Losing My Religion

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Chetan Bhagat, one of Time’s Hundred Most Influential People In the World, needs no introduction.

It is said that in whichever corner of India you go to, you will always find a shop that sells Eveready Batteries, Nirodh condoms and copies of Bhagat’s books (not necessarily in that order).

What Timur did to world history, leaving behind mountains of skulls and altering boundaries of kingdoms, Mr. Bhagat has done to Indian literature revolutionizing it in a way that people never thought possible, breaking the strangle-hold of the ivory-towerist, Humanities-graduate, Proust-reading Illuminati over the domain of English writing with his alphanumeric titles (Five point someone, Two States, One Night, Three Mistakes)¬† bringing literary enlightenment truly to the “pIpL”.

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What Goes Around

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In the famous movie “Bhairav”, Prabhuji Mithun-da plays “double M. Com” “amazingly bhola” Shankar who metamorphoses into ruthless vigilante Bhairav in order to punish three women who falsely implicated him in a murder so as to get themselves off the hook (One of them had accidentally pushed the villain down the steps of a shopping mall after he had tried to molest all three of them at the same time. When the police came, they protected themselves by blaming it on an arbitrary person Shankar, whose admit card to the CA exam, they discovered lying around at the scene of the crime.)

After seven years in jail and after his family is wiped out by a big chocolate bomb, Bhairav comes back for baadlaa. The first girl he seduces and sends to a hotel while he goes to buy her wedding dress. But instead he calls the cops and gets her arrested as a call-girl. He barges into the wedding of the second and pretends to be her abandoned husband, thus also ruining her life. For the third woman (who actually committed the murder albeit accidentally) he disguises himself as her husband, gets her to make the obvious mistake and gets photographic evidence of her kissing him.

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Jimmy—the Review

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“Yeh jo human body hain na, iske bardasht karne ka ek limit hote hain.”

–Jimmy (2008)

A dead girl has been found. The police investigator Rahul Dev tells Jimmy: “ladki ki mutthi main paayi gaaye hain tumhare baal”. As we all know, when a girl’s dead body is unearthed that too with a man’s “baal” in her hand and with his driving license right next to her, the case seems to be pretty clear and shut. The final nail in the coffin is when Jimmy, an automotive engineer (Matlab Simulink guru) during day and DJ (Dancing Joker) at night, confesses to the heinous crime with a “khoon kiya hain maine” that echoes for effect.

The final nail did I say?

Wrong !

The real drama is only just beginning.

Cause in “Jimmy”, by far the year’s best “zero level” movie till now, nothing is as it seems.

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Praise The Lord

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Bhaiyya bhaiyaa, maaro isko. Yeh aadmi hain na mujhe bahoot danger dikhta hain. Yeh aap ka sara hua tiger naheen hain. Yeh to mujhko Bengal ka tiger dikthaa hain

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–Chutiya (Shakti Kapoor) about Shankar (Mithun Chakraborty) [movie: Gunda (1998)]

Yes ! In a sign that God does exist and that He cares about cricket, if not about humanity, Mithun Chakraborty has decided to take over Kolkata Tigers (now called Bengal Tigers for obvious reasons), the franchise that represents the city of Calcutta (and now Bengal) in the beleaguered India Cricket League.

And this is not a moment too soon. With a certain evil cricket corporation headed by a certain “kafanchor neta” attacking anyone who has had anything to do with the India Cricket League with the same avarice that the evil zamindars and the dons reserve for the underprivileged in Mithun-da flicks, the arrival of Prabhuji had become a cosmic necessity. Who knows, if the advent had been delayed, the inevitable “kahaan ja rahi ho chammak challo, aaja janeeman” scene, that occurs within the first 45 minutes of any Prabhuji flick may also have come to pass with the targets being the sisters of those associated with the ICL in any way.

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A Ban Is Imposed

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I am, by nature, not a violent man and so do not believe in retaliating angrily to every provocation or perceived injustice.

But sometimes, just sometimes, something happens that totally makes me lose my cool and lash out with righteous anger and vengeance.

I am referring to Biharsharif MLA Sunil Kumar Singh’s, chairman of some organization acronymed BIMPA (Bihar-Jharkhand Motion Pictures Association), imposed ban on the showing of any movie that stars Mithun Chakraborty in the states of Bihar and Uttar Pradesh since April.

If Mr. Singh’s goonda-gardi had been restricted to just Prabhuji I would still have been been angry but perhaps not as¬†frothing at the mouth like I am now. But no, that dark agent of Sauron has gone further and even banned movies of Mithun-putra Mahashakti-shaali, God of all things, Mimoh. (not that Mimoh has any movies released but that’s not the point)

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Gunda—the Legend

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[This very long blogpost is a transcript of an interview with the great director Kanti Shah, director of the legendary Mithun-da movie “Gunda”. And yes this interview is a work of fiction: it has no resemblance to any person—living or dead or seriously sick. I also have no connection with Kanti Shah or the production house of Gunda. ]

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