December 13, 2001.
Indian democracy was assaulted by Jihadi cowards.
July 26, 2007.
The Indian way of life itself came under attack, with catastrophe being barely avoided through some judicious phone-tapping.
Himesh Reshammiya, the Voice of the Nation and the Janooo of the masses narrowly survived an assassination attempt by Ejaz Lakdawala’s gang, thus proving again, the age-old adage: “If God loves you, no-one can kill you or make your movie, no matter how crappy it is, a flop”.
Some of the facts about this conspiracy are very sketchy. A few sources say that Ejaz Lakdawala became pissed after Himesh had refused to dignify the mighty don with a call back after the don had called him to ask for some spare change. Enraged, Ejaz put a posting on the “supari”vine asking for a killer with not only proficiency in the handling of a gun but also extreme musical talent. Why? Because the plan was to get the assassin as a contestant on Sa Re Gama where he would Shakalaka Boom Boom the judge Himesh on the sets itself in true filmi style. However like most job seekers, the candidate selected as the melodious murderer had embellished his resume—-while his shooting skills may have been adequate, he could not sing for his life. As a result, he could not get past even the preliminaries thus putting an end to possibly the most optimistic murder plan I have heard in a long time.
Another story doing the rounds was that the contestant was a mafia mole who was being fixed to win the contest so that the don could infiltrate the entertainment world—in true “Departed” style. But Himesh, refused to play ball and hence this act of revenge.
Unconfirmed sources also claim that the assassins (one of whom had the last name Radiowala) were simply lovers of music and movie critics for whom the recent announcement of Aap Ka Surroor sequels and Himesh’s assertion that there is no role he cannot play were the proverbial last straws on the camel’s back.
As an aside, for those who thought that the “talent show” genre on Indian TV could not get any murkier after the Bhappi Lahiri-Abhijeet showdown (for those not in the loop: Abhijeet accused our desi photocopier Bhappi-da of being shameless [besharam] and Bhappi-Da sued Abhijeet for defamation asking him to prove his assertion, in the process ironically proving the accusation of shamelessness himself) this attempted murder on the sets will surely serve as an eye-opener.
Media watchers say that the winner in all this is of course, to no one’s surprise, Himesh. Not only has he proven his indestructibility to all but has also extended the “Aap Ka Surroor” myth into the real world. With this incident, his image will become that of an uncompromising superman prepared to risk his life to uphold his musical “zameer” (conscience) — which coincidentally serves as a suitably apposite plot kernel for the upcoming sequel to the Moviee.
As for me and many other Himesh fans, we are spending “sleepless nights” like our PM-ji just thinking about the tragedy that was averted.
[Thanks to Nishit Desai for informing me of this and the illuminating discussion on Gtalk]