Baise Moi

13 Comments


It’s time India launched a formal complaint with the UN and sent the fashion police across the Line of Control to arrest General Musharraf.

The reason? At a conference on woman’s rights in Pakistan, he wore a blue and pink tie to symbolize cooperation between men and women.

An alpha-male of the first order abandoning his battle fatigues for a pink tie ! Really people like Gen Mush should not try to be the sensitive meterosexual type because the facade slips away so fast that it’s positively embarrassing for unabashed admirers like myself.

Here in New York on Saturday, Musharraf held a meeting with an invited audience to show himself off as a sensitive man. The meeting started awkwardly when he tried to demonstrate his feminist credentials by saying he opposed violence against women because it’s unchivalrous toward the weaker sex. Then, in response to skeptical questions, Musharraf lost his temper, shouting at audience members and threatening to “get” anyone who exposed Pakistan’s problems to the world.

“He totally lost it,” said Yasmeen Hassan, a Pakistani lawyer in New York who was present. “It’s so unbecoming of a president to get into shouting matches, and to say, ‘I’m going to get you.’

After that, unconfirmed souces reveal that General Musharaff started swinging his bonbon Gloria Estefan style and crooned:

At night when you turn off all the lights,
There’s no place that you can hide,
Oh no, the General is gonna get’cha
In bed, with a cover over you head
You pretend like you are dead
But I know it
The General is gonna gey’cha
General is gonna get’cha
General is gonna get’cha tonight
Oye Oye !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Coming back to the tie, I actually saw it and using my “Straight Eye on the Queer Guy” vision I perceived a subliminal message in the tie design……the pink on top and blue on bottom?

What you ask? Woman on top? That too in the democratic republic of Pakistan? Yes my friends that is exactly the point mushy Mushy was trying to make. Evidently, he has stumbled upon a sinister conspiracy being hatched by the womenfolk of his country. I shall let the General elaborate.

You must understand the environment in Pakistan,” The Washington Post quoted him as saying. “This has become a moneymaking concern. A lot of people say if you want to go abroad and get a visa for Canada or citizenship and be a millionaire, get yourself raped.”

And then:

“It is the easiest way of doing it,” he continued. “Every second person now wants to come up and get all the (pause) because there is so much of finances.”

Which brings me to the core issue. How desperate can women be to get the visa power? What a country Pakistan must be so that women, in order to leave the place, conspire to get themselves raped?

Consider the risks of this audacious enterprise. Remember again this is Pakistan—the land of the pure. What if you do plan to get yourself raped and then the rape backfires ! Here’s the law (read the full text if you do not trust the interpretation) interpreted thusly:

The Islamic Penal Law “Hadood Ordinance” repealed the provisions of the Pakistan Penal Code related to rape cases, in 1979. The Islamic Law of evidence applicable to cases of rape requires the evidence of four adult male Muslims, in order for the penalty of hadood to be imposed upon the accused. Being a half witness by law the raped woman can’t even testify against the crime committed against her. According to these laws, testimony of the victim requires strong corroboration for conviction by the court. On the other hand, where sexual intercourse is established but the absence of consent cannot be proved, the presumption that such intercourse occurred with the woman’s consent can place her at the risk of prosecution. In both cases, adultery or rape, a woman is kept in jail pending the ruling of the court. 52% of women languishing in the jails of Pakistan are waiting for their fate in these cases.

So what if, after getting yourself raped, you fail to get the required male witnesses? Cause now you have landed yourself in deep shit, for you have proven yourself to be an adultress for which the just punishment is stoning to death in a public place (or a lighter sentence of lashes—not eye lashes…whip lashes).

There is also the problem that US and Canada have little need for adulterers—Bill Clinton and the entire Hollywood gang are enough…thank you !

Of course our honest General has denied having made these statements despite the fact that Washington Post have him on tape. But hey, the General also claims that there is no cross-border infiltration, Kashmiri terrorist butchers are freedom fighters, Kargil was a plot hatched by Indians, the Al Qaeda is trying to kill him and that the General has no idea where Osama is.

He also claims that Sushmita Sen’s ones are real and Elvis and Bruce Lee share a house in Karachi’s Military Colony…the same place that Indian agents claim one D Ibrahim stays.

Lest readers misunderstand, I fully believe everything that our General says and am just as aghast at this conspiracy as he is.

However, he should perhaps lay off the pink tie.

Just a suggestion.

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13 thoughts on “Baise Moi

  1. Hes right about one thing. Lots of women in the US and elsewhere misuse the bias of courts in the favor of the woman. They can lie in court and say that a man raped them and the courts will believe them. Hate Mushy, but give the devil his due, he’s got it spot on.

  2. @Kanti, I think you did not get the point of the post. Mush is right about NOTHING. Whether women misuse the courts to get judgements (ala Disclosure) IN US is another point but in case you have not kept a watchout for recent happenings in Pakistan, Muktar Mai, Dr. Shazia Khalid and others did not plan to get themselves raped…noone in a country that dispenses medieval justice would, in their right mind, ever try to do so…and certainly not these courageous women.

    Please google these names and read about their struggles.

  3. Pardner, I received an e-mail from “hunkahunkanunchaku@karachi.gov”. If that isn’t Elvis and Bruce’s joint mail ID, I don’t know what is.

    Krishna

  4. Great article as usual GB!

    Why do we keep getting our kicks out of “oh we are so much better than Pakistan”

    It was just yesterday that we were discussing the judicial system in India. Though our laws, in spirit and letter, are so much more equitable, they simply lack the organizational vigour for justice to be imparted.

    Why is there no significant press coverage of reforms to overcome the stodginess of our judiciary – are there no reforms occuring at all? All I have heard about is the consumer courts and aapki adalat(is that a TV show?).

    We have enough knowledge of rape cases (and other crimes too) occuring in India with the criminal rarely getting punished. Similar is the situation with civil law.

    ..And these issues could pose as significant drags as we try to break free off this incessant association with Pakistan and the rest of the third world.

  5. @Km…forgetting the fact that there should be a .pk after that email address…I think you are onto something there…the “hunk” is Elvis and “nunchaku” is Bruce Lee. And the 2 other hunks in between are the 2 ISI guards who keep them company.

    @traveller: I beg to disagree. There are a lot of injustices perpetrated on women in India but because of the fact that there the discrimination is not legally mandated, there are also many cases were justice is served.

    Of course saying that raped women are not put in jails in India and that women do not have to fear death by stoning if unable to prove their dishonor is not a matter of pride…it is a concomitant of living in a civilized society —a privilege not every country has.

    Again there will always be omissions in enforcement of the law…money and politics will prevail in many situations. But that is quite different from the case where the lawitself says that 1 man’s evidence= 2 women’s.

    Here is something to think about: would our PM or president ever say that women are lining up to get raped? The General is a smart man who has outwitted our PMs and Presidents before by his excellent PR moves but the misogyny is so ingrained in Pakistan culture, that the General does not even feel that he is saying something outrageous as the words come out of his mouth. And remember he is not talking to fellow Pakistani politicians at the dinner table but giving a taped interview to one of the world’s most respectable newspapers.

    Again there is no matter of feeling superior just because it is Pakistan, if General Musharraf was the President of Kazhakstan and that country had such laws and as the President, he was saying something as blatantly offensive,I would still be requesting him not to wear a pink tie.

  6. It is worth comparing the rape statistics between Pakistan and US. I have an odd feeling that the chance of a woman getting raped is more in US than in Pakistan.

    Western Media is too good in propaganda and showing other cultures in bad light.

    Our website highlights how misuse of laws by Women in India is leading to a social catastrope.
    Save Indian Family

  7. @SD and Sakshi: Thanks

    @Anon: I went to the website and guess what, I agreed with most of everything that’s there. However, there is no connection between women in India misusing the law to get back at husbands, commit and women in Pakistan whose position is subhuman in front of the law.

    If you think that the case of Mukhtar Mai and Dr. Khalid are fabrications that exist only to show Eastern cultures in poor light, then you are about as certifiable as the femininsts you condemn on your site.

    The points you make, in your website, about the skewed nature of Indian laws and the reactionary feminist reverse discrimination (the kind that makes a TV show where men are shown being trained by a dog-trainer) that is prevalent nowadays are valid. But by not recognizing genuine cases of atrocities against women, you only weaken your cause and play right into the hands of those you oppose.

  8. i’m sorry, but when did this turn into a “yo, me with the guys, you with ’em chicks?” thing? it’s alright to side with anyone who’s being treated an inch less than they deserve to be as people, you know. the gender is just a further detail.

    and kanti, i’m sorry again, but i did expect more insight from you, bright little enlightened kid that you seem to be.

    arnab, i adore sarcasm and anyway i love you’re posts, and this one’s certainly a gem. and off with that tie!!! ewww!

  9. I would rather have expected the pink tie to appear on Bush than Mush. Hilarious!

    @Anonymous

    If statistics show that the probability of woman geting raped is higher in US, that is probably because more cases are recorded, not because more incidents happen.

    My belief is it is more or less equal everywhere.

    Culture is facade to hide the Hyde.

  10. Pingback: Spilling Rice On Your Shirt at Random Thoughts of a Demented Mind

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