Apple may have packed their bags and left. Some other companies may have realized that the relative cost-benefits of outsourcing to India may not be as great as originally thought.
Bad times for Bharatvarsh?
Because Al Qaeda, the world’s one-stop terror shop, has arrived in India.
Al Qaeda is no stranger to our country. However, in the past, it operated in India through local franchisees like Lashkar-e-Toiba and Jaish-e-Mohammed while itself pulling strings from Terrorist Park —an ultra-modern business incubation facility maintained by ISI and President General P (Prick) Musharaff in the land of Pakistan.
However with recent events making the company bullish about its future in India, Al Qaeda has decided to cut out the middleman and jump right in. Relying on its universal brand-name recognition, this league of distinguished gentlemen hope to carve out a large share of the terror, decapitation and dismemberment market.
In a press release, company officials today announced the setting up of its corporate office in Kashmir –thus adding to its enviable presence in the world. For now, they will be setting up their terror-manufacturing units based on turn-key technical know-how supplied by the Pakistanis and the Chinese in Kashmir only—but they have plans of expanding to other cities soon.
In order to meet its staffing needs, Al Qaeda has engaged in a strategic partnership with the HR powerhouse, SIMI (Students Islamic Movement of India also known as Simple Indians Misunderstood Internationally) who have been contracted with the task of supplying a steady stream of ‘field associates’ each with a minimum qualification of B.J. (Bachelor of Jihad).
Many resumes from Bangladesh have also been received by the Al Qaeda staff.
Readers may recall that SIMI was in the news recently, when the Samajwadi Party, a political party consisting of the greatest Indian patriots ever born and some exalted individuals like Salman Khursheed, cast doubts on the B.J. degree by asserting that “SIMI is not a terrorist organization”—-a statement that was greeted with shock and laughter by the SIMI administration.
In response, SIMI has sent an emailed lawyer’s letter to the Samajwadi Party and reasserted their credentials in Mumbai.. laying to rest any doubts about their commitment to quality terrorism.
Besides initiating a promotional campaign that promises to hit Indian centers of population with a bang, Al Qaeda has reputedly roped in celebrity Miraz Khaled Nor, (the Osama Bin Laden lookalike who campaigned for both Laloo and his opponent Paswan during the Bihari election) for their ad blitz which has as its theme the Eric Clapton-inspired song: “Would you feel the same if there were no virgins in heaven?”
As cries of “Mubarakan mubarakan” echo from Bangladesh to Pakistan at this development, it will be interesting to see how Al Qaeda’s arrival impacts the situation in India.
Yeh raha Aaj Tak. Intezar kijiye kal tak.