It is very difficult to rank “awesomely genius movies”—-celluloid classics which stretch the limits of our consciousness, question the reasons behind your own existence and strike directly at the base of our neurons like a thousand sharp needles. But since we like countdowns, I have attempted to rank these movies, fully cognizant of the fact that this countdown is highly subjective —-if I write this post another day the rankings could very well change (with the exception of “Chingari” which will always be in its position).
So here it is gentlemen and gentleladies, the totally awesome genius movies of 2006.
3. Naughty Boy: Remember Sound of Music, the famous 1965 musical about a nun who comes to the house of a rich widower in order to act as a governess for his naughty offsprings and teaches them the lessons of life and love? TLV Prasad revives and adapts this classic for a new generation with his magnum opus “Naughty Boy”, a tale about a widowed playboy (Rahul Roy) who hires a buxom governess (Mona Chopra) to tutor and mentor his sexually-inept son (Hitesh Kriplani). Needless to say, matters soon become complicated as both son and father start ogling the curvaceous governess in different stages of undress which leads to a game of one-upmanship with each trying to wrest the “naughty boy” title from the other.
Performance wise, the movie stands on the puffed cheeks of Rahul Roy, who comes out of retirement to essay the multi-hued role of the philandering tycoon. Whether it be fitting hidden cameras in women’s bedrooms and performing other assorted acts of “nuttinesses” or singing the crazily catchy theme song ” Iske kabhi room main taake, to uske bedroom main jhaanke, kabhi kaheen durbeen lagake, kabhi kaheen parda hatake” Rahul Roy shows what a great talent the Hindi movie industry has missed since his salad days in “Gajab Tamasha” and “Yeh Majhdar”.
Now we look forward to the sequel “Potty Boy”.
2. Men Not Allowed: Two women, Tanya (Payal Rohatgi), a powerful model coordinator and Urmila (Monica Castellino) an aspiring model have one thing in common . Both of them have been betrayed and used by evil men throughout their lives. So naturally, these kindred spirits find themselves in each other’s arms and a relationship that starts out as a mentor-mentee one soon elevates itself into something much higher, despite the machinations of assorted men who seek to tear them apart.
Movies about lesbian love frequently become excuses for skin show and hot girl on girl action , appealing paradoxically to the basest instincts of men. “Men Not Allowed” however is noticeably different with seasoned method actress Payal Rohatgi and newcomer Monica (who has an endearing way of saying “Nnhhh” before every sentence) totally taking out the tittilatory angle of women in love and instead concentrating on dramatic conflict and the universal emotions of loneliness and loss.
Mention must be made of a powerful performance by Kunika, a ball-busting female police officer who gives us a glimpse into Kumar Sanu’s extramarital life when she bashes in the genitals of a male pervert with a blinding blow from her knee and follows it up with the brutal line:
Tum jaise logon ko to yahaan (in the groin area) current dena chahiye.
And as the man yelps in agony while his private parts are sledgehammered, Kunika says:
Rape karna to door tera muthna bhi bandh ho jayega”
Powerful cinema this. Though whether this movie inspired Renuka Chowdhury to pass the Domestic Violence Act cannot be confirmed.
1. Free Entry: Kanti Shah, the legendary director of “Loha” and “Gunda” returns with another avant-garde cinematic classic “Free Entry”. With an amazingly powerful script of a man who beds both his wife and sister-in-law, Mr. Shah however faced a problem with his finances—he had money for only one busty heroine. So in a flash of genius, Mr. Kanti Shah made the two sisters “identical twins” thus on one hand solving the one heroine problem (both saali and biwi played by same girl) and also introducing new complications in his already complicated tale.
Set in Singapore but claustrophobically shot in one apartment (like Hitchcock’s “Rope”), it is the story of Rocky who marries Bobby, a freakishly endowed woman who incidentally believes in love and commitment. But Bobby has an identical twin Julie who has dark sinister motives of seducing her jijaji. A dangerous game begins which ends in Shakespearean betrayal, murder and ruin but not before some amazing sequences that provide thought-provoking insights into marital life have come to pass.
Biwi: Aaj se char din tak tumhe mera pyar naheen milega.
Pati: Woh kyon bhala? Char din tak tumhara pyar kyon naheen milega?
Biwi: Aare buddhu, jis tarah hapte main ek din dukaan bandh rahetee hain, usi tarah aurat ki pyar ki dukaan mahine main chaar din bandh raheti hain.
Pati then hops over to twin saali’s bedroom where she has been pining for him.
Sali: Kya baat hain? Aaj itni jaldi?
Pati/Jijaji: Haan Bobby ko aaj periods hain. Hamesha tumhare paas aane ke liye uski sone ka raah dekhne parti hain. Magar aaj woh period ke waaje se jaldi so gayee. Aur main tumhare paas aa gya.
Sali: Oh is ka matlab yeh hain ki Bobby ne char din ke liye tumhare liye “No Entry” ka board laga diya.
Sali: Lekin fikar mat karo tumhare liye to mere paas “Free Entry” hain.
A touch of cinematic heaven. Pure magic.
0. Chingari: Absolute zero. Off the Richter great. Incomparable. Orson Welles’ travails in making the greatest movie of them all “Citizen Kane” is well documented. But he has nothing on Kalpana Lajmi.
First of all, lead actor and God Mithun-da is accused by Sushmita Sen of trying to sneak a feel of her dual-core silicon processors. Then the hero of the movie Anuj Sawhney, whose dad was financing the project, claimed that Sushmita used to intentionally sabotage the love-scenes with him so that she could do it again and again. During the making of the movie, the music director ran away and so did the choreographer . Kalpana Lajmi accused Mithun-da of coming drunk to the sets and of hurling graphic abuse at her publicly as Sushmita Sen “gobbled Mithun up” with her “volcanic performance”.[For more details read this]
Purified through fire, “Chingari” sizzles like burning coal with poetic epithets like “manoranjak kutiya” flying about, compliments like “Kitne doorgandh a rahi teri shareer se” being exchanged during love-making, threats like “Noch loon teri aankhen, kaat loon teri jib” being made at the drop of a hat and of course the dialogue of the year delivered by Prabhu Mithun: “â€œNirvastra ladki mere jaang ke upar baithke mere vasna ki aag bujhayegiâ€.[detailed review here]
And as the movie climaxes with Sushmita whirling her hair in Mithun-da’s face like a tornado before penetrating him with a trishool, a line of Johnny Cash’s rendition of Nine Inch Nail’s “Hurt” plays in your mind.
I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real
Thus ends this countdown. May 2007 also bless us with such gems.