Lau Lau Lau

The annual Durex survey on sexual habits of people all over the world came out a few weeks ago. And once again it is “Chak De India” or should we say “F**ck de India”.

Urban Indians have one of the most exciting sex life in the world and are also the most open lovers in the world when it comes to talking to partners about sex, says a new global survey.

Almost three-quarters (74 per cent) of Indians surveyed are comfortable with telling their partners what they like in bed way above the global average of 58 per cent and the UK with just 49 per cent, says the Durex ‘Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey’.

Some people may find that surprising for a culture as supposedly sexually repressed as ours but not me. Indian couples are not at all shy in expressing what they want (and do not) in bed—after all if the “Noo Never…..mujhe kya tum waisi tarah ki ladki samajhti ho [Do you think I am that kind of a girl] and “Please not today, I have a headache” and “No no that’s not the place” aren’t expressions of honest , forthright and emphatic pillow talk then I wonder what is.

The survey further points out that two-third of Indians (68 per cent) think their love lives are exciting, a sharp contrast with 38 per cent for English lovers and 36 per cent for famed lovers in France. Moreover, 63 per cent of Indians say they have enough variety, compared with 47 per cent in the UK and just 9 per cent in Japan.

Verily, nothing makes me feel prouder than when we beat the French in matters of sensuality. Of course there will be some Pakistani ISI agents among us who will point out that the reason the dilettante Frenchmen are dissatisfied with their carnal lives is that, exposed as they are to all forms of sexual experiences from their teens , they very soon have no more worlds to conquer, everything becomes “been there done that” and the act of coupling becomes as predictable as “Yeh Akaashvani hain”.

This is in sharp contrast to most of us Indians, who brought up on a diet of wet saris and Sun TV Midnight Masala on mute, get all excited even when we get an Archies musical gift card that plays the theme of Titanic. In other words, the dissatisfaction among the Gauls is not because they do not have variety—rather they have too much of it. While we have so little that we are happy with whatever we can get our hands on.

I don’t agree with this line of reasoning however. After all, if the French have their menage a trois and their orgies we also have our patented “desi party” train dance—so there !

The survey also tells us that

“Indian bedrooms are the scenes of a range of antics for some, with sensual massage (55 per cent), sexual fantasies (58 per cent) and looking at erotic materials (55 per cent) at the top of the menu. More than a third of Indians also love to include role play (37 per cent) and wearing sexy underwear (34 per cent).

Nothing new here of course. Sensual massage of hair with coconut oil/Champi tel has always been an old favorite for many of us , sexual fantasies/role play implies running round the bedpost singing “Janum Jaanejaan”, looking at erotic materials is nothing but reading Times of India together in bed and as for erotic underwear— Rupa Baniyan’s “Yeh andaar ki baat hain”, in case you did not notice, is an obvious Indianization of Victoria’s “secret”.[Look at this Amul Macho ad for yet another example of how erotic lingerie has become a part of the daily life of the common Indian woman.]

Indian men have averaged six lovers and women have averaged two, while in the UK the figures are 16 and 10 respectively. Globally men, on average, have 13 partners and women have seven.

It’s times like these I feel I have let the country down. Had it not been for me, the average of “lovers for Indian men” would have been seven—I confess that I single-handedly lowered the national average.

Here again some naysayers opine, based on the sheer profusion of desperate “fransip” requests sent out by urban males to anyone who has “female” on their Orkut profiles, that the number six is a bit on the high side , a discrepancy that may be explained by a very “loose” definition of “lover” in the survey because of which some men may have counted Madhuri Dixit and even their hands (both left and right) in their list. Others however just put this down to the proclivity of Indian men to slightly exaggerate when it comes to counting their conquests.

I however have no such doubts as for me the results of the Durex sex survey are beyond question, occupying a position of reliability and authenticity somewhere between the results of a Pakistani election and an Indian politician’s declaration of assets.

79 thoughts on “Lau Lau Lau

  1. lolol…right and left hands included!! haha i definitely agree with that…the 6 average is suspicous otherwise.

  2. Arnab wrote: “It’s times like these I feel I have let the country down. Had it not been for me, the average of “lovers for Indian men” would have been seven—I confess that I single-handedly lowered the national average”.


    You lowered the average ‘single handedly”. I used BOTH my hands and still couldnt make it beyond 3. The third ofcourse was Madhuri Dixit.

  3. make it 4. my wife could end up reading this

  4. Jata… vintage great bong at its very best 🙂 … single handedly — hmmm…. i guess a lot of us have our “hands” in lowering the national average 🙂

  5. awesome man ..
    lol !!!!!

    btw, my hand too!

  6. Man, you’re in your elements here! Midnight masala on mute and Counting hands..I was laughing loud during the entire read.

    I agree with your ‘been there done that’ assessment totally.

  7. “Noo Never…..mujhe kya tum waisi tarah ki ladki samajhti ho” – stats include lesbians ?

  8. In middle age, sex is like money – everybody else seems to have far more.
    Hang on, that’s not very different from teen-age in the Indian middle-class …


  9. Wet saris and Sun TV on mute…ahh…you make me nostalgic 😦 :D!!

  10. “This is in sharp contrast to most of us Indians, who brought up on a diet of wet saris and Sun TV Midnight Masala on mute,”

    on mute – Priceless

  11. random inclusions October 4, 2007 — 5:24 am

    🙂 🙂 🙂 … wondering where our dear ‘Morality’ Minister from MP of the vibrating ring fame is.

    @ Anonymous

    the queer community of India is very alive and kicking, if that was taken , the national average would have touched UK for sure.

  12. Durex wants a bigger share of the burgeoning Indian condom market.

  13. I nearly fell on the floor laughing…:D This one was too good.
    @Kiran: Yes yaar, made me nostalgic too…:)

    Arnab Da, please dont take the heavy responsibility for lowering the national average on your shoulders alone.. I too am to blame..:)

  14. One of the best posts I have read this week, hands down! (pun intended)

  15. Cultural chauvinists with a pseudo-scientific outlook would have related the French statistics to moral degradation and Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility [].

    Rupa ki baniyan and Times of India where awesome 🙂 but it was the Akashwani part that bowled me over!

  16. “I confess that I single-handedly lowered the national average”
    On the other hand, you have raised the national average for sense of humor a few notches 🙂

    I thought this post has shades of your ‘Desibaba Eulogy’ post- one of your best ever!

  17. ‘…a discrepancy that may be explained by a very “loose” definition of “lover” in the survey because of which some men may have counted Madhuri Dixit and even their hands (both left and right) in their list…’

    SPOT ON gb!!!!
    jai ho greatbong maharaj ki……lol

  18. Great one GB. I could not help but wonder if the survey for men were done in the common room of a certain engineering college boys hostel… Something like, “How many did you sleep with?” and, “What about you?”. But like you suggested, I would give it the sanctity it deserves 🙂

    I also wonder if we asked Mr Reddy (of the “Ricky Ponting Video” fame) the same question, would it go up by one more? Afterall, as any true-blooded Indian will argue, doesn’t a hug coupled with a kiss add to a sexcapade? Or would that be counted as two?

  19. “Hands down” a great post. I’m sorry, all your hand puns inspired me (and the England v. SL game is sending me into a coma).

  20. Looks like you arent alone Arnab. The sexy little bee is also bringing down the average.
    Yuck.. I should kill myself for typing sexy and little bee in the same line. eeewwww…

  21. Sigh!! Those days of Jain TV hehehe when it was actually free, and Star Movies showed 18 movies at 9.00 in the evening hehehehe 🙂

  22. I would like to elaborate a little further into what has already been said. As English is not our mother tongue we Indians often refer to dictionaries to look up the precise meanings, we usually stock a Pocket Oxford or Bhargava’s Concise for ready reference. A dictionary would say that a lover is “a person who loves someone or is loved by someone.” And we have toed the printed word (if it is in print it must be true) when the Durex guys (or preferably girls) asked us those questions.

    And this would also explain somewhat the discrepancy between the ratio of Indian men having six ‘lovers’ and women only two. I had given up the study of statistics long ago, therefore it makes it tough for me to comprehend these numbers given India’s sex ratio. There might be some foreign ‘hands’ involved here.

  23. I guess low expectations and not being exposed to a lot of sexual experiences. Like you mentioned with the french.

  24. Pingback: F**ck de India
  25. “Indian men have averaged six lovers and women have averaged two”…
    Who are these men having sex with !!
    This means “lover” doesnt mean the same thing for men and women 🙂

  26. Who are these lucky ‘urban’ people Durex interviewed? Looks like people discussing ‘ideal’ situations and not ‘actual.’ Or are we going back to the days when Vatsayana wrote the Kama Sutra (which by the way he strictly limits to the nagarikas or the ‘urban people’)? Really whom did they send to do the survey?

  27. ROFL… !!!!! Cheers to such survey and cheers to you for the post !!!

  28. you dog! not while i am at the office. people look at the tears and think i am crying.

    laughed so much on the left right hand combo. i think this is a conspiracy to make us men jealous of other fictional men.

    great post as usual.

  29. >Indian men have averaged six lovers and women have averaged two,

    Considering the sex ratio is skewed in India towards male, number of lovers women have should have been higher.

    55 men have six lovers each. 330 different men-women combos.

    330/45 = 7.33 lovers for women
    (of course this assumes purely heterosexual society)

    But even for homosexuality to be factored in, the women number should go higher.
    Say 10 percent of men and women each are homosexuals.
    Still 45 * 6 = 270; 270/35 = 7.714

  30. @gb
    Why is there such a lot of bringing-down-the-national-averagers writing in?
    They should be ashamed and DO something about it.

    Me, I AM trying hard. But my equitorial girth is instrumental in keeping potential lovers at bay.

    Er, is there a handsome hunk with extra looong arms?

    My husband has already shown me pictures of gorillas. A silverback alpha male is not exactly my defination of tall-dark-and-handsome.

  31. @Abhay: You are absolutely right. In all these surveys, all over the world, you seem to find that men have more partners than women, on average. This is mathematically impossible, even if you have a few very promiscuous women — unless there are lots & lots of gay men & almost no lesbians.

    Slate Magazine goes into more detail about this.

    The median figures can be different for men & women if you have a few promiscuous women — for those who haven’t done statistics since those miserable days in Class XII, that’s the exact middle of the distribution, where you have half the people higher than & half the people lower than it, which is not the same thing as the average. Mathematically speaking, the averages for straight men & women have got to be the same. The fact that the male average always inevitably seems to be higher is proof of one or both of:

    a. Arnab’s theory of Madhuri Dixit, & left & right hands, &
    b. Women acting coy & “tum mujhe waisi tarah ki ladki samajhte ho kya” when in fact they may well be waisi tarah ki ladkiyan.

  32. Well, it was a very erotic post making me tempted to maintain the average with occurrence. Meanwhile, I got caught by the nostalgia and complimented the writer unknowingly. Can anybody, having some influences in I&B ministry, help me to remove the ban from that Russian TV channel? lol 😛

  33. @ Abhay, GB and others:

    now wait. it is not a mathemtically impossibility.

    if women outnumbered men big time, then it is possible

    imagine a world where 2 men and 10 women live. if each man had sex with all 10 women. then the mle average would be 10 and female average would be 2. Extrapolate this to a world where slutty women outnumber bold (not horny but bold) men. it becomes a math possibility.

    spent a while analyzing this problem that has significant benefits for poor, hungry and mankind.

  34. if you really think about it, women neednt even be slutty. sleeping with 2 men is not slutty. it is about being concentrated near the male survey sample set. the men who respond to the survey obviously would refer the surveyors to the women they slept with. if you sruvey 300 men in the same locality i am sure they would point 2000 different women who would (a) have slept with very few people and (b) who would understate their number to lessen their sluttyness..

    its all 1:N – i say

  35. It’s not the mightily hooked sixer over deep and wide fine-leg that puzzles me. Two hands, Madhuri Dixit — or Sharon Stone if the basically instinctive average desi guy is more into pardesi goris, para’s Madhuri who never knew he existed, and the lesbian couple in his favorite youtube clip. Easily comprehended.

    It’s the cheekily stolen couple from cover point that bothers me. One is Imran Khan, of course. Who is the second? Is she talking about that one time, at band camp, I mean at a wedding party, when she had to share a bed with her third cousin?

  36. The Myth, the Math, the Sex –

    Caveat: there is nothing explicitly sexual in the sentence — Indian men have *averaged* six lovers and women have *averaged* two — I have heard many words for the sexual act, but never heard of ‘averaging’ as a synonym for copulating. (Might the closest be, if I am allowed to suggest, *beveraged* for oral sex?)

  37. hmmm welol now they have opened our eyes as to why our popolation grows so fast… people stop fornicating use condoms hahahah F*** Durex stupid ad campaign…

    ahem by the way any hot ladies want to make fransheep heheheheheheheh

  38. arnab da.. pls put a little line saying explosive content..not in office.. it is a little difficult when you making weird noises inside a cubicle trying to strangle urself.

    btw.. one hand for me too

  39. ROTFL. Great post GB.

    Did your post “Lau Lau Lau” mean sex tourist? I can see mass immigration of Japanese heading towards Laloo ‘land’ 😉

  40. lmao, gb. you’re going to be my death , my bp shot up & my tummy is aching after reading this
    i recently asked my college going nephew to look upto your site & get informed,entertained but forgot to mention education

    on a totally different track, there’s this new ad of I-pill , the guy wearing the glasses with his after-morning pleassssssant grin ,priceless & just-so-typical

  41. Amazing post….ROTFL…ur posts just keep on getting better and better

  42. Hara hara bom bom October 5, 2007 — 2:02 pm

    “Indian men have averaged six lovers and women have averaged two”…

    There was a mistake in the translation. What respondents were saying, is that “they had PHYSICALLY made love an average of 6 times”. That is love with the same person (e.g. with wife / or with dorm mate / or with maidservant with penchant for noodles).

    Land of renunciates and all that.

  43. GB : Pls put NSFW ( Not safe for work ) tag in the title…
    Men I will get fired someday bcoz of you…

    Great writing… keep it up..errr.. or should i say keep IT down 🙂


  44. GB, today at my Statistics dept. lunch (in the “wrong” side of Cambridge) mainly comprising of insipid varieties of salad, I tried to spice things up by contemplating with people (the more adventurous sort) on the potential of engaging statistical terminolgy for coitus (guided by the Indians’ averaging) in case some day sexual language gets Tali-banned. Indeed most of the folks seemed to agree that no other technical subject is better suited than statistics for this purpose: from simple terms like deviation, regression, correlation, skewness, kurtosis (peaky-ness) to the most rigorous terms (bootstrap, jackknife, hill climbing, multidimensional scaling); it was a real ball at the oldest (& conservative) university in the US! If all the states in India ever ban sex education in schools, then we are surely gonna hit back by teaching ’em statistics instead…

  45. I’m 25, single and still a virgin. And yet the country’s men average 6 partners!! ~rolls his eyes in wonder~

    Where the hell did I go wrong??!!!!!!!

  46. Arnab,

    Speaking of Durex, I have not had the pleasure of using one since I got married in january of 2007. Got married India and then applied for a I130 visa when I came back.It has been 10 months to date and my application has not moved. I would love to hear from your readers and their experiences. I would also love to see a research and a blog from you. BIG CAPTION…. PLIGHT OF INDIANS TRYING TO BRING THEIR SPOUSES TO US ( feel free to take your writer’s freedom for our plight). You know, a worker visa takes less than 2 months to process, while a family based visa takes an eternity( I know there are more paper work involved), but don’t you suppose these right winger’s and their family values would do something to bring a family together?

    We can’t all be sitting on other side of the fence( hint hint) and looking forlornly to be reunited.

    Enuff said.

  47. Back in the days when we were growing up, we called changing from right to left were the exciting changes of our sex life, and you folks take that for granted………………

    As manna dey nostaligically said, ” Kothai amar shader jibon ….”

  48. Finally! Some acknowledgement for all those precious years of hard work…wait till i mail this to all those firangi girls who said that they wud rather make love to a duck than an oily indian…

  49. The survey definitely took place in my college, the numbers sound uncannily familiar.
    And obviously its me who is responsible from bringing the average down for the women community, with an experience reaching for the negative scale.

    p.s. Why does not star movies show 18 movies at 9 anymore? Dammit, at 2 in the night, they show Sleepless in Seattle and Shrek 2!

  50. My god !

    Awesome post !

    guilty as charged – on mute 🙂

    count me in for 2 hands !

  51. train dance = orgies? Really? 😀

    Anyway, I have to be there the next time they conduct these survuys. Somehow they always happen at places where I don’t go. The results would have been drastically different then.

  52. LOL, The findings of this survey are really surprising and Indians have proved their sexual prowess and the way it has been captured by you….Hats Off Arnab Bhai..too good …!!!

  53. LOL, The findings of this survey are really surprising and Indians have proved their sexual prowess and on the top of that you capturing it with your patented humorous style was like “Sone pe Suhaga”…hats off to you Bro!!!

  54. I really liked ur post, thanx for sharing. Keep writing. I discovered a good site for bloggers check out this, you can submit your blog there, you can get more auidence.

  55. What's Victoria's Secret October 8, 2007 — 10:17 am

    ROFLMAO, Obviously you didn’t lower the national average single handedly!

    *LOL…leaving the blog to use both hands*

  56. I bet that all the men were asked about their sexual partners in a group setting. That’s the only explanation for the 6 average. Individually it would have been closer to the women’s.

  57. @Ankitty: 🙂

    @Rishi: LOL.

    @Joyjit: Seems so.

    @Atul: No wonder the Congress symbol is the Hand.

    @Giri: 🙂

    @Anonymous: Pardon my ignorance of the grammar of the “national” language.

    @JAP: Hmm

    @Kiran: Aah.

    @//slash:\: 🙂

    @Random: I wondered about that too….maybe vibrating himself.

    @DV: “Burgeoning”…:-)

    @Abraham: Glad to see so many shouldering the responsibility.

    @Sleepwalker: Heh.

    @TheQuark: 🙂

    @Ravi: Maybe the mention of Sun Midnight Masala?

    @Kunal: 🙂

    @The Walker: Mr. Reddy….is always “reddy”.

    @Anthony: 🙂

    @Sriram: ooh lala India Daily…

    @Supremus: Aah the decadent past.

    @Soumyadip: Foreign hands..yes…they always land up in the wrong places.

    @Samir: Hm

    @Kanthi: And that may be the core of the problem.

    @Aditi: Aah at last a woman dares comment. Needless to say, the Durex guys and gals did not choose a “representative” sample.

    @CD: Thank you

    @Hawkeye: Thank you 🙂

    @Abhay: That would have been the case if the people sampled represented the whole of India. The supposed 6 sex partners of the males need not all have been present in the set of woman sampled in this survey.

    @Swati: Married and yet looking at gorillas with amorous intent with spousal consent? Ahem….

    @Wafa: Hmm

    @Abhishek Pandey: “Well, it was a very erotic post making me tempted to maintain the average with occurrence.”

    This was an “erotic” post? Oooh no…

    @Hawkeye: “Sleeping with 2 men is not slutty.”

    I agree. “Sleeping with 2 men together”—now that is more interesting.

    @Dipanjan: Hmm..

    @S.Pyne: “beveraged”…eww..

    @Kong: Hot ladies at RTDM? You are really in the wrong place.

    @Neeladri: 🙂

    @Asterix: Lau Lau Lau could also mean the refrain on “Saadher Lau” the club remix.

    @JM: We try to be educational here do we not? 🙂

    @Vishak: Thank you

    @Hara Hara Bom Bom: Yes that may be the case…and since they were also doing roleplay, each of them accounted for a different person (nurse, cop….etc etc)

    @Tarzan: How is this NSFW? No pictures dear sir. Quotations all from TOI…

    @S.Pyne: Never looked at kurtosis that way.

    @Shekhar: Born in wrong country..perhaps.

    @Mad As Hell: Totally off topic. But you should realize, that when you say “don’t you suppose these right winger’s and their family values would do something to bring a family together?”…the right wingers mean “people who are US citizens”.

    @Tys: Oily Indian…..something totally inappropriate comes to my mind here but I shall not say it for the sake of Tarzan’s “Safe For Workness”..:-)

    @Ad Libber: Blame it on that martinent Sushma Swaraj.

    @Hari: 🙂

    @Lalbadshah: Both of them have sweaty bodies moving in rhythm…no?

    @Vikram: 🙂

    @Deepanjali: Sigh…the third woman who weighs in on this important post is blogwh…promoting shamelessly her blog…

    @What’s Victoria’s Secret: I don’t know what it is. If I did, it would not be a secret any longer. I think it is “sell overpriced lingerie, target horny men who buy it hoping their mates will look like Gisele Bundchen in them and make tidy profit”

    @Shan: Perhaps. And while they were being asked in the common room, Agarkar was bowling and the inevitable happened. Immediately the boys yelled in unison…SIX SIX…yes we all had SIX.

  58. Hey.. did you see this Lage Raho Partner from Kanti Shah. 🙂 I guess it should be releasing this year itself.

  59. hey,
    someone has copied ur post in or is it the other way round(seems improbable)????

  60. Hara hara bom bom October 11, 2007 — 6:19 pm

    On a serious note, this demonstrates the hopelessly cavaliar attitude adopted by surveys (domestic & foreign) when it comes to India. India is treated as a complete afterthought.

    National Geo broadcast a program on ‘environmental disasters’, where they included Mumbai floods. They had a ‘pundit’ pontificating on the ’causes’ of the floods, a shifty looking goateed fat American, who announced “a depression built up in the BAY OF BENGAL, causing flooding in coastal cities”. He did not even know that Mumbai is not on the “Bay of Bengal”, but the “Arabian Sea”. The program makers did not even have the decency to ensure their facts on such a critical issue as this was checked. For India, they believe a dolt reading rubbish from a crib sheet is more than adequate for its “dirty bown men”.

    And these sort of ‘surveys’ are used to frame international opinion and define the perception outline of the nation. Like :-

    – “20 million girls murdered in India” (China has ‘abortions’, India has ‘girl murers’), or

    – “60% Indian children sexually abused”, or even

    – “2,000 Muslims killed in Godhra” (grumble grumble … 2,000 my foot!!)

  61. GB et al. If you guys haven’t been able to achieve the 6 lovers goal, here is something that might help. I remember Jeetendra’s tip from Tohfa

    Ek ankh marron to parda hath jaaye
    Duji ankh maroon to kaleja kat jaaye
    Dono aakhen maroon to chori pat jaye
    Chori pat jaaye

    See if it works, Jeetendra is a great guy after all.

  62. Hara hara bom bom October 12, 2007 — 9:01 am

    Aditi, you are not talking sense.

    I tried ek ankh maro, and ended up with one black eye.

    Then I tried do ankh maro, and ended up with two black eyes.

    I went off the ankh maro business after that. It was too ‘painful’.

  63. @gb
    no, you did not get it.
    my husband wants to get rid of me.

    but no.
    the gorillas have refused.

  64. @ Aditi and HHBB
    I wear thick glasses 😦

  65. LOL!
    And as they say, “Haath – hi mere saathi!”…

  66. Shourideb Bhattacharyya October 13, 2007 — 1:38 am

    Errr….. have you folks actually considered that a number of indians have a pretty active sex life and the statistics though way of the mark may not be entirely impossible.

    There are some folks -including both male and female friends- i know of, who have many more than than just six lovers. It may be that these unofficial champions are doing all the hard work day in day out while us slackers grumble about stats and watch Sun TV.

  67. …select 18 and above ..indira verma videos ….to keep u sane !!

  68. GB, What a wonderful post! As Ravi Ivaturi said, “It had shades of Desibaba”.

    1> “This is in sharp contrast to most of us Indians, who brought up on a diet of wet saris and Sun TV Midnight Masala on mute, get all excited even when we get an Archies musical gift card that plays the theme of Titanic.”

    Yes, thats true. As that conversation between Lecter and Sterling in Lambs goes :
    “All that detail just from memory, Sir?”
    “Memory agent sterling is what I have instead of the view”.

    Just replace memory with desires.

    Also in other countries, the threshold for satisfaction is considerably higher. Say now an Indian chick may say, “i hate blowjobs.” Many Indian guys will be Ok with that. Plus you see ….the mind is sexier than any pair of boobs. With a ‘beautiful mind’, just like the one that you possess GB, sensuality can be simulated and generated, beleive it or not. Sometimes, it can be the force behind the genesis of creative literature.

    2> Regarding the mismatch of sexual partners, I just donet get it. The slate article tried to be too clever by telling stuff about the median. What it conveniently ignored was the fact that this was the extrapolation of a sample. Now it was not disclosed as to the methodology used- cluster, Statified , ratio or double….nothing mentioned. So in my opinion, ruminating on the mismatch of partners based on sample projections where fpc or significance levels are not known is like guessing why the exit poll results did not match the real world outcome.

    3> However, the 6 thing even though is a clear exaggeration may be true in unexpected cases. Say take a truck driver on an Indian highway. he was probably screwed more than 6 distinct whores in Mumbai, Delhis Gb road, Sonagachi etc etc while on his duty. But there may be many gully Shah Rukhs who only smelled red roses and visualized and finally got one handed to them in the form of an arranged marriage.

    4> Times are changing. Its all about demand and supply. Indian girls, specially during our times, used to protect their pussies like anything. If you made any indication as to the fact that you want that, they would have said, “Jerk”, “Thats for my husband “, and bla bla bla. They only wanted Bollywood movie like love. Kissing was the epitome. In this kind of scenario, the undeterred and flexible ones looked for alternative means like more licenetious chicks or turned to brothels. Some tenatious ones just became good boys and dedicated lovers and turned into pet German shepards. The situation was and still probably is horrible for guys. As it is well knows, guys need sex from ages 18 onwards. Girls orgasm more after 30. Girls get that as 99% of em are married by that age. But the forlorn Indian guy has to turn to porn as sex is such a rare commodity, especially in cities without a brothel system. Even some brothels are dangerous and theres already a chance of STDs. An active dating market with ample opportunities of sex- fuck it, forget it. Thats why i was happy when I heard the DPS RK puram story. I thought that Indian chicks had come off age. Now 18 year old guys can start to pump and dump and quickly go into double figures by 30. But it seems that that was an isolated incident.

    5> In the globalised world, its not that difficult for an indian man to hit a 6. he can go to Thailand and get hooked, get hooked in Amsterdam, get hooked in Mexico, get hooked in Germany, and many other places. Theres no need to date. Just throw the cash and you have it. Its like sampling different kinds of cuisines around the world. And you can say later, “Yeah I had Vietnamese food once, twas great.” All he needs is patience.

    “It’s times like these I feel I have let the country down. Had it not been for me, the average of “lovers for Indian men” would have been seven—I confess that I single-handedly lowered the national average.

    Here again some naysayers opine, based on the sheer profusion of desperate “fransip” requests sent out by urban males to anyone who has “female” on their Orkut profiles, that the number six is a bit on the high side , a discrepancy that may be explained by a very “loose” definition of “lover” in the survey because of which some men may have counted Madhuri Dixit and even their hands (both left and right) in their list. Others however just put this down to the proclivity of Indian men to slightly exaggerate when it comes to counting their conquests.”

    Thats absolutely correct GB. Very very true. Orkut profiles have convinced me as to how deluded some Indian guys are. 1 so so babe and 100 German Shepard fans. The guys don’t realize that they are NEVER gonna get get anywhere near the proximity of the crotch of that attention whore on Orkut. Yet they persevere and worship. They should try to look for greener pastures, where there are tangible results, and stop being such assholes. The cumulative effect of all this will have an effect on the self esteem of that Orkut attention whore who will now land her ass on the sex scene. At least someone will get lucky rather than 100 German Shepard following a bitch who is not gonna feed them. Yet they seek ‘franship’ and whack off looking at her deliberately exposed pics. Sighs ! Pathetic. With all that money they spend on restaurants on the chick who’ll not drop her pants to them, they could have hired a call girl! Shit!

    Finally, GB. You are a very horny person. VERY. 6 aint enough for you. Maybe 666 is. The reason you could not score so much is YOU yourself. Say during your Phd days, it was your dogged determination to complete it in 3 years come what may kept you at bay. But you still had your moments. there must have been many a night when a wet girl came behind you and moaned. But your eyes however were firmly fixed on the comp screen with headphone in your ears. You didnt even know that she was there. Next time you are in a place like Delhi where you see a girl giving you a cold look, its not because they resent you, but they are already in a marriage with someone who is not even 1/666 th as horny as you.

    Again great article. 🙂

  69. My Cousin Debika October 15, 2007 — 3:04 am

    Class post. 🙂

  70. Leave aside your priceless observations, and some comments from the visitors, specially Rishi’s, just the link for the Amul Macho ad was worth millions !

  71. Xtract above sez ‘Indian men averaged six lovers and women have averaged two, UK = 16 and 10’

    Xcuse my ignorance of stats, but it doesnt add up. if these are average figs, then it covers more or less whole population. in popn, equal number men and women

    so if there = 2 men & 2 women in popn, & each man has 2 women, then each woman must have 2 men.

    so how come each man has more women than each woman has man.

    unless –

    option 1 : man also goes abroad to get a broad (hee hee. done that)

    option 2 : survey doesnt cover large portion of popn

    option 3 : these stats are made up.

  72. Holy smoke! Indians in search of (even more?) sex?!
    Google Trends —

  73. You have the best blog…and beat every other desi blog…”hands down”.

  74. Very nice, and reflective of our social culture. Inspite of the apparent and seriously amusing sense of humour (or should I say, ‘dark humour’?) in this post, I sense the same thoughts that you have about sexuality.

    Why can’t people be more open, and yet healthy-minded about sex in India? Why is it that ads on everything from condoms to family-planning is met with supressed giggles by teenaged girls and boys alike, and yet they don’t have the necessary frankness to talk on sex with each other? I don’t blame skimpy costumes for high rates of sex-crimes in India (which a lot of supposed feminists and MCP’s have often cited)– on the contrary, it’s this supressed urge to indulge in the basic instinct that is the reason behind all these ugly outbursts of libido.

  75. Sameena Mohamed April 17, 2009 — 6:13 pm

    The post was hilarious but the comments even better. nice to know Indian men can laugh at themselves. Here in US, the Indian men I meet are pompous idiots who severely inflate the number of their sexual partners (girls r not stupid, we know when u are lying). And on a more serious note- Indian men really need to learn to be good at sex, sex doesnt revolve around a man alone, it is an interactive process.

  76. Simply LOL !!!

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