The Return of Mandira Bedi

62 Comments

Tis the World Cup season.

And that can mean only one thing: Bedi.

No not the perennially pissed-off Bishen Singh Bedi.

“Bedi” jalayi leh jigar se piya
Jigar maa badi aag hai

Mandira Bedi is here.

And this time she has, in her own words, “Dravid across my chest”.

A little background. Introduced into the commentary box as the voice of the “Indian fan” in 2002, it was however during World Cup 2003 that this lissome lass with her India-coloured bangles, her noodle straps (a term she claims to have invented), her flashing smile and her neckline which dipped faster than Inzamam’s average in 2003, put the “oo” in the doosra and revolutionized the way cricket is packaged and presented. For the first time more Indian men were watching the breaks than the game itself, Charu Sharma was not the most inane person in the room, tarot cards for predicting the game made more sense than pitch reports and watching the eyes of the fellow male commentators became more fun than hearing them speak.

And with the next World Cup here, Ms. Bedi is doing what she does best: cheering up the Indian team. At a glittering function organized by e-bay, Ms. Bedi unfurled her latest creation: a sari with the autographs of all Indian cricketers. While we do not know whether the Men in Blue signed the sari while Mandira was wearing it, what we now do know is that it is Rahul Dravid’s autograph that runs across her chest. Which means that Dravid has exercised his executive privilege by putting his name on prime estate. Maximum visibility is consequently guaranteed.

Touting “Go India Go” as the slogan for this year’s corporate cheerleading (which may become “Come India Come” very soon), Mandira Bedi informs us as to how you can get hold of Mandira’s “special” saris:

As soon as I wear them, they get couriered back and they are up for grabs.

So why should people be grabbing her used saris? Well according to Mandira, the saris will be “bright, colourful, Caribbean, cricket-oriented with lots of cricket animation”.

How animations can be put on saris may be open to conjecture, but that men will become animated is of course beyond doubt.

Lest people think of all this as yet another squalid money-grabbing exercise, Mandira when asked whether she is supporting social causes said:

I am always up. I always put my hands up.

Touching. And uplifting.

May the games begin.

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62 thoughts on “The Return of Mandira Bedi

  1. Great first post after the win, Arnab! Truly a fine take on the Bedi byes phenomena.

    But honestly, is watching Mandira Bedi more laughable than listening to spiteful comments by envious has-beens and never-was like Atul Wasan, Sanjay Manjrekar and Bishan Bedi? At least Mandira doesn’t pretend to be knowledgable about cricket.

  2. If we had some handsome hunks wearing minimal clothing in that group, we ladies too could watch the cricket intermissions.
    Why, given ample eye candy, I might watch the game once or twice.

  3. many nights I have been woken up by Arun Lal’s comments in my head .. indeeeed .. Ms Bedi has also woken me up .. but for reasons altogether devoid of cricket.

  4. “I am always up” – thanks for putting this up man. Strapless Mandira versus Shirtless dada, dil mein dravid badan pe India – anybody recall Hu Ha India?

  5. I want India to loose because a lot of people will it as the result of PROCESS.

    But I want India to win because we have some great players in the team who deserve to win the Cup.

    50-50 😐

    And Mandira is any day better then all those Crappy people who ‘COMMENT’ about cricket.

  6. good post GB. 🙂

    …put the “oo” in the doosra and revolutionized the way cricket…

    And readers please read “oo” as “oooooh” (without the ‘h’ of course. 🙂

  7. Considering that the matches are going to be late-night affairs in India, Ms. Bedi will definitely have an important role to play in keeping the viewers awake 🙂

  8. ‘watching the eyes of the fellow male commentators became more fun than hearing them speak’ ,LOL.

    Thanks, GB for a rollicking start to WC’07

    Please post something on the Oscars in your inimitable style.

  9. I had the fortune of seeing her from er… “touching distance” last week at a function. I also took some photos though they are all shaky. The only thing I can say is, “Ye dil maange more!”

  10. I would say it’s a ‘safe, take no-chances’ post after the win. Pick up a topic that’s low-hanging fruit, take it apart, stand back and watch. I would say, GB, that you are conscious of the status of this blog.

    My request: you are no Rahul Dravid when it comes to blogging. We don’t need no ‘solid, I-am-the-Wall’ kinda posts. We need you step out, take the topic by its collar and then clobber it down with your scathing rapier-like wit and do a Victory dance after, of course, you are done with twirling your metaphorical shirt.

  11. Great stuff boss. Did you get to see the TOI specially edited by Rahul Dravid. Among other things, our captain says cricket and Bollywood should be in inside pages and kinda sneers at the sterling performances of Mandira Bedi. Why doesn’t he like what’s good and wholesome – like Dada unplugged and Mandira unstrapped?

  12. Guys ! Apologize that my comment is not related to No(oodle)-straps-Mandir-a-Bed-ieee, but this article that I just read is howl-arious.

    http://www.outlookindia.com by G Rajaraman – http://outlookindia.com/full.asp?fodname=20070305&fname=Cricket (F)&sid=1

    Some gems from the article :.
    1. The New Greg Mantra – Chappell stresses collective faith, team before individuals, Part of this strategy was dropping stars like Ganguly, Dravid, Tendulkar and selectors are roped in, The strategy is explained to players, BCCI lets think tank handle task.

    2. Coach Greg Chappell comprehends that feeling quite well. “It isn’t always that easy to read between the lines but we have had to take some chances along the way to develop young players and to push the seniors,” he told Outlook.

    3. One of Chappell’s key areas of focus was in getting the players to start believing in one another more than before—”collective faith” is what he called it. Perhaps the team needed to go through some manic upheavals to learn what it really is about.

    4. Former chairman of selectors Kiran More, who was part of the group that introduced the change, says it was important for India to recognise that the collective had to come first.

    5. “The team’s performance was falling after the high of the maiden Test series win in 2004 in Pakistan, and some time after Greg took over as coach, we sat down with Rahul and chose a roadmap,” More told Outlook. “We made some tough decisions along the way—like dropping Sourav Ganguly and Zaheer Khan—but only with the intention of forging one solid team.

    6. Yet, irrespective of what happens at the World Cup, Chappell and Dravid along with the selectors will be remembered for their attempt to change the way players in Team India learnt to put the side before themselves; they will be remembered as the agents of change in a field of fossilised attitudes.

  13. World cup or not…the (selected) men in blue have won their right to exercise their autographs on their “Noodle” fan

    CONGRATS 2 D INDIAN SQUAD: Rahul Dravid (captain), Sachin Tendulkar (vice-captain), Virender Sehwag, Robin Uthappa, Yuvraj Singh, Sourav Ganguly, Mahendra Singh Dhoni and Dinesh Karthik (wicket keepers), Ajit Agarkar, Anil Kumble, Zaheer Khan, Sreesanth, Harbhajan Singh, Irfan Pathan and Munaf Patel & the Support staff: Greg Chappell (coach), John Gloster (physiotherapist), Gregory King (trainer), Ian Frazer (bio-mechanist).

    By the way… i hope you hit on the right “red” ball

  14. The Noodle Strap could bear the weights – since it was small – whatever was there..

    And now No-Straps– does that mean – there is no weight..???

    In that case I am disapponted – that in 2011 – there will be ——well …no guessing

    – Someone told there were lot of exercising – of rights – to increase the weight..

    – well something went wrong sure

    – KNJ a. k. a Kill Ninja

  15. Touting “Go India Go” as the slogan for this year’s corporate cheerleading (which may become “Come India Come”

    You sir, owe me a new keyboard, as that comment made me spray pepsi all over the place.

  16. Great first post-win blog!

    the ‘oo’ of doosra, daruun.

    Dabur, which had Mandira Bedi as a their cricket-fan model in their hair oil advert should insist on the stricter contract where Bedi is forced to smear the oil in her hair (to the point of dripping) for each of her cricket shoots. This would pave way for a her smooth and quick exit from cricket world, much like her ‘shaddi ka laddo’ from even the multiplexes.

    Have watched the former Indian women’s team captain on TV, she has the knowledge as well as the looks to boot. Why cant we have her as the commentator instead of this bimbo?

    And about DDLJ, Mandira had done some good acting in a Doordarshan TV serial, much different from what she stands for now. She even had curly hair, even her hair has gone the noodles way.

  17. Funny! 🙂

    I must admit I am one of the few Mandira-as-cricket-host supporters. I do agree that her first stint duting the world cup was pretty disastrous, but I also have to say that since then she has improved quite a bit. She has evidently done her reading up, and research and actually started a trend.

    According to market research, it seems that she has actually been instrumental in many more women getting interested in cricket. If that is true, then it can only be good. The reason I say ‘If that is true” is that this has yet to be evidenced in the woman in my life. She still hates cricket, though she makes an exception for India-Pak matches.

    Coming back to Mandira – she’s smart, glamorous, and eye-catching. AND she now knows a bit about cricket. What’s not to like?

    Consider the situation. The channel showing the WC is Sony. (The only advantage of this is – no Ravi Shastri! Yippee!) That means that the host will be Charu Sharma, one of the most boring hosts ever to have been seen on TV. Now consider the experts: Srikkanth, Atul Wassan, and a couple of foreign fogeys who haven’t got a gig anywhere else. And, much as I like John Wright, he doesn’t exactly make a sparklingly interesting TV guest.

    So, we need Mandira Bedi with her glamour, and her cleavage. She lights up the dreary atmosphere, and while she’s used as eye candy, it’s necessary eye-candy.

    I’d rather rail against that execrable Tarot Card Reader – Ma Fraudulentara or whoever she is. Whenever I see her I want to stuff her cards down her throat and hold her nose till she chokes on them. And then sing a comic song, dancing around the corpse.

    THAT is truly the pits. Compared to her, I’d rather listen to Ravi Shastri. Oh, screw it, I’d even prefer Siddhu! (I can’t believe I wrote that. Be careful what you wish for…)

  18. @Nishit: Shall do.

    @Confused: Now why would I want to stare “hard”?

    @Sayon: Well if the choice is between Maninder Singh’s cleavage and Mandira’s then yes of course.

    @Kunal: 🙂

    @Bongo: She is pushing the envelope so they say.

    @Rishi: :-).

    @Srinivas: Nope.

    @Swati: Ooh Arun Lal in black S&M wear…

    @Puneet: Indeed.

    @Shripriya: Thanks for pointing it out.

    @Innervoice: Hmm.

    @Suyog: Yes I understand.

    @Bhopale: Hu Ha India…havent heard of it.

    @S.Pyne: Thank you

    @An Ideal Boy: I want India to win 100%.End of story

    @Aby: In DDLJ she looked very ordinary IMHO.

    @Anon: Yes who can…no wonder Zaheer broke through in the early overs.

    @Oi: Hmm.

    @Mohan: 🙂

    @Kailas: Yes I wonder why he is always complaining.

    @Sriram: Aah tampering with the seams may be fun.

    @JM: 🙂

    @Joy Forever: Yes read about it on your blog.. how you were blurting out wrong answers even though there were negative points…the Mandira effect.

    @Biju: Shot in the arm? Perhaps elsewhere.

    @RahulGhosh: Safe no-chances post? Really do you expect me to not post on Mandira? And when have all my posts been unsafe ! I dont understand.

    However if your intention was to use “low hanging fruit” in the context of Mandira Bedi, then I do understand.

    @Angshu: Thanks

    @Nimesh: Keep it up? Yes sir shall do.

    @YourKg: 🙂

    @Varuag: 🙂

    @Rajeev: I think that is fairly obvious.

    @Karim: Dada unplugged and Mandira unstrapped? LOL.

    @Anirban::-)

    @Turrtle: Priceless.

    @Vishnu: Isnt the ball white?

    @Superb Munda: Interesting point.

    @Footballnath::-)

    @Dipanwita: But will the Indian cricket captain reveal? Thats the important question. Not everyone is Dada !

    @Shan: True…compared to the rest who cant even claim to be eyecandy…

    @Pri::-)

  19. man, I hate Mandira….don’t mind the eye candy, but I hope Mandira dosen’t open her stupid mouth for dumb, inane comments and I hope they won’t repeat the Tarot card nonsense….and yes, hope shrikant is also not allowed to speak…….

  20. guys.. stop drooling over mandira. check out charlie webster on star sports hosting football. now thats the real deal. 🙂

  21. ‘oo’ in doosra , ‘come India come’..GreatBong at his best!
    Been a really looong time since i have commented on any post in your blog.Congratulations on winning the ‘twin’ 😉 awards at the Indibloggies. Am glad that someone i voted for finally won! 🙂
    – A grt fan!

    P.S: If you do get the time,do check out my take on Atul Wassan’s commentary at http://bineshnair.blogspot.com/2007/02/hooked-to-tv.html

  22. “Dravid has exercised his executive privilege by putting his name on prime estate. Maximum visibility is consequently guaranteed.”

    LOL, Hilarious, GB.

  23. I pity Dravid. Hope he will be able to handle Mandira’s bouncers with the same ease with which he handles Murali’s Doosra, Ntini’s reverse swing and McGrath’s consistency 🙂

  24. i am not a cricket fan but i started to watch cricket when i saw mandira bedi on extraa innings. i think she is a bomb with “BIG BOOBS”. i will watch this world cup just for mandira bedi.

  25. মন্দিরা বেদীর করুন চেহারা আর চারু শর্মার বিবর্ণ টাক দেখতে খুবই ভাল লাগে।

  26. Pingback: eBay India and cricket | Tatvam

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