 … and the names – sama and kami – and “posh hotel in Free School St” and Mithun’s “left nipple” took the cake 🙂
It seems Taran Adarsh and Karan Johar frequently indulge in some “Kabhi Aage Kabhi Pichey” in a posh Free School Street hotel
This was your best. That is all i can manage after barely managing to hold on to my chair while laughing.
Hope you continue like this.
Expecting nothing short of the best from The Greatbong.
I read Taran Adarash’s review on “KANK” and “MPKDH”. Absolutely howlarious. Actually , you know he might be competing with you.. who can create the better spoof on a given movie. You know he might just win if he continues in this vein :)))
Just kidding.
TA should not call himself film reviewer, he should call identify himself as flimsy reviewer.
am speechless.its your best post till date IMHO.
i bow down to thee
YOURFAN writes:
@Lotus Eyes: You have written “Yourfan2: Your insight on KANK in the previous post was something I had been thinking of, too. This is one of the rare movies that does not make an excuse for extra marital relationships and perhaps, that is why many people have found it very hard to digest (at least this is what I guessed from the reviews and discussions online). I hope you don’t mind if I use your opinion when I post on this movie. I have yet to watch it.â€
After reading what you wrote, I re-read the comments made by me and Yourfan2 in GB’s review of KANK. I think your comments/observations are regarding my comments and not Yourfan2’s. People often make mistake in addressing either of us. Of course your comment is benign but I remember in one post somebody accused me of something mean when actually he meant that for Yourfan2!! That does not mean I cherished that – that made me feel bad as well since mine and Yourfan2’s opinions are pretty similar (barring a few strong ones (I won’t mention what exactly they are!!)
No, I definitely don’t mind if you use my opinion in your post. I think that there is a valid reason why more men than women have disliked the theme of KANK. Till very recently the concept of marriage being successful from men’s perspective meant ‘taking care of wife and children’ by ‘providing’ finance, roof over their head, few gifts, remembering birthdays, anniversaries –in a nut shell- all things which can be done by men without using inner faculties of human beings. Now women demand (previously the women used to just wish for – not any more, now they rightfully demand) some ‘vague’ concepts (from men’s perspective not from women’s perspective) like compatibility, sharing the wave length from their husbands (I honestly believe that barring a few exceptions nicest boy friend changes to be a grumpy, uncaring, aloof but ‘dutiful’ husband after marriage and thus the distinction between husbands and boy friends [boy! I know what’s coming!!]. The difference is that when the woman doesn’t find compatibility from her boy friend then she breaks the relationship – which will make another debatable issue!!) etc something which is so alien to men folks that they feel threatened and this movie deals with that subject. Hence the dislike for the theme.
Wow !
Vintage, vintage Greatbong. This post is a mindblowing combo of all the factors which make your blog such a great read.
Keep ’em coming!
Funny stuff. Tell me something though. Have you ever liked any Hindi movie?
GB,
I am new to ur blog and read it first around 3 months back when a friend referred it. I loved most of ur articles and thereafter read a lot archived posts too. Again found them very apt.
But oflate,I feel that you have narrowed down to criticising one thing or other..be it independence day, priyanka, KJ or TA..I feel that everyone is entitled to his/her opinion and thats exactly why different views exist on any given issue. For normal junta, criticising is a way of life. But I feel let down when someone of your calibre restricts his abilities.
Well..just my opinion..though nothing is going to keep me away from ur blog…:-)
Classic.
“Mohabbat aur Hagga bin-bulaaye-mehamon ke tarah aante hain”
This is one of the all-time funniest lines I have ever read…
It’s comparable to the best dialogue in the Mithunism article.
GB we NEED to send this post to Mr Aadarsh. I wonder what hi review of “Let’s Talk” would be. A GOOD movie which delt with the same issue, minus the red ferraris nd the “star power”. And yes thanks to Rohit for the BRILLIANT title :).
P.S. – If yash raj or Johars released this movie with 10 more songs – it will still be a “BLOCKBUSTER”
The most awesome greatbong post in a looong looong time…and considering the competition, that’s as BIG a DEAL as there ever was…
GB,
You have surpassed yourself. This is the greatest 🙂
There are too many funny moments in this particular post to elicit a few – so I would just say – keep writing.
And congrats’n’best wishes on your blog turning two.
Cheers!
Hahahahaha. Funniest post ever GB.
haven’t stopped laughing…
I have just disgraced myself at the British Council Library. I laughed out loud so many times that the help-desk person, after shooting very pointed looks at me, just came over and told me off. I blame YOU, Arnab. Damn the puns and satire and the one-liners! Damn ’em!
(I’m still laughing kintu)
ROTFLOL!
This is the best yet.
I am a long time reader (though i am politically challenged and stick with your movie reviews).
It pi$$e$ me off no end when people like TA make statements about the audiences not being forward-thinking enough to not appreciate a movie like KANK. gawd!
P.S. I want to see Shabd, after reading ur blog.
P.P.S. Congrats on your (blog’s) second birthday.
You are great GB…simply brilliant… I wonder, by now, Taran Adarsh should have offered you a part of his commission (from Karan Johar) to take this post out of your website.
Its really unfortunate how sellable some of the leading media has become these days – truely a taint in the face of democracy.
bwahahaha, roflol.
And i’m only referring to the Mithun pic, aka my new desktop.
aahh…this page is now linked off TA’s wiki entry….i love wikipedia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Arnabda. Tomar srichorone koti koti pronam. Aha, minshe’r mukhe ekkebare kali makhiye diyechcho.
Tobe kina, ei boi super hit hobei. Joi Prabhuji’r joi. Freeschool Street ekkebare tirthosthan hoye geche.
YOURFAN: Sorry for confusing you with Yourfan2. Yes, I remember there was some misunderstanding on an earlier post. Point noted:). The part about women liking the movie more was insightful. Come to think of it, I think there was a similar scenario with Brokeback Mountain. Thanks for replying!
Yourfan2: I’m sorry that earlier comment was not meant for you.
@yourfan2: Yes all those seedy places, full of memories. Add “Tiger” to that list.
@Lotus Eyes: You bet they won’t take it sportingly. The reason why “honest” reviews are not published is because the papers are worried they will piss off the stars who wont come to dance at their award shows. Page 3 shows this excellently. And thanks for the wishes.
@Aravind: Well it’s good fun.
@Mandar: In the spirit of KAKP “Kaun mile dekho kisko”.
@Himangshu: Maybe someday.
@Hiren: Well I would think that Kabhi haan kabhi naa was one of SRK’s better movies. At least he played an endearing loser.
@Sanjay: Just perhaps the most-read reviewer (he edits some trade magazine) of Hindi movies around.
@GhostOfTomJoad: Perhaps.
@Priya: 🙂
@Asha: I have no idea which movie this is from? I presume its from an old film glossy photoshoot. The reason I got to see KAKP was because BJ and I have “special” friendship cemented by gifts, free DVDs and passes and invitations to filmi parties. Some of which have dogs.
@Gvenum: Sour ass. Sore ass….are they the same thing?
@deBoLiN: Good point about Kunal Kohli. Maybe TA will have his own movie and I will be there to watch it.
@Shan: Saw that ! Let’s see how long it lasts.
@Ram: Thanks
@SR: When I was in Kolkata last Pujo, I heard the term “bold” so often on the telly…they even went ahead and made a movie called “Bold” which was supposed to have a topless scene also.
@Pradeep: 🙂
@Bonatellis: Aha. So the “Sama” and “Kami” got noticed ! Thank you.
@Kaushik: Very bold.
@Kannan: Thank you
@Sayan: He should just start directing movies.
@Abhisheik: Thank you..
@Yourfan: Everyone takes each other for granted after marriage—that’s a given. I am not saying that’s right but that’s actually the dark side of the “security” aspect of a marriage. I have my own opinion about marriage and its relevance in today’s society but more of it on another day.
@Udayan: As long as TA and KANK keep coming, it wont be tough.
@Aslam: Kindly read my review of Shabd. And my post on the best movies of 2005.
@Alok: Kindly read my review of “the Descent” for a counterexample. And I criticized Priyanka Chopra? Not at all my friend.
@Nirendra: And imagine Rakhi saying that with her amazing accent.
@Gourav: BACKBUSTER also..
@Akhilesh: Thanks..
@Sandy: And thank you too.
@Aqua: 🙂
@Rimi: BCL is not the place for reading reviews of movies…no no dear…(wagging finger). Its the place for Byron, Shelley and for looking at guys/girls.
@Sudha: Yes do see Shabd. Much misunderstood movie. And do check out Taran Adarsh’s review of the movie.
@Amit: Sell outs. True.
@FootballNath: I hope this isnt your work desktop. Cause someone could sue you for harassment.
@Anirudh: It still is. Dont know for how long.
@Mou: BUM bhole nath !
First congratulations for your blog birthday. And for being nominated for the Asian Blog Awards (read it on DP)
As to this post, what more to say except sheer brilliance. Actually reading the “review” I had a thought. Would Indian moviemakers ever have the guts to make a mainstream movie about two men in love? KJ talks about boldness and progressiveness: but would he ever dare to touch a really bold topic with a 10 foot pole?
Incidentally this 10 foot pole thing should not be confused with a certain asset of Prabhuji.
@GB
“While critics like *this guy* have panned the movie and called it crappy (what does he know about moviemaking?), I won’t hesitate to call KANK the “Best Movie Ever Made.†Move over, Francis Ford Coppola, Karan Johar has finally arrived”
this pingback and one line is either the most sarcastic bit i have read in a looong time or it needs some SERIOUS explanation!!
This was one of the best posts i have read so far!
I wonder, how much do they pay him to write such reviews….
However, KAKP is the second most provoking title in the history of indian cinema….the first definitely is “Kuchh Kuchh hota hai”
An excellent post!!! one of the best!!!
Awesome post. When is the movie going to be released? Just couldn’t stop myself from laughing when I imagined how it would be for Himesh to sing that title song and what would be the dance movements for that.
“SRK again underplays his role with a typically restrained performance” – Brilliant.
Was thinking for a looooong rime to comment on ur hilarious movie reviews. Finally posting one ….
Ur classic/chingari movie reviews are my favorite….Despite having read them many times…..Twice a week is a must !!!!
KAKP is amazing …. Hilaroius …Dude how do u come up with the energy to write such truly imaginitave pieces of art ?????
ROFL:D:D Incredible!!!
Un..whatever –strong contender for Indian entry to Oscars for such a bold step–kind of giant leap for Indian Cinema !!!
needless to say that i have been a great FAN to ur “PSUEDO-JUORNO” talents ever since i came across ur weblog 8 months back..blink blink…but no blogs of urs cud motivated me enough to write any responses.but today…..bhai wat a way to show these ” ANTI” PSEUDO-JURNO their true AUKAT….i always wonder if the guys like Taran are democratically elected under the Indian constitution to comment so boldly and authoritatively ki “BAAKI SAB TO CHUTIYE HAIN…MAINE KEH DIYA TO KEH DIYA..YE FILAM TO MAHA-COMMANDO HAI”….
As far as the term “pseudo-jurno” is concerned i must say ki its very much analogous to the Newtonian law of physics (i.e.psedo-force on inertial frame)…a person travelling in a moving train always sees the outside objects moving….!
Taran ji train so utaro bhai ! Station aa gaya…
Oh, god. This was hysterical. Lines like “You are the one who wears the sari in this house. No I mean it. Take it off. I need to go to work” just beggar belief – I was reading in the office, but was laughing so hard that I printed it off and read it in the men’s room cubicle instead. Also loved the intentionally bad grammar to mimic TA’s style. But surely characters in a BJ film would have more than one sari?
Great work, as ever.
Hey Arnab !!!
Totally irrelevant, but here’s a good news in case you aren’t already aware of it : DB is back again, although in a new avatar, as a link redirecting the visitors in the southern direction 🙂
“The last scene…is totally guaranteed to break down the most hard boiled among you into masses of jelly” Hilarious!
You should publish a warning that people shouldn’t read your blog except late at night…laughing like crazy sitting alone at a computer is going to raise quite a few eyebrows!
Another brilliant piece! But even if Taran Adarsh reads this, I think sarcasm will be lost on him.
@Arnab: I think Kabhi Haan Kabhi Naa and Swades are the only Aamiresque acting SRK’s done in his life.
@Kandarp: Kuch Luch Hota Hai was actually a far better movie. It had good songs, Kajol, and Rani. It’s probably the acme of KJo’s powers as a director.
awesome!!!! When it releases I shall watch it with ass-iduous attention:D
Hilarious one .. you should submit it to Rohan Sippy or Ram Gopal Verma so that they can make a spoof ..
“A classes and masses and asses moment.” – I am still laughing ..
Best post ever! Still ROTFL!
tsk,tsk,tsk!
where is the ALL CAPS samakami brigade?
Bong,
(Yoda talk)….Displayed you have shades of greatness after long time, young Jedi.
Humour is your forte…and I guess you should write more with the same in mind. Of course, a couple of rants here and there are always welcome!
Brilliant post!
BTW, in the movie – what role does kajol have? or any other special appearances? any orgies between the back stage dancers…imported fromthe bylanes of begusarai?
Kabhi Aage Kabhi Peeche
The title carries perverted connotations. Or may be I’m too perverted 😉
GB you simply Rock !! This has to be the most Awesome post u have ever made. Someone please send KJo a link to this one. ROTFLMAO
It cant get better than this. After watching KANK I purified myself with Fast n Furious Tokyo Drifter in Noida PVR.
Kudos to you GreatBong. Wonderful wonderful writing. I am laughing like a mad. That Taran Adarsh is a boot licker of Karan Johar and Yash Chpora is known to all.
Hope he and reneissance KJ reads this.
http://www.kbcd.blogspot.com
outrageously hilarious!
only thing can u post it to Taran with all our comments?
Rohit Kami [Shahrukh Khan’s] relationship with his wife Prema [Payal Rohatgi] is layered with a lot of self-doubt and question. He is unable to whip up enough passion for Prema, with and without Viagra…ROTFLMAO
Brilliant, brilliant!!
Absolutely brilliant, what a jackass TA has become 🙂
the opening scene where shah rukh kicks the ball.. the ball should have hit the post – the corner post!!!
The link has changed, it’s now:
http://www.indiafm.com/trade/business_talk/224.html
Awesome review! While I think BJ is pretty good, this film was very close to his earlier megahits HOMO SAATH SAATH HAIN and MIL KE RAHEN-GAY.
But K.A.K.P. was fantastic from all angles, except 69 degrees. I guess this movies massive billings in the late night shows that every dog has its day and every BJ its night.
Man!! My stomach is still hurting from all that laughing!! 🙂
“Mohabbat aur Hagga bin-bulaaye-mehamon ke tarah aante hain.†Priceless!!!! I can totally imagine this in Rakhi’s famous accent 🙂
BTW, where did you get that picture of Mithun-da? I remember it from like a quarter of a century ago…school’
er bairey hojmi’r dokaney bikri hoto. Nostalgia!!
K. A. with his excessive self esteem may miss all the fun and sarcasm in this post. K. A. may, actually, suggest to some director/producer for making K.A.K.P. on your story line. It will be BOLD, man : D : D : D
Oh btw, you guys would love this http://www.indiafm.com/trade/top5/index.html
As per this KANK “Registers a drastic 60%-70% drop. Has slipped even at multiplexes”
Wonder what Mr. “Box-Office knows best” aka TA has to say to this!
Wow, Taran Adarsh himself couldnt have done better (or should that be worse?). I’m stunned that you could imitate him so accurately because IMO it’s as difficult for good writers to churn out bad stuff as it is for Taran Adarsh to acquire a decent writing style! 🙂 Hats off to your talent, GreatBong!
I’ve been meaning to say this for a while, but I really do sympathise with your wife. Mithun seems to be to you what Rekha was to the father in ‘Hum Paanch’. Now answer me honestly, do you or do you not keep a photo of Dada’s hidden in your wardrobe, hmm?
Ashadharon hoyeche.
Consider a career in writing buddy, you’ve got what it takes.
Did you ever do an internship at Filmfare, just curious?
Now what does Taran Adarsh have to say about this?
http://www.indiafm.com/trade/top5/index.html
“KANK(al) registers drops of 60-70% (even at multiplexes)”
Hahahahahahaha..this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time…
simply sexcellent Arnab-da!
Ratan Re-imburse! That’s the name of the character played by Suresh Menon – as an atrocious spoof of Taran Adarsh (check ‘The Great Indian Comedy Show’ – Mon to Wed – 2230 – Star One).
Figures why he’s so besotted with Karan Joker…!!
GB,
i came late to this party.. just read this today.. my BF is wondering why i am laughing
so much.. i wish TA reads this blog post and actually gets the sarcasm and retort in your post.
divya
That was awesome !! Great post! 🙂
hi greatbong.
This is the first time i am replying to u, i have been reading some of your blogs…..but this was so hilarious that i had to comment!arguably your best work!U know wot, mebbe TA will sue you for plagiarism…but im sure u can defend urself pretty well!!oh c’mon TA, don’t u realise that kakp doesnot have the word “alvida” in it……!which was so relevant to the “story” of KANK!!!
keep up the good work…!add another one to ur long list of consistent readers!(i dont agree with ur rdb blog, though it was an intersting read!)
Cant say abt Taran Adarsh….just dont bother with his reviewing….all that polished politically correct talk and all that but this post had me in splits…gosh its really wonderful fun……i could not control my laughter….occcasionally visit ur blog and im glad i found this post….i look soo funny reading it all alone at midnight and unable to stop laughing.
Brilliant, brilliant and brilliant all over again. Especially touched by the damage to Mithunda’s nipples. What a tragedy!!!!
Arnab, the Taran Adarsh entry on Wikipedia has been deleted. I wonder who did it?
holy sh**… u ought to stamp a disclaimer on such posts!!
The whole floor in my office is staring at me for laughing intermittently !!
can i know the name of foriegn dancers who had danced in the films don garam masala kabhi alvida naa kehana
simply amazing!
baap re baap. excellent. one question – why mithunda?
Awesome dude! Truly great fun on the “film reviewer from hell” :))
i guess ive discovered this article much later than the date it was actually put up… but oh man, ‘better late than never’ has never seemed more aptly phrased!!!! it’s midnight and im scared i’ll wake everyone up at home, im laughing so hard!
hilariously outrageous and outrageously hilarious!
arnab da, bhishon daroon (hope i got that right)
Awesome!
I vaguely remember…. One of Jackie Shroff’s worst-ever movies had a “Kabhi Aage, Kabhe Peeche” double entendre, when he leched at Ayesha Azhar (formerly Sangeeta Bijlani) under the pretext of checking out an automobile.
That song from “Lakshman Rekha” something like this…:
“Kya body hai, kya bumper hai, Hai kya baat hai
Kabhi Aage jaati hai, Kabhi Peechey jaati hai
Kya gaadi hai, kya number hai, kya body hai, kya bumper hai
Upar se dekho, neeche se dekho, kahin se dekho, Hai kya baat hai
Gaadiyan toh maine dekhi hain hazaar, Aisa model maine dekha hai pehli baar,
Arre iske engine ke jhatke ne toda mera haath hai. Hai kya baat hai.”
I wonder what Mohammad Azharuddin would think of this song now!
Well, Taran Adarsh. this is really superb post.
But i wanna say it is so easy to give bad or ugly comments or reviews on any stuff. I am from ahmedabad. And here a Radio Jockey name “Dhvanit”. Always give faltu reviews on ny movie. I am saying An actor is spent more than 6 months for a movie even product spent lots of money. And somebody like u…always want to get intention so always giving faltu reviews on SRK and Aamir’s Movie.
what u think r u looking cool with this….It’s a bullshit.
And i wanna say to all don’t follow someone’ review. Go…see and decide it.