Saving Shane's Marriage

So you are having marital problems. Wife is threatening to leave you pissed off at your meandering ways.

Want to make a gesture to show that all your philandering days are over ?

Varrry simple. Ask your girl friend do a threesome (educated people call it a menag e trois) with you and your wife. If that romantic gesture does not melt your wife’s heart, then nothing will.

Well Shane Warne evidently came up with this novel way to save his doomed marriage according to Rebecca Weeden, one of Warnie’s oglies.

So was Shane Warne being stupid ? I think not. After all we know how devilishly clever he can be when bowling……..and after all sex is nothing but an extension of cricket—- as the famous Packer-era Tshirt goes “Big boys play night cricket with two balls”.

Rebecca Weeden recounts the incident.

Archaeology student Rebecca said Hampshire skipper Warne, linked to four other women in the past month, told her when they first met that he and his wife had separated.

She added: “But then he said they were giving it another try and thought a threesome might help. It was his fantasy, something he’d always wanted but never done, and he wanted me as the other woman.”

“He had scripted the whole lot, what he wanted me to say and do. He said he would take his wife for a drink and I was to come over pretending to be a starstruck fan.

“He told me to say I was sorry to interrupt but I was a massive Hampshire fan and I had followed them for years, the real starstruck fan but like I’d never met him before.

“Then I was to say ‘Oh, is this your wife?’ and start complimenting her and saying how beautiful and attractive she was. He was going to keep buying us all drinks and we would take it from there, he said.

“I didn’t say no. I don’t think I said anything, I was just so shocked.”

Think about it for a second. Here is Shane Warne who is bowling 4 maidens over in a month. If this was all about the girl-on-girl action could he not have convinced two of his other “items” to steam up the sheets?

He could have and yet he chose his wife. Which just goes to show that this was not about Shane’s carnal pleasures but about symbolism——the ultimate aim being to show his wife that they were in it together from now on. Marriage is nothing if not a shared experience of life and what could be a better way to cement this bond than do stuff together?

However Warne’s romantic gesture was not to be. Because before this could be put into practice, Ms Warne found out about another of her husband’s secret deliveries, one Laura Sayers and she walked out on him for the umpteenth time.

You got to hand it to Warne for thinking out of the box. What could be more innovative than making an emotional appeal to a mistress to save one’s marriage by having a menag e trois with one’s wife?

I really wonder why he got passed over for captainship of Australia.

As an aside, this whole Warne affair has answered a question I had for long. Why does Shane Warne come to tour India (with his baked beans and paraphernalia) after having had the daylights pounded out of him time after time by Sachin and Co. Why not just stay at home and do some naughty text messaging?

It was Rebecca who provides us the answer to this cricketing conundrum.

Shane Warne likes spanking and S&M.

Hit me baby one more time.