Why Oh Why !

30 Comments

I wonder why nobody don’t like me
Or is it the fact that I’m ugly?————Harry Belafonte

I wonder why noone ever reads my blog. There isn’t a single comment anywhere. Of course that gives my blog an untrampelled virgin forest look. Which needless to say I don’t much care for. It’s not that I have not tried publicizing my blog—–I have sent the URL to my friends, casually brought it up in conversations, carelessly left the address in my email signature, put it on orkut—-but no matter what I do, the comments section remain as bare as a Somalian granary.

And yet I see other people’s blogs. Chock full of comments —-for inane posts that you would think anyone would find tough commenting on ! And here in my blog I do not usually concern you with boring details of my life , instead concentrating on items culled from the headlines—issues that everyone would , in all probability, have some opinion on. People write about their dreams, what they had for breakfast, how much work they have pending (and yet of course having the time to blog), whether they are afflicted with a bad case of flatulence—things which I cannot conceive would be of any interest to anyone other than yourself. Yet I see that it works—even strangers are interested in your hobby of “having coffee at desolate coffee shops” while noone cares much for my musings on sensational issues.

Is it because people find my blogs offensive? Even then people would flame me–which I am quite happy with. At least I am not getting ignored–getting a bad name implies that you got a name for yourself. Are my blogs poorly written ? Now I cannot comment on that (well yes I can—I think I am Pulitzer material) but some of the blogs that get heavily commented can by no means be called high art. Am I not the right person ? I think the answer lies here—from my exhaustive research into what makes blogs work and what not my conclusion is that I am not the “One”. If I was I would have to be:

1) A few years younger. I am too old to be hep: at 28 becoming 29 in a few days I am becoming a “has-been”. I saw India win the World Cup , Mithun Chakraborty jiggle to “Everybody dance with Papa-pa , everybody dance with Mama” , went for a holiday to Kashmir——-in short I have had experiences which today’s youth cannot empathize with. Blogging and reading blogs is essentially an young man’s activity and it does not help that almost none of my same-aged friends from school/college are bloggers.

2) Be a woman. It’s a fact. Guys (even girls) are so interested in the small details of a woman’s life that any utterance, however inane, acquires the status of profundity.

3) Be a woman who uses men’s words. By that I mean swear a lot albeit in a feminine way. Call yourself a “bitch” , ” a slut for love” , ” attention whore”——-and you got yourself a ready-made audience lapping up every pearl of wisdom from your lips (or as they would call it—“verbal vagina”)

4) Be an intellectual woman who uses men’s words. Nothing attracts and intimidates men for like the chick with brains. Do some namedropping—–and guys will be falling over themselves to show that they appreciate your refined tastes.

5) Be an intellectual woman who uses men’s words and smokes. A picture of a girl smoking a cigarette is always cool. While in the world of Hindi movies this symbolizes the villain’s immoral moll, in the world of blogging it means “Don’t mess with me—I can swallow smoke”. Be prepared for a flood of “May I do friendship with you” postings.

6) Be an intellectual woman who uses men’s words and smokes and professes to be bisexual/bicurious. Yes the definite showstopper. There is something about bisexuality in women that conjures up all kinds of emotions in guys. This is not an “emotion” by my wife’s definition but suffice to say that this is the deepest emotion most guys are likely to feel. Plus a confession of bisexuality is the symbol of ultimate hepness—–with one little word you are now a liberal, a fearless closet-breaker and an honest and upfront humanist . At the very least you are hot. A fan following soon follows.

I suppose I shall have to be content with shouting in a dark room with padded walls.

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30 thoughts on “Why Oh Why !

  1. 🙂

    just read this. very good post as usual. dont feel bad abt being 28 going to 29 – its worse next year (19goingon30 … in a few days) and being female doesnt help u egt any more readers … 😦

  2. Prerona, I agree…the mere fact that one is a female does not get attention. It’s only when one anoints oneself with the requisite attributes of “cool” ness does the real fun begin.

  3. A friend of mine, a regular blogger, recommended your blog and I have just recently started reading your posts. Your sarcastic sense of humor and writing style really cracks me up and I’m defn going to keep coming back.

  4. YOURFAN writes:
    @GB:As usual it is a fantastic post. But I have a question -do you ever read your earlier posts? If so, what do you think? Don’t you think you were a bit hasty in feeling bad about not having any comments on your posts?

    You wrote “Blogging and reading blogs is essentially a young man’s activity.” You are wrong here specially if one accepts your definition of young. So many people read your blog who are not young by your definition. It is just that it takes time to gain acceptability even when you have what it takes to be a good writer. There are plenty of instances that I can cite but won’t for not wanting to bore you.

    I am sure that by now you have realized that even if you can’t categorize yourself as no 6 of your post yet you have a huge fan following. I am sure you don’t have to ‘shout in the dark room with padded walls’ not after writing on DVA or on Indian cricket team etc.

    I don’t agree with you on your agreement with Prerona about “the mere fact that one is a female does not get attention. It’s only when one anoints oneself with the requisite attributes of “cool” ness does the real fun begin.” According to me the only requisite for a woman to be noticed is her beauty (doesn’t have to be ravishing – at least not ugly), not brain, not dedication, not even your definition of ‘coolness’. All these factors are important but they come much later. The first thing that men go for is the physical beauty of a woman. Of course I don’t blame the men folks for that. The men and women are programmed that way from their early years. Isn’t that the reason women try to beautify themselves much more than the men folks? Would have been nicer if we were like the peacocks – that would have saved the ladies a lot of time and energy.

    Lastly, I want to make a suggestion. Since you have so many new readers who have not read all your earlier writings, why don’t you put up those which you like the most? And then see, how many comments you get on them.

  5. @Yourfan: Shall compile such a list. In general, I have changed a lot over the last two years and when I look at my old posts, I sometimes wonder ” I wrote that?”. Nothing wrong…if we don’t evolve we are dead. While I do agree physical beauty is paramount, a lot of female bloggers do not even put up their pictures on their blog. And yet by talking on particular topics (for instance there is one woman who talks about sex toys and female masturbation) they are able to get male attention. Sometimes they dont even need to do that. Aniruddha Gupta conducted an experiment where he create a blog with a false female identity and according to him, he realized how different the blogging experience was based on gender. I am waiting for more of this on Ani’s blog.

  6. Why , S, definitely not. This would most certainly go into the classics and be a beacon of hope for generations of unsuitable, unsuccessful bloggers to come. In fact I would have to thank you for commenting after so many moons and helping me find this gem among the most recently commented posts of Arnab.

  7. Is this for real GB???……

    what a transformation indeed….once in an Assam vs Jharkhand ODI match being played in the JU Salt Lake campus cricket ground, i had met a young WKeeper batsman.
    We had shaken hands and i had wished him the best of luck for india team selection. He was pretty cool and down to earth.
    That guy had made the india team and made a bit of a name for himself.

    Take a guess GB to who that was ….??…

  8. The points you mentioned more than 3 years ago, still stands true. But your blog not falling into either of those categories, is indibloggies winner. Justice finally prevails 🙂

  9. Greatbong, ugly duckling to sexy swan now!

    Hehe.

    I read this post today because I was supremely bored at my office. Err…before you take offence, lemme let you know that today its been a week since you posted and I needed to read something on your blog. So, I just decided to go post by post in the archives.

    Kabhi woh din thhe jab aap ke blog pe comments na thhe, aaj hum jaise regulars wait karte hain ki bhaiyya kuchh toh likho 🙂

    Keep them coming sir

  10. Hey!!!!

    Where was this gem? I thought I was the only one who goes through self-doubts and wished I were someone else.
    Of course,as far as commentless blogs go, I never wished I were a woman, bisexual or otherwise!

    Certainly I wish that I was greatbong!

    Cheers

  11. Going through your four years of posts backwards makes it interesting, I must say….coming across THIS post after oodles and oodles of hotly debated and heavily commented entries, blog award nominations and whatnot, certainly makes a case for patience and perseverance in the blogosphere. Me, I wish I had either of those – my blog is pretty much at this point now, likely to stay that way.

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  13. Goodness 🙂 You really make me feel bad. Me being a girl and all. And not a very popular blog too (my personal blog).
    However, its astonishing that even in 2004, talking about Cricket and Money did not feature in your list. Im sure they are sure-shot winners.
    but I still agree to most of your post – “Chock full of comments —-for inane posts that you would think anyone would find tough commenting on”.

    Psst – do you think itll help if I put up the photo of mithun da dressed as a girl? 😉

  14. What a women bashing blog. Hated it. I am a woman blogger and tried all the tricks you mentioned, but still no traffic. He he. But I am willing to listen to your “5 years and 600 posts wisdom” and keep blogging.

    Love your other blogs though. You complained (sometime in 2004) of not getting any readers/commenters? And now comments are pouring in even in 2009. Serves you right that there are comments from guys only (with 3 exceptions, including me) for this post.

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  16. Funny thing,

    i worte a ‘personal’ post (for the first time) at my blog and here i am reading that intimidating women are very popular.. lol..

    my whole post was dedicated tot he fact that i am running out of ppl to talk to just cz i come across as a ‘miss know it all’…

    PS: may be i dont get too popular online just cz i dont use profane words!!!

    TC

  17. Hi Arnab,

    Came across your blog while i was reading prem panicker’s and Amit verma’s blogs (and think that Prem’s post on Cricket are quite good). When i hit your blog for the first time, was really pissed off to see all the on-your-face colors and MithunDa snaps. But as i started reading the posts, i realised this certainly is no ordinary writer( i know it’s not any patent-making innovation). Now I’m kindaa addicted to read your posts so much so that i’ve given-up reading Amit’s & Prem’s posts lately (i mean i don’t follow them regularly – instead i keep digging into archives here).

    Truely the posts are really humorous/thought provoking…(well that’s it i don’t have solid vocab. as yours)

    I have this monumental task of reading your 600 odd posts (okay..not 600+ but atleast 500..have read approx. 100 posts in last coule of days.)

    Cheers,
    Nilesh

  18. sometimes its hard to believe that you had to seek attention one day by almost crying your heart out…..but as is the point posts like this are the ones that produced commenters like”Some Nostalgic Moments”….sir …u just rock when u write some gem like this…i mean…i have read this post for almost 3 times n have enjoyed everytime…….ur posts is the real coffee we want in office when we have been bored to death by work…so keep postings…how abt writing wht to u feel abt all the years of blogging?tht would be interesting

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