BPL

43 Comments

A sentiment often encountered online, from Indians of course, is that Bangladesh is somehow undeserving of Test status and that it was a conspiracy of the BCCI that led to them getting their place at the big boy’s table. This sentiment, needless to say, offends my sentiments. Dictating that a country should not play just because they lose most of their games is like saying someone should not sing just because he has a bad voice. Bangladesh deserves every bit of their Test status. And this they do purely on the basis of their fans and the enthusiasm and joy they bring to the game.

The Bangladeshi fan, and since I have frequented Bangladeshi cricket fan boards I have had a chance to observe them, has a fairly unique way of supporting their team. For instance, before every match against India, they construct a victory thread where they predict how Bangladesh will humiliate India in the game that is to be played, invoking memories of how they destroyed India in the World Cup 2007 and discussing, with nary a trace of jingoism, how Tamim Iqbal is the baap of Sehwag, how Zaheer Khan is not fit to carry the kitbag of Mashrafe Mortaza (sexily called “Mash” , whether as a dedication to the TV series or to Mash potato [aloo siddho] I cannot decide), how Syed Rasel is the next Akram and how Shakib ul Hassan is a much more valuable player to his side than Sachin Tendulkar.

Yes India gets them riled up and justifiably so. As pointed out by many a Bangladeshi fan, India is so afraid that Bangladesh will whip their asses that they never call Bangladesh for a tour of India. Not just that, the BCCI reprobates deliberately use their clout inside ICC to weaken Bangladesh and their brother nation of Pakistan and then depute their minions like Sidhu to trash-talk Bangladesh’s batting prowess, which if you recall, provoked an angry video response from a fan who called Nobhojeet Seengh Seedhu a cockroach (video since removed for the sake of friendly relations between neighbors).

The most bile though (and trust me after a lunch of shorshe ilish one does produce a lot of bile) had been reserved for IPL. It is seen as 1) a sinister plot hatched by the BCCI to ensure India’s world domination and 2) a sinister plot hatched by the BCCI to humiliate Bangladeshis and keep them from developing their game, a fact which explains why Bangladeshis almost always never get chosen at the auctions, despite them being better players than the Indians. I mean honestly, if this was all fair who would pay millions for Dhoni while totally ignoring far greater talent like Mushfiqur Rahim?

Which is why I was very happy when I heard of BPL. No I do not mean Below Poverty Line or that line of TVs popular in the 90s. I mean the Bangladesh Premier League, bigger, better and more boisterous than the IPL in every respect. The quality of cricket here is stellar. Chris Gayle and Kieron Pollard (both of whom I believe will one day appear for both sides in a cricket game) have this excited look about their faces, the kind you see on the faces of Gunda-loving husbands taken out for Valentine Day shopping by their wives. Dwayne Bravo is seen carefully planning the injury he will pick up right after IPL. Atul Wasson, who has been seen on TV as an expert on cancer post-Yuvraj, his wise words earning him the sobriquet “Emperor of all Commentaries” is seen seated between two comely lasses in the TV box asking, with barely concealed mirth, “What entertainment…what fashion shows…what parties are planned after the game?” to which one comely lass says “We shall see. It is a saaprise”. Poetic descriptions of the game like “Mahmudullah Riyadh’s balls are wet and sticky” and the Bangladeshi Mandira Bedi saying Inshaallah as frequently as Shastri drops cliches. Chair-leaders (not cheerleaders) who are much more decent than their IPL versions, those that put “Tit-ass ekta nodir naam” to shame. And finally, the teardrop on the cheek of time, Arun Lal with his gentle eloquence. So well-organized and amazing BPL is that no longer will Bangladeshis have to offer themselves on auction, like girls at Rauf Lala’s store, and get rejected by the Indian franchises. Now they have a league of their own, where not a single Indian plays.

Far be it for an Indian to advice Bangladesh, but still as a fan of their cricket, let me make some suggestions for an even better BPL in the future. First of all, the team names. Only Duronto Rajshahi have got their name right, giving it an unique Bangladeshi feel. (Duronto for Hindi-speaking arrogant Indians means chulbuli). The others however need to work on their names. Barisal Burners? Bunsen Burners? How wannabe is that? Chittagong Kings? Khulna Royal Bengals? Sylhet Royals? Where is the imagination oh Bangalis? Why not Dhaka Dobkas or Khulna Katlas or Chittagong Chitols or Barisal Baloks? (Katla and Chitol being types of fish, Balok is boy and Dobka is voluptuous) Why not make Shakib Khan, the Bangladeshi Shahrukh Khan (or as Bangladeshis call Shahrukh Khan, the Indian Shakib Khan), a brand ambassador? [picture below]

Why not make the Nantu Ghotok song the theme song since the “Pola to noye se to aguneri gola re” (He is not a man but a ball of fire) [Video] is particularly apposite for Shariar Nafees and Junaid Siddique?

And why oh why not make a series of BPL pwns IPL ads, like Hindu vs TOI, set to the tune of the “Bangladeshi Bachchan” Dipjol’s great mega-hit song “Poont koirya dimu” [Video] which can be roughly translated as “I will fart on you, So powerful is my fart that you shall be turned to ashes and then cook food from beyond the grave ?” with their being no doubt as to who the “you” is in the song.

But be as it is, BPL is still pretty awesome. At the very least, it puts the fear of God into those arrogant Indians who want to suppress, depress and oppress Bangladesh and its cricket.

And that I believe makes it worth the while.

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43 thoughts on “BPL

  1. Ha ha, you reserve your best for the ones you love the most, eh??? BTW, did you watch the BPL auctions? At one point, some franchise member raised a hand to call a waiter and that was counted as a bid. Then some official reprimanded the franchises in bangla asking them not to call waiters when bidding is on!! BTW, I too have to suffer the “we will repeat 2007 this time” from the bangla waiters at restaurants called ‘Jaipur’ or ‘Spice of India’ every time India has to play them — sigh!

  2. This is so awesome. There was this scene in the stands the other night. Gayle had just started his onslaught. The comely lass was in stands and asked a group of comely maidens as to who was their best player. The first maiden answered thus, “Umm…haw…Ki jaani oi naam ta besh!”…the comely lass hurriedly moved on to the next maiden who promptly answered, “Gayle!”. So intelligent the whole scene was!

  3. Really? After being handed our asses on a plate by the aussies, all we can do is make fun of an even worse team?
    While I have no doubt about the comedic potential of a BPL, I couldn’t help wincing in embarrassment while reading this.

  4. The BCCI is accused of trying to kill Test Cricket and trying to deny the Bangladeshis their test status, all at the same time.Common sense dictates the BCCI do either of those, since the latter will go a long way in ensuring the demise of Test cricket for good.Having said that, I as an Indian, should hasten to add that what with it’s current performance down under, the gap separating India and it’s eastern neighbour seems to have gone the way of the border between the two.

    Did not SRK’s KKR have more than it’s fair share of Bangladeshi talent?(Not that it effected their fortunes either way!)

    Still waiting for your post on Porngate!

  5. Opened the link of “Poont koirya dimu” and couldnt watch it for more than a minute…bloody bloody disgusting… You should have given some sort of warning to be fair to your readers GB! I can imagine how much pain you have to take to come up with such gems of creative excellence though :)

    BPL may well not be able to stand up to its Indian original, leaving that aside lets talk about our Star team’s performance currently playing down under. This tour imo only added more credence to Sourav’s leadership ability…proved the difference between what a good and a great captain is…Sourav not only managed to take the Indian team out of the rut after the most difficult phase of the match-fixing scandal and take it to no.2 from 8 in the test standings he also created many victories abroad, took India to world-cup finals after 20 years…Mentored some young inexperienced players and turned them into a tough competitive unit who would not give up whatever be the situation… he may have been anything but he was never known for backing off…remember that innings of 144 at brisbane, even when he didn’t have the finest technique for playing short he had the balls to stand up… For the first time India actually looked like a superior team abroad and Sourav staring Steve Waugh in his own backyard was well just so majestic…and this after the 3-0 whitewash they had suffered in their last tour to Aus…and MSD despite winning the world-cup, despite having the no.1 test team, despite having history on his side has still left people to doubt about this team’s capability of playing abroad…your views kindly GB.

  6. BPL stands for Buk, Pet, Level which used to be the most common term used to describe differently endowed females during my school days, LOL.
    A fitting allegory to the state of affairs of Bangladesh cricket indeed, although when you get to see some of the Bangladeshi girls, I guess you wouldn’t worry too much about their cricketing prowess.

  7. I fail to understand why we are continously bashing Dhoni and his team and comparing Dhoni’s captaincy with Sourav’s. We rose to become the number 1 test team under his captaincy and remained there for around 2 years. The night of 2nd april 2011 will forever remain etched in our lives. Yes the team is passing through a very bad phase with the bashing in England and Australia but then even Manchester United got thrashed 6-1 by Manchester City at their den in Old Trafford. so lets stop being so fickle like India TV and let us be a real supporter of Team India.

  8. BTW,got “The Mine” through flipkart and its exceptional.I was telling to one of my colleague that one day you will be the greatest English novelist in India.Also flipkart delivered the book in just 24 hours.

  9. Wonderful wonderful. One of your best posts. Awesome sala!!
    On a side note – Finished reading ” The Mine” on Mumbai-Howrah Duronto and was floored. Wonderful plot and great writing. My bows.
    A different Genre maybe in the next book?

  10. @ Nishant- after such a disastrous tour comparisons are inevitable….It was just my personal opinion…dont want to take too much of GB’s space just wanted the great GreatBong’s take on it..also by saying they are just going through a bad phase doesn’t help much…it was not thrust upon them, they brought it upon themselves…and this constant bickering in media about seniors not contributing much and Dhoni responding no quick decision on seniors future….ques is what have the juniors done so far to save the tour? Dhoni also mentioned earlier he may step down to save himself for the other two formats…is this what you expect of a captain…hence the comparison. Peace

  11. Yes, write articles about how IPL is superior and you have fallen so low that you are laughing on a minnow country’s tournament, you actually have the time to go to all those threads and later become an expert on the Deshis. Well Done, quite a fancy life you’re living. IPL, BPL all are cricket for losers, Enjoying the 4-nil handed by the Aussies and the POMs? India and Bangladesh both are poor Test team, question should be raised about India’s Test status, 100+ years of Test cricket and still plays like Kenya abroad. India is an unde

  12. Indians feel the same way the pakistanis felt about bengalis 40 years back when it was east pakistan. Non Bangladeshisi Bengalis may be all the same at heart Like the West Pakistanies of the 60s. We will have to ignore rest of the subcontinant. We are Lucky we r indepandanant. NAGAS KASHMIRIES BALUCHIS PAKTUNS fought but could not establish Indepanandant country. So other are jealous and they supposed tobe.In bengali sayings”Hingshuk Pooriya More Hinghar Anolay.

  13. The Bangla spirit of optimism is to be admired (or just admire those charming women!) whether they got force-converted to Islam or just love Satyajit Ray movies or whether they’re still in what’s left of the Motherland, or have moved to the fast-sinking isthmus that’s Bangladesh now.

    Cah mon, fellows – Shah Rukh Khan has a persian name, is an Afghan refugee and has all the facial charm of a monkey with a constipation problem… he may be a good actor, but I’m sick of people going into salons and coming out looking like apes after getting the ‘SRK’ haircut

    From the photo of Shakib Khan, he just looks a bit gay – that’s all.

    Also, remember we Indians are the glorious fools who shamed ourselves at the Commonwealth Games by running the show out of Sonia’s septic-tank or so.

    Surely the Banglas are not smart enough to shame themselves so bad, whichever side of the border they come from, are they?

  14. @ Shadows, welcome to Earth,mate! There are countries outside India and BPL is telecast in 80 countries of the world,including your own country-where one of your own channels bought the right to telecast.Wake up!

  15. (I am reposting this as I don’t see me previous comment….censored???I hope the writer has the heart to publish this…)

    First of all,I liked the satire a lot….even after being a Bangladeshi.The research of the writer is immaculate except for a couple of places(e.g. Dipjol is actually a villain,NOT the Bangladeshi version of big B).These can very well be accepted in a fun piece like this….

    Now,on a serious note,Indian people have a common tendency to belittle Bangladeshis.Surprisingly,often the meanest belittlings are tried by West Bengal people.Disguised frustration that their Eastern brothers had the guts to win a country of their own and their mother-tongue? Can be an intererting research topic!

  16. finished reading May i hebb..few days ago during my india trip. have to say few chapters are awesome!
    waiting for more and more books from u

  17. Bpl is awsome i like bpl and brand ambasedor shakib khan i heard some thing he is king khan of dhallywood and most famous on asia better then srk khan so i liek him

  18. @Mash:

    “First of all,I liked the satire a lot….even after being a Bangladeshi”

    “Now,on a serious note,Indian people have a common tendency to belittle Bangladeshis.Surprisingly,often the meanest belittlings are tried by West Bengal people.Disguised frustration that their Eastern brothers had the guts to win a country of their own and their mother-tongue? Can be an intererting research topic!”

    Let me say that I attribute some level of intelligence towards people who understand satire, but presumably, you are still an idiot despite being the (rare) Bangladeshi, who enjoys a satire on his national team.

    To insinuate “seriously” that a SHEEDU, SHEWOG, or some internet shit-stirrer from India on a B’desh cricket board is a result of “disguised frustration” is monumentally stupid. And pray what has your independence movement (clearly aided by India, no matter what they feed you there) have anything to do with Indian Bengalis or their “desire” to have their own land or “win” their mother tongue (seriously, which ‘madrassah’ do they teach this shit to you, kiddo?), even if it were true? This is about cricket and if you cannot disassociate nonsensical polemic that often becomes the centerpiece of South Asian cricket discussion, then you have much growing up to do.

    If you want to hear my opinion, then I do believe that you do not deserve your test status and has nothing to do with how exponentially faster your GDP has grown vis-a-vis India, in the last 3.5 hours. I don’t buy Arnab’s fallacious analogy about “granting a test status” and “a tone-deaf person who is being stopped from singing.” It’s more like a tone-deaf singer told to try another profession by a Simon Cowell. I look at Sri Lanka- a nation that would become world champs in 15 years after being awarded their test status, and then there’s Bangladesh that is seemingly content walloping the crap out of minnows and fail almost every time against better competition. Hey, if you wish to celebrate inconsistency and underachievement, feel free to do so, but spare the sane ones your patriotic diatribes which aren’t worth their weight in boiled maggots. Before you invoke the ridiculous strawman, I spare no words in castigating how the Indian cricket team has played recently, but don’t kid yourself by thinking that the two instances are similar.

    So, whatever it is you’re smoking…put it down and go cold turkey, and grow a brain.

  19. “Indians feel the same way the pakistanis felt about bengalis 40 years back when it was east pakistan. Non Bangladeshisi Bengalis may be all the same at heart Like the West Pakistanies of the 60s.”

    There is no comparison, Einstein. You and West Pakistan were the same nation when they treated you like dirt. We are not the same nation. BTW, the Arabs treat you like shit, but would you- an obedient “mawaali”- dare to go on an Arab forum and challenge your overlords. No, you won’t :).

    “We will have to ignore rest of the subcontinant.”

    Finding your way into a blog about a satire on BPL and spewing nonsense here. Does this look remotely like “ignoring the rest of the subcontinent?”

    “We are Lucky we r indepandanant. NAGAS KASHMIRIES BALUCHIS PAKTUNS fought but could not establish Indepanandant country. So other are jealous and they supposed tobe.”

    Good for you. So, when is it that you’re going to begin ignoring us and depriving us of your much-needed attention?

    “In bengali sayings”Hingshuk Pooriya More Hinghar Anolay.””

    Yin Tamil sayings “Yen Vazhi, thani vazhi.” yaand “Sooper, machhii!”

    Now would be a good time to start “Ignore the subcontinent.”

  20. @ Anand,

    I would generally not jump into a comment/thread as passionate as yours..however I must support you for your views! I have had the bad luck of travelling to Dhaka quite a few times on business and found it to be obsessed with India.

    They invariably try to compare their building, food, etc with Kolkata. “aapnader kolkatay eta aachey???? ota aaachhey??? etc”. One day i politely pointed out to a 555 smoking, semi-literate, millionaire businessman asto why is he comparing Dhaka to Kolkata when he should actually compare it with Delhi (the two being capital cities)… his face fell.. and he had no answer after that.. its tough to explain to them that Asia’s largest mall is not in Dhaka, Asia’s largest mosque is not in Dhaka, Shahrukh khan did not stay at a madrasa in Dhaka for 30 days praying for his mothers soul, Indian food is more versatile than Bangal food – even without ilish, gulshan is not half as good as lots of localities in kolkata and we couldnt care less whether the bangladeshi team won in 2007.

    its a pity that lot of bengalis in India are beaten up after being mistaken for bangladeshis..just shows how much we give a flying f*** about them!!!

    Bangladeshis need to get their heads out of their asses and start living in the real world.

  21. @sophocles: Well, first of all, my comment is not passionate as much as it is laced with wry humor and sarcasm. As for the issue: It’s obviously tall poppy syndrome. Regardless of their vituperative outburst against everything Indian, there is a sub-conscious need for acceptance for their efforts from a counterpart that is understandably superior to them. So when some semi-literate Bangladeshi dolt goes “eta aachhey???? ota aachhey??? ghonta aachhey??”, he wants you to pat him on his back and give him a cookie for his achievements.

    FTR, it’s not like we don’t fall victim to the same circumstance. Let’s be honest about that. We share a rather similar attitude when it comes to our ‘gora’ counterparts from USA, UK, or Australia, for separate reasons. For example, when I saw some nondescript politician from UK being surrounded by all members of the media, with sarkari babus in tow as he took his first ride on Delhi Metro, I couldn’t help but say, “Why do we give a f**k what he thinks?”

    “gulshan is not half as good as lots of localities in kolkata”

    You mean the affluent neighborhood of Gulshan Thana?

    “its a pity that lot of bengalis in India are beaten up after being mistaken for bangladeshis..just shows how much we give a flying f*** about them!!!”

    Yes…why is that? Sorry, but I am not fine with people being beaten up for what they are. And, btw, that indicates that we do give a flying f**k about them…as in enough to want to beat them up.

  22. First of all, never compare Sachin with Shakib. Sachin has got 100 Centuries, while Shakib has not even got 10. I have not even heard of your Shakib Khan while you have heard of our Sharukh, which means Sharukh is better. BPL is the copied version of IPL. People like Pollard and Gayle while chose THE IPL if given the choice. Sohail Tanvir has already admitted that The IPL is far better than the BPL! BPL matches are boring and one-sided while most of the IPL matches have nail biting finishes. Comparing Tamim with Sehwag has crossed the limit of ‘FOOLISHNESS’. Tamim dosen’t even have a 200. Losing 1 match does not make a team bad. In fact, we humiliated you at your own den in the World Cup in which your Abdur Razzaq was almost crying due to Sehwag’s terrific batting. We have got better talent than Bangladesh.Virat Kohli destroyed you.Stop dreaming coz India is the best!

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