April Fool's Day—Time To Make Some Changes

46 Comments

It’s time we Indians stopped slavishly adapting the customs of the decadent West. Don’t we have our own sanskriti and our own heritage to live up to?

Which is why we should celebrate “Kamdev Chaturthi” instead of Valentine’s Day.

And April Fool’s Day should give way to “Ullu Divas”.

The biggest fools are those Indians who celebrate April Fool’s Day as-is—-do most people even know the history behind why April 1 is “All Fool’s Day”? If they did, then they would realize that the Gregorian vs Julian calendar battle is not part of our history and so we should take no part in this celebration of idiocy.

From a very practical viewpoint, how much of a fool do you have to be in order to taken in by April Fool gags considering that all of them have to happen on April 1 ! As an example, the rather-nice “our site has been hijacked” hoax by the folks at Sepiamutiny. If they had done this on say September 15, then it might have fooled a lot of people.

But in and around April 1, we are expecting stuff like this for which even a well-executed hoax merely gets a snigger or two whereas ideally it should cause panic (like Orson Well’s “The Martians have landed” ).

Besides the name change, I propose that “Ullu Divas” should become a floating event—that is you are free to celebrate it any day you choose. Which brings the surprise element back into the equation. However if you try to celebrate it two days a year, then it’s you who are the ullu.

Just imagine how fun it will be.

Kiran More calls Ganguly to say: ” You have been selected for the last 3 ODIs.” Ganguly does Chandipuja, Calcutta takes out a procession and all is well till Kiran More comes on NDTV and says:

“Ullu Banaya”.

LK Advani calls Jinnah secular in a RSS meeting. And as the pracharaks gasp for air, he winks and says :” Happy Ullu Divas”.

You check out an attractive female and she looks at you, takes out her camera phone, snaps your picture and says “Hey sleazebag, you are now in the Blank Noise hall of shame” . You smile at her and say ” Ullu Banaya. I am totally gay” and walk off humming “Hum dono hain alag alag” (the gay anthem song)

You propose to your girl-friend, meet your ex on the way back, get cold feet—well now you can get off the hook by telling your girl friend—yes you guessed it—“Ullu Banaya”.

Let’s take another example. Madame Monisha Koirala. It’s April 1st. And she wants to play an April Fools Joke on her darling secretary—the same guy who brokered the contracts for gems like “Choti Si Love Story” , “Tum” , “Market” and brought her so much adulation and respect. So she calls Abu Salem (a wannabe comic whose jokes always “bomb” spectacularly for which he is called “So-Lame”) and tells him to bump off Ajit Dewani, the said secretary—all in jest of course.

A nice hoax. Except that it was not April 1st but October 6th—Madame Koirala, in a gin-soaked moment of impulsiveness, has lost track of both the month as well as the date. So Abu takes her in all seriousness and goes off and actually has the guy shot.

Years later, during interrogation, Abu Salem—who has forgotten all details of his conversations with Dawood or ISI—remembers only this joke-gone-bad and tells our investigating agency this gory incident, much to Madame’s embarrassment

Now if we only had “Ullu Divas” she could genuinely have smiled sweetly and said:” Aare Abu ko Ullu Banaya. Even now he has not understood” before leaving to shoot for Nabh Kumar Raju’s new movie where she plays a bisexual novelist who weighs 3 Stones.

Which brings us to the “acknowledgement” part. People who get fooled have to accept that they were “ullus”—-no more smirking and saying “Ooh yeah I knew it all along.” With “Ullu Divas” being a floating event, saying “Of course it’s April 1” will do no longer.

And the way to accept their ullu-dom is to sing, in a nasal tone, to the perpetrator of the hoax:

“Ullu Banaya…ullu banaya…ullu banaya aap ne”.

Taking off their shirt however is optional (reference: the sequence in “Aashiq Banaya Apne” when this song is going on).

Happy Ullu Divas everyone.

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46 thoughts on “April Fool's Day—Time To Make Some Changes

  1. @Jhantu: I read the post—but one thing I didnt get. I have been tagged to do what? Like in the Book tag, you write down 5 books you like and why you like them and then “tag” others to do the same. Over here, what is it that the tagged ones are supposed to do?

  2. tag objective: 10 or more reasons why mithunda should be nominated for 2007’s lifetime achievement-Oscars.
    clarified in the post too. Hope this makes it clear.

  3. 🙂 Wish one of their subjects would really ullu-banao Blank Noise by commenting in that fashion when the photo appears on the blog. Btw, what’s the context of the gay anthem song (I think it’s there on an old post of yours, but don’t remember exactly).

  4. years ago, the morning tabloid in Bombay called The DAILY, used to write an elaborate hoax story on its front page.

    Once it was about how the Bombay Telephones, had won the contract to dig the Cross Channel Tunnel, because of their vast experience in digging up Bombay.

    Another year it was about Amitabh getting a special life time Oscar…..

    i miss those stories. Sadly the DAILY folded up in the early 90’s

  5. You’re right! April Fool’s is getting too cliched. I say they should earmark a particular day every year on Jan.1st and spread the date virally. Those who get it escape being fool and those who don’t get fooled for not paying attention to the world around them. Gives social networking yet another boost. What say?

  6. Alas… it’s becoming more and more difficult to fool the same people year after year in different ways… and more so on the same day 😦

    Now I remember, on one 1st April, Ajay Jadeja announced his retirement on a news channel at the peak of his career… after a lot of fooling around and taking people’s reactions, he said he had “ullu banaya”-ed the nation. Ironically, he didn’t play much after that..!

    I wonder how the politicians and salesmen manage it! If I knew, I wouldn’t have to write this! 😉

  7. LOL. True. April 1st has become err umm cliche and boring. But thats the only the perhaps ppl actually admit they are fooled – the rest 364 days, everyone is fooled by everyone around anyways.

    Suyog

  8. Only too true about April 1st. I’ve barely come to notice it, which either makes me a good victim for a joke; or just apathetic towards cliches 🙂

  9. I don think anyone is still interested in April fool’s day. I mean I myself had no such experiences of being fooled yesterday. I didn’t even remember that it was April 1st and that it meant something.

  10. You absolutely love Manisha Koirala, don’t you?

    Aah.. wish she would act in more movies like Market..

    I still cannot forget her thunder thighs in Gupt.. Sigh..

    Had fun reading it! 🙂

    Nirwa

  11. We don’t ve time to keep track of time anymore and when you fall for a april fool’s trick because you actually didn’t realize it actually was 1st april. I think that’s the point of april fool. makes it all the more funnier too.

    BTW, talking about manisha, I still think, “that” manisha video had manisha in it 😉

  12. “You check out an attractive female and she looks at you, takes out her camera phone, snaps your picture and says “Hey sleazebag, you are now in the Blank Noise hall of shame” . You smile at her and say ” Ullu Banaya. I am totally gay” and walk off humming “Hum dono hain alag alag” (the gay anthem song).”

    :)) Creativity at its very best.

  13. I got an SMS on 31st march from an unknown number. It read :

    ” Salam-walaikum, please join us in the worldwide condemning of a shameful event that took place centuries ago on this very date, that is, April 1st. Isaih’s – the Qafers, had fooled two thousand Muslims by putting them in a ship and misdirecting them only to vanish in the ocean. These Qafers celebrate this date as ‘April Fools’ Day’. So, Dear Muslims, instead of making others April Fools, please maintain slience for 2 minutes. Qafers won’t be spared. Regards, Imtiyaz.

    I, being a non-Muslim myself, was quite puzzled and at the same time qurious with this SMS. I replied : “Thanks for the msg, but I’m not a Muslim. Neither have I ever heard of any incident like this. BTW who are you? I don’t remember any Imtiyaz.”

    The reply I got to this was “Sorry. Wrong number. But Qafers won’t be spared.”

    This only added to my curiosity so I called up this number but this guy, Imtiyaz or whatever didn’t pick up the phone 😦

    I still don’t know if it was a prank somebody played on me or it came to me just by mistake.

    Is there really any incident like that in history? If there is, then can anyone enlighten me on that? Anyone? Arnab? Yourfan? Akash?

  14. Ahhhh…. a Greatbong piece on Ms Koirala! I sincerely hope she doesn’t put a Supari on you ….. she hasn’t been so battered since Nana Patekar belt-whipped her for her exxxxxtttrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemly horrendous dancing in Agnisakshi. 😉

    @Debolin: May I take the liberty of spelling out my take? I guess that sms itself was an April Fool’s joke in advance. For one thing, 2000 Muslims in *one* ship….. centuries ago? The biggest ships of those pre-steamer days could carry maybe 300 ppl. There are more holes in that “anecodote” than a pond of Swiss Cheese, but dissecting that “joke” would be like dissecting a frog. The observer wud be satisfied with the findings, but the frog is dead. 😉 And BTW, he missplelt Kufr (Kafir) too….

    PS: A lot of “Muslim-Comedy” is coming out these days. Seen one of those forwards….. with the photoshopped pic of some Paki protestor in London with a placard now saying “Behead those who say Islam is violent!” ?

  15. A few days back someone told me that sumeet saighal, Avinash Wadhawan and Hemant Birjee and Armaan Kohli were making a comeback in a movie by Rajkumar Kohli called “Aulaad ke Jaani Dushman”. I shuddered with fear until I realized what day it was.

  16. 😦
    @ The Wanderer :
    Yes, I too felt it was an April Fools’ day special SMS…
    I have nothing to do with it. I was just wondering if there was really any incident of that sort….that’s it. I opened the SMS in the inbox of my mobile phone and typed it in to-to. This so-called Imtiyaz or whatever is renponsible for all the misinformation and misspelling.
    😦

  17. we indians had a super-duper spring festival called madanotsav where everybody got royally drunk and crawled into the bushes with the object of their lust.

    no wishy washy hallmark cards or floristy roses… our forefathers and foremothers knew what to celebrate and how!
    the ‘ullu’ divas must have come nine months later.

    ref: malavikaagnimitra by kalidasa
    variou novellettes by sharadindu

    nb. you could not divorce your wife ‘cos the latest offspring looked like your neighbour. you would accept this ‘kanin’ child and the child had a legal share in the your property too.

    i suppose to get back you would have to wait for the next festival and the neighbour’s wife

  18. Good, you mentioned NDTV. Nowadays it is the official yet unofficial mouthpiece of Greg & More in the electronic media.

  19. hehe … Ulu dite dite pagol korle…

    anyway, why the profile picture change?? the previous one looked better, more serious. this one looks kinda, erm… you know–

    and oi Bakra cut idea mathay eno na… I’ve been fooled often times (on and off April 1st) to appreciate its finer points.

  20. @Anil: Well Ashok Rao Kavi, India’s queer icon has often commented about the gay subtext of Main Khiladi and who am I to doubt his sagacity?

    @Jhantu: Replied to this comment in the tag post comments section.

    @Debashish: That Ashok Rao Kavi thing is the context.

    @arZan: AB getting a lifetime achievement Oscars….not a bad idea actually.

    @Patrix: Interesting….:-)

    @Srivjit: 🙂

    @Atish: More is hilarious. Period.

    @Joy Forever: And poor Mr. Jadeja became the ullu…

    @Ritesh: Demetia. Advanced dementia.

    @Sourav: Did that…rather lame and predictable Google gag.

    @Varsha: This guy has major nasal problems in a way different from Sanu

    @HP: :-). Working perfectly? No way—I have made 37 cents in a week…..no laughing please.

    @Rahul: And so have I. And have seen a few blogs criticizing “men” like me.

    @Hiren: Nahin bane. Quite used to such comments—thats why.

    @Suyog: True.

    @SEV: A good victim…no make it a great potential victim if you are not aware of its advent.

    @Indu: Well people do get fooled—-a lot of people were fooled by the Sepiamutiny gag.

    @Nirwa: Neither can I.

    @Tony: Which video is that? some MMS clip? Do send.

    @yourfan2: :-))

    @Debashish: Saw that too. How cruel. And then they bring in Robin Upma or someone.

    @deBOLIN: Some people have a lot of time on their hands…is all I can say.

    @The Wanderer: That thought has crossed my mind…but I am counting on the fact that Ms Koirala is too sloshed to be able to hold a mouse for more than 2 seconds.

    @SpyderMann: Such a movie would be a must-see for me.

    @Anirudh: Thanks..

    @Swati: Murli Manohar Joshi says to his aide: Rajaprasad Tiwari.

    “I told you—we Indians invented Spring Break”

    Sounds very good I must say.

    @DeepThirdMan: 🙂

    @Arunima: And mubarak to you.

    @Chandril: Pity.

    @Panu: No I dont know :-)………..

  21. Every day is April fools day for poor Abu Salem these days.
    Even his wife comes up and says: “You thought i’m ur wife. Ullu banaaayaaa.. My name is not even Monica” :p

  22. Hey what is wrong with u?
    We live in the 21st century. If u r so Indian then why don’t u wear only indian kurta pyjama? dont use the internet use only bird and animal made messages.
    Shut down your website and go to sleep.
    It is coz of backward people like you that India is still far behind in any field.

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  24. well i was just writing the testimonial on orkut for one of my frnd born on 11th april and ur post gave me a very gud idea of double april fool 11th april…

    thanx a lot bong..

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