It’s time we Indians stopped slavishly adapting the customs of the decadent West. Don’t we have our own sanskriti and our own heritage to live up to?
Which is why we should celebrate “Kamdev Chaturthi” instead of Valentine’s Day.
And April Fool’s Day should give way to “Ullu Divas”.
The biggest fools are those Indians who celebrate April Fool’s Day as-is—-do most people even know the history behind why April 1 is “All Fool’s Day”? If they did, then they would realize that the Gregorian vs Julian calendar battle is not part of our history and so we should take no part in this celebration of idiocy.
From a very practical viewpoint, how much of a fool do you have to be in order to taken in by April Fool gags considering that all of them have to happen on April 1 ! As an example, the rather-nice “our site has been hijacked” hoax by the folks at Sepiamutiny. If they had done this on say September 15, then it might have fooled a lot of people.
But in and around April 1, we are expecting stuff like this for which even a well-executed hoax merely gets a snigger or two whereas ideally it should cause panic (like Orson Well’s “The Martians have landed” ).
Besides the name change, I propose that “Ullu Divas” should become a floating event—that is you are free to celebrate it any day you choose. Which brings the surprise element back into the equation. However if you try to celebrate it two days a year, then it’s you who are the ullu.
Just imagine how fun it will be.
Kiran More calls Ganguly to say: ” You have been selected for the last 3 ODIs.” Ganguly does Chandipuja, Calcutta takes out a procession and all is well till Kiran More comes on NDTV and says:
LK Advani calls Jinnah secular in a RSS meeting. And as the pracharaks gasp for air, he winks and says :” Happy Ullu Divas”.
You check out an attractive female and she looks at you, takes out her camera phone, snaps your picture and says “Hey sleazebag, you are now in the Blank Noise hall of shame” . You smile at her and say ” Ullu Banaya. I am totally gay” and walk off humming “Hum dono hain alag alag” (the gay anthem song)
You propose to your girl-friend, meet your ex on the way back, get cold feet—well now you can get off the hook by telling your girl friend—yes you guessed it—“Ullu Banaya”.
Let’s take another example. Madame Monisha Koirala. It’s April 1st. And she wants to play an April Fools Joke on her darling secretary—the same guy who brokered the contracts for gems like “Choti Si Love Story” , “Tum” , “Market” and brought her so much adulation and respect. So she calls Abu Salem (a wannabe comic whose jokes always “bomb” spectacularly for which he is called “So-Lame”) and tells him to bump off Ajit Dewani, the said secretary—all in jest of course.
A nice hoax. Except that it was not April 1st but October 6th—Madame Koirala, in a gin-soaked moment of impulsiveness, has lost track of both the month as well as the date. So Abu takes her in all seriousness and goes off and actually has the guy shot.
Years later, during interrogation, Abu Salem—who has forgotten all details of his conversations with Dawood or ISI—remembers only this joke-gone-bad and tells our investigating agency this gory incident, much to Madame’s embarrassment
Now if we only had “Ullu Divas” she could genuinely have smiled sweetly and said:” Aare Abu ko Ullu Banaya. Even now he has not understood” before leaving to shoot for Nabh Kumar Raju’s new movie where she plays a bisexual novelist who weighs 3 Stones.
Which brings us to the “acknowledgement” part. People who get fooled have to accept that they were “ullus”—-no more smirking and saying “Ooh yeah I knew it all along.” With “Ullu Divas” being a floating event, saying “Of course it’s April 1” will do no longer.
And the way to accept their ullu-dom is to sing, in a nasal tone, to the perpetrator of the hoax:
“Ullu Banaya…ullu banaya…ullu banaya aap ne”.
Taking off their shirtÂ however is optional (reference: the sequence in “Aashiq Banaya Apne” when this song is going on).
Happy Ullu Divas everyone.