“New Construction” Sena and Sons and Nephews Thereof is a grassroots organization dedicated to “new constructions” in Maharashtra, preferably in Mumbai and Pune. We are “promoters” of regional pride which we also sell, preferably by square foot. Following is the aptitude test for those sons of the “soil” who wish to “develop” our cultural “property” by becoming members of our noble organization
Question 1: Spell your name in Marathi.
Question 2: The greatest Manoos is
a) Bal Thackeray b) Uddhav Thackeray c) Raj Thackeray d) William Makepeace Thackeray
[Hint: William Makepeace Thackeray was born in Calcutta]
Question 3: Which of the following is the most inimical to our culture:
a) Amar Singh b) Celebrating Valentine’s Day c) Amar Singh celebrating Valentine’s Day
Question 4: Which of these concepts do we absolutely oppose?
a)Chatting b) Chatterjee c) Chhat Maiyya d)Chhat Magni Pat Biya
Question 5: How is the great Marathi manoos Shivaji Rao Gaekwad better known as ?
a) Rajanikanth b) Vijaykanth c) Coelacanth d)Anghsuman Gaekwad
Question 6: What has been Amitabh Bachchan’s greatest transgression in 2007?
a) Promoting his home state Uttar Pradesh despite being a resident of Mumbai b) Not paying “tribute” to the new king of Mumbai namely Raj T c) Signing on the dotted line for Ramgopal Verma ki Aag
Question 7: Name the greatest historical figure among these four:
a) Hitler b) Mussolini c) Franco d) Stalin (not the son of South Indian Karunanidhi)
Question 8: How does one express outrage in the rare event that one is “offended” by something? (circle all that may apply)
a)Attack TV stations b)Set fire to vehicles c) Damage public property d) Hurl stones at private homes e) Watch reruns of Dada Kondke’s Andheri Raat Main Diya Tere Haath Main
Question 9: When women get molested in the streets of Mumbai on New Year’s Eve, which of the following agencies are to blame:
a)The women themselves for going to a hotel for drinks [Link for reaction 1] b)Anybody but Maharashtrians since they, by definition, cannot behave in such a fashion [Link for reaction 2] c) Pakistan-backed foreign Jihadis d) The horny ghost from “Hawa”
Question 10: We all agree that Western dance and girls and boys rubbing against each other are against our culture. However sometimes when funds need to be raised, even we need to make some moral exceptions. If you are given the charge to organize an inter-collegiate “ball dance” competition which of these following slogans would you choose:
Question 11: A certain person alights from a train in a Mumbai train station. He tells you he is here to sit for an examination. He also says that Sasura Bara Paisawala is his favourite movie. What should you do?
a) Sing “Ladki Hiya Voltagewali Current Maare” together b) Follow him as he goes to examination center and once there tear up the answersheets of anyone who has ever hummed “Iskool Ke Tem Pe Aaja Gori Dem Pe” c) Shout “Biharis should remember that if they abuse us our hands will rise. If they try it again we will hit them again. We will hit them everyday for breakfast, lunch and dinner. They can stay here but they should treat Marathi people with respect,” before beating the crapshit out of the person d) Burn posters of “Babuwa Khiladi Daduwa Anari” , the Bhojpuri dubbed version of Bachchan’s Namak Halal
Thank you for your time.